Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Dark, Update

It was - it is - a positive screen for Down's Syndrome. It's a risk-assessment screen, not a diagnostic screen, so it's not conclusive - and I know that I need to focus on the fact that it's just about odds, that false positives happen all the time, that further testing isn't as scary as it seems, that it could all be fine - but still, it's not a happy thing. Not a happy thing at all. It's a dark cloud hanging over my head now, and even though I know that dark clouds don't always end up dumping buckets of rain or hurling thunderbolts upon your head, I still don't like them. They block the sun. I need the sun. So badly right now, I need the sun.

I need to crawl under the blankets for a while to process this. Thank you all so much - from the bottom of my heart so much - for the endless waves of love and support.

145 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh catherine i'm so sorry to hear that there is a problem with sprout....i don't know if this will give you any comfort but God doesn't give us more than we can handle...sprout will i am certain bring you great joy and happiness. with my last 2 pregnancies my doc wanted me to go for an amniocentesis and of course i refused. i am so sorry that you have this to worry yourself about.a great big hug and i know the other moms will be able to make you feel better.love to you and yours LAVANDULA

12:08 PM  
Blogger clueless but hopeful mama said...

I have no wisdom, only support and good thoughts and hoping for the best for all of you.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this darkness and this uncertainty. I hope hope hope there are brighter and happier days ahead for you.

12:23 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

THE EXACT same thing happened with bigirl. Exactly the same thing.

I know where you are honey. I really really really do. I remeber the fear all too clearly. You have my number and email if you need to know any details about how we muddled though the further testing.

12:24 PM  
Blogger ALI said...

thinking of you and sending you a hug, it will probably work out fine and end up being nothing. but know we are here for you.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

We had to undergo further testing as a result of a positive on an earlier test. I remember the fear and am so sorry that you are going through it now.

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had the same experience when I was pregnant with my son. Talk about a dark cloud being cast... In the end, we decided not to do the amnio because we didn't think the results would influence our decisions regarding the baby. We just decided that whatever happened, we would handle it. That's one of the toughest decisions we ever made.
Turns out, everything was fine in the end. But by the time we found that out (when he was born), we were already OK with the idea that maybe everything wouldn't be.
OMG, it's so hard...

12:29 PM  
Anonymous fidget said...

I'm sending lots of love and prayers your way. I am a frequent visitor of the high risk ob and every visit there were at LEAST 3 or 4 nervous ladies getting further downs testing. through the two pregnancies Ive been with that particular office i never saw a single one of those ladies again meaning that everything was just fine. I am hoping hard that everything is just fine for you and sprout too.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous amy said...

keeping you in my thoughts, hoping for the best - whatever form it takes.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Piece of Work said...

I'm sorry, HBM. The same thing happened to me with Isaac--they gave me 1 in 13 odds that he would have Down Syndrome and then at the level 2 ultrasound they found a soft marker. At that point they all basically told me to prepare for the worst. I had an amnio, and 10 days later, all was okay. All that torment for nothing! I will hope and hope and hope the same thing happens to you.
If you have a CVS, at least you'll find out sooner, I was almost 20 weeks when I had the amnio and that was a nightmare. (I've had a CVS, too, and it's not that scary, I promise.)

12:37 PM  
Blogger Heather.PNR said...

What a difficult thing to be facing. I am so sorry.

12:44 PM  
Blogger T. said...

Sending you sunshine.

12:47 PM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

I'm sorry I missed the earlier post. I can't even to begin how you are feeling, but my thoughts are with you and your family. Things could turn out to be OK, but I know that doesn't make you feel any better now. Grab another blankie for a little more comfort.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

I've been praying for you--my heart is sad for your heart.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Mary Joan Koch said...

A big hug. I so hope for the best for all of you.

12:55 PM  
Blogger b*babbler said...

Oh Catherine, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this right now.

Yes, there are many false positives for this test - I've known more than one couple that has gone through the agony of uncertainty. Whatever the result, there will be support.

Sending you all the good thoughts I can.

If you need anything, you have my e-mail.

12:55 PM  
Blogger liv said...

my heart is hugging your heart. sending you and your family lots of love and light. wishing you every goodness in the world.

12:55 PM  
Blogger slouching mom said...

sending you all kinds of support.
xxoo

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Just like you said, it's only a risk assessment NOT a diagnosis.

We had something similar happen at this time in our pregnancy too. Only ours was a + screen for trisomy 18. Our chances were 1:62 for it.

We went for the Level 2 ultrasound (and found out it was a boy and got a MOVIE- very nice) and only one marker was seen (choroid plexus cysts). We couldn't do an amnio because of the placenta placement and so had to come back in a few weeks for ANOTHER Level 2 ultrasound. Again, no markers and the choroid plexus cysts were resolving (oh, and another movie! Score!) so we decided no amnio.

Our reasoning for skipping the amnio was: everything looked fine on the ultrasound (other than the cysts that had no negative health issues attached). So we (ourselves personally) would not consider terminating the pregnancy, even if the amnio/chromosomes showed a problem.

It might have been different if he had spina bifida, severe heart and abdomen defects and hydrocephalus, but he didn't. Choroid plexus cysts show up in 3% of all healthy pregnancies and just aren't a problem. They resolve naturally by 25 weeks and cause no issues with learning or anything. So there really wasn't a reason to do the amnio for us.

I can honestly say WAITING for that first level 2 ultrasound was hard. Luckily they got us in after only a few days. But those 5 days were VERY long.

So I'll keep you in my thoughts, and hope that you just get the gift of a nice long (videotaped!) ultrasound with no problems found at all.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Shana said...

Hi, I pop in from time to time and just lurk. Today, I have to just post a quick comment.

I have two friends that has positive results and they both have very happy healthy, children (with out Downs). I hope that this helps you just a bit. (((HUGS)))

1:07 PM  
Blogger B said...

It's just no fun to be pregnant anymore. The testing, testing, testing, screening and more screening. Usually just to scare the bejesus out of expectant mothers. It has happend to me twice for two different reasons, I'd kick that clouds ass for you if I could.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I'm so sorry for the uncertainty and darkness, but you're right: so many experience false positives.

So rest and I'll cross my fingers that the answer you're looking for comes swiftly with brilliant sunshine and clarity.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I too, know people who've had positive test, only to have the docs tell them later that it was wrong. Also one friend was sure her daughter was going to be born with Downs and she wasn't.

I hope you find the sun soon.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

We too had this experience (after the triple test) with Amelia. We had multiple ultrasounds after this test due to a couple of brain cysts which were additional markers. But the brain cysts shrunk and she was born perfectly healthy.
I just kept reminding myself that it was going to be ok, no matter the outcome. This way I was able to prepare myself and educated myself in the case that things did not turn out the way I wanted them to. (I did not opt for a Amniocentesis, due to the risk.) Along the way, I read many stories about what blessings children with Down Syndrome are. There are many parents out there that can offer support.
I am so sorry you have had this news. Try and think positive. You will be ok.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Avalon said...

HBM~~~ I am so sorry that this time, which should be happy and hopeful has suddenly become dark and frightening. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

It could be a false positive. It happens. But whatever you decide to do (more testing, amnio, etc) I'm thinking of you guys. I'm kind of lacking the words to accurately say how concerned I am for you right now because I know how I would be feeling.

More love and thoughts to you.

1:23 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

I'm so sorry.

I'm thinking of you. Sending you love and strength.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Catherin - Hang in there, sweetie. I know it's scary. Are you going to have an amnio?

If it helps, with Hollis I had a positive screen for Downs. I came back with a 1 in 31 chance of Down Sydrome. I had the amnio. Everything was normal. False positives happen sooo often.

I know it's hard, but try not to think about the scary possibilities until you know more. ((HUGS))

1:30 PM  
Blogger Badness Jones said...

fingers crossed sweetie - it's probably a false positive....sometimes I think we'd be better off without all these tests.

1:34 PM  
Blogger justmylife said...

I am sending good thoughts your way. Maybe it is just a false positive.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

(((YOU)))

1:41 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh, hon. I'm sorry for the worry that you just don't need, that no one should have to face. But I am keeping my sunny side up and hoping it's all good, and they are just being on the safe side.

1:42 PM  
Blogger daysgoby said...

You will face whatever comes next with quietness and strength. Because that's what you do and who you are.

Lots of positive thoughts and best wishes from over here.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Mommato2 said...

Hi there....the EXACT same thing happened to me with my second pregnancy. Hopefully they have scheduled you for another more detailed ultrasound, and then you can get the answers you so desperately need.

Everything was fine with us, but I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling right now.

Stay strong and sending lots of positive vibes your way.

1:52 PM  
Blogger kgirl said...

those tests fucking suck, and the result is almost always a false positive, but regardless, sending you all my strength and love.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Mad Hatter said...

Like Crazy said. Exact thing happened with Miss M. Exact thing. And my sister had a Trisomy baby (not Down's) years before. We had amnio and our fears were laid to rest. You know how the story ended.

Wishing you calm and clarity, Bad. I know this stretch of time is an emotional hell.

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The exact same thing happened to me as well. But I had the amnio done because we already have a child with special needs (autism) and I wasn't sure I could handle DS on top of it. I couldn't have even told you at the time if I would have gone through with terminating the pregnancy. I just had to KNOW. The amnio, though, gave us wonderful news and my little sweetie pie is now a sweet (albeit fiesty) two year old. Hang in there.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Sending you much love and strength and luck.

1:56 PM  
Blogger The Hotfessional said...

{{{Hugs}}} There is nothing more to say and do but wait and know that we're all thinking of you.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Mouse said...

We're thinking about you and sending positive thoughts.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Mouse said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

To your heart and nerves: understandable feelings; it's okay to be nervous and worried, it's understandable in this case and a good way to help you manage.

To your mind: balance the heart and nerves because you are right.

To you: much, much support and good wishes.

Julie
Using My Words

2:22 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

wishing you the strength to wait for the tests to bring answers...and then peace as you cope with them, whatever they are.

the sun? it's still on you. don't lose sight of it.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

I'm thinking about you and sending support and good wishes.

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These tests suck. When we went through this exact same thing, we wondered more than once if it was maybe better not to have the tests... for us everything turned out fine, but getting those test results was hell. Would it have been better to have never known?

BTW, my OB called me at work and told me over the phone that my husband and I should go for genetic counseling... not the way I'd want anyone to hear such news.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

I will pray pray pray that things turn out OK for you....

I have a cousin with Down's syndrome and he is the most lovable little boy I have ever met... stay positive and keep counting those blessings.... we are all hoping everything turns out OK.

2:25 PM  
Blogger The City Gal said...

Catherine, So sorry to hear all this.

I am a doer and I have no patience. So, my way of dealing with this would be to schedule CVS and Amnio.

However, deep down, we all know, you and the babay are going to be ok. Actually, not just ok, but great!

Just read what everyone has gone through. Remember, no need to worry. Sprout will be a smart/happy/healthy baby.

Doctors have to do their best to keep an eye on things. That's all.

2:27 PM  
Blogger LD said...

My heart aches for you and your worries--but the light will come again. You should check out Michael Berube's book- Life as We Know it. It's an amazing story.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Dutch said...

love and thoughts of strength for you and your family from here in detroit.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

The sun is there, it's peeking out a little bit. But I'm hoping it will be shining full force ASAP.

2:36 PM  
Anonymous pkzcass said...

Bloody hell!!!

I haven't had this exact same thing happen to me, so I can't offer any comfort on the turmoil you must be suffering right now. I have, however, had two CVS tests...everything was fine despite the "risks" and I was able to relax for the rest of my pregnancies. If you are early enough, go for that test rather than wait for an amnio. That is, if you decide to pursue further testing. I tend to see things a bit differently than many women and I embrace all of the advances in medicine and prenatal testing that have come along in the last 20 years or so. The chances of miscarriage are very, very slim, so if you really, really need to know, then you should at least consider it.

((((HBM)))))

2:36 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Sending sunshine your way...I have heard of many false positives...praying Sprout is fine.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

{{hugs}}

remember the sun is just hiding behind that cloud. it is always there.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Jozet at Halushki said...

I know that nothing is going to help right now.

Being a mama is hard.

Sending you hugs and big, soothing peace vibes for your troubled mind and heart.

(But really, it will all be okay. You have 1,000 shoulders to lean on out here in blogland.)

2:53 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

I have no wisdom or similar experience to offer, but you and your family are in my prayers. The sun will come out again.

2:53 PM  
Blogger verybadcat said...

Saying a little prayer for you and your Sprout.

2:57 PM  
Blogger Dana J. Tuszke said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can't begin to understand how you feel, I just hope that there is some light at the end of this dark tunnel.

As difficult as it is, be well. I heart you, Catherine. We are all here for you.

-hugs-
Dana

3:03 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Been there, at 20 weeks, with a troubling ultrasound marker for Down's, which drove an amnio recommendation. The result? Tacy.

Hoping for a similarly reassuring and happy ending for you too.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous FishyGirl said...

Oh, honey. I remember that time, with Sunny, and how scared I was. I cried and cried and cried. Then, I just stopped, and had some sort of peace, because I knew what I wanted to do with the information I had. We were firm that we didn't want to do amnio, because for us we would not have chosen to terminate for that reason, so we did about a dozen level II ultrasounds instead. My ultrasound during the nuchal translucency test was fine, it was just the bloodwork that increased our odds. Frankly, I now think that the damned bloodwork is probably influenced by what you eat or solar flares or something, but our daughter is genetically normal. I haven't forgotten the fear, though.

I wish you strength while you decide on a path of action, and peace with your decision. Feel free to email me if you want further information on our experience - I'll tell you anything you want to know.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

first time reading your blog, I just have to comment.

Please, please try not to worry. As you said, many are false positives...and a more intense ultrasound could prove that you worried for not.

HUGS, hang in there and try (I know hard to do) relax.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anna said...

For what it's worth, the false positive rate for this sort of screening test is really high...

So much peace and strength to you.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous slackermommy said...

The worrying is the worst. I had a some scares with a couple of my pregnancies and the not knowing was always the hardest part because your thoughts are in such limbo. At least once you know you can direct your thoughts to either being thankful for a false alarm or preparing yourself for a child with a disability. Just as many of your commenters have posted odds are good that this is a false positive and I've got my fingers crossed that the sun will be shining for you soon.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Emily R said...

Oh. That must be so difficult to wait through.

If we had any sun here in London, I'd send it to you.

3:59 PM  
Anonymous jennifergg said...

I wish I could send you some sunshine...but it's cloudy here, too, dreary and gray, and I'm not even pregnant and I don't have worries about my baby on my mind.

What I do have is a child with Down syndrome, and two other children also. I write about our family at my blog Pinwheels (http://jennifergrafgroneberg.wordpress.com) and if you like, check it out. I hope it will help put your mind at ease, until you learn more.

(Also, for what it's worth, I'm in the camp that thinks these screens are ridiculously inaccurate...)

4:17 PM  
Blogger Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

There is plenty of sunshine here in Lower Alabama, I'll send it your way.

Thinking of you.

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Assertagirl said...

I wish I had the words to tell you how much I am thinking about you right now...I've been wondering all day how your appointment went. It sounds like a LOT of other women have been through this, and you've got a lot of support here. Many virtual hugs coming your way.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Karen (miscmum) said...

Sending you lots and lots of hugs xx

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry but can someone please tell me what a level 2 ultrasound is.is it like bio-physical profile of baby?my youngest was extremely high risk and i had to have bio physical ultrasounds done every 2 weeks.so is it the same thing?thanks LAVANDULA

4:31 PM  
Blogger Someone Being Me said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I refused to take that test after 2 people I knew got false positives on it. I do remember when they sent me to a specialist 2 hours away for a more detailed sonogram because of some concerns with my original sonogram. I cried for days waiting for that sonogram. It all turned out fine. I pray this will be the same for you.

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Momish said...

My thoughts are with you and sending you any sunshine I can find.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Qadoshyah said...

I have a wonderful 2 1/2 year old brother with Down syndrome. Having a child with Down syndrome is not that bad of a thing. My brother brings so much joy and love to our family, we wouldn't change him for anything!!

No, we didn't know prenatally that my brother would be born with Down syndrome, but it wouldn't have made a difference. He's still a person, he just has a little extra.

If your baby does have Down syndrome, there is hope and a whole wonderful world out there! There is alot people with Down syndrome can do, despite the dark, uninformed diagnosis that most doctors give.

Feel free to email me at qf@gotdownsyndrome.net or my mom at kim@gotdownsyndrome.net

~ Qadoshyah
19 yr. old sister to a wonderful boy with Down syndrome!
http://gotdownsyndrome.blogspot.com

5:15 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

(((hugs)))

That is all I can offer you. I truly hope that it ends up being nothing, but thaat doesn't help you at the moment.

I will be thinking of you.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Suburban Oblivion said...

So this was a case of failing the Tripe/Quad Screen? I wish you had mentioned that before. Many, many mothers are opting not to have that test done for the sole reason that false positives are SO common. We had probably 4 or 5 failures of that test in our August 2003 baby group, and every last one of them turned out to be a false positive. I still think people should have it done, but just know it is a very, very unreliable test.

5:31 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

There is love, and there is support no matter what the outcome. Get some rest.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Here's hoping the sun comes out for you soon...both literally and figuratively. Big, warm hugs to you.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

Hang in there and try not to stress too much (if that is possible). It is hard facing the possibility of a child with birth defects (I know having been there and made it through before).

5:51 PM  
Blogger David said...

Wow Catherine - I'm thinking about you and yours and hope everything works out for the best.

5:53 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

We are sending love and support - lots of it, as much as you need.

5:57 PM  
Blogger jen said...

Bad,

I tested positive for DS - odds were 1 in 10 in fact. And everything is fine, all was negative at birth.

email me always if you want to talk more about this.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Sandra said...

It will be okay. It will.

Sending all my love to you.

If you need ANYTHING at all ... you know where I am.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

Oh crap! Sending you much love. These screening tests really can play havoc... and keep in mind that's all they are from anything definite.

I also have to say that having spent lots of time with people with DS, even if it is DS people with DS can be a joy to know. (in no way implying you think otherwise, just saying it can be a joy)

It'll all work out for the better I'm sure. You're in my thoughts.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Bri said...

I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I'm so sorry that you have to go through it at all. Sending you positive thoughts....

6:37 PM  
Blogger One Cool Chic said...

It will be ok. It always is. Think about the ten little toes and the ten little fingers that you will touch with your hands. Hang in there.

Lyns

6:40 PM  
Blogger anniemom said...

Oh man, I don't know how to "get right" with test results and waiting... I can only imagine that this is painful news, regardless of the outcome. With my son, I did some visualization which helped. I just tried to see his little face, kiss his little smile, tickle his wee toes. I think it really reaches in there and does some good, for both of you. You and Wonderbaby and HBF are a great team, and you have a sweet little Sprout in there, lovin you bigtime. All kinds of big love coming to you from nashville. xoxo.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

I have been where you are and it is no good place to be. Thinking of you, and hoping with fervent hope that they're wrong, that the odds are in Sprout's favor, and that this is merely a bump in the road.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Femme said...

There is nothing I can say to take this away, but from the most sincere part of my being: I wish you strength and good things. I wish you peace and great further test results. I wish you sleep at night. I hope with all my heart that Sprout is just fine. xx

7:35 PM  
Blogger Gidge said...

My OBGYN with my first pregnancy was also a TEACHER of obstetrics, and he HATED those tests.....he said he'd dealt with more false positives than anything else and that it created a lot of unnecessary fear and heartache.
I'm assuming you had the initial blood screen, and not an AMNIO.....which is what I'm referring to.
Unfortunately/fortunately amniocentisis tends to be correct but the initial blood screening they do and ultrasounds both give off a lot of false positives.
So take a deep breath and think good thoughts.

Nothing is known until it's known.

8:29 PM  
Anonymous Queen of Spain said...

We're all here.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous Diane said...

I don't know how to comment on this process of waiting, because back in the day, they didn't run all these tests and you might not know until you delivered.

My youngest has a developmental disability similar to Downs. She's now 17 and a very unique and loving individual. I am a better mother and human because of her. I also left the corporate world to work for an agency that does disability services because it was the right thing for me to do... to know how to help her.

I know it's not an easy process when the diagnoses and discussions begin... "Is there or is there not something wrong with my child?"

I won't say something trite like "you'll be okay", but should the tests be accurate, you can and will develop the tools to help your child succeed, and you'll become a wonderful advocate for your child.

I'll be sending you all of my best thoughts as you work through this process.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous ali said...

love and hugs, my friend. love and hugs.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Keep breathing. I'll keep on sending the love and hugs and prayers for you.

9:18 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Hugs to you. I know you will be ok, no matter what happens you'll do fine.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Mamalooper said...

Breathe and focus on the next step. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Sending lots of hugs.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

It is hard to process news like this. You've heard it all before about the false positives...one of my husband's relatives had that and her daughter does not have Down's.

I hope for this outcome for you as well.

10:02 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

i hope the sun comes soon, and that you beat the odds.

10:04 PM  
Blogger LisaDuvall said...

I'm a lurker on your blog and I just want to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'll be thinking of you, Sprout, and your family.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I am saying a prayer for you and your family. From the looks of these coments you have a lot of support - here's adding my little bit to the pile.

10:34 PM  
Blogger iheartchocolate said...

Try to remember, even when clouds are present, the sun is always there. No matter what the outcome, you are going to make it. You are going to love that baby no matter what the tests tell you. We are going to love little sprout too! I hate that you are suffering in that place of "not knowing", that part will be over soon.

10:42 PM  
Blogger iheartchocolate said...

Try to remember, even when clouds are present, the sun is always there. No matter what the outcome, you are going to make it. You are going to love that baby no matter what the tests tell you. We are going to love little sprout too! I hate that you are suffering in that place of "not knowing", that part will be over soon.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

My thoughts are also with you.

I admit - I do not know what you're going through. I was blessed with uneventful pregnancies (except for all the puking).

But I do know what it is like to wait for a diagnosis. To wait to hear whether this child - that you love so much - might struggle with things others take for granted.

My son does have special needs and that diagnosis was very difficult to process at first. But now it's just a part of our lives. I don't know that I would change it even if I could - because there is something magical in the way Gabe sees the world.

I am still praying and hoping that Sprout is absolutely fine. But I wanted to let you know that even "worst case scenario" might not be so bad.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Niksmom said...

Catherine, I will say a prayer for you and little Sprout that it is all a "misunderstanding" between the test and the doctor. Ok, trying to put a light-hearted spin on it a bit. I have a child with multiple disabilities and while I love him with all my heart and would do anything to help him, I wouldn't willingly wish it on another mom.

That said, let your fear fuel you to learn more by reading Jennifer GG's blog (among many other wonderful ones out there) and finding out more from other moms. If you know there is the slightest chance, prepare yourself with knowledge.

I will hold a vision for you of a beautiful, healthy Sprout.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

Thinking of you.

11:26 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Lots and lots of hugs for you, friend.

11:46 PM  
Blogger Marymurtz said...

My dear friend gave birth to a baby boy just a year ago, and he has Down Syndrome. She sent out the most amazing and wonderful email about him immediately, and has been proactive and involved in learning as much as she can. That little boy is the light of their lives, her two older children dote on him, and he's doing magnificently.

It would be easy to say "Oh, I'm so sorry..." I guess I ache for those in uncertainty, for those worried that life will be hard for the baby and child and adult he or she will become. But every child, every parent, faces difficulty; some adversity is better researched than other problems, but Down Syndrome is not a death sentence. It's not probably something a person would choose for their child, but my cousin, my friend's son, and many others I know with Down Syndrome are amazing, funny, talented and wonderful people who enrich the world.

All good thoughts go out to you in this uncertain time.
Hugs,
Mary

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another lurker here, decloaking to send support and concern. I had amnio with my daughter as I was 36. I was very frightened of the test itself, but it was no big deal at all.

Also, I support your right to choose whatever is best for you and your family. Obviously we all hope and pray that this is a false positive, but if it's not.... I'd advise that you turn to your family and your doctor and your beliefs and spirituality, not necessarily the internet which already seems to be trying to influence your decision.

Let us know. We'll be praying for you.

1:35 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

Information. It's a bitch, eh.

We got a jolt on our ultrasound with the nuthatch. I listened as the odds flew about and ultimately had to say.. What? You know we are not very good at math. This is too hard for us.

We went pass/fail with the amnio... Information. Get a little and suddenly you need a lot.

2:10 AM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

Sorry I missed your earlier post till now - I really need to get on Google reader.

I too have heard MANY stories of false positives. The testing and waiting is crazy- making though. If you need anything please let me know. I'm really close by and good at being a distraction.

Remember, it's always darkest right before the dawn.

2:30 AM  
Blogger Wishful Mommy said...

Sending sunshine to you and Sprout...

3:58 AM  
Blogger Lara said...

i have faith that everything will work out for you and the whole bad family, even if that means living a wonderfully sweet life with a special needs sprout.

for the next few days/weeks, i'll work hard to have faith enough for both of us.

5:29 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

You know, it's weird. This is the first time I have visited in quite some time. And here you are.

We have a child with a genetic abnormality.

If you have any (I mean, ANY) questions then please, please ask.

You don't know me from a bar of soap, but I do taste better and am far less drying for your skin.

Thinking of you.

xKim

6:19 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I should probably qualify what I said with the information that he's now 9 and we didn't have any genetic testing whatsoever because at the time I was 24, but did have a CVS on my three subsequent pregnancies.

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Wright said...

Thinking and praying for you. I know I'm a total stranger but no one should go through this without some support.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

I am so sorry.

I hope that it is a false positive.

I hope that your baby is healthy. Even if not, that your baby brings you even more joy than you first hoped.

8:09 AM  
Blogger -The Shiny Happy Mama- said...

Keeping you and the sprout in my thoughts and sending many, many hugs.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Candygirlflies said...

Oh, Catherine, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this hell of waiting and wondering...

But hopefully the multiple stories here of false-positives will perhaps lighten your heart a tiny bit this week... It is so true that the ultrasound is simply a risk-assessment, and by no means conclusive. When my own Child Number Two's ultrasounds looked irregular, and my doctor expressed concern, it was my dear old dad (an old-school gp) who took my hand and told me to have faith and not jump to conclusions too soon... And my little girl is now a perfectly healthy and happy six-year-old.

My personal feeling on further screening is to look at it as a marvellous opportunity to prepare for things to come. How wonderful to be able to get a glimpse into the future, and to be able to make informed decisions.

If I could, I would give your hand a big squeeze, Catherine. I have faith in you and Sprout!

Wishing you love and strength-- CGF xo

8:27 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

(Bossy crawls into your room for a hug.)

8:33 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Hang in there. Take it one minute at a time. I've been through it and it's debilitating.

Take a more conclusive test as soon as humanly possible. In the meantime-if you need to crawl into bed...have someone cover for you and do it!

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Cynthia Samuels said...

Oh Catherine -- this sucks! And of course there's so little one can do. Someone dear to me went through this and had an amnio, then went through the next phase of waiting for the result, which were good. Even so, nobody else's story helps, not really. All one can do is accept the love and concern of those around us (in your case so very many people) and if inclined, say, or seek from others, prayers and good thoughts. Mine will certainly be with you.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

C,

I'm sorry that after months of sickness you are now facing this time of worry and fear. I can't add any more than what's already been said above. I'm thinking of you, all of you, and am hoping with all my might that everything turns out okay.

xo
Sharon

9:44 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Oh lord. I can't even read all the comments, I just don't have the heart. I'm so sorry, the next few weeks will be rough. Keep the faith.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I know you're sick with worry right now and nothing said here will change that. I just wanted to add my voice to the many that is hoping for good news and sending out good thoughts for you. Prayers, too, if you believe in them.

11:41 AM  
Blogger sweetney said...

i'm so sorry, c. much love and support to you, always.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Bloor West Mama said...

Sending lots of support, lots of hugs, lots of positive thoughts and lots of sunshine.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I'm sorry. I know this is scary.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. if it helps, my pregnancy this time has been filled with scary moments - and they have turned out okay.
At least so far.
Take the time you need to think all this stuff through, and remember that like so many people have said, there are a lot of false positives - and this is just a preliminary test.

11:54 AM  
Anonymous sam said...

You're absolutely in my thoughts.

Hang in there C. Everything will work out. ((((HUGE CYBER HUGS TO YOU)))

12:15 PM  
Blogger Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas said...

((hugs)) no matter what you are strong and you're a wonderful mother.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Mama V said...

Hi Catherine - no matter what anyone says, you will still worry, just as you would worry if you had a feeling that not everything was "normal" with Wonderbaby. You can't help it. Nothing I can say will make you feel better, but know that many of us are thinking of you, praying for you, and wishing for a positive outcome to all of this. ((HUGS))

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Lydia said...

I had the same test, same phone call, same results. My Level 2 u/s is a week from today, which is when they will be able to do a diagnostic.

The word "abnormal" (as in results) rings in my head, despite the fact that the doctor told me NOT to worry, it's just a screen that's probably wrong anyway. So why did I have the test???

Anyway, will be thinking of you...

2:33 PM  
Blogger Tina said...

I just did a CVS last week, since I'd rather know for sure and DNA don't lie. I also live in a major metropolitan area where they commonly perform this procedure, so I wasn't worried about the risks associated with it. However, we did decide what we'd do with the results before I did the test.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I'm sorry you're going through so much stress and worry because of this.

Although I know it won't help ease the worry, it is only an early marker, and the odds are still in your favor. In some ways, I hate those early screenings, because they cause far more stress than relief.

I'm hoping for the best for you.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and go through this.

I know nothing I can say can make you feel better. This sucks.

Hopeful of a positive outcome with further testing.

Hugs

5:17 PM  
Blogger chichimama said...

Thinking of you. How hard it must for you to being going through all of this. May your wait for answers be quick.

7:57 PM  
Blogger glycerin said...

I just wanted to reach out and give you a big hug. You won't know anything for certain until you do the amnio.

Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts!

much love.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Miguelina said...

I'm so sorry.

I know exactly how you feel because I had the same test result.

Maybe they can rush the amnio results for you? I was such a mess that they did that for me and we found out partial results in 3 days rather than 10. Those 3 days were the longest days of my life.

Oh, I'm sending you a big hug - even though I'm a total stranger.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Oh sweetie. I'm sending you all kinds of positive vibes and big virtual hugs. I would do anything for you, I hope you know that.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Tere said...

Thinking of you and yours, dear. Fingers crossed, lots of hugs.

11:09 PM  
Anonymous ozma said...

Hoping, hoping, hoping. Wishing you didn't have even the fear.

1:37 AM  
Blogger the mad momma said...

wishing, hoping, praying that the sun will shine. stay strong .... God bless.

4:20 AM  
Blogger Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

I hate the not knowing more than anything. Whatever the outcome you have tons of support. Thinking of you, sending hugs and hoping for a lifting of the dark clouds.

6:53 AM  
Anonymous radical mama said...

Wishing you hope and comfort. It's inadequate, I know, but it's all I can think to say.

10:50 AM  
Blogger angi said...

As soon as I read this, a video came to mind that I wanted to share with you.

Then I read the comments & see that this seems to be something that happens often (false positives).

But IF it is not, and IF you are looking for some positive enery, check out this video made by a Moher of a child with Downs. It is BEAUTIFUL! :)

http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=41811d19928d655419aea

1:21 PM  
Anonymous red pen mama said...

I am sure I am repeating many things that have been said already but: I will be praying for you and for Sprout and for sun.

rpm

1:56 PM  
Blogger TB said...

Just catching up and wanted to add my voice to the many others who have sent love and support.
Thinking of you and sending all my best.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

I'm appalingly late in wishing you nothing but the best of wishes as your baby continues to grow inside of you. Hugs and hope your next test goes well.

9:47 PM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

So sorry to hear. Stay positive and lets hope everything works out for the best.

AD

2:43 AM  

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