Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Little Beaner, Rest In Peace

Hi Catherine,

Don't know if you remember me, but it's Marie. You helped me with my beautiful baby girl Beaner. I had been wanting to let you know about this, but I know you have your own stuff you are going through and well I didn't know how to say it... But I just wanted to let you know that my baby girl Mia passed away On Oct 27, 2008 due to SIDS. She was 13 1/2 weeks old and getting so big! Its so hard to believe that its going on 3 months that she's been gone. I would tell myself, "tell Catherine next week" but next week turned into well this long.... Thanks for all you did for us when I needed people there for me... I just thought you would want to know....

Always,

Marie

I never met Beaner. I never held her hand or touched her cheek. I knew her only through a story that her mother told me, pictures that she sent me, the fragments of a life that she shared and that became, somehow, strangely, briefly, intertwined with my own.

You can read her story here, and here. It's a beautiful story, the story of a child who was so loved that her mother fought back all of her fear to keep her, for better or for worse, for the sake of a life that she wanted to nurture as her own, on her own terms. Her mother reached out to me, and to you, to all of you, for support and guidance and she drew some of her strength from that and she made the bold step of clasping Beaner to her heart and deciding to never let go and that, that was amazing. Deciding to never let go can be a difficult choice - for some, the wrong choice, an impossible choice - but she made it and she was happy and she kept her Beaner and Beaner was loved.

And now Beaner is gone, and I don't know, I just don't know what to say, because this was the story that was supposed to have the happy ending and although I tell myself that Marie had her Beaner for all the time that Beaner had on this earth, and that that is wonderful, that that is a gift, it remains that to have such a precious gift and then to have it snatched away is tragic beyond measure. So I don't what to say. And it is not, in any case, my place to say. It is not my right, to sing an elegy for Beaner, to wring philosophy from her death. Not my right at all.

I didn't know Beaner - little Mia Catherine - but she found her way into a corner of my heart, and there she remains, this child I did not know and will never know but do love, a little, from a distance, from - now - a tragic distance, nonetheless. There she remains, and there she is mourned, and there she will be remembered.


Rest in peace, Mia Catherine. You touched more hearts than you could know.

You can leave condolences to Maria in the comments. She'll be reading, and I know that the support will mean so much to her.

Then - as I insisted last week, not knowing how soon I would be confronted by the demands of my own words - hug your children. And your moms. And anyone whose heart touches yours. And be grateful.




Labels:

160 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

I'm so sorry. My deepest condolences to the family. Especially mommy, big bro and big sis.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

How very sad. May she be snuggled in heaven.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

How very sad. My heartfelt condolences.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Oh my goodness. What a very sad story. My thoughts and prayers are with her mother and their family. This should never ever happen to a parent.

You are very special to have been a positive influence in this woman and her baby's life and for sharing her story.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Elle Bee said...

Oh Marie! I'm so sorry.

12:29 PM  
Blogger BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Oh. That's very, very sad. I'm so sorry, Marie. What a precious daughter she was - I know you'll never, ever forget her. She is surely in heaven now, just waiting for her family to join her someday.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

A parent should never have to lose a child. I am so very sorry and will be hugging my children a little tighter today and every day.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

I'm so sorry - my prayers and condolences are with her family. I just read about the entire story of Beaner on Monday, and here, on Wednesday, I find out this. So tragic!

With a second child on the way for me, hearing about a little one dying of SIDS is a shocker, and something I know I'll have to worry about all over again.

My best wishes to Marie and family, and to all that have been touched by these events and this story. Thank you very much for sharing it.

12:32 PM  
OpenID ThompsonClan6 said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Heaven has gained one beautiful little angel.

12:32 PM  
Blogger tutugirl1345 said...

I'm so sorry Marie. My thoughts are with you and your family.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Mommy Melee said...

This is absolutely devastating.

Marie, my heart goes out to you and your family.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Marie. She was a beautiful baby.

12:34 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My heart breaks to read this. I'm so sorry Marie and Mia's siblings are going through this time. My thoughts are with them and their angel.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

Maria,
I am so, so sorry. I've been following this story since Catherine first wrote about it and I'm hearbroken to hear of what happened. You were a great mother for that short time and Mia was lucky to have you.

My heart goes out to you. Losing a child is the hardest thing anyone should have to face.

12:36 PM  
Blogger BaltimoreGal said...

So very sorry for everyone involved. Take care Marie, children & herbadmother. Mia Beaner is at peace now, knowing how much she was loved.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Mamalang said...

Marie, I'm sorry seems so inadequate for this situation, but it's all I have. Please know that you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Catherine, thank you for sharing, both the good and the bad.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

When my infant niece passed away a few years ago, and her Grandmother was holding her in her arms for the last time, knowing she would soon be gone, she looked out the window of the hospital and saw a pink sky.

Whenever I see a pink sky, I think it must be all the little girl's in heaven who create it. I will think of Mia when I see one.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

I am so sorry that such a tragic thing happened to baby Mia. May she rest in peace.

12:40 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

I lost a baby to SIDS and it is heartbreaking and senseless. I am so very sorry for your loss, and can relate to the emotional rollercoaster. Bless you and your family and little baby Mia.

12:40 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Oh Marie, I'm so sorry.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Oh so sad. Marie, my deepest condolences to you. May the thoughts of your beautiful baby and the joy she unexpectedly brought your life comfort you!

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Lynn (Walking With Scissors) said...

Maria, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl.

12:43 PM  
Blogger K said...

I am so so sorry.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Miss Grace said...

There's nothing to say to make this right. I'm just truly, deeply sorry.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

I'm so sorry Marie. I can't even imagine. My heart is with you today.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

Words don't suffice in situations like this, but I'm so very sorry, Marie.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous egm said...

Marie,

You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. May God somehow bring peace into your heart and the hearts of your other children.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Laura said...

I am so sorry Marie. I will keep your family in my thoughts. Love to you.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

That is devastating. I'm so sorry.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

My deepest condolences for your immeasurable loss.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Syko said...

I am just stunned. I read that story and hoped for Marie to keep Beaner, and was so happy when she did, and thrilled to see the picture of the lovely little girl that Beaner was...and I hoped for updates, but never anything like this. I'm sorry. It's not enough and it doesn't express what I feel, but I'm sorry is all I can think of to say. What a terrible thing for a parent to endure.

1:05 PM  
Blogger mommamia said...

I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

Marie, I am so very sorry.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

Oh Marie I am so very very sorry for your loss - wishing I could give you the biggest hug...

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Gwen said...

I am not sure what to say other than I am very sorry for your loss.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Aidan Elizabeth's Updates said...

Oh Maria. I am so sorry for your loss. And sorry doesn't even begin to say it. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your surviving children, and little Mia. I have lost a child unexpectedly and can begin to imagine your grief. It takes a long time, but eventually they more more alive within you. Blessings, Cindy

1:20 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

i'm certainly not going to be so crass as to say, "it should make you feel better to know..." because what can make you feel better except time and your own path of healing? but i do think you deserve to know that your story, your beaner, really did touch SO many lives. more than you'll ever be able to know for sure.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Mary Moore said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Joy said...

Marie, my heart is breaking for your loss. Hugs, to you and your children.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

"I'm sorry" just doesn't seem like enough. But I am. Terribly, terribly sorry. Rest in peace, Beaner.

1:44 PM  
OpenID FishyGirl said...

I am so sorry, Maria. Peace be with you and your family.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

I am so sorry - that is beyond heartbreaking.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, my heart. I am so incredibly sorry.

Steph

1:59 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

I am crying after this. I'm so sorry for your loss, Marie.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your little beaner. It's simply not fair. :(

2:12 PM  
Blogger All Things BD said...

What a terrible thing to happen. I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember your story, and was so pleased for you and the road you were going down with your little one.

I will pray for you and your family, and I hope we find out how you and your older kids are doing in the future.

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

Oh Marie, I just want to give you, Itty Bitty, and Lil Man a big hug and never let go. You are so brave.

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Mary Helen said...

Oh, I am so, so sorry, Marie. After all you went through it is so unfair for that to happen. I'm sending a big hug your way and saying a little prayer for your Beaner.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastica said...

I can't imagine how you must feel Marie, and words fail me now as I try to think of something to ease your aching heart.

Your Beaner was a beautiful girl, as you know. I'm sending hugs and strength your way. I'm so sorry for your loss.

And Catherine? Your posts are always so poetic and beautiful.

2:41 PM  
Blogger delaneydiariesmama said...

I remember reading your story. I am so sorry for your loss.

3:11 PM  
Blogger jess said...

This is so heartbreaking. I am grieved for you, Marie, but so glad that Mia got to spend those months with you and you with her.

Your family is in my prayers.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Alicia said...

Marie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences, my heart goes out to you and your sweet family.
Alicia

3:29 PM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

Heartbreaking. These things should never happen.

I'm so sorry.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

My heart is breaking. I am so sorry, Marie. I just know that your sweet girl is in heaven being snuggled by angels.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Niksmom said...

Words seem inadequate but they are all I have. I am so very sorry for your unimagineable loss.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

My heart hurts for you, Marie. I'm sorry.

3:55 PM  
Blogger sugaredharpy said...

I am so sorry, so very sorry. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Bridge said...

Echoing all the other well wishes and condolences, my heart hurts for you. She was so beautiful!

4:03 PM  
Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said...

I am so sorry Maria. Words cannot say. x

4:21 PM  
Blogger Neo-Geek Girl said...

No words can express it... but I am so sorry Marie.

((hug))

4:23 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

My heart aches for all of you.

4:36 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Maria,

I am so tremendously sorry for your loss. My oldest daughter died when she was 8 months old, I know how much it hurts me, so I can imagine how much you are hurting.
I just wrote a pretty lengthy blog post the other day about loss, if you're feeling up to it, go on over and read it. Tomorrow I will have another post about loss for those who have a loved one whose child has died. -- http://prairie-mama.blogspot.com
Many prayers for you and your family.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Domestic Extraordinaire said...

Marie-my heart goes out to you and your family. Many thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

4:52 PM  
Blogger Courtney Paris said...

Marie,

I don't have any words to say just how sorry I am.

I'm praying for you and everyone else who has been affected by little beaners passing.

5:11 PM  
Blogger MemeGRL said...

Marie, your story and your family were inspirational to me. They still are. My condolences to you and Lil Man and Itty Bitty on your loss, and my prayers go to you for healing. May the memories of baby Mia bring you more joy than sorrow as time passes. In light---

5:16 PM  
Blogger Queen of the Mayhem said...

I pray that God will grant you the strength to make it through this horrible situation. The only blessing is Mia is in a better place. Sending prayers and condolences!

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Robin said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences to Maria and family.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

amen

I am so sorry for your loss. Be well.
klcrab

6:11 PM  
Blogger J from Ireland said...

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

6:17 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Marie,

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I had thought of you and little Beaner often since this post, and hoped that things were going well for you and your family. I had so hoped for a better outcome for all of you. I know there isn't anything that I can say to console you, but know that you're in my thoughts, and have been.

Erin

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Kaye said...

Oh Marie...I am so, so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I wish all the peace and healing to you and your family that is possible.

((hugs))

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Laurel said...

My heart is saddened by your loss and mere words do not say enough, yes we are strangers but we are parents together we share your pain. Glad you had her in your life as difficult as things have turned. Hugs to you all.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Sammanthia said...

I am so very sorry for your loss... my thoughts are with you.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for trusting us enough and thinking enough of us to let us know. My thoughts are with you.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Maria, My heart is breaking for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I can feel your strength and love and it is an example to me of the reason we're here: to share, love, cry and rejoice together. I wish you the very best.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Marie. I can't imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time. Your story touched us all.

7:24 PM  
Blogger jodifur said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can not even imagine what you are going through.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Alli {Mrs. Fussypants} said...

Oh Marie, I am so sorry. My prayers will be with you.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Marylin said...

I'm so sorry. xx

8:11 PM  
Blogger Sissy said...

I'm just so sorry, Marie.

8:44 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

This is heartbreaking news.

I'm so sorry, Marie. I'll keep you in my prayers.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Classy Mommy said...

Marie I am totally heartbroken for you and your family over the loss of your beautiful little girl. You are in my thoughts.

9:10 PM  
OpenID ajillofalltrades said...

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. She was such a beautiful girl and looks so sweet.

I can't imagine the pain you are going through and hope to never have to.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

9:13 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Anonymous - why does the story sound fishy?

My posting any of Marie's/Beaner's story has only ever been my idea. She originally only left a comment on this blog and I responded to her and asked her to e-mail me so that I could respond privately. I subsequently asked, after we had corresponded, if I could share her story. And then after we had corresponded again, I asked again.

I have no reason to believe that the correspondence that she and I have shared is based on any sort of falsehood. I certainly haven't shared all of our correspondence, nor any of the e-mails in their entirety, so I don't know on what basis they should be doubted.

In any case, does it matter? Really? What is gained by doubting the story? Some greater security in the protective blanket of cynicism? Doubt here, is, I think, lose/lose: if the story is true (as I believe it to be), then the allegation is cruel. If it is false, then doesn't there remain some deep tragedy here, some figurative loss, that a child would be 'killed off' deceptively to get our attention?

I don't know what there is to gain from doubting the story. I do know that there is much to lose. I chose not to lose.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Corina - Down to Earth Mama said...

My heart-felt thoughts are with the family.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastica said...

WOW Anonymous, some times speaking these words is uncalled for. Catherine is definitely not looking for attention or a reaction.

She's dealing with her grief, and reminding us all to hold life more precious to our hearts because of how quickly it can be lost. If you want to take her words and assume something cynical and dark, then do so - but next time think before you speak, because hearing that just upset her all the more.

Sorry Catherine, had to be said. :( Hugs to you.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

My heart hurts. I am so sorry for this loss.

9:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did not mean that Catherine was looking for any kind of reaction and I'm sorry if my words hurt anyone. I have see other bloggers and kind people on message boards be taken by malicious people with phony stories.

I am hoping that this is NOT the case here and that Catherine was not fooled by someone taking advantage of her kind and well meaning heart.

9:47 PM  
Blogger F*Lush said...

There are no words to ease the pain from losing a child. I hope in the moments when you need strength the most, you feel the prayers being said for you and your family. So sorry for your loss.

HBM...that was a wonderful response to the anonymous..and I'll never understand people that post a comment hidden behind their computer screen...I've enjoyed your writing for over a year now..thank you for sharing Marie's story with us......

9:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I`d just like to say that this is too sad. My heart breaks for you.

Also would just like to add. If you don`t have nice to say - don`t say it.

9:48 PM  
Anonymous Vickie said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Marie.

9:50 PM  
Blogger happykatie said...

Marie, I am so very sorry for your heartache, but I am very happy for you for all of your wonderful memories of your tiny little gal.

What a special mommy you are and a wonderfully-loved little one you shared with us. Much love to you and your family. I am really just so sorry.

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you HBM for remembering Mia. For anonymous i'm sorry you feel the way you do and i hope you will never have to go thru what i am going thru. To accuse me of lying is out of line, you don't know me. And you don't know the hell I've been thru this past 10 weeks. One thing i have learned is life is too short n i'm done wasting my precious time on you. thank you for everyone else's sincere and genuine thoughts. Marie

10:01 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Anonymous: I understand, I do. And I don't want you to get bashed about here for raising the issue. It's just that it's such a dark issue, and does cast a shadow, and, god, it kinda makes my tummy hurt just thinking about it, from all angles (not least - Marie will read this, and my god, ouch. If someone suggested to me that my nephew's story were false, for example, I would lose my mind a little.)

I get the concern; I know of people who have been duped by stories. But that's not the case here. (To what extent it would matter if it were is an entirely different question and one that just messes with my head entirely.)

10:03 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Marie, Marie - please please please ignore that comment. Beaner's story touched so many, as you've seen. All the love here is sincere and heartfelt and abundant.

I'm so sorry.

10:08 PM  
Blogger Shash said...

Wow, I am so sorry Marie, and for Mia.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous marla said...

why post anonymously...If you are posting on the internet don't wan't to be heard...and seen, and known....I don't get it. If you don't want *certain* people to know, don't post it publicly!

10:13 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

So sorry for your loss. I am heartbroken for you.

10:23 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Anonymous - I've deleted your original comment. Please don't take this as censorship - my reason for removing it was not to close off inquiry but remove anything that might hurt Marie and in any way tarnish these condolences.

10:32 PM  
Blogger EarthyMama said...

I'm so sorry Marie. So very, very sorry.

10:34 PM  
Blogger The Grown Up Teenager said...

Marie,

I'm deeply sorry that your little Mia was only with you for a painfully short amount of time. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, and wish you and your family healing in this incredibly hard time.

Heaven has a new little angel.

All the best,

The Grown Up Teenager

10:42 PM  
Anonymous Kelley said...

Wandering over from your Twitter, Catherine.


The outpouring of love from this sad story is proof that the internet can be a wonderful caring place.

Yeah, there are idiots that just set out to hurt under the guise of anonymity, but I feel sorry for them too, because what sad little life they must have to try and tear someone else down.

My heart breaks for Marie, but soars that so many people are sending their love and thoughts to her.

I am sending mine too, for what it is worth.

10:46 PM  
Blogger CharmingDriver said...

(Sorry-for-the-poorly-formatted-comment-My-space-bar-is-borked-for-the-time-being.)

Marie-I-know-this-is-going-to-sound-odd-but-please-don't-take-the-doubting-of-your-story-personally.

I-know-BELIEVE-ME-I-know-there-is-nothing-more-personal-than-the-loss-of-a-child-but-I-think-the-death-of-children-particularly-babies-is-so-horrific-to-some-that-it-is-easier-to-doubt-than-to-accept-that-horrible-things-happen-to-the-most-innocent-among-us.

That-or-they-are-so-cynical-that-their-doubt-has-nothing-to-do-with-you-or-your-precious-baby.

Either-way,-please-take-care-of-yourself-and-your-kids-and-please-don't-let-random-internet-queries-rob-you-of-honoring-your-child's-life.

Finally-I-am-so,so-sorry-for-the-loss-of-your-daughter.-I-lost-my-son-in-2006-when-he-was-a-month-old.--If-you-ever-need-someone-to-talk-to-please-don't-hesitate-to-email-me(charmingdriver@gmail.com).

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No need for apologies HBM...Thank you for being there. I can honestly say it just makes the hurt worse knowing that there are people out there who would think someone would lie about something so heart breaking... thanks again hbm. Marie

11:01 PM  
Blogger geenalyn said...

Marie, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your sweet little girl

11:13 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss.

11:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Marie,
I am so, so sorry to hear of your sweet Mia's passing. My thoughts are with you and your family.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Perksofbeingme said...

Marie,

There are no words that I can write or say that can take any of the pain away. There are no amount of hugs and kisses that can give Mia Catherine back to you. There are no right things to do, no perfect solution. This is when things get hard and un-perfect. This is when love comes in. This is when you see the love that you have found so quickly through people you never have met face to face. This is where you see how you and Mia have touched lives. This is when I send my love to you and say that if there is anything I can do to help, just ask. I know that there might not be anything that I can do other than say "I'm here and I care," but know that I am here and I do care. I'm keeping precious Mia Catherine in my thoughts and I know she's waiting for you to be able to hold her in your arms again. She's smiling at you right now, and whispering, "Momma, look at how much you are loved. Look Momma! They love you, and I do too."

11:47 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

This is every parents worst fear and nightmare - I hate that it's come true for you. I only hope that you and your other children find some solace and healing.

12:04 AM  
Blogger flutter said...

Oh, what a little angel

12:13 AM  
Blogger sweetsalty kate said...

Marie, I'm so deeply sorry for what's happened. I know that pain... not of the same circumstance but I also had a baby who died at six weeks of age.

I know it's meant well but the "your baby is in a better place" thing makes me grimace. The 'better place' is in the arms of mama. Period. And this is hard, so hard, to have those arms empty. It's just an awful, backwards thing and Marie, I'm just so sorry you're there, in this darkness.

If you would like the company of other mamas who understand - and who have found some light and love again in life (or who persist in chasing it) - you can find us gathered together at www.glowinthewoods.com.

Thinking of you.
xo

12:44 AM  
Anonymous Ali said...

Oh, I am so sorry Marie.

1:21 AM  
Blogger carrie said...

Oh Marie, my heart breaks in a thousand pieces for your loss.

1:36 AM  
Blogger Jenn @ thatpsychofamily.com said...

Marie and Family,

I am so sorry for your loss.

3:10 AM  
Anonymous Gina said...

Marie: I'm just so very sorry for your loss....

4:00 AM  
Blogger MadWoman said...

Maria, my deepest, heartfelt condolences to you. I cannot even begin to put myself in your position. Know that we are all thinking of you and sending all the most positive thoughts and living prayers to you through cyberspace and the universe.

Meg

6:23 AM  
Blogger k_sra said...

@>-->-->-----

8:57 AM  
Blogger k_sra said...

@>-->-->-----

8:57 AM  
Blogger Parent Club said...

There are no words...
I wish courage to you and your family.

9:03 AM  
Blogger Merrily Down the Stream said...

Dear Marie
I can't pretend to know what you are feeling - but what I imagine makes my heart ache. I am holding you and the little beaner close to my heart. Sending you love and hugs. xoxox Merrily

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Erica said...

I'm writing this through tears--I'm just so very very sad and sorry, Marie. She was so lucky to have you as a mother. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Audrey said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Marie, I am so sorry, I don't have words, only tears. Sending so much love and condolences your way. She was just beautiful.
Audrey
Alexandria, VA

10:22 AM  
Blogger kenzie said...

marie~ i'm sorry for your loss. mia was such a beauty and she touched so many hearts.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Bon said...

Marie, i'm so very very sorry. Mia was a beautiful baby...to have her taken from you - especially after you searching your heart to keep her - is cruel.

i know that your story and hers touched a lot of us out here, and that Beaner/Mia will be remembered.

if you find that you might want the company of other babylost mamas as you grieve and heal...feel welcome to join us at http://glowinthewoods.com

wishing you strength, sending you love.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Oh Maria... I am so so sorry...

12:32 PM  
Blogger The Estrogen Files said...

I'm so sorry. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you.

12:53 PM  
Blogger Loralee Choate said...

Marie-

This breaks my heart. Truly. I have been there and know how devastating and shocking SIDS is.

I think one of the most difficult things was the sadness and worry that my baby would be forgotten. He was only 3 months old, how could he possibly have time to leave his imprint on the world? Would anyone care or remember him other than my family?

It was very painful for me.

Enter the internet and the bloggity world.

I don't know how involved you are in the online world but as a mom who has been there and who has shared the story of my son and our loss with the web, I just want to throw my 2 cents in to see if it can be any comfort to you.

I read all the comments and know that thoughtless remark must have stung and hurt. I know you are protective of your baby, as you should be and any hint of negativity must be extremely painful.

I have also been there. I have had my share of negativity after choosing to share the story of my son online.

BUT!

SO many people have read his story and so many good, wonderful things have happened in memory of him and because of him. More than I ever thought would be possible.

Because I shared his story he will not be forgotten. He is remembered and loved and his story has touched many, just as your little one's has here.

I am so glad Catherine shared your story with us. I am so sad for your loss.

This story has touched many of us. I have thought of you often since your story first appeared and I know I will continue to think of you and your little one.

She and you are cared about.

Try to remember that the love and good vastly outweigh any bad. It usually helps my heart. I hope that it helps yours.

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Steph said...

I am terribly sorry for Maria's loss. That type of tragedy is my biggest fear. My deepest condolences go out to her.

(Along those lines, as the mother of a newborn, SIDS is my daily fear. I find myself worrying about it ALL DAY LONG. How do Moms get through that fear? I'm afraid to worry to little and afraid to worry to much. Any advice commenters? I hope this isn't the wrong place/time to ask.)

Again, Maria...My heart goes out to you and I wish you peace.

2:49 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

She will be missed. I'm so sorry for your loss, Marie.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

I'm so, so sorry.

3:13 PM  
Blogger mom2nji said...

I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Luann said...

Oh Marie. I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Oh no. Like Catherine, I thought this story was going to have a happy ending. I am so sorry to hear that little Mia is gone.

I hope for peace for you, and for your family.

3:37 PM  
Blogger fruitlady said...

I was so saddened to hear of the loss of this baby. My most heartfelt sympathies to her mother and her family and to everyone that knew about her and cared.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Avonlea said...

Marie,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I remember your story and your beautiful little girl. As HBM said, your little Mia is mourned and will be remembered.

There really are no words for such a loss. I have faced the terrifying prospect of losing my infant when he was in the NICU, but for whatever reason, he miracuously defied the doctors. My heart just breaks for other moms who do have to go through that loss.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Kaitlyn said...

Oh, how very sad. I am so deeply saddened by and sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences.

6:53 PM  
Blogger momranoutscreaming said...

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. What a beautiful baby. How lucky we all are for the time we have with our children. No matter how long.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Aurelia said...

I'm so sorry Marie. I am another grieving mother who lost babies.

This is a terrible loss, and it will never leave you. There is no closure, but after a while, a very long while, you will be able to deal with the pain and memories. It just takes time.

Take care, and if you ever need anything, please email me, or look on my blogroll for any of the grieving mamas out there on the net.

And if you need some real life support, please don't hesitate to ask for it. Support groups aren't always for everyone, but ohhh, can they work miracles.

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and your family's loss.

12:41 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

Maria,
I am so sorry. So very sorry.

1:50 AM  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

No words could ever say how deeply sorry I am...

3:02 AM  
Anonymous red pen mama said...

My heart breaks.

ciao,
rpm

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marie: I'm so sorry.

9:54 AM  
Anonymous kelly said...

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Adelas said...

There is rock in my stomach just from imagining such a thing.

The hardest part for me is not being able to find you for real and wrap my arms around you.

The second hardest part is realizing that you probably have no idea how TRULY joined with you in sorrow we are.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous LAVANDULA said...

oh Marie i'm so very sorry about Mia.i wish i was close enough to give you a big hug and shoulder to cry on.may God make this awful pain easier for you to bear as time goes on...

11:27 AM  
Blogger LisaDuvall said...

Marie, You have my deepest, sincerest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. Beaner was beautiful. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Mommato2 said...

Dearest Marie....I am so very sorry for your loss. To lose a child must be hell, and there are so many other Momma's out there who have gone through it. Big hugs to you. xoxo

7:10 PM  
Blogger Stimey said...

Marie, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Marie, I am shocked, stunned. I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to live through. So sorry.

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These are not my words, they are Barbara Kingsolver's. But they have held up a poultice to my heart when it has been heavy with grief. I offer them here in they hope that they will somehow help you on your journey.
"It used to be, on many days, that I could close my eyes and imagine myself perfectly happy. I have wondered lately if that feeling will ever come back. It's a worthy thing to wonder, but maybe being perfectly happy is not the point. Maybe that is only some modern dream of the point, while the truer measure of humanity is the distance we must travel in our lives, time and time again, "twixt two extremes of passion - joy and grief," as Shakespeare put it. However much I've lost, what remains to me is that I can still speak to name the things I love. And I can look for safety in giving myself away to the world's least losable things."

9:31 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Oh Marie.... I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Best wishes to you in this dark time.... I pray that you and your family come out the other side a little stronger, a little closer, feeling a little better than you do now.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

Much condolences and warm, fuzzy, healing vibes sent Marie's way. Just know the ripple of this loss is far reaching.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

Much condolences and warm, fuzzy, healing vibes sent Marie's way. Just know the ripple of this loss is far reaching.

5:58 PM  
Blogger R said...

as I just placed my 3-week old infant in her bouncy seat with the hope that she will sleep for a while, I now long to pick her back up in my arms and cuddle her... as the tears run down my face, and my heart aches for Marie... I'm so sorry for your loss, and can only imagine the grief... and it hurts me... sending love & prayers to you Marie... and to you Catherine, for spreading the word, and all that you do... {hugs}

10:45 PM  

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