And it's still only just Wednesday

This week, on As Her Bad Mother Turns:

1) The Phallic Lovey disappears. Disaster ensues. Kermit is interrogated but yields no information. HBM calls in Jack Bauer but, sadly, he is preoccupied by fictional terrorists. HBM grumbles that Kermit is fictional, and very possibly a terrorist, too, but Jack still refuses to come to her aid.

2) HBM discovers that she is allergic to springtime.

3) Her Bad Father flies off to the Arctic to run sled dogs and ride around in helicopters while he shoots some dumb car commercial and HBM is left wrangle WonderBaby who does not, as it happens, respond to the command MUSH!

4) HBM discovers that her allergy to springtime causes her eyes and nose to turn red and her ears to plug up and her whole being to descend into misery.

5) Po secretly doesn't feel at all sad about the passing of Jerry Falwell but then worries that that maybe isn't very Christian of her.

6) HBM worries that she might be developing a mild Benadryl dependency.

7) Po remembers that she's a Tubbyterian and that Tubbyterians believe that gay-bashing televangelists go to the Fifth circle of Tubby Hell (Tubby-Haters, Bunny-Killers, Producers of Barney, Producers of WonderPets and Homophobic Televangelists) and feels a little bit better.

8) The Phallic Lovey mysteriously reappears. Kermit is released from custody. Po throws a party:

im in ur toybox smuttin ur toyz

9) HBM takes another Benadryl and has a nap.

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Thanks to Jen for tagging me for a meme that I promptly bastardized, and thanks, too, to White Trash Mom and Tacky Princess (and, belatedly, Elizabeth, and am I forgetting anybody?) for thinking that I'm a thinking blogger. And thanks to GNM Parents, for nominating my dark ode to Mother's Day as a Hot Stuff post.

While I'm napping off the Benadryl blurries, you could go check this stuff out: more issues that never die, over at MBT; HBM's makeover (did she keep the bob? did she stay blond? did she resist the siren call of the PERM?), over at Mama Said Check This Out; and difficult reflections on infidelity, over at the Basement.