Her Bad Mother

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Speed Racer: The Birth Story

The first contraction hit at 7:46 pm. I know this, because I checked the time. I was pretty sure that it was just more false labor, but still. One always hopes. So I checked the time, and then went back to eating my fajita.

Ten minutes later another contraction hit. Ow, I said to no one in particular. That hurt.

Was that one different? HBF asked. Is it time?

Probably not. I'll just wait and see.

Eight minutes later I was doubled over. Emilia pulled out her doctor's kit and held the stethoscope to my belly. Baby brother wants to come out now?

I don't know sweetie.

HBF: Should we go in?

I don't know. It might be another false alarm.

HBF: I think we should go in.

I don't know. (*doubles over*)

HBF: Seriously.

Fifteen minutes later we were in the car, no thanks to me. I dawdled, even as the contractions sped up, reluctant to go in to the hospital and face another round of eye-rolling if these were, as I thought, just another bout of bad false contractions. HBF prodded and pushed until I relented and buckled into the passenger seat. We drove away at 8:26pm, just as another bad contraction hit.

And then another.

And another.

We were barely fifteen minutes from home - and still probably some thirty minutes from our downtown hospital - when it became apparent that whatever was happening was happening quickly. Very quickly. Since we'd left home, the contractions had gone from eight minutes or so apart to barely a minute apart to not apart at all. HBF called 911; 911 patched him through to an ambulance; the ambulance advised that we pull off the highway and wait for them.

HBF: Pull off and wait?



HBF: I really don't think we have time to stop and wait.

Ambulance Dispatch: We can't chase you down, sir.

HBF: Then I'll just keep driving.

Mad vehicular dashes to hospitals with women in labor are usually played for laughs on film and television. Let me tell you: there is nothing funny about racing toward a hospital that seems to recede ever further into the horizon as you speed forward in excruciating pain, your body completely out of your control, medical disaster ever more imminent with every passing second. Even when the toddler in the back seat starts shouting MOMMY YOU NEED MEDICINE YOU NEED MY TOADSTOOL? it's not funny. It's stone-cold terrifying.

And when your body just starts bearing down and pushing and you cannot stop it and then you're still like ten minutes away from the hospital and the baby starts shoving its way out of your parts and OMG YOU CAN FEEL IT COMING OUT? Then? Your mind kind of snaps.

(So does the mind of your husband, who at this point is simultaneously driving a speeding vehicle with one hand on the horn and the other trying to feel for baby's head between your legs while shouting into his phone-headpiece to someone at the ER that the baby's coming the baby's coming you need to be ready when we get there!)*

We arrived at the hospital at about 9:05pm. At the wrong entrance. Which was locked. Sufficient banging and the luck of some random guy wandering through the lobby got us in, and much shouting from HBF brought the medical team that had been waiting for us running. I was already mid-delivery: the bag of waters was being involuntarily pushed out - intact - and the baby was crowning. Eleven minutes later, at 9:16pm - after much horror-movie-worthy screaming - Jasper was out.

90 minutes from start to finish of active labor. Eleven minutes after stepping out of the vehicle. Fourth degree tearing (borderline) requiring on-the-spot surgery which, you know, without epidural or spinal anaesthesia or anything more significant than local anaesthetic and an extra-strength Tylenol? Almost as hair-raising as the near in-vehicle delivery. Almost.

It was terrifying. The most terrifying experience of my life, bar nothing.

But still, still... after all that - there's him. Big and hale and hearty and a joy - an infinite joy - to behold. Worth any measure of terror, worth any measure of pain.

And the best birthday present ever.


HBF broke, like, a zillion traffic laws, but he was a hero, he really was, getting us to the hospital in the nick of time. We found out immediately after the birth that we couldn't have delivered Jasper safely without help - the cord was wrapped around his neck. There was, quite literally, not a second to spare. My mind snaps a little bit more every time I think about this. Which is why I'm going to try to not think about it anymore.

I bitch about the gods a lot, but someone or something was looking out for us. And for that - for everything - I am deeply, deeply grateful.

Now, am going to rest. Really.


Because you asked: he weighed 9 lbs 2 oz - just a hair under what the ultrasound indicated. Around 20 inches long with a VERY big head (and chubby cheeks with one dimple).

And Emilia was right there until the gory parts, at which point she was enlisted by nurses to help supervise the nursing desk until it was slightly less terrifying for her to enter the room. When she did rejoin us, she was all smiles - huge smiles - and bursting with pride for having helped bring her baby brother into the world.

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Blogger Mary said...

That picture of him clutching you in gratitude and relief...it says it all. You good mother, you.

Wow and ouch. That's all I can say now. xoxo

10:42 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

wowza that is some scary stuff! I am so thankful that you guys are okay and recovering! Congrats again! And go and really rest!!

10:43 PM  
Blogger S said...

Holy sh*t. You're a rock star. That is all.

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I always dreamed of having really quick labors but never made it in under 9 hours. Now I feel lucky...He's beautiful. Best to you and your family!

10:45 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Holy crap! Now *that's* a birth story. And fourth degree you say? Yes, rest. You earned it.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Godless Sunday said...

Oh Honey! You did it!
Just in the nic of time.

I am so happy for you!
That was lovely.
A really beautiful story.
Yay! He's here.

10:47 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

Oh. My. God. That is the most insane birth story I have ever read from someone I "know". Congratulations on your beautiful baby - he just couldn't wait to meet you I guess. Good job to husband on getting you there with a full 11 minutes to spare (haha) safely and in one piece. What an unforgettable experience. And I agree with Janet, you did earn your rest - here's to a quick and hopefully fairly easy recovery!

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, dear lord, now that is a story. I know how difficult it must have been/worth it all. Congrats on all of you being okay (was Emilia okay with it all?) I had a c-section with a non-working epidural so I do feel for you. Rest! Love! Snuggle! HEAL!

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and remember, that was NOT fast labor - it was slowest ever. You were in labor for 2 weeks!!!!! I swear the early stuff was not false labor, it was just early labor.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Dawn Johnson Warren said...

What an amazing experience. What a story you will have to tell him as he grows up. I'm so grateful that all went well and you are all safe. Congratulations!

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow. Now, rest. Really.

And enjoy your lovely boy. Congrats again.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Niksmom said...

OMFG! Speechless. And awestruck with your entire family. The gods were sooo watching over you all! Jasper is beautiful, simply beautiful.

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations! He's beautiful. I also had an almost-by-the-side-of-the-road birth so I can empathise about how scary it is.

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was the most dramatic birth story I've ever read. Congratulations to the entire HerBadFamily on the arrival of your beautiful boy.

11:18 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

That is a great story! One that will be passed down for generations. Tell us, how did Emilia react once you got to the hospital?

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

11:19 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Congratulations on making it through the harrowing part to the beautiful new child part! I, too, am a member of the 90-minute club, so I have much empathy for your distress. I wish you all the best with your gorgeous expanded family.

11:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing. And ouch. Pure sweetness that pic. Mary got it just right--gratitude and relief. What a beautiful babe.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Mouse said...

Wow! And ouch!

After hearing this, I'm relieved to know everyone is (relatively) fine. Speedy healing to you!

11:31 PM  
Blogger theotherbear said...

Wow! Just, wow!

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fourth degree tear on your birthday? What a harrowing story! I'm SO GLAD it has a happy ending. I was on the edge of my seat.


11:39 PM  
Blogger Devra said...

Oh man, and I thought you were freaked out enough by sitting thru the J&J Vagina Monologue. THIS you did not need! Harrowing!

Rest! Rest! Rest!

Mazel Tov to your entire fam!

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, that is EXACTLY, and I mean EXACTLY the same thing that happenned with me and #2, right down to the transition labor in a crazy car drive to crowning upon arrival and freakin' horrendous 4th degree tears being sutured up on the spot... Girl, you so brought me back to my birth story with my daughter that I felt the pain and fear all over again while reading this... But, in the end, there he is, a perfect little being!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now go rest! :)

11:54 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Happy Birthday, Beautiful Boy.

Your Mama has been waiting a LONG time to see you, and your Daddy?

Your Daddy is a rock star.

11:55 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Wow. Just... WOW. And wow, Catherine. I don't know what else to say. Love to all of you.

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

$4/gallon be damned, I'm driving to Canada to slap that resident.

I'm very, very glad you're both okay. <3

12:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy said...

Wow. I thought we had interesting birth stories, but yours takes the cake. I am so glad to hear that you and Jasper (and HBF and Emilia) are okay.

Rest up. It's so well deserved!

12:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap! That's amazing. You two rock! And Jasper is adorable. Hugs to everyone!

12:34 AM  
Blogger Canuckedup mama said...

Um, holy crap. Sounds like the whole bad family were rock stars on this one.

I hope your birthday presents included something a little stronger than extra strength Tylenol after a fourth degree tear!?!

Congrats on welcoming (the awesomely-named) Jasper, drama and all.

12:37 AM  
Blogger Liz Miller said...

What Wishful Mommy said. And oh my God, I'm so glad that everything turned out okay. And oh my God, I'm just so glad that you are all okay.

I know I said that already, but I'm just feeling so so glad about it.

12:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just want to spit on any dr who rolled their eyes at you...really.
i'm so glad you both are safe, but i have to say: if it was me, i'd be all "see, i told you, suckers!"

anyway, you're both glowing and gorgeous, and i guess that's all that matters.

congratulations, a million times over.

1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading Jasper's birth story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing - I'm so glad that you are both safe. Speedy healing.

2:09 AM  
Blogger Lady M said...

My heart was racing, reading that story. Thank goodness you are all safe.

Congratulations on a beautiful boy! WonderEmilia - you will be a great big sister.

Now I need to sit down and write Buster's birth story, since he's already five weeks old. I've been a slacker, I know.

2:09 AM  
Blogger Carolyn Margaret said...

Awesome!!! what did he weight? After all that big baby scary talk I just need to know were they right?
Quick (disgustingly fast) labor feels a lot like being thrown in a blender and spat out on the other side.
So now sleep, snuggle, sleep, snuggle, and enjoy!
All our best.

2:23 AM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

You are a goddess.

Look at this sublime thing you have done.

I bet that the gods are afraid of their own power at times.

You are a goddess.

2:45 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

My mouth is HANGING OPEN like a fool. Amazing! Congratulations and all that, but also? HOLY HELL you are AWESOME!

2:49 AM  
Blogger Petite G. said...

He's gorgeous and plump and I just want to squeeze his pink little cheeks. Congratulations on the quick (not so easy) delivery.

And you didn't want to go to the hospital to get checked...bad mother.:)

You have a beautiful family. I wish you health happiness and lots of sleep!

3:04 AM  
Blogger b*babbler said...

Holy hell and many other expletives.

You guys are all rockstars, Wonderbaby included. That is truly one hell of an amazing birth story. I'm in complete awe.

And do tell - after all the (increasingly dire) measurements in utero, how big was the (little) big guy?

3:22 AM  
Blogger b*babbler said...

And did I totally get it wrong, or is there also a happy birthday in order for you?

3:24 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Most exciting birth story. Ever. I read it three times.

Glad you made it there in time and both are okay. Wow. That is one helluva birth story. He will love hearing that in a few years.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

WOW!!! What an experience!!!
Your toddled is trying to be helpful too, that is so sweet of her!
Congrats on your new baby!!!



4:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your birth story brought tears to my eyes in several ways. Thank the gods he's OK and you're as OK as you can be.
Congratulations! He's lovely.

5:28 AM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

What a story! I love the calm, "We can't chase you down, sir" comment.

Glad you made it to the hospital in time! That photo is precious.

How is Emilia after all this? That is quite the road trip!

6:52 AM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Oh, dear Lord, that is one of the scariest things I can imagine. I'm so glad that everyone is fine, but I'm very sorry that it was so harrowing for you all.

Jasper's got some 'splaining to do!

Nah, we'll let him off, just because he is so darn gorgeous.

7:00 AM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...


That wins the most incredible birth story I've ever read on the internet award. It should come with a disclaimer at the top, lest some innocent first time mom find it via google and run away in horror (complete with appropriate screaming).

I'm glad everyone is OK. Has Emilia shared Toadstool with Jasper yet?

7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW that is terrifying! So glad you made it to the hospital. Little Jasper is a true blessing.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

You know, I had fourth degree tearing with The Boy - we can start a club! a club where we don't sit down! - and it healed VERY, VERY quickly.
Poor Emilia in the backseat, asking if you needed medicine. But what a lovely new baby!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yikes! What an ordeal!

I'm glad it all worked out in the end. Congratulations!

7:29 AM  
Blogger Dirkey said...

Oh dear Lord, that sounds insane!
Congrats on the baby, you scared the sh** out of me.

7:31 AM  
Blogger ALI said...

holy shit catherine!!! that is bar none the craziest birth story I have ever heard. congratulations on the healthy boy, hope you and your little family are healing well!

7:48 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

that is just about the most hard core birth story I've ever read (and it still made me bawl my eyes out.)

congratulations, and good work!

8:00 AM  
Blogger Ms. Huis Herself said...

And I thought delivering after being in the hospital for less than an hour (and of course no time for an epidural) was bad, but that? Wow. I can only say again, "Wow!"

Congrats to you all on Jasper, on Emilia becoming a big sister, and on getting to the hospital in the nick of time!

8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord woman. That is a story and a half. He definitely knew his "day!"

xo -- much rest to you!

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I was terrified just reading that. OMFG you are my hero! Also, I love the name!

8:13 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

oh. my. god.

dude--this was a terrifyingly amazing story.

you're amazing, lady.


8:32 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Tremendous story. Congratulations on your son, and all the insane work it took to get him here. A heckuva job!

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jasper is HUGE! This kid could be an NFL linebacker already! One good thing about the big babies, they usually sleep longer between feedings.

I thought I had a quick labor with #2 (2 hours 20 minutes) but you have topped anyone I know of. Still, I think I'd rather lie around the hospital awhile after a leisurely drive there.

But it all ended well, healthy beautiful mama, healthy beautiful baby. Get some rest and then come back and tell us more details later, okay?

8:42 AM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

Man, I'm tense just reading that story! Thank the gods that everyone is okay. He's beautiful, HBM, just un-freakin-believingly beautiful.

8:42 AM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Holy crap! Hooray, HBF!

I can't wait to meet him.

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


*clenches legs shut*

that's precisly my nightmare right there.. i live too far from the hospital

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is one hell of a birth story! Get plenty of sleep, you awesome mommy you!

9:03 AM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

That is crazy!! From his beginning, I expect great things from Jasper.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I have goosebumps. Seriously.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Now that's a birth story you will always remember... And a good one to tell your sweet baby boy as he grows up and you need to remind him of all you've done for him! :)

Seriously, I am in awe. Congratulations!

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG that is freakin' scary. (keeping the language clean in case the kids read the comments someday, before they realize I'm just a crusty old fart that doesn't use clean language)

Congrats on making it, and being well.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Wow, that must have been scary. it sounds like my labor with #2, only I was already at the hospital!

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AHH! My second was almost in the hospital parking lot, with the front desk secretary catching the baby. Dr arrived and wheeled me up running ER style teeling me "Don't push-Don't push" WTF and a cry for my mommy followed. In the room 9 min. and my dd was out. Congrats and this story will make a great wedding day anecdote.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tears, that brought me to tears and not the 4th degree kind.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Ida said...

Many tears from me while reading your story. I'm so happy you're both healthy and safe. Congratulations, darlin. Rest up now, you have more than earned it.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Oh, Jasper, you renegade, you. Way to burst on to the scene.

Good job to the mama, papa and big sister!

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing story. Beautiful son. Congratulations on this miracle, HBM!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Cynthia Samuels said...

Holy cow! Well you know what they say about those on the cusp between Gemini and Taurus -- emotional, open and determined, right? You and Jasper.
How did Emilia do? Did she see everything? Any editorial comments? And most important, I assume her toadstools were a great great help....
Mazel Tov as we say in my country.... and much joy.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

WOW. Just Wow!

Tell me, did you have even a moment there where you had a second to think 'now THIS is some damn good blog material!"

No? Because it IS! This is the best birth story ever! In a totally "I so hope mine doesn't go this way" kind of way of course.

I must say it sounds like Her Bad Family are all heros! And WB- offering her toadstool- just awesome. That's a good daughter right there.

Congratulations to all of you on the arrival of SR (Speed Racer).

9:44 AM  
Blogger Carol Pyles said...

Oh wow what a story, I have a tear in the corner of my eye from reading that.

That was amazing.

Congrats, he is a beautiful baby boy.

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

~~~~~~~Delurking for this one!~~~~~

Change the name! No more Her Bad Mother. It is now Her Awesome Mother!

Wow, you deserve a medal & some good Cabernet.

All the best,
Alli -aka Mrs. Fussypants

9:51 AM  
Blogger Tracey said...

oh my god oh my god oh my god, i think *MY* brain snapped a little reading that story. jesus, lady!

so glad everything turned out alright though. whew!

much love to you and jasper, you fucking rule!

9:52 AM  
Blogger justmylife said...

That is an amazing story. I don't think I would have been able to think clearly yet. That picture said it all. I'm just thinking here, but I believe Jasper decided he was ready to enter the Blog World with a bang! heh! So happy to hear that everyone is doing well. And big sister sounded like she was right there and ready to help out. Just amazing. Congrats!

9:53 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

That's a great story! Our #2 was born in quite similar fashion except we didn't make it out the door and delivered her (double nuchal cord and all) righ on the living room floor. I totally know how you feel.

But one great thing is that they come out looking perfect--no pointy head or squished face.

9:54 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

What a birth story, and you've now got YEARS worth of shower and dinner party anecdotes to share ;-). Trust me, I know - mine actually WAS delivered in the car. It may not seem right now that you could ever just casually chat about the stress of that car ride (or heaven forbid milk it for laughs), but the overwhelming stress of the birth fades faster than you think when you're busy focusing on a newborn and a somewhat shellshocked todder.

Congratulations again HBM. Any birth that ends with a healthy mama and a healthy baby is a stellar success, no matter how exciting it got.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*picking jaw off floor*

My hot damn, lady, you are amazing. I cannot even imagine. Jasper looks positively delicious.

How much did he weigh??

9:56 AM  
Blogger Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

Oh, I love his name and love the way he chose to make an unforgettable entrance into your world.

Many many congrats!


9:59 AM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Happy birthday.

Can you imagine giving birth in a car with your older child present?


10:05 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Oh My God! What a story! So glad to hear everyone made it safely. You are so strong.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Congratulations! So glad you're all okay. Jasper is an adorable name!

10:09 AM  
Blogger Alana said...

Oh thank god for happy endings. I nearly gave birth to my second on the hospital floor (fast she came, but not nearly as fast as Jasper, I was at least in a room) and now understand how births in cars and elevators happen. Wishing you many more blessings and moments of joy. And speedy healing.

10:15 AM  
Blogger Stefania/CityMama said...

Good heavens, woman! So that's how little Jasper is going to be, is it? A little punky right from the get go? Hmph, we'll just see about that!

Welcome to the world, little guy. One scare for your dear mama is enough. It is now your duty to be the best little boy in the entire world forever. the. end.

Hugs to you, C. I wish you ice packs and a speedy recovery. He is beautiful and sweet and I can almost smell that baby head from here.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I totally feel you. I had #1 in 3 hours 45 minutes (we barely made it to the hospital, and I was at 10 cm when they checked me. If I'd known what I was doing she would've been born in the car, but I just thought I had to poo!) and #2 was induced in the hospital in 1 hour 9 minutes. Even though we were in the hospital, it was scary for everything to go that fast. They had to turn on the lights and sirens and the doc barely made it.

People think that I'm lucky to have had such fast labors, but it's like being on a runaway freight train. Terrifying.

Congratulations, and love to you and your beautiful Jasper. What a story for the memory books!

10:26 AM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

You are my hero (yeah, and HBF too, for driving like a maniac). Congrats again.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

My goodness what a story. Amazing, you and HBH. Congratulations on the addition of Jasper to your family.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

Holy shit. Glad I am done having children, your story may have scared me away! Congrats!!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

JEEEEZUZ, you! Insane. I'm so glad it ended so happily, and you know? That pic of you and Jasper (our fave boy name, out of contention only because a) we had a girl and b) it rhymes with Pynchon's last name) almost ALMOST makes me want to have another.

A truly harrowing story. But now, it's joy and congratulations. I wish you the first and offer you the second.

10:46 AM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

Holy h*ll! A scary, scary trip indeed...

But what a great ending... you made it and all was well.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Mitzi Green said...

Holy. F'ing. $hit.

now I'M scared. because the first few paragraphs? yeah, we have that conversation on an almost-daily basis. i just said last night, "this child will deliver itself because when it really IS go-time, i'm not going to believe the hype." i have, however, been forbidden from ruining the upholstery in our new kia, so no roadside births for us, either...

11:07 AM  
Blogger Nauntie Lush said...

Thank Goodness everyone is safe and beautiful. What a fabulous birthday gift after all of that preparatory labor. You are one tough lady, and put the "Bad" in BadAss.
I love his name too. Beautiful. Now, go take a nap and a percocet.

11:11 AM  
Blogger zchamu said...

You are a total superhero. I'm sitting here bawling like a baby reading your story.

You all rock.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

You will do anything for a great story! ;) That just sounds so scary and exciting all at once.

I had fourth degree tearing too! Over 50 stitches! I did heal quickly though...but sitting was a challenge for awhile. And eat LOTS AND I MEAN LOTS OF BRAN I'm just saying...

11:36 AM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

You need a new superhero uniform. What a harrowing story, but I am so happy that everything seems to be OK. Perhaps more pain meds for you, tho'. ;)

11:52 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Wow. This could have been you. Seriously, click on the link.

What a birth story. Welcome to the world wee Jasper, you sure know how to make an entrance.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Holy sh*t, I'm sweating just reading about it. I'm a new reader but have been checking your blog obsessively - congrats, superhero!


12:04 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

HOLY CRAP, what a story!

Congrats again. :)

12:56 PM  
Blogger Lisa Russell said...

I had my 2nd baby in the car 11 1/2 years ago. It was amazing. We pulled over because it was raining and our tires weren't doing well- we were supposed to be getting into my MIL's car. Her cord was wrapped twice around her neck and looped around her shoulder- untangling it seemed to take forever. Luckily I didn't tear or anything. Congratulations, Happy birthday and here's my car birth story-

1:22 PM  
Blogger Gabrielle of Design Mom said...

What an amazing story! You are my hero. Congratulations!!!

1:40 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

Congratulations to the entire Bad Family! You are all amazing!

Happy, happy birthdays all around!

Now, go get some sleep!



1:40 PM  
Blogger Bibi said...

This helps me confirm my belief that we can never really plan for birth (it's too unpredictable). So glad to hear that everyone is going to be fine! Sorry to hear about the fright of your life!!

1:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm soooo glad that everyone is ok. You scared the crap out of me and I'm actually trying to get pregnant again...WOW!!


Congrats and best wishes to the Bad Family!!!!

1:51 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

De-lurking here. I'm absolutely in tears reading this. Congratulations! I've been anxiously awaiting your birth story. I'm due next week, have been suffering through a bit of painful false/early labor myself. This is my third, and I'm crossing my fingers for no side of the road drama. And, happy birthday (I think?).

1:52 PM  
Blogger Tania said...

Holy sh*t that's a crazy birth story! What was up with three weeks of false labour and then no time allotted for the real thing??? Crazy!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Listen Up, MoFos! said...

WOW! What could I say that hasn't been said yet? I am so very happy that everything turned out well. He is adorable. Yesterday I looked at pics of my daughter when she was just a day or two old and I wept like a dummy. She's 18 months now and I never imagined life could be this good. Congratulations to you all! And what a brave little sister! She's gonna rock! Now try to get some sleep.

1:57 PM  
Blogger ByJane said...

WOW! WOW! and then WOW! some more. What I find so stunning is not only the birth and the size (man! he's one BIG baby), but that you are writing about it just a few days later. You are not Wonder Baby's Bad Mother, you are Wonder Baby's Wonder Mother.

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow. I'm so glad you're all healthy and okay.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Procrastamom said...

Holy cow! I thought I was going to choke just reading that post...I can't imagine. Thank goodness he's finally here and that the whole family is healthy and happy.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations! That is an amazing birth story and I'm so glad you now have two beautiful children.

And two wonderful names.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Karen Bodkin said...

Holy smokes Catherine! Thank goodness everything worked out but still, OUCH sistah.
You are a hero. Truly, a hero.

3:01 PM  
Blogger twelvekindsofcrazy said...

I. am. terrified. now.
WOW! I have been checking back every day for the story and WHAT a story that was! So glad you and Jasper are safe and healthy! You got me all choked up.
Best Wishes!

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Go you.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Oh my goodness!

Some people do like to make an entrance, don't they?

So glad to hear that everyone is okay. Sounds like a whole family of heroes to me, right down to little Emilia offering you her lovey.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Wow Catherine. Yeah, you rest!

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same weight as Caity!
And almost the same speed too!

My fave part was them asking me to change into a gown while in full on contractions..THAT was funny.

I told you!!!!

4:20 PM  
Blogger Nic (NotPerfect) said...

Now THAT is a birth story! Welcome Jasper!

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's what I'm talking about! You guys rock.


Thank you for sharing this.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

What a story!
Welcome to the world Jasper! I am beyond happy for all of you.

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ho-Lee Crap. Wow. Guess all the "pre" labor did something after all. Rock on, Catherine.

What an amazing picture. Congratulations again.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations to you all! I'm so relieved for you that you had a good ending to a pretty terrifying story. But I must say I'm now pretty panicked because I'm a week away from my second delivery and live 45 minutes from the hospital!!

5:14 PM  
Blogger Lisa Dunick said...

oh my goodness-- what an incredible story- congrats on the new little guy- he's perfect.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said...

Chubby cheeks and a dimple? Just like my little man :)

Congratulations, what a story! Wow. I hope you're recovering well.

5:16 PM  
Blogger Woman in a Window said...

Oh, why do we mom's love love stories like this? Even when they're scary...as long as they end well...congratulations!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Candygirlflies said...

Awesome. Catherine, I'm so proud of you... and the whole Bad Gang.

He's beautiful.

xo CGF

7:12 PM  
Blogger Mom O Matic said...

Oh I've got chills! I'm so thrilled for you all that it ended up being a safe delivery. I hope the fear part settles down for you. But if not you know you always have a story that can top anyone's birthing gossip at the playground.

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Wow. WOW! I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes wondering if you know just how amazing you (and HBF) truly are. Congratulations, again! Now, rest!!

8:21 PM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

Jesus Christ. I think I just now took a breath.

So sweet - E offering you her lovey. Major kudos to HBF for his skill behind the wheel. And you - I don't know how you did it, but if anyone could, it's you.

Jasper, I think this isn't going to be the last time you give your mommy, daddy, and big sis a run for their money.

8:50 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

He looks wonderful, HBM, and for having weathered this only a week ago, you do too.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Adriane said...

Oh wow, Your birth story is wonderful! I just followed the link over from Mom-O-Matic, and I'm not disappointed. You rock!

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big, beautiful baby with a larger-than-life birthday story. I'm so glad you made it in time and that you're both well. CONGRATULATIONS! :o)

10:11 PM  
Blogger Karen MEG said...

Now THAT is an amazing birth story!

Wow, no epidural with a baby over 9 lbs. You are my hero.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Stimey said...

Dear damn God, that is a crazy story. My heart was racing just while reading it. I cannot imagine what it must have been like. You're a superwoman! Congratulations to your whole family!

11:15 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

I am sweating reading this.

And also smiling broadly. You're a survivor, HBM. And your little Taurus son is going to be a toughie just like you.

Blessings. Mwa.

11:17 PM  
Blogger pearmama said...

Awesome. I can relate to the feeling of fear when the baby feels like its about to shoot out of you. My second did that. It was the most primal feeling ever...I sounded like a bear in the forest. I probably looked like one, too. Pretty horrifying. The worst part? Feeling like your ass is being turned inside out and you can't control it at all.

But congrats. It's over. Whew. He's a doll.

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have not had Internet, so I am late to the party.


He is perfect.


1:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats to your whole family, TheirBM! I'm so glad baby was safe and sound. Sorry to hear about your condition. :( Listen to the recouperation advice and follow it!! I was born in the car, in the ER bay, feet first. ER nurse held cord away from my neck during delivery. ER doc cut upholstry on front seat when cutting cord. My parents are still horrified at the memories almost 37 years later. I'm the last child of the family. Can I assume the same for Jasper?

1:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please add me to the cacophony of congratulations. And wow, that is some birth story. Thank heavens it has a happy ending.

Welcome to the world, Jasper! You are well-named! The world is your oyster! Please don't put your mom in an old folks home. She deserves better.

An Irrelevant Irregular Perfect Stranger.

2:17 AM  
Blogger blackbird said...

A warm welcome to your little one -
congrats to the three of you.
I love a good labor story (came in off twitter) and DAMN, that was a good one.

7:30 AM  
Blogger OvaGirl said...

For fucks' sake. Shocked on your behalf. Congratulations. All of you.

8:01 AM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

WOW. Well, now you have something more for the memoir! My mouth was hanging open the entire time I read that post!! I'm SO GLAD everything turned out okay and he's beautiful and congratulations and WOO HOO it's OVER!! And it's JUST BEGUN!! :D

8:10 AM  
Blogger A Mom Two Boys said...


That's about all I can say.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

You are so blessed and lucky. Congratulations!

11:33 AM  
Blogger NH Yocal said...

OMG, a phenomenal story! Yes, someone was most definitely watching out for you. And whew, that was one quick delivery!

1:23 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Now THAT'S a story!

I'm also very impressed how you mangaged to be almost the Baddest Mother Ever by having your baby in the car!

Congrats to you and yours.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

holy mother of god, that is one hell of an experience- you are an effing rockstar, woman, you and the whole bad family are the baddest mofo's going...

next time i hear a "traumatic birth story" that starts with "well i really wanted to use the birthing ball but they said no..." i'll be sure to pass along what a truly hair-raising birth adventure is. you are awesome. now get some rest, lidocaine and one of those innertubes to sit on. yeouch!!

3:22 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...


Now that's what I call a blog-worthy birth tale - a tale for every occasion (including, no doubt, Jasper's wedding reception).

Congratulations, Catherine. So very thrilled for your family.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Wowza! And congratulations!

7:39 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I have tears in my eyes. Congratulations on your new baby!

What a birth story. I'm so sorry for all the pain. You are a champ.

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm sorry for the pain and fear but SO happy for all of you. Congratulations, and welcome Jasper!

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG and congratulations.

8:25 AM  
Blogger admin said...

What a story!
Ouch, what a big baby!
Also congrats on the new baby!

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I'm totally with pnutsmama on this one. Get well soon, lady. You've earned a rest and a speedy recovery.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhhh ... my god.

Am aching that I wasn't around for all of this ... just flew in from Mexico and your's was the first blog I checked for news.

Welcome sweet Jasper. And Congrats Catherine. Love to you all. Can't wait to meet him soon.

11:32 PM  
Blogger Owlhaven said...

Congrats!!! Glad y'all survived.

Mary, mom to many

1:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are one strong, brave woman. I would have shat myself. But there is a very big chance I would have done that regardless.

3:47 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Much MUCH too late, but massive congratulations to you and your gorgeous also rather massive baby J. proper email to come, C xoxoxox

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh catherine thats a story for telling sprout one that he will want to hear again and again.congratulations and wow! you are a superhero.hugs to you LAVANDULA

11:32 AM  
Blogger hschinske said...

I'm so happy everything's okay now and you have your gorgeous little one (and a great story!). Don't worry too much about might-have-beens with the cord -- up to a third of babies have a nuchal cord, it isn't likely it would have been a problem. Precipitous births at term sure can be scary, but they're generally relatively safe -- it's going that fast because (in some sense) everything is going right.

I tend to be very hands-off in my philosophy, but I think this really is one case where an elective induction would have made total sense.

Hope you get breastfeeding sorted soon. These early days can be so crazy. Try to enjoy the "up" parts, and roll with the inevitable "downs".


3:50 PM  
Blogger Fran Loosen said...

My. God. Woman! What an awesome story. I hope you are back on your feet soon. Oh, I am so thinking of you!

9:51 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

You are amazing.

I needed all the help and then some to push out my son who was just a little bit bigger - not much. And I cannot fathom having to do it without those wonderful drugs.

I am so glad you (and he) made it. :)

11:00 PM  
Blogger Lowa said...

WOW! I can only imagine how scary that! Great job, though. Your daughter is adorable. Love all the stuff she was saying:)

My 16 month old son was in the room when his sister was born. I know it was scary for you, but I admit to being jealous that you can go into labour on your own. I was induced with all four of my kids. Just COULD NOT do it on my own, I guess they wanted to stay in there!

Although, your's was a little TOO fast of course. Glad everyone is happy and healthy. Hope you have a smooth recovery and hang in there with the nursing!

2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! What a story! I swear my heart beat's up! (I know, I need to get out more.)
CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of your beautiful boy! Love the name! And tell HBF great job on getting you to the hospital in the nick of time.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations to all and welcome to little Jasper! I also have a Jasper, though he's 8 now, and he was 9lb 7oz with a big head and the cord around his neck, too. Maybe it's something about Jaspers??!?? I feel for you on the 4th degree tear--yes, I had that too, and I tell you it is no fun to recover from. Truly, the gift that keeps on giving.

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactly how terrifying that was for you..I too have a uterus that abruptly decides enough is enough and speed races the baby out in an unheard of amount of time.

I am so sorry..

But congratulations on the baby! It makes it all worth it huh?

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohmygawd. Just, wow. Glad all are OK. Congrats to all. Jasper is adorable!

5:08 PM  
Blogger the mystic said...

Just wow -- and cracking up that it was simply too counterintuitive to pull over and wait for the ambulance -- always better to be proactive. Beautiful baby - gods bless you!

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So glad you are all ok (or healing at least?!) After such a wait who would've thought he'd come so fast and furious!

My birth story, mad dash and immediate deliver played out very similarly except my guy was only 3 pounds (and 12 weeks early!) so I imagine I was spared some of your misery.

That picture of you two is gorgeous. Happy belated b-day to you both.

12:30 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

That is one harrowing birth story! But so glad it has a happy ending, and you both look just wonderful in the picture. Congratulations!

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a story! You're such a a trooper. But your poor undercarriage... Mine was bruised and shredded beyond all reason — I feel your pain. Glad it's all over and now you can concentrate on healing and getting your bearings {{HBM}}

3:51 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Oh my dear GOD, Catherine! I'm so glad this has such a happy ending. That picture of the two of you is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes.


10:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow and congrats. I hope that means he'll be an easy baby!

10:32 PM  
Blogger SM said...

Wow! What a story! I was on the edge of my seat. But his little hand on your chest? Awww....

10:39 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

I just found your blog tonight. I am glad I did. You are amazing. This story is amazing. Your writing is amazing. I am bookmarking this one for sure! Thanks:)

1:48 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I am so late, but BIG CONGRATS! :)

6:27 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

My hair is standing on end. But congratulations and a big welcome to the big guy!

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm in tears. Mine was born 8 minutes after we got to the hospital, too, and you really brought back memories. The joy and the terror at the same time... such a relief you and Jasper are ok. Congratulations!


2:09 AM  
Blogger Rowena said...

So late to the party, but I just found you. My 2nd would have been born on the Williamsburg bridge if I hadn't been waiting for the babysitter. As it was, she arrived before the emts, almost on the toilet.
DH delivered, and tried to tie the umbilical cord with his dirty shoe lace. It gave the midwives a good chuckle, when we finally got to the hospital. (where I delivered the placenta.)

But no massive tearing or cord around the neck, YIKES!

Congratulations to you all. And good luck with the nursing.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Thea said...

My goodness, what a delivery! I just delivered with contractions like you described - back to back, with no reprieve in between - but I was mercifully at the hospital by then.

Glad you guys made it in time! What a beautiful boy.

12:30 PM  

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