Her Bad Mother

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Bank Of VaJayJay

Wonderbaby's relationship with her nether regions is evolving. It is, she will have you know, no longer a hole.

It is now a pocket.

A recent scene at bathtime:

Wonderbaby: (pointing to nether regions) Look I got, Mommy! POCKET!

Mommy: Oh, my goodness. How about that?

Wonderbaby: You need a penny, Mommy? (rummages about around the pocket) HERE YOU GO! (triumphantly brandishes imaginary penny.)

Mommy: Thank you very much. I'll put it in MY pocket (makes dramatic show of putting imaginary penny in PANTS pocket.)

Needless to say, we are now keeping a very close eye on our pocket change. Also, we can no longer say things like 'pocket change' or 'check your pockets for change' with straight faces.

70 Comments:

Blogger Avalon said...

Well, it is a very inventive way of keeping things safe and hidden. Not many people would think to look there for lost items. Unless, of course, you regularly take Wonderbaby to visit penitentiaries!

8:27 AM  
Blogger Arwen said...

Puts the lyric "I've got some change in my pocket going jing a ling a ling" a while new twist.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Ha! I love these moments of discovery. Rosebud wanted to talk all about the hair on Mommy's privates the other day...and all I wanted was a quick shower.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

That is hilarious - you couldn't make up the stuff kids come up with!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Hilarious. At least it was an imaginary penny. ;)

9:28 AM  
Anonymous fidget said...

bwhahahahha! thank goodness for imaginary pennies. At least you know who to ask next time you need toll money

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Wright said...

Oh my. That's a new one. I am soooo not looking forward to this phase of my baby's life. Let know you get her out of this "pocket" phase in case I have to use it later!

9:34 AM  
Blogger Amy U. said...

Keep the debit card away from that bank, eh?

Assertagirl

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Erin - ExpectingExecutive said...

What a story! These kids, I'll tell you, they are better than watching cable. Hugs- EE

9:59 AM  
Blogger Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

OK, if I was cooler and could make some drug smuggling reference that included storing a "dime" of something, I would.

Be careful, my neighbor found her daughter sticking cat food up her vajayjay one day!

10:02 AM  
Blogger zellmer said...

hilarious

10:40 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

You can't say that she doesn't use her imagination.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

A friend of mine has a terrifying story involving her daughter and a crayon. TERRIFYING! CRAYON-RELATED!

10:59 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

OOooh, no more offhanded comments about 'pulled that out of ASS', for example, which is in high-rotation around here as I concoct conference paper proposals from quite flimsy bases ... Note to self: watch out.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

Oh. My.

Some of the funniest stuff happens at bath time, doesn't it?

11:11 AM  
Blogger Cursing Mama said...

Thats a new one for me! And now I'll never be able to say anything about a pocket with a straight face either.

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

Hilarious! My daughter is in the same phase....I can't wait until I no longer have to hear about her "gina" and all is fascinating attributes... What fun!
She is also very facinated with "cleaneses" and at a recent swimming lesson with her father yelled out how he has a bigger "cleanes" than her brother. Dh wanted to hide...

11:35 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

The VaJayJay? A source of revenue? Interesting concept.

11:39 AM  
Anonymous ~JJ! said...

There is so much funny about that...

A pocket.

I love it.

I wonder if it REALLY could be a pocket?

12:18 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

JJ - if it really could be a pocket, so much shit would lost up there... it's much too deep to be really functional. I mean, how many lipsticks would just disappear into one's uterus?

12:19 PM  
Blogger thordora said...

Awesome. :)

12:24 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

dude, that is too damn funny!

and i just caught up on past posts: i am glad your news on the tests were good ones, and congrats on having a boy!!!!

Running on empty

12:26 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

LOL she has a wonderful imagination.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Andy said...

Oh my!! That is terrific.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Ha! This stage cracks me up completely. I'm laughing now more than I have in years. My girl is now fascinated with my breasts, especially with all the 'babies drink milk from their mummies and your new brother will too when he comes' talk. She's determined to get her mouth on there as much as possible. I've let her try, but her ardour is somewhat disconcerting. Can't wait to see what happens when the milk comes in!

1:34 PM  
Blogger Badness Jones said...

That's hilarious!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Hannah said...

My heart was in my throat until I read the word "imaginary". Because you just never know.

1:45 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

LMFAO!! i'm sorry, but that is fucking HILARIOUS. LOL..

2:01 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

I'm going to spend the rest of my day thinking of pocket-related expressions. For now, I suggest reading Dr. Seuss - There's a Wocket in My Pocket!

2:02 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Well, you know, long ago people used to keep their coins in their mouth, but that would get in the way of the talking...

2:10 PM  
Blogger ALI said...

so laughing out loud as i read this! my little guy is going through a big naked phase, as in "will don't take your diaper off" "i want to see pee-pee mommy." today he was showing his pee-pee to his little brother (3 months) and last week i was trying to redress him when he said "something in my bum" you know those craft pom pom balls that you glue to things? yup right there between the cheeks! oh and at our playdate today he informed a dad "everyone has a bum"
good times!

2:13 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Reminds me of Fidget's recent post about her kid saying "pocket rocket." Now there's another thing you might not want to say casually around Wonderbaby. ;)

3:06 PM  
Blogger Bri said...

Delurking to say hi and Bwahahaha!

3:21 PM  
Blogger Grim Reality Girl said...

Okay -- hilarious and TERRIFYING at the same time!!!!!

(Spoken by a mother who years ago had to take her young daughter to the ER because daughter had put a NAIL in her EAR. Picture this discussion: Why honey???? I don't know mom.... it fit when you turned it the right way.... ::::then I pounded my head on the steering wheel::::::

Please have the "we keep things in clothing pockets only" talk.... I'm living in fear for you....

3:41 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Where do they come up with these things????

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

This immediately made me think of the random movie "A Cool, Dry Place." The little boy says, I bet you can't do this and pees on a fence or something. The little girl says, oh yeah, I bet you can't do this...holds up a penny and put it up her dress... HI-larious!

4:29 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Gives new meaning to that Alanis Morrisette song "I've got one hand in my pocket..."

4:47 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

if she starts producing bills, you might want to get that checked.... ;)

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Motherhood Uncensored said...

Ah yes. The personal purse. Nature's handbag.

I know it well.

5:43 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Dude, I know I a kid who once pocketed a whole bag of Skittles - I kid you not. Then my sister babysat that kid and she pocketed my sister's lifesavers. Now that is one sweet pocket.

Oh now I'm dreaming up hot pocket jokes...

7:31 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Damn. I should have titled this post HOT POCKET.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

And, flutter? If she starts dispensing bills I'm going shopping.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Jerri said...

What a riot!

7:56 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

That's hysterical.
A Pocket. Is it awful that I immediately think Pita when I hear pocket?
Yowza. What a gem!

8:45 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Ha! LOVE that!

8:54 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

No WAY! That is really, REALLY HILARIOUS!!!

9:19 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

I am laughing so hard right now, and I really really needed that tonight. Thank you.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous MommyTime said...

PS Can I ask what you teach? If you'd rather not say, that's fine...I'm just curious.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHA!thats so funny...a pocket...cool... .but geez stuff would get lost up there.don't children have marvelous imaginations....LAVANDULA

12:05 AM  
Blogger painted maypole said...

i hope she doesn't put anything IN that pocket

12:22 AM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

Man, I wish my vajayjay made money.

Wait...that sounds bad, doesn't it?

3:44 AM  
Blogger -The Shiny Happy Mama- said...

Hilarious!!!!!!

10:30 AM  
Blogger gabes_mom said...

I don't know what's worse that or my son in the bath tub last night realizing that he can fit is willywonka through the holes in the little foam ABC's and 123's. He prefers the number 8. It's all quite disturbing.

10:54 AM  
Blogger gabes_mom said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Lydia said...

HBM, wait until there's a little penis in the mix. Oh. My. God. My 3 year old loves to tell me when it gets hard, he's so proud. And what do you say? Congratulations?

11:39 AM  
Blogger sweetney said...

i'll never be able to listen to the pretenders song "brass in pocket" the same way again.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Karly said...

Hahaha. Reminds me of the time I asked my daughter where her baby wipes were and she responded "In my 'gina!"

12:46 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

MommyTime: I *used* to teach political philosophy. I may do so again, one day. But for the moment teaching has been set aside in favor of mommying and writing.

1:24 PM  
Blogger the dragonfly said...

Aaahhhh!

The mind of a child...

1:34 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

*SNORT!!!*

4:56 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

HILARIOUS.

My daughter was convinced for a long time that her vagina was her tushy.

Plus, she would constantly tell me that her daddy had a vagina.

But I never heard her mention anything about a pocket.

11:40 PM  
Blogger AnotherMomCreation said...

WOW, that made me laugh.

And I thought it cute when my little one pointed to my vajayjay and said, "mommy, why do you have hair on you bum"

We had a little anatomy lesson after that comment....

1:37 AM  
Blogger Sarcasta-Mom said...

Pocket change. LMAO! The human body is such a fun place to explore.....

12:07 PM  
Blogger Multi-tasking Mommy said...

That is a hilarious story!!!

6:58 PM  
Blogger Dana J. Tuszke said...

Oh goodnes...I'm tipping over with laughter.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Suburban Gorgon said...

Oh, thanks so very much. I had beverage in my mouth when I read this post. Now I have beverage in my nose.

10:32 PM  
Blogger liz said...

Bwahahahahaha!

1:08 AM  
Blogger This Southern Belle said...

Oh my! Just stopping in, and I love your posts! So funny!

9:46 PM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

OMG, I'm dying. That is hilarious. I went back and read the post you linked to and I'm actually crying because Punkin, too, has recently discovered her hole, only she calls it, appropriately enough, her "body."

You should tell Wonderbaby (maybe, maybe not?) that you can actually get a better look at it when you're sitting on the potty. At least that's where Punkin does all of her explorin'!

10:17 PM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

My daughter is not that funny. But as soon as my son is naked she goes for his penis and pulls it HARD. Constantly hearing the words "No penis for you!" out of the bathroom is kind of funny. Hope he keeps this thought when he' becomes a teenager.

AD

5:47 PM  

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