Her Bad Mother

Friday, July 13, 2007

Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Day


WonderBaby's Countdown to Friday the Thirteenth:

1) Sob throughout afternoon at daycare. Sob when Mommy comes to pick you up. Shout NO at daycare lady when she says see you tomorrow.

2) Blow kiss at daycare lady, to take the sting out of the NO. Kiss Mommy, then smack her on the head for having left you at daycare in the first place.

3) Arrive home. Ask for Daddy. Accept cookie in place of Daddy. Throw cookie at Mommy.

4) Ask for ice cream. Refuse ice cream, to f*ck with Mommy's head.

5) Lay on floor and emit extreme heat.

6) Watch Mommy freak out while she calls TeleHealth and tries to find rectal thermometer. RECTAL THERMOMETER. Change mind about ice cream.

7) Attempt to reduce temperature through force of will. Fail. Cry POO! throughout temperature-taking procedure. Accept cherry-flavoured Tylenol drops as compensation for violation of person.

8) Demand to know where Daddy is. Ask to be given bath by Daddy. Ask to be put to bed by Daddy. Refuse comfort from rectal-thermometer-toting-daycare-abandoning-Daddy-withholding Mommy.

9) Rejoice in arrival of Daddy. Fall limply into his arms and communicate telepathically about the torture that Mommy has forced you to endure.

10.) Whimper, to underscore your point.

11.) Permit Daddy to put you to bed. Refuse bedtime kisses from Mommy. Watch impassively as Mommy crumbles to pieces from fear and guilt.

12.) Sleep. Let body cool. Do not stir when Mommy comes in to take temperature with kisses.

13.) Awaken to Friday. Commence crying.

Happy Friday the Thirteenth.

52 Comments:

Blogger Dawn said...

I am hoping that Wonder Mama had a glass of wine after wards.

We all have these days.

Thank the Gods for Tylenol

12:05 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

Sick babies are the terribly not fun. And I've had that sudden clutch of fear and guilt SO many times - like when my daughter spent the afternoon at school WITH A BROKEN ARM.
That was the school's fault. Still felt bad.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Poor baby. Hope she's not STILL crying.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

My 6 month old has the same cold I have right now and it is so not fun. I tried to suck out his nose yesterday and it was like a boxing match, not to mention that I actually got one of those silent screams from the ordeal. How do you explain to a 6 month old that he can't eat if he can't breath through his nose?

I feel your pain.

12:15 PM  
Blogger slouching mom said...

Well.

Hmm.

There's always this: at least it's a wonderful photo of Baby-A-Bit-Lacking-In-Wonder-Temporarily-Of-Course.

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Sue at nobaddays said...

I'm thinking our kids are twins, separated at birth. Same thing going on in our house.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

You are making me rethink this whole toddler adoption thing all over...

I had sort of forgot about the lemon chucking at momma's head.

Aw, screw it. I've become rather adept at dodging things my kids toss at me.

What's one more added to the mix?

12:37 PM  
Anonymous former dyspeptic of middle european stock and still blogless in these blogful times said...

If it's any consolation, I have colleagues in their 40s who do the same thing. You should see them in department meetings, the difference being that they can articulate, so to speak. Petulant? You bet.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Antique Mommy said...

Oh now, throwing cookies at your head is just her way of saying, gee you're swell.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Antique Mommy - that, or her way of saying, gee, your head makes a nice target.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

Do you ever get anywhere with TeleHealth? Every time we call, we're on hold for 30 minutes only to to be told, "If you feel you need to, then please head to your ER." SO unhelpful.
Here's hoping Wonderbaby is feeling better very soon!

1:05 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Karen: that was exactly why I hung up after ten minutes. Cuz we done been there. Called Women's College instead - they were more helpful.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Baby in Broad said...

If you had to have something thrown at your head...at least it was a cookie? OK, not helping.

1:11 PM  
Blogger MotherBumper said...

I just commenced crying (for you).

1:13 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

All the heaping of affection on Daddy, with reproachful looks flung at Mommy now and then - sounds wa-a-ay too familiar.

I hope the day improves as it wears on (and on...and on...)

1:32 PM  
Blogger mcewen said...

As we ALL know, this is one of the many fringe benefits of motherhood. Somehow, it makes the option of a cell/cube in an air conditioned office seem all the more attractive.
Best wishes and hopes for a speedy recovery.

1:39 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Poor mama! How's she feeling now? Temp down? I HATE sick babies. They are so pathetic and scary. If they just had a flashing sign on their forehead that said "do not freak out, just a cold" or "take me to the e.r. NOW" then life would be so much easier.

2:02 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Misterpie got called to pick up Pumpkinpie from daycare yesterday too, as she was just kind of... limp. Not herself. Seemed okay this morning though, jumping back and forth over her floor puzzle.

2:03 PM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

Telehealth always makes me feel/worry that there is something much more wrong with the Boy than there actually is. I balk at calling them every time.

If it makes you feel better, the Boy spend about 85% of his time with me saying "I want my daddy", or "Where my daddy is?"

The best (BEST) investment we ever made was the digital ear thermometer. Can't say enough good things about it.

Hope WB is feeling better today!

2:10 PM  
Blogger kgirl said...

you know, i have never been able to bring myself to use a rectal thermometer, and it's not like any of the others would work real well on a small child, so i have NEVER actually taken my kid's temperature (at least, at all accurately).

And don't worry; I hear that Friday the 13ths are the exclusive domains of the mamas.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

Poor WonderBaby and poor, poor you. *Hands wine through puter. It may help.*

I hope she's back to her crazy self soon. A mommy lovin phase too.

2:33 PM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

It's Friday the 13th!

Thanks you so much for pointing that out. Seriously. I was just reflecting that it's been a long time since I've had such a bad morning with Bub (mainly). Now it all becomes clear.

2:59 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

Ahhh the 13th cometh. I felt so bad for the POO!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Ooooohhhhh...

Yes, I know those feelings. And if only she had been awake in the middle of the night the day before to know how much you were longing for and missing her....

The torture of parenthood is that, having discovered at last how our parents felt, we are now raising children who won't know this themselves for 30 years.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Dana J. Tuszke said...

I hate when the toddler asks for his Daddy. It's like he's purposely trying to hurt me. The little punk.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

I have been going through the same thing with my older two. The only difference is they treat Daddy like the ice cream: "Want Daddy!" Here's Daddy. "No Daddy! Go 'way, Daddy!"

I figure as long as their heads don't actually spin around while they're vommiting, we'll make it through.

3:49 PM  
Blogger WI Mommy said...

How do they get so good at the guilt trip thing at such a young age???

3:53 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Rosebud has an ear infection, she is the flower girl in a large wedding tomorrow, she barely napped today. I understand, I really do.

4:04 PM  
Blogger ~JJ! said...

Hmmm. sounds like fun!

Hope she's feeling better...

4:33 PM  
Anonymous former dyspeptic of middle european stock and still blogless in these blogful times said...

It's curious yet incredibly frustrating how children don't want to be consoled by one parent and favour the other -- petulance comes with fever. You have the patience of Job. I hope that she gets better soon!

4:45 PM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

Children are funny little things sometimes. I never quite understand why I sometimes suddenly become 'evil Mommy' and he only wants Daddy at the end of the day, even when it's been a really good day!

I hope she's feeling better -- and you, too.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Awwww. Poor WB! And poor you, too. Hope she is feeling better soon.

5:33 PM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

Oh -- and I just read this entire post to my husband. And his response(besides laughing) was to say ' See. It's not just you who's being tortured by their toddler! Don't you feel better?'

5:33 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Ohhhh...she's SICK!

Mine acts like that on a regular day. ;)

Hope the sickies depart swiftly. Otherwise, in my non-medical advice, medicate medicate medicate. :)

5:46 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Oh no... I hate it when my kids are sick.... te control freak in me has a real problem with not being immediately able to DO SOMETHING to fix it!

8:40 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Hey, at least she had the excuse that she's sick. My kids throw things at me and would rather have Daddy every day. It's a wonderful life I lead.

8:50 PM  
Blogger Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I'm at the bottom of my son's totem pole everyday. Kills me.

Hope you had a drink or 7 after your bad day. Hope Wonder baby is now on the mend...along with your heart.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Sandra said...

Oh poor sweet thing.

You and her.

Hang in there my friend.

5:05 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Poor Mommy. Those days are very rough.

I hope your Saturday the Fourteenth will be better.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Well...as long as her head didn't spin completely around on her neck I'm guessing she'll be okay soon. The Tylenol kicking in was a good sign because I'm pretty sure it doesn't work on demon possession. Poor Mommy! Poor Wonderbaby!

10:37 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

poor baby! poor you!

hope the baby gets better very soon. . .

10:47 AM  
Blogger Animal said...

Having read your last two blogs in reverse-order, I really appreciated the difference of Wednesday's sweetness contrasted with Friday's outrage.

;-)

Hope she's feeling better.

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Oh, without a doubt, Mommy is always the Complaints Department.

5:04 PM  
Blogger jen said...

raising a glass to the future, our future, of twos and threes.

5:21 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

That would explain those calls to Canada on our phone bill. Sorry, Cordy must have been sharing her best mommy-guilt inducing tips with WB.

7:37 PM  
Blogger The Blithe Babbler said...

Ooh, I've had those days. We seemed to have escaped the curse of the Friday 13th and had quite a lovely day, but the evening of the 12th? Torture.

Hope your weekend has been better, and WB is back to her usual wonder-self.

9:13 AM  
Blogger NoMommy said...

Isn't it amazing how quickly they go from sweet and cuddly Wednesday to who are you and where is the parent I REALLY want Friday. I guess it is just a small reassurance to know that it sounds like everyone gets it from time to time. Hope she's feeling better.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous QofS said...

I know this baby. I've met this baby. This baby lives in MY house too.

Clone baby. Evil cloning baby.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

late to this, but still giggling. with great sympathy for poor, rejected, lemon mommy.

apparently Wonderbaby passed her entire condition - misery and love of Daddy - on to our house for the weekend. :)

please thank her.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

They just know how to stick a dagger in your heart, don't they? Rest assured, you will be her 'one and only' soon enough.

2:30 PM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

sending you all my best wishes -- and a good bottle of Vodka -- for a speedy recovery.

1:51 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Youch! Not a good day! My son has taken to his daddy lately too. I love that he's excited to see him, but my gosh, does he have to cry when his daddy tries to hand him back to me?

10:54 AM  

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