Her Bad Mother

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Language Of Ice Cream

Ever have those days when you really, really want to write something - purge your clogged brain, sweep out the dustier corners of your soul, open the windows on your heart and let some fresh air in - but you just can't? One of those days where your fingers feel like dead weights as you trail them across the keyboard in a vain effort to bring your thoughts - which seem to stick together and cling to the sides of your brain like so much cerebral peanut butter - out into the open where you might unstick them, get them moving again? Ever have one of those days? I'm having one today.

I think that it's a hangover from weeks (months, depending upon how you look at it) of fretting and fussing over things beyond my control. Now that the sources of most of my more pressing anxieties seem to have been eliminated - Jasper is, if you didn't see the update to the last post, fine - I'm at a loss. I'm happy, but exhausted, and wary of giving in too fully to happiness (a wariness that is tiring in itself), because, you know, you never know when the gods are going to smack you down again and so I'm kinda caught between happiness and this wariness which is a kind of creeping anxiety and that kind of tug-of-war leaves you feeling stuck, locked in place, legs braced against movement lest you topple over and land face-first in the mud. So even though my brain is clogged with thoughts and my heart crammed with feeling and it would feel so good to throw open the windows and let the air and light in and the dust and shadows out, it just feels impossible right now because I'm locked in a bit of an emotional stalemate with myself.

So, no more words today. Just ice cream.


Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Call the roller of big cigars
The muscular one, and bid him whip in kitchen cups concupsicent curds.

Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.
--Wallace Stevens

It's a bit morbid, but I always think of it when I'm having ice cream.

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or is Wonderbaby looking more like a Big Girl since becoming His Bad Sister?

She's so adorable.

2:07 PM  
Blogger pacalaga said...

That girl is serious about her ice cream. (Also, my reader didn't pick up the ETA from last post. I'm so happy for your family that all is well.)

2:31 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

I know exactly that feeling of being scared to be happy.

So glad to hear that all is well. So, so glad.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

I have been waiting for this post with baited breath.

So happy that we can both finally exhale...

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, that picture is too cute.

I know what you mean about the feeling of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We went through some very stressful years and it took me a VERY long time to get to the point where I could enjoy myself a bit without worrying my happiness was tempting fate to smack me down again. It's still not always easy. That anxiety sucks. Hang in there.

2:51 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Ice cream is good.

Fine results are better. I never hesitate to let out that breath, because you need times when you are not in turmoil, you know? I think it might be time. And I'm very happy for that.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a firm believer that icecream can cure almost anything that ails your soul. How could you not be happy looking at the gorgeous faces of those beautiful children. Enjoy it all because you SO TOTALLY DESERVE IT after all you've been through. Smile, take a deep breath/sniff of that icecream, and let it be a cooling balm for your soul because you are awesome in your badness and life is a little more peaceful now that some of the worry has abated...

4:00 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I love the look on her face! It is simply priceless.
Ice cream day for everyone!!

4:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I had something smart to say, but all I can think about is how cute Wonderbaby is in that picture!

4:51 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

She is adorable. Now I am going to go get me some ice cream.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the same feeling after a healthy birth. Happiness, tempered by suspicion that cosmic forces are going to whack me with a big shovel and destroy.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Tania said...

I've been checking your blog every hour or so since your last post. I'm going to feel happy for you, even if you can't feel it yourself yet.

5:36 PM  
Blogger Michelle Roebuck said...

I don't suppose she'd be willing to share that ice cream, would she? Who'd win the pity battle, pregger me or cutey pie Big Sis?

I'm just sayin'... It sure looks tasty!

Oh, and if this eloquence is your version of being locked in an "emotional stalement", can I have some of whatever you're eating? (Oh no, there's another food reference!)

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ice cream is all you need!!

9:20 PM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

Her hand on her hip - awesome.

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sent my husband directly to the freezer for some chocolate ice cream.......and to think I've been losing weight since my thyroid was diagnosed as non-working...imagine how much I might lose if I didn't eat Ice Cream every night and drink 12 soda's a day?

9:53 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

when I was 14 I worked at a Baskin and Robbins at Wellesley and Bloor. Business was slow.

and I got fired for eating too much of the stock.

To this day, Ice cream solves many of my ills. As does that picture of wondergirl.

10:04 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

i'm always scared as crap to be too happy. and i can't get out a decent post these days to save my life despite the fact that i NEED to write the words don't come

10:31 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

I'm in shouting distance of menopause, but that picture of wonderbaby made me ovulate. She is so dang CUTE!!!!

11:51 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

and Chocolate. Keeps us sane!

2:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

awww what a cute pic of wonderbaby.mmm ice cream and glad that everythings fine with sprout.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Suburban Gorgon said...

Oh, she looks far too pleased with herself, hand on hip, ice cream in hand, all's right with the world.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

sometimes you just need ice cream. and that's all.


1:48 PM  
Blogger jenB said...

awww, so lovely.

3:27 PM  
Blogger SM said...

great picture - wish I could write like that when my thoughts were sticking like cerebral peanut butter.

8:42 PM  

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