Her Bad Mother

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Updated below.

If you had been following me for the last 24 hours - which, you know, you might have been, who knows? - this is what you would have seen and heard:

April 1, 12:35pm: Had you been at the Starbucks where I hunkered down to get some work done in between prenatal appointments, you would have heard me curse at my computer repeatedly - and, I fear, loudly - as I tried to deal with what seemed like all variety of Internet headf*ckage while my decaf Americano went cold and colder.

1:35pm: Had you been at that same Starbucks an hour later, you would have heard me try to negotiate - publicly - a should-be-very-f*cking-private telephone conversation with my psychiatrist's nurse, sicced on me by my doctor's temporary substitute on the basis of comments I had made that morning about recurring anxiety attacks - about whether I mightn't be careening toward PPD again and whether I needn't come in the very next day - which, no, am getting on airplane - and if not whether I mightn't tell her - while trying to deal with aforementioned Internet headf*ckage in a VERY PUBLIC SPACE - about the precise character of my anxiety attacks and whether I might be having quote-unquote intrusive thoughts. (Answer: yes, VERY intrusive thoughts about impatient psychiatric nurses who won't take 'no 'for an answer.)

6:55pm: Had you then followed me to a speaking event that I was participating in, you would have heard me struggle, haltingly, to get through my remarks on the politics of mommyblogging while suffering from extreme heartburn. You would have heard, too, one of the participants telling me that nobody would mind if I belched, for relief. You would have then heard me laugh out loud and say something to the effect that if I could belch or get some relief from any other expression of bodily gasses, I would just do it, and I wouldn't ask their permission, either, so there.

8:05pm: If you had not had enough of me after that, you would have seen me rush out of the building to get catch - miss, actually - the cab that I'd pre-ordered to get me to the train station to get me home to relief HBF from childcare so that he could go to the airport to pick my mother, who flew out to take care of Wonderbaby while HBF works and I fly off to the paradise that is New Jersey.

8:06pm: Then you would have seen me flag another cab and ask - a little too shrilly - that he get me to the train station in fifteen minutes or less.

8:22pm: Then you would have seen me arrive at the train station with about 60 seconds to spare.

8:22pm, plus fifteen seconds: Then you would have seen me bolt from the cab and promptly crash my 33-week pregnant self to the pavement.

8:22pm, plus eighteen seconds: Then you would have heard me whimper.

8:23pm: Then you would have seen me drag my limping, bleeding down the steps to the ticket counter and up the steps to the train platform and hoist myself - limping, bleeding and, oh yeah, with badly torn pants - onto the train at the very last split-second and deposit myself inelegantly alongside a row of suits, who proceeded to ignore me entirely.

8:26pm: Then you would have heard me call my husband and inform him, breathlessly and no doubt alarmingly, that I had taken a fall and was bleeding but oh, hai, don't worry, I MADE THE TRAIN and oh yeah I'm going to call the hospital to make sure that, you know, I haven't maybe put the pregnancy in danger. You would have also seen the suits continue to energetically ignore me.

8:27pm: Then you would seen my freak out a little, quietly.

8:28pm: Then you would have heard me call the hospital and say things like no my belly didn't hit the concrete yes I'm bleeding no I haven't washed the wounds why? because I'm on a train yes I fell trying to catch the train yes I know that's stupid WHAT OF IT?

8:38pm: Then you would have heard me hang up that call and take a much more pleasant call from a very lovely person and you would have heard my voice go from breathy and distressed to high-pitched Valley Girl (OMGhiwhereareyouhowareyouseeyoutomorrowomg?!) in less than ten seconds.

8:38pm: You would also have seen the men in suits continue to ignore me.

9:05pm - 2:12am: If you were still hanging around by the time the train got to my stop, you would have seen me limp off, bedraggled and still bleeding, to be greeted by my very alarmed and very tense husband and proceed home, where I would try to pack and talk to doctors and try not to panic, all at the same time, because, goddammit, I was getting on that plane in the morning no matter what and then finally go to bed at two in a dither but confident that I was fine and could get on said plane in the morning and full steam ahead!

April 2, 7:03am: Then you would have seen me wake up in the morning to a phone call alerting me to the fact that my flight had been cancelled.

7:05am: Then you wouldn't have needed to be anywhere near me to hear my screams.

I'm now at the airport - bruised and scratched and stressed but with a very active fetus in my belly and a confirmed seat on another flight. I fear that the events of the last 24 hours have amply demonstrated that the gods do not want me to go to New Jersey or New York and that they may have more thunderbolts to hurl at me, but I am determined that they just go suck it.

I'll let you know if I arrive, in one piece. Or at all.

(Fingers crossed for me, please.)

UPDATE: You did not cross enough fingers. It got worse. WAY worse. I made it to my destination - finally - but only just. Too mind-smashed tired to provide narrative, but trust me. WORSE.

(Am fine. Just exhausted. SO EXHAUSTED.)

(Okay, that thing about not enough fingers being crossed? Unfair. Unfair because the gods clearly have it in for me and no amount of finger-crossing can sway them.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap! This is why I like staying in Ajax and never going downtown...I'm convinced something traumatic always happens to me when I go into the city(and my daily trauma includes the horrific entity that is the Go train on my way to work each day). All the best

12:14 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Here's to one piece, and arriving safely!

12:28 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Ack! I didn't know you were going to be speaking right near my house! I so would have been there to cheer you on!

But about the fall - I fell down my front steps, after slipping on ice and LITERALLY going airborne when I was about five months pregnant with Pumpkinpie and landed full on my back, which hurt so badly I had to phone Misterpie who was upstairs to come and help me up. And it was toatally fine - my doctor said as long as it's not a direct blow tot he belly, there is a lot of protection, and the shock is well absorbed by the water and the muscle of the uterus, so I am betting you will be okay, if a little sore for a few days. Take care, though, and maybe a nice tub soak when you arrive!

12:33 PM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Holy shit. Bad karma will descend on the train-suits. Arseholes.

Hope the remainder of your trip is safer.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Jeeeeeesus what a day that sounds like.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Holy crap, now THAT is a bad day...

Sending all sorts of good vibes your way, and hoping very much that karma bites the suits in their oh so well-dressed collective ass.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Sass said...

A big stack of good vibes should be reaching you ... just about... NOW.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Sass said...

A big stack of good vibes should be reaching you ... just about... NOW.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Sass said...

A big stack of good vibes should be reaching you ... just about... NOW.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Sass said...

A big stack of good vibes should be reaching you ... just about... NOW.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Here's to arriving in one piece... I do hope you're OK ... baby and all.

1:34 PM  
Blogger ChicMama! said...

Tough day! Glad you made it in one piece.

The Mother Outlaws organization sounds interesting. Is there by chance someone I can talk to about similar groups in Chicago?

1:38 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Happy travel karma coming your way from me! You certainly deserve it.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I hope the next 24 go waaay better.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Fingers crossed for you. You deserve a few days of bliss after that one!

1:55 PM  
Blogger Cara said...

Have a safe trip, hoping you and the baby make it all in one piece.

2:15 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

You need a massage.

2:27 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Oh my god, C. I have EVERYTHING crossed.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Avalon said...

Yikes! I love a girl who's determined to travel!

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my word.


3:44 PM  
Blogger Mitzi Green said...

days like that make me wish, really wish, fetal alcohol syndrome wasn't anything to get worked up over...

3:52 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

Wow. What a day! Glad to hear you're okay. Frakin' suits.

5:50 PM  
Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said...

Gulp. Sounds like quite a bad day. Here's hoping you have a very trouble-free trip away, then.

6:10 PM  
Blogger Crazed Nitwit said...

Holy crap girl, when you go to a bad day you really go! I am so sorry about all the head fu88ing from the weird internet people. Nobody ever messes with my head....maybe cuz I be invisible. LOL. I hope you had a very calm flight, evening etc. Peaceful, healthy, calming vibes coming your way from the NW.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wow, what a post...
I picked a heck of a day for my random visit. I pray that things get better for you.

Very nice blog you have here.

9:29 PM  
Blogger Karen Bodkin said...

Oh honey. Watching ninjapoodles photo stream and heard you were delayed. Are you there safely yet?

11:12 PM  
Blogger Karen MEG said...

Ahhhh, please make it all in one piece.
I cannot believe that not one person helped you, suit or no. Pathetic!

11:27 PM  
Blogger Shannon Nelson said...

Is it bad to be laughing and feeling sad for you at the same time? ;)

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope this potential mis-adventure turns into an amazing trip!!

11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck! I'm sorry about you terrible day!

11:56 PM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

I think maybe that was the nurse's treatment plan for you: completely stress you out and send more stress so that the panic attacks seem minimized?

In any event, I hope that you are safe and sound at this point and having a warm drink and a bath.

12:24 AM  
Blogger moplans said...

whoa. That was better than 24. You could totally take down the terrorists.

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gee catherine what a lousy day.hope the rest of your trip and return are much safer and more pleasantLAVANDULA

10:58 AM  
Blogger zchamu said...

Oh my god. I had sympathy tears in my eyes reading this and I'm not even pregnant.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Oh my - that is the a pretty insane day! I hope it starts getting better - soon!

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Lord, are you and bebe' OK ?????

2:49 PM  
Blogger Woman in a Window said...

OK - Who are you and why are you doing this to yourself? UM, YEA, I'm new. I guess I'll do the archive thing to find out why you've a touch of madness...take a minute...have a drink...oh, you can't do that...uh, eat...

3:46 PM  
Blogger caramama said...

Oh, that WAS you. j/k I didn't really follow you around.

Sorry for the sucky time you are having. But just tell us that you are alright and the fetus is okay.

And tell that nurse that that is not the appropriate way to deal with someone having anxiety. Duh.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Blog said...

Oh my gosh -- I can't believe you fell like that (and all the other stuff). I'm glad you're okay. Things can only go up from here, right? (fingers crossed?!)

9:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Seems that the heartburn at the Mother Outlaw talk was the least of your problems (I was there to witness it.) What a harrowing 24. Glad you made it ok, and that it was parlayed into a great blog entry.
As for that heartburn: A tablespoon of vinegar. When I was pregnant, I woke up every night at 2 am, terrible heartburn. I'd knock back a shot of vinegar, burp,and the heartburn was gone. It does not taste as bad a s heartburn feels. Take care!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Minnesota Matron said...

Oh honey! Reminds me of the time I was walking with Scarlett and fell -- dropping my baby and planting myself on the hard pavement. I'm glad the indoor creature's alive and kicking! Enjoy the speaking event.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you sure you're not latin?:-)) This kind of "Adventures" happen to Foxy Wife often...


6:06 PM  

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