Her Bad Mother

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


It all got to be a bit much - the interminable flu/allergy plague, the busted pipes, the lack of hot water, the broken appliances, the absentee father/spouse - and so WonderBaby and PL and I got the hell out of Dodge.

Now we're here:

Quite literally:

That's the view from our hotel room window in The! Honeymoon! Capital! Of! The! World!

Which is not exactly the place that you want to be when you're a miserable, flu-ridden, effectual single mom, except for the fact that it has a) hot showers, b) room service, c) the Husband (who, although pre-occupied with mundane things like making sure that they can get the helicopter to hover over the exact right place over the falls at the exact right moment at dusk and capture it on film, is nonetheless available in the middle of night for me to bitch at about how much snot there is in my head), and d) did I mention hot showers? And room service? All of which makes it easier to overlook the fact that Niagara Falls is one of the most obscenely touristy places on earth and that I cannot for the life of me find a shop that sells diapers anywhere.

And because the last week and a half has been so challenging, tonight I will feel no guilt whatsoever curling up - after WonderBaby is abed and a hot bath has been enjoyed - in a nice cushy bed that has been 'specially turned down for me and turning on the television and tuning in to something mindless while I eat lobster ordered from room service. We'll call it my belated birthday, and it will be good.

Then, perhaps, tomorrow, I will have the strength to follow the directions that I discovered this morning while looking for diapers and a Starbucks (not in that order). Because apparently this is the land of my people. Or, one of them, anyway:

C'mon, 'fess up: which one of you is this?


Blogger Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

It is so not me. I would confess if it was. I wish it was.

It is so not.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Perky said...

Oh, well..... I didn't want to brag, but.... you got me!!! It's me! Yep! I'm the MILF in question!

That's too too funny!!!! Great catch! Have fun at the falls!

2:58 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Good catch!!!!! LOL If you go to fuelmyblog.com or something like that (you may have to Google it) they are having a contest for funny signs - you just need to write a caption. You can win plane tickets to LA...you should enter this!

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish it was me....Have fun at the falls...if only you were coming to the city!!!

3:15 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

That is the greatest sign. Enjoy your belated birthday. Room service and clean sheets everyday when you're sick sounds like the way to go.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish! We took a side trip to Niagara Falls after a family wedding in Erie PA. Breathtaking views, but too effing many people loitering around - one afternoon was plenty of time spent there.

Enjoy the showers and the kvetching.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too smart to be me. Sorry.

I wanna go to Niagara I love it there!!

I'm jealous!

3:35 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Get him to take you to Niagara-on-the-lake when the work is done!

3:36 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Ooh! Love the view. And the room service. I'm addicted to room service.

Enjoy & relax!

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh that sign just cracks my ass up! Get better soon! I hope the pipes get fixed quickly, too!

3:43 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Sorry, there's no way it's me.

Love the view, though! And it all sounds so relaxing, sick or not! If anything, maybe it'll help you feel not quite so sick to enjoy all of that luxury.

I wish my husband got sent to beautiful places like that for work.

3:46 PM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Too. Funny. Anyway, don't stand too close to the edge.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Too hilarious!

And you wouldn't think the view of the Falls could be improved upon, but I think the silhouette of WonderBaby's precious head is the perfect accent.

4:00 PM  
Blogger Motherhood Uncensored said...

AHA. I've been foiled.

That's totally my secret crime fantasy. Vandalism for laughs on my blog.


4:56 PM  
Blogger S said...

Ahh. Hotels are da bomb, baby. Feel better.

6:38 PM  
Blogger Amy Jo said...

Brilliant...take care, and feel better!

6:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

if that sign was pointing in the general direction of Western NY, it could be my sister, who is staying with my mother - or it could be my mother, vandalism is more her style than Heather's really.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Now we know why everyone loves marineland ...


7:46 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Mimi: L.O.L.

7:50 PM  
Blogger moplans said...

At first I thought you were on honeymoon with wonderbaby.
Good call on the hotel and HBFather on call.
No idea on the MILF. keep us posted.

7:54 PM  
Blogger meno said...

My god! That view. I haven't been there since i was a child. Are you going to ride on The Maid of the Mist? Or do they still do that?

8:43 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

Just hop inside this barrel and I'll push you toward the MILF, OK?

9:00 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I WISH I had done that. So simple and yet so, so, so grand!

9:38 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

I went to Niagara Falls on my grade eight school trip and that was it. It would be, I imagine, an odd place to visit with babies. It's not really set UP for them, no matter how many MILFs they want to attract. I hope you guys have fun.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH how I miss Niagara.... it was a yearly trip for many years... then I moved to the US, and my biggest excitement was flying over it, while my terrified-of-flying husband begged me to get.away.from.that.window.now!!!1!! so the plane didn't fall on its side out of the sky from the curious onlookers who were trying to catch an aerial glimpse. *sigh*

10:19 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

You took my suggestion! Good for you. There was a Starbucks in the lobby of the hotel we stayed at last year. It was the Embassy Suites I think.

Hey what I would not do for hot water.

The Marineland sign is priceless and I can tell you I swear it was not like that when we drove by at March Break.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

that sign points all the way to PEI babee...!

erm, or elsewhere. it might be someone else. possibly. my sign might be more tasteful.

glad you're enjoying the mod cons of hot showers and the garish wonders of Niagara. love the Wonder Baby Overlooks Falls shot.

10:28 PM  
Blogger Alex Elliot said...

Sorry you're not feeling well! Room service is wonderful thing. I have never been to Niagara Falls. It's on my list of places to go.

10:55 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

That looks GORGEOUS.

1:35 AM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

1 Milf.


Sadly, not me.

And I've never been to Niagara Falls. It looks stunning. Someday, perhaps....

2:01 AM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Good call. Ah, room service.

And cute baby and HBF nearby!

4:03 AM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I hate Niagara Falls. It's way too touristy. But, the room service and the Starbucks. Totally my thing.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

If anything is gonna make you feel better, it's room service. Hotels rock.

Marineland's pretty cool too, although I've never seen a MILF there. Saw a whale, though.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

Ooo! I'm jealous. I liked Niagara (the Ca side, not US so much), but it's true that all the mundane things like drugstores and groceries are not in the touristy areas. I've found most hotels have emergency diaper supplies when needed, however.
I WISH the sign meant me. . . .

10:41 AM  
Blogger Maddy said...

There's a lot of it about - my advice = trust no-one!

11:24 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Yes, Marineland. That would be me... I'm feeling rather dophin-y today. (And a bit milfy too, in my really very nice jeans that make me look tall!)

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd say the sign was pointing to me, but as I sit here in my sweats and mickey mouse sweat shirt, I don't think I could sell that to anyone.

Hope you are feeling better...

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, I'M the MILF.

Sigh. Took a lot to admit that, you know.

3:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never been, thanks for the gorgeous pictures! Good for you with the room service and good luck with the starbucks!

3:16 PM  
Blogger The Estrogen Files said...

(giggle, snicker, snort) You said MILF! Glad you got yourself a get away. Enjoy and get over the sickies!

8:27 PM  
Blogger 11111111 said...

Ah, the Falls. I use to ride my bike there when I was a kid.
Go see the lovely gardens, the floral clock, the wax museums, etc. There's a Starbucks at the base of the Skylon Tower, and there's one at the casino.

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a new visitor, but I want a hotel room...now, please. You gotta feel better with room service.

12:01 AM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

yo bizatch....its totally me!

12:10 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

MILF! *heehee*....I wish it were me, but alas, no such luck *sigh*
Anyway, first of all, Happy Belated Birthday! I am glad to see you escaped the misery and found a place of solace and room service.
I hope you are feeling better soon, too. until then, enjoy the view!

6:29 AM  
Blogger Grim Reality Girl said...

I'm not yet a MILF.... hope to be one in the future.... not there YET! Enjoy the falls. Would love to visit there again someday.... settling for living through you, so live big!

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did you even have to ask? it's obviously me :)

2:39 PM  
Blogger sweatpantsmom said...

God, am I out of it or what? I just had to look MILF up on UrbanDictionary.com.

I have to agree - Starbucks before diapers. Priorities!

3:36 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

You truly made me laugh out loud for the first time today with that sign!

Enjoy the falls -- haven't been there since 84.....

6:03 PM  
Blogger Believer in Balance said...

That Marineland sign is too funny! I have to admit my memories of Niagara Falls include going to this skanky strip club for a bachelorette party (both times this same friend got married!) called Mints where the women stripped upstairs and the men downstairs. And in Canada, they take it all off and make it move! Not a pretty sight.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How hilarious. We were just there Mother's Day weekend. The husbando "surprised" me with a few nights in the Falls (mind you we live in St. Catharines!), but fun was had by all. The kids enjoyed the room service, i adored the clean towels and the bottle of wine I brought along. Heee.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw, I used to be a Film Industry Widow myself...it's nice to go see them huh, even if you don't really see them except when they're asleep because nothing can get in the way of the schedule on the call-sheet (!!)

And what is the point of Her Bad Father having room service if he can't share it with his lovely snotty wife?! Hope the Lobster rocked. Love this post (and pics!) x

9:03 AM  
Blogger Jenni said...

In my opinion it's not a great vacation unless room service is involved!
Great photos by the way. Those views are amazing!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

My two oldest were born in Buffalo in the '50's so I was able to get to both sides of the Falls once in a while.

It was a tourist trap even then although I liked the Canadian side better. I think there was an amusement park close by where I first learned about chips with malt vinegar.

Love the sign but I do wonder how many people other than bloggers know what the letters stand for.

11:33 AM  
Blogger moosh in indy. said...

Jeesh, the town I'm currently staying in doesn't even phathom milfs. Total gag fest, but it makes me feel better about myself.
Maybe a trip over the falls in a bucket will knock the phlegm loose.

4:24 PM  
Blogger ioio said...

Ah the Niagra of all falls.

Visited here two summers ago with the dog and the huz...turns out dog hates the end-of-the-night glo-show and fireworks.

The mist.
Frankly, I can't stop myself from thinking about that man rolling over in a wooden barrel, not about love and sex.

11:39 AM  

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