Her Bad Mother

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Mêtêr Politikon - Part II

This is Part II of a two-part (read, breathtakingly pedantic) post. If you haven't already, you can catch up on Part I here.

I will prepare a Father's Day breakfast for Bad Husband while you catch up on your reading.

All caught up? Good. Now that you have been hypnotized by my proficiency in Greek and my food styling talents, I will reveal to you that this post is very, very long. If you're short on time or bored already, you may skip ahead to the conclusion: (Blog) Party Politics According to HBM.

So, as I was saying...

There has been much talk recently about how political the blogosphere can be, and so how like high school it can feel here. But in my humble opinion - and this is only opinion, so feel free to disagree - our corner of blogosphere is not political, where politics is understood to refer to the pursuit of power, influence or status. (Again, see yesterday's post for the background to this argument.)

And it is not like high school.

I don't know what your high school was like, but social life at all of the high schools I attended (we relocated frequently) was defined by tribal politics. The population at each school was divided according to tribal allegiance - usually determined according to such nebulous criteria as whether collars were worn up or down - and the boundaries of these allegiances were rarely if ever crossed. As a perpetual new girl, I was frequently in the position of total outsider: no understanding of the social history of the tribes in any given school, no understanding of the nuances that distinguished members of one tribe from another (jock from prep, art geek from book geek, stoner from rocker), no idea whether collars were supposed to be up or down. So I usually hung on the outside for quite a while, until an art geek or drama geek or book geek or goth chick noticed me cross-legged in front of my locker at lunchtime wearing a Sex Pistols t-shirt (Never Mind the Bollocks!) or The Cure's concert tee and reading The Bell Jar.

I was never admitted to a high-caste tribe until my last two years of high school, when my family moved from Vancouver to Ottawa and I enrolled in a high school that organized its student council according to grade averages. That is, the student government (with the exception of Head Boy and Head Girl) was appointed by the School Powers and the criteria for appointment was good grades (a confused effort, I think, to produce a high school version of the Just City described by Socrates in the Republic. Philosopher-Weenies Rule!) Suddenly, I was in.

And it was political. We all jostled for the plum positions on Council and griped and gossiped and undermined each other. We looked down our noses at students who weren't 'university-stream' and so outside the circle of influence. I was still an art/drama/book geek, but now I was one with power: I insisted that the kids in black get the same concessions for their activities as football players and cheerleaders got for theirs and I won my arguments by disparaging the latter. I thumbed my nose at cliques that I thought were not cool - um, football and cheerleading - and refused, with my friends, to consort with those lesser beings or go to their parties.

I was a cow. I was Tracy Flick in artfully arranged vintage clothing and a serious I'm-too-smart-and-hip-for-you attitude problem. The sort of monster that could only be created by an industrial accident resulting in the personality fusion of a female Duckie Dale and the Shannen Doherty character from Heathers. Which is to say, I became political in the worst way. I had been on the outside for so long that when I got in, I became a tyrant. (Some of my drama buddies called me DBH. Drama Bitch from Hell. I loved it.) I was secretly thrilled at being able to exclude people. And I felt completely morally justified in doing so, because I was excluding members of the tribes that had long excluded me and my kind.

(Having indulged my big pretentious self yesterday by citing Aristotle in transliterated Greek - tho' I did remove the Greek characters because that was just freaky and hard to look at - I will refrain from rambling into a digression on Nietzsche and ressentiment here. You're welcome.)

My point is this: I've been on both sides of the quote-unquote politics of high school. I have been subjected to such politics, and I have subjected others to such politics. I've seen how viewing everything through the lens of politics, how insisting that everything is political, begets - you guessed it - politics. And I've seen how it can get uglier and uglier. I've been part of keeping things ugly. I get it. I know it. I don't like it.

And the blogosphere - or at least, our corner of it - is not it. Not on my watch, anyway.

We might end up in all variety of social clusters here, but those cluster are not tribes. In my experience, no one excludes anyone else because they aren't wearing their collar properly or lacking the requisite scrunchy. I've never seen - and if you read Mrs. Chicky's recent post, you'll see that I'm not alone in this - a mama or dad blogger get nasty about another blogger, and I've never seen gossip or back-biting. (I'm excluding blogtards here.) I've seen some discussions get uncomfortably spirited, but I wouldn't - for the most part - characterize those controversies as political in a social sense. Even when those discussions get uncomfortable, I would still say that they are political in the classical sense (again, see my last post for the background here) of demonstrating the human need for discursive connection and exchange. And there is, always, in those cases, a host of voices calling for everybody to calm the fuck down and speak to each other nicely.

Yes, we cluster. But again, not tribally. Our clusters are fluid, dynamic. They're the clusters that form in really big, really good parties. Parties where there's a fascinating mix of people who are meeting for the first time but who know right away that pretty much everyone in the room is fascinating. This corner of the blogosphere, it's like a big ole salon-cum-symposium-cum-agora-cum-playgroup. Large clusters form around some people more than others, but people still keep moving. There's much conversation, and some dancing. Some people wander off in small groups to smoke illegal substances in the bathroom and giggle at urinals. But everybody ends up making the rounds in some way or another. Even the really popular folks. Everybody mills about, telling their stories, and listening to other stories.

Yes, we check out each others' dance cards (blogrolls). We're flattered and pleased when we get on dance cards. We look to see (check our sitemeter) who is listening when we tell our stories. We check the group that has gathered around us and notice whether or not the person whose story we were listening to and commenting upon the other day is among the listeners. We wonder if they'll turn up and say something (comment) about our story. We look at everybody gathered 'round and wait for a response. We hurt a little bit if nobody comes to listen, or if a small crowd gathers 'round but stares at us blankly.

Periodically someone starts a party game (meme) - a round of I Never, anyone? - to shake things up a little. We're secretly thrilled when someone asks us to join in. A lot of efforts are made to make everyone feel welcome. Some of us suggest topics for discussion and invite everyone in. Or we do rounds of introductions, of a sort. We applaud each other. A lot.

We form friendships. We develop crushes. We get excited when someone new walks in the room and tells a story that makes us laugh or cry or remember. We thrill when one of the more popular party-goers listens to and comments on one of our stories, or - be still our beating hearts! - mentions us in one of their stories. We get angry when some jealous tard crashes the party and throws plastic cups (snarks) at our friends. We cry when someone who we've come to know - or even, sometimes, someone that we hadn't noticed before, or someone who is protecting themselves behind a party mask - suffers. Or disappears into the night.

We offer support. Lots of it.

We ((((hug)))).

We get close.

The thing about this grown-up party: it's a party full of people that we like - a lot - or will like or could like or maybe would like if they stopped swearing so much (someone said this of me in a comment to one of the Mommy Blogger Love-In Posts.) We have the most important things in common. We love our children. We love to write. We are smart and funny. We love our children. And so a strange intimacy develops. We share more with each other than many do in their real life friendships. We make meaning together. For better or for worse, we're close.

And so we're able to hurt each other. Not in the sticks-and-stones way, or the high-school-politics way, but in the way that friends and would-be friends and intimate strangers do. Accidentally. By forgetting or overlooking or neglecting. It stings a little when someone you like stops coming 'round. It's uncomfortable to turn up at a party and not be noticed. It sucks to tell a story, start a conversation, and get no response.

That stuff feels bad. But it's not politics. It's the natural discomfort that comes from being in community, from interaction and discourse and friendship. Community is great, but it's not going to make us feel great all of the time. That's life.

And this is probably true to an even greater extent in this community - this life, it's the writer's life. We're all here because we're (yes) writers. We want to be heard. We want audience. If we didn't we'd just be keeping personal journals. So, for us, it stings a little more bitterly to not be heard. We entered this community of writer-parents to find community as parents and as writers. And although being in community is, as I said in Part I, all about discourse, this is nowhere so true as it is in a writing community. We are making our meanings here as writers and as parents and that, for us, requires speaking and listening and being heard.

So, yeah, it sucks when we're not getting as much of that as we might like. But that's life. That's the writer's life.

So? Suck it up. Turn it around. Do something about it.

Yeah. Suck it.

So, herewith: (Blog) Party Politics According to HBM (or, How We Rock It In Her Bad Hizzouse.) Feel free to adopt these principles as your own.

1) Everyone's invited. Except blogtards. If you're a meanie and you know it, stay away.

2) Introduce yourself. If this your first time to this blog, say so. Make sure that there's a link back to your blog so that I can come over and say hello.

3) Try to not be hurt or offended if I don't come over right away. This is a pretty busy party and there are a lot of discussions going on and stories being told and I have short attention span. And, I'm packing a baby. A squirmy baby. Approach me again, remind me that you're out there. (And, don't automatically assume that I've forgotten you. I read, like, ten thousand blogs. I can't always comment. And sometimes I forget where and when I've commented. I get disoriented easily at parties. Be patient.)

4) Be social. Let everyone know that you're here. Join in on party games and celebrations and support circles and the like. And don't be shy about proclaiming your stories. Let's banish the term 'link-whoring' right now. Or rather, let's embrace it and be unashamed blog hussies and hustlers. Got a story that you want me to hear? Let me know. E-mail me, leave a comment, say it loudly - COME READ THIS. Ask me to link to something that you've written and I'll do it, happily (aforementioned restrictions on meanness apply here).

5) Don't get too caught up in how many comments you're getting. We all love getting feedback - it's one of the things that keeps us writing in this forum. But whether you get 5 or 10 or 20 or 100 comments on your posts, appreciate the feedback that you do get. And remember that comment numbers aren't necessarily commensurate with writing talent or how loved you are. Girl's Gone Child only gets a fraction of the number of comments that Dooce gets, but she - Rebecca - is a phenomenal writer (one of the very best, on-line or off) and a brilliant humorist and is much, much loved.

6) Try to take blogrolls with a grain of salt. They're often not fully representative of a blogger's actual activity at the pary. I, for example, am disgracefully lazy about my blogroll and rarely update it. So my new policy is this: blogroll is going to go on a separate page. And, like Izzy and others, I'm making it a voluntary, self-inclusive blogroll. Wanna be on it? Let me know and I'll put you there.

7) Take a time-out if you need it; partying hearty can be draining. Step outside for some air. We'll still be here when you get back. But if you step outside for a long while, let us know when you're back.

8) Enjoy the party. And if you're not enjoying it, give some careful consideration to possible reasons why. If you realize that you want a quieter corner, make that happen. If you'd like to be more involved, attract more people to your stories, just do it. But if you're frustrated about not being the centre of attention, reconsider your reasons for being here. We'd all love for our writing to bring us attention, requests for ads, paying gigs, and the like (I'll be honest - I certainly would. Mothering doesn't pay well. But I curse like a sailor and am incapable of writing succinctly so it's probably a very long shot.) But if that's the primary reason that you're here, you'll probably end up frustrated and disappointed. Blog because you love blogging, because you love writing, because you love writing about your children, because you love community with other writers who love their children. Write about what you want to write about, tell the stories that you want to tell, and enjoy this great community while you do it.

Enjoy it. Through good times and bad. Embrace the crazy politics that is making meaning and becoming human through community.

And remember that high school is in the past.


Now bringing the party live! Any Toronto mamas out here who want to start getting together from time to time? Daytime, evening, weekend? Park with babbies? Bar without babbies? Both? Sunshine Scribe's recent post about how tardish some real-life moms can be got me thinking that it really is INSANE that we subject ourselves to boring playgroups or hostile competimommies when we know that there are lovely, literate, funny ladies lurking out there.

Leave a comment or send me an e-mail with your preferences and I'll organize something and announce it on the blog...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really like this post..I like the clusters analogy...

if I could I would add everyone to my blogroll but there's no room on the page.

This blogging thing is new to me since I've only been doing it a year and a half..before that I never knew what a blog was!

4:27 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

I'm relatively new to blogging but these principles seem sound to me.

Thank god high school is in the past.

I'm a TO mama who would be interested in getting together. I'd prefer to gather sans babes (I'm incapable of carrying on a decent conversation while trying to chase Cakes).

4:54 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

Great post, as always!

I'd love to be a TO mom, but I think my hubs would be confused when he came home to discover we are not here.

So, if you are ever in AB, say Calgary or Edmonton (I like to drive) give me a shout. Because Wonderbaby and Nixon need to get started on that blogosphere domination plan we hatched...

5:01 PM  
Blogger L. said...

I`m in San Francisco, goddammnit, so no playdates possible. And anyway, my kids are probably too old.

I also try to keep my blogroll as inclusive as possible. But I haven`t updated it in so long that it`s getting a bit cobwebby in there...

By the way, about ads, anyone who wants them can sign up for Google ads -- you don`t have to be "tapped." I understand why many people don`t want ads on their sites, but I personally think it is a great thing to facilitate the transfer of as many pennies as possible from Google`s bank account to my own.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

I've been here before so just saying hi.

My blog roll is just about everyone who visits. It's becoming a little unmanageable but it's alphabetical so I'll probably continue just because I like it that way.

I'd love to join the party but my husband and kids might miss me.

However, if you ever visit Yosemite, you'll probably drive right through Merced, CA. Lunch? Tea?


5:48 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Yes. Exactly, yes.

Excellence, as always.

I've been thinking about my own blogroll and its current cobwebby status. I wasn't sure if I wanted to completely nix it or make it way more inclusive. All or nothing, you know? I think I'm going toward the "all," b/c the "nothing" would be pretty yuck.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. I may come back and comment on the rest of this post, but in case I forget to come back, i wanted to at least say count me in on some toronto mommy get toghether. I live in Richmond Hill, but it's close enough for me to hop on the subway down.

7:23 PM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

Another Amen.

And that breakfast? Inspired.

I read so much more than is on my blogroll. I don't have them all on there because I think I'm reaching critical mass as far as real estate on my front page. I think I need a linking page.

Anywho. HEY! I was away so I never congratulated you for Mother of the Week at CHMB. Well done you! You SO deserved it.

And that was before the greek stuff. ;-)

7:24 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Oh, shoot! Did I not congratulate you on MOTW either?! I can't remember. If I didn't I am supremely sorry. If I did, then congrats again.

You've summed up all my feelings on blogging. And so succinctly I might add. :) Seriously, this was wonderful and well worth the time taken to read it. I particularly enjoyed the dance card comparison. You've always got a waltz saved on my card. Or would you prefer a tango?

8:10 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love this post and I love the new look!! Argyle rocks!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Ah, well, you know. If I were anywhere near Toronto I would utterly lurrrrve to meetcha, but I am in Orygun, and my kids are about 200 years older than yours. *sigh*
BUT! If ever you find yourself in Portland, allow me to say that I would gladly buy you a big ol' cocktail of your choosing.
AND! Amen to your post. I've been on both sides of that high school divide, and it sucks to be on either side. And the parenting blogscape is nothing. NOTHING like that. We are all the cool kids here.
(I just re-watched The Breakfast Club for the umpty-umpth time and I can say that with complete honesty.)

8:27 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

You always blow me out of the water HBM. The clarity of your arguement makes me rethink how this blogsphere is working. Maybe too many years in toxicity has made me question others. I've just got to relax and turn off the paranoia.

Also I'd like to note that I read WAY more then I have linked on my roll and I can't seem to keep up with my updates. So I am going to make time this week to make my updates.

And I like your new look. I know you won't believe this but I was admiring that exact template over at Blog Makeover Diva. I think it looks great but it would have been so embarrassing to show up at the same party with the SAME DRESS!!!!! AHHHH!!! they would have put on the US Weekly who wears it best pages and frankly I would cry. OK now I'm being silly.

Thanks again for another great post and a huge and deserved congrats on the MOTW

8:29 PM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I love what you had to say - all of it. I disagree with some parts and agree with others. But, I do think you're right about the politics/ popularity issues here.
I'm a new blogger, don't get tons of visitors or comments, but love it because for once I have a voice that someone is listening to.
The one thing I like about blogging is how kind everyone is to each other. I had a hard time "fitting in" in the mommy world. I just felt less than perfect in the perfect mommy world everyone seemed to project.
Here it doesn't matter how old I am, how rich I am or whether I am still wearing my maternity clothes.
I think that politics can be everywhere - blogs, work, school. But, what I have learned is that you can choose not to partake in the popularity game. (Maybe I am confusing politics/popularity, but I was horrible at sociology)
I think that's what you are doing - rising above it and encouraging everyone to join you.
So, good work. And, great great reading. Not only do I love your mothering points of view but I always feel just a little bit smarter after reading your writing.

8:32 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

HBM - yes, I think of this mama-blogging corner as more of a neighbourhood, with overlapping circles of friends, some neighbours you never really got to know or who weren't really your type, so maybe you don't go to their house, but you can certainly have mutual friends. And just like a real neighbourhood, we all bring over cookies and hugs if someone has a rough time. I love it.

And yes yes TO mamas! I was thinking of trying to set something up for a couple of weeks from now. I have the 29th- July 3rd off, and I know Scarbiedoll has Fridays off, so I thought maybe the 30th. I'll send people your way from my place, shall I, and let you coordinate? Or would it be better for me to just throw out the 30th as a separate issue, and if they become the same, so much the better? Anyhow, my email's nykittenpie@yahoo.com - let me know what I can do to help make it happen! (I do normally work evenings on Wed and Fri and work every other Sat, but otherwise I'm pretty standard hours - oh yeah, and I have Thurs off. Odd, I know.)

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful post. I've found that if you visit others, leave comments when you feel motivated, you learn about people, and they do the same.

And I teach high school, so I still see those cliques. Goes for some of the teachers, too!

I'm in Toronto, and would love to have a get together. I'm always looking for cool moms to hang out with! I'm in midtown, if that means anything. I'll be on summer vacation in 2 weeks, and maternity leave after that!

9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So honest and so down to earth. Thank you. I'm honored to be partying with such amazing women.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First-time visitor here and I just finished your super long post and was lol the whole time. Didn't know I'd be partyin' like it was 1999! Thanks for bein' real and really funny!

p.s. hope you don't mind but i might just have to use your word "competimommies".

10:50 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I started to write a comment, but it got embarrassingly long. I decided maybe to just write about it at my own place. (Long is ok, but there were not baby pictures in the comment.) Instead I say - your post was really interesting. I definitely agree that this is political in the interactional sense, think you are probably right about the high school stuff.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

HBM - I've been reading for a few weeks, de-lurking now. You've got great, thought provoking posts, but I'll admit I first bookmarked your site because I think that WonderBaby is extraordinarily cute!

I've been blogging for several months, seen a firestorm or two pass through the blogosphere, and wondered a bit where I fit in. Then I decided that it didn't matter, and I'd just keep reading fun sites that keep me thinking.

1:31 AM  
Blogger The City Gal said...

I am a bigtime blogger (formerly sky).I am not a mom, but can I also be invited to your get-together? Please?

7:24 AM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I'm not really delurking, I've been around here a lot lately. I just found you a week or two (or maybe three) ago. I have you (and your basement) on my bloglines account. I forget sometimes that it isn't the same as a blogroll, that not everone knows that I read them all of the time.

I may be giving my blogroll it's own page soon too.

7:47 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

I decided to read your words instead of showering today. Whoops!

As always, you are so insightful. You string those thoughts together like a fine web. I love that you've included your own manual of blog rules. It should be emailed out by Blogger to everyone who starts a new blog.

I'm thrilled with butterflies at the prospect of meeting all the fine Toronto writers.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

And this. This is why I love HBM. Thanks for this great post.

And you KNOW I am in for the TO blogger get together. Whenever. Wherever :)

8:53 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Credit for 'competimommies' goes to Mom-101. (It *is* a great word!)

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I really like how you stated this. I fully agree for the most part!

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great, great, great post!

9:51 AM  
Blogger Miguelita said...

Love you, love the basement, ditto, ditto, ditto.

I too have succumbed to bloglines and havent updated my blogroll in ages. I find the best blogs via the comments section and sometimes I just forget to add them in. So much to learn, so much to laugh at and so much to enjoy out there in Mama Land.

Anyone in the Philly area?

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell. It's green around here. And damnit. I love it.

Now, seriously, we're all adults (or close to it), so surely we can all abide by rules.

You are quite the Den Mother of Mommy Bloggers. And I love it.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

I use Bloglines to keep up with posts and the blogroll to introduce visitors to each other (as well as a short introduction in the next post).

12:31 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I love where you've gone with this. After part one, i was a bit skeptical, and I still don't agree 100%, but you've explained your position so well. Love your writing.

And damn, I wish I was closer to Toronto.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In all seriousness, this was one of the best op-ed pieces about the parenting blogosphere that I've read. Loved the party and clusters analogy. I also love the way your mind works. Keep up the great writing, HBM. I'm loving it.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Namito said...

Great insights. While I haven't been around the bloggerhood long enough to have seen much of what you spoke of, after I read though the linkage (and mentally added some new sites to my blogroll) I understood.

I'm not quite delurking, as I've posted before (Paula here). But I do have to thank you for all your great work, and all the inspiration.

Impling is imploding. Must go.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn good principles here. It was well worth the read. Thanks for sharing and for being a part of the great blog community that I am a part of. I'm working on enjoying the party a bit more these days. :-)

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So insightful, so thought-provoking, so full of bloggy love, and so green.

I love it.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Tearfree said...

Ok, well here goes, I am about to land myself in deepest blogtardopia. But this post was to blogging what Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time was to publishing. Everyone's raving about it and buying it and putting it out on their coffee tables, but actually reading it? I don't think so.

Plus ca change...

8:36 PM  
Blogger shade said...

Ok, no more lurking *grin*, I admit I have read off and on and not posted a comment, horrible I know. (Mostly cause I cant spell worth a darn and this thing dosn't have spell check *blush*.) I enjoy your blog alot!! Great post.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I had the best reponse. Last night at 8:42 when blogger went down. I even referenced More mythology...

9:07 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Dawn! You tease! More mythology! Am gasping with excitement!

You must must must say more...

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for all this tasty food for thought and of course, the linkage. You may inspire me to revive the old blogroll after all :)

11:43 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Succinct posts are overrated. I read and savored every word here. I need to bookmark this page and remember to email it to friends every time they ask me, what's all that blogging stuff about anyway?

You do us all proud, hbm. Glad to be a guest at the party.

11:44 PM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:46 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

I like rule 5. I feel we have a real tight interesting group of commenters, I trust. I love that I trust them all unreservedly.

12:48 AM  
Blogger Debbie said...

OH, but you're delightful.

p.s. I really can't shake the feeling that our brains were separated at birth.

despite the evidence that yours is ridiculously large in comparison to mine - I just. can't. shake it.

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok- I am back.

I love that you reference the wikipedia.

I had never heard the term link whoring but laughed when I read it because- um- I totally do that.

Number 6 where you talk about blogrolls- I subscribe to an embarrassing number of blogs and definitely they are not ALL listed on my blogroll.

I like the reciprocal blogrolls.

7:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I just went back and read some of the comments-

Tearfree, did YOU read the whole thing? I bet you did. Also, are you back at HBM's site right now reading MY comment? I bet you are. Because you desperately want attention.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Tearfree said...

No, I didn't read the whole thing nor did I read A Brief History of Time. And yes I do want attention for my blog. As HBM says if you don't want readers, start a personal journal.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

Very interesting read. I too loved the whole "dance card" analogy.

When you look at as many blogs (and blogrolls) as I do you really do see those friendship circles.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Izzy - I've followed your Blogger Chick lead (it's up) AND am keeping the blogroll, but on a different page AND making the blogroll a sign-yourself-up! kinda thing.

You and Nancy inspired me on this...

10:39 AM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

Hey-I love the new look! And great post. Great rules. Great pic of the babe. Sigh. I love you guys.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Gabriella said...

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now but never really commented, I think a get together would be great!
BTW how do you find the time to create such wonderfully worded entries, they're amazing to read!!!!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I totally agree. I hate Drama, and Drama Queens. Don't people have enough of that in thier regular lives? Why drum up MORE?!

Anyway, good post!

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As one of the bloggers who wrote a few words about feeling left out, I have to tell you that you really changed the way I feel about this. Thank you for writing it (and if Wonderbaby says to suck it- that's what I'll do.. so so so cute!)

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BTW- please tell me that you made that breakfast, if you did- you totally rock!~

3:02 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

What about non-mom bloggers from the GTA (I'm in the 'shwa)? Are we kosher to join in or is a moms-only thing?

3:41 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

And, if I were trying harder NOT to be a moron I'd give you my email in case it's not a mom bloggers only event: lifeintheshwa@hotmail.com.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

That's a hell of a manifesto! Brava! AND thanks for the link! I'd love to be the type of hostess who responds to all my comments and does a good job of linking to everybody (and including everyone).. but at the end of the day, if someone/ thing's gonna get ignored- it'll be my blog and not my family (that's MY manifesto). I WILL link to this piece because it resonates with me.
love your site!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Tearfree said...

One final question -- what are those two scoops of butter-like substance in the waffle photo? I just know they can't be butter and it looks like fruit on top, so I'm guessing some kind of compote. and didn't this bother anyone else. Or am I all alone again?

10:15 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Great post and I think you said everything that needed to be said. I wrote about this once before and I'm glad the topic is still up for discussion.

10:17 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Amy (Binkytown) - I did indeedy make that breakfast and take that picture. Yessir. And, Tearfree, those are poached egges underneath sundried tomato pesto.

Heather - anyone can join in. Come on down.

11:03 PM  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

Wow. I've missed a lot. I've been so super busy,

anyway, when I first started blogging, I did kind of feel it was a bit like going to high school...not about the mean people, but more like, "It is kind of cliquey"

But then I realized, that's silly. Because the people I enjoy reading, I'll read...

It's a blog! And, also, I feel guilty when I can't always respond. It is hard to keep up! But that's the good thing about mommy bloggers - everyone (well, mostly) are mothers. They completely understand if you go AWOL for a few days...it mostly has everything to do with being exhausted because your child has been naughty! Or you are busy with the children.

Great post, once again!

Also, I'm so way over high school...

12:07 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Here here! I've always found mommy bloggers to be supportive of each other. You are probably one of the MOST supportive of all. The hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is finding the time to visit and comment on all the blogs I'd like to read....

Btw, your basement, which I haven't had enough time to really visit yet, is a wonderful resource for bloggers. Thanks for that.

1:24 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I love this post. Very well said. I just found you through Kara, but I'll be back.

2:01 PM  

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