Her Bad Mother

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Balls To The Wall

Rule #637 for women who blog who want to be taken seriously - that is, to not be referred to as 'narcissistic brainless lactating cows' - is, apparently, this: do not have mental breakdown and threaten to quit blogging or take vacation from blogging or enter blogging rehab somewhere in Arizona or whatever.* Presumably because if you don't have the balls to keep blogging when you're feeling mentally and/or emotionally whipped, it just goes to prove that you don't have balls, period.

I'm not quitting blogging. I may not have balls - not the real, hairy, dangly kind, anyway - but I am attached to this here enterprise and have no intention of letting it go. I may, however, need to take a vacation. I'm just so tired. Caring for baby and toddler (is she a pre-schooler now? I can't keep track) while endeavoring to stay sane is draining all of my energies, and writing, while still necessary, is getting harder each day. That, and I have something big, something life-changing, that I need to write about, but I need my strength and my wits to do so, and those are well-depleted right now. I need to shore up my reserves. I need to feel strong. I need a rest.

I haven't decided whether or how I'll finesse that vacation. Maybe I don't actually need one. Maybe I'll just wake up feeling better and stronger tomorrow and it will all be unnecessary. Maybe the meds will kick in. Just know that if you turn up here one of these days and the smiling words that greet you are not my own, it's because I'm happily napping somewhere, blissfully unconcerned about my balls, or lack thereof.


HBF has a message for all of you who left sexy birthday messages and saucy virtual trinkets for him: he's into you, if that's what you're into.

*actual statement from actual troll-like creature writing from underneath the bridge. I refuse to link to him. He'll eat your goats. Please to avoid.


53 Comments:

Blogger Mandy said...

Um... what the heck is going on out there with all these weird people making nasty comments about others. Seriously, do they have NOTHING better to do with their time?

Yeesh.

Looking forward to hearing your news when you have the time and energy to blog about it.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Have a good rest. People talk as if lactating is *easy*. It ain't, folks, even if it wasn't among a zillion other things we're doing.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

I already knew I loved you..but to link my most favorite band ever...Oh, hbm and hbf you are my bad mother and father soul mates! Love love love you guys and heart FOTC! Yay! You rock harder than ever! Please, rest and come back to us stronger than ever!

1:14 AM  
Blogger Lara said...

i know you have about a bajillion awesome people to ask, but if you'd appreciate a guest post, i'd love to write one for you. just know that you can ask if you need to. :)

in the meantime, i'll be sending restful thoughts your way and eagerly awaiting your next post... whenever that may be.

1:50 AM  
Blogger ScientistMother said...

Tell all asshats to fuck off. Being a mom is hard full stop. Balls will not help you to be a mom, let along a breast feeding mom. You need breasts. Strong lactating energy sucking life giving breasts. Being a mom AND anything else is a constant battle with fatigue, anguish, guilt, balance, energy, frustrations, joy, pain, relief.
As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading you. I would rather have you well. We all need vacations. Take one. If you want a feminist take on science graduate work, I'm your gal. You have a blogosphere full of bloggy friends who will be honored to guest post for you. We will miss you and we look forward to your news when you return. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

1:59 AM  
Anonymous Karen (miscmum) said...

Catch 22, isn't it? We're 'bad' for blogging (for the aforementioned reasons you gave) and then when we need a break it's the old, "Oh, can't hack it, eh?"

I say? Screw 'em.

Have a nice rest. Feel better. xxx

3:10 AM  
Blogger Amelia Sprout said...

I know I'm not the only one, but even if you take a break, guest posters or not, I come back when you start writing again. And I won't once think it is because you couldn't hack it.

6:50 AM  
Blogger ALI said...

good! rest, take time for you, come back when you are ready.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Vicki said...

I hope you have a wonderful vacation and get plenty of rest. Eat some chocolate. Have wonderful muffins in the mornings, great soups from lunch, and a nice big juicy steak (or salad if you're so inclined) for dinner. And drink plenty of whatever makes you happy, be it wine or chocolate milk or a fruit smoothie. Good luck with getting yourself some rest!!

8:14 AM  
Blogger TZT said...

My best, most replenishing vacations from writing generally involve reading something good. Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy your regeneration time.

P.S. Trolls are always inordinately concerned with balls.

8:30 AM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

I am a firm, firm believer that every blogger *should* take a break once n' a while. Speaking from personal experience, it's quite refreshing.

So - take the time you need. We'll be here when you get back.

8:32 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I don't hold grudges for those who take bloggy breaks, and I'm always still here ready to read and comment.

My first 2 kids were only 2 years apart. It was exhausting. The third one is still exhausting but slightly easier since my other 2 are older.

Rest if you need to, and blog if you need to.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous MrsWaltz said...

That poor pitiful excuse for a human being and writer-- I *dare* him to try to eat my goats. They'd devour him. You know, since they were breastfed by my narcissistic, brilliant, lactating self.
--Goat Mama

9:22 AM  
Blogger CMP said...

a haiku for you, hbm:

no one is perfect
sink into the girl THEY need
until you feel strong

9:25 AM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

It is REALLY hard to find the time and energy to write when you have a preschooler and a new baby. If you feel you need a break, take it. Sleep is good. Yes?

9:38 AM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

Have a great break. :)

10:05 AM  
OpenID lilmomthatcould.com said...

Everyone needs a Va-Kay- Enjoy yours.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous lavandula said...

we will all understand if you need to take a break HBM.and we will be here when you get back.breastfeeding requires so much energy.as do baby and pre-schooler/toddler.so rest rejuvenate,relax.focus some energy on yourself.sending you a big hug.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

HBF: If it's cool with you I'd let you get naked too.

10:41 AM  
Blogger The Queen of Hyperbole said...

This time three years ago, I was swimming in your sea. Home all day with a fussy baby and a resentful toddler, I was exhausted, beaten and drained. I could barely speak a coherent sentence, let alone write essays of the brillance that you post here and elsewhere. And the fact that your churn out such good writing almost daily is nothing short of amazing. Congratulations on finding the words, through thick and thin. And enjoy your much-needed rest.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Meryl said...

I really don't understand the nasty commenting, and I think it shows better than anything who might have a problem with narcissism.

After all, if you don't like a blog you're reading you can just, um, stop reading.

Hang in there!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Kimblahg said...

How 'bout you and two dudes?
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Bein' lewd with two dudes with food
Well that's if Stu's into it too?

now that's ballsy.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

Have a great break and we'll be right here when you get back.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Rest well, Cath.

12:14 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Loves ya, my friend.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Domestic Extraordinaire said...

dealing with two little kiddos is a lot of work. You rest up and we will see you when you are nice and refreshed! HUGS!!

12:56 PM  
Blogger Mamalooper said...

Take it easy and rest up and the "ether" will still be here when you get back.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

Listen, rest is for losers. Drugs are for winners! The post that come from our darkest times are some of the very best (or at least the most comment producing - which in the blog world seems to be the same thing). Bottom line, if I can write under a fucking horrendous deadline, with twins who still don't sleep through the fucking night then you, my friend, just don't have your priorities straight! Get over to your computer and take care of business, woman. there are people depending on you.

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Veronica @Toddled Dredge said...

Everybody needs a break sometimes. Rest and restore yourself. Add me to the long line of people happy to guest post for you anytime.

I confess I did read the post from the troll-like creature the other day. I spent the rest of the day giggling over the claim in his comments that mommies like us really prefer to have the babies of "real men" like him than the respectful, considerate (and therefore emasculated) husbands we have chosen for ourselves. Firm grasp on reality, that one.

2:16 PM  
OpenID fairytalesandmargaritas said...

If you DO decide to enter bloggy rehab in Arizona, I'll kidnap you and let you stay at my house!

2:45 PM  
Blogger Vered said...

I'm VERY glad you didn't link to him.

You should do whatever it takes to get yourself into a better place. If the blog helps, great. If not, then a short break might be just what you need.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that there are so many assholes out there . . . perhaps jealous because we have the power to birth the next generation both with and without balls!

4:08 PM  
Blogger smiles4u said...

My heart is with you on this. I understand tiredness...exhaustion...sometimes you just gotta stop for awhile and take some time for you. I must say though that even in your down times, your posts have been so deep, honest and real that they touch my soul deeply...maybe because I am where your at right now....and it does suck.

4:14 PM  
Blogger PAGEY said...

Oh don't Quit!! Not after i just discovered this place of refuge from the single life i lead. I dream of becoming a mother myself one day!!

5:19 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

You know what? It's your damn blog, and your life, and yuor sanity. You do what you need to do. Trolls be damned.

Meanwhile, I hope your big life-changing news is GOOD life-changing news. Take care of yourself, lady.

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Rebekah said...

Your faithful readers will be here when you get back - we think you're awesome.

Maybe a little Business Time would help...does HBF have Business Socks?

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Carmen said...

I must admit I'm a bit sad to think about you not having new posts for a while as your writing has been so good lately. I guess that sounds like exhaustion is the key to successful blogging! But you have put to "paper", or screen I guess, so many emotions, and maybe actual places I remember being not so long ago. My 2nd daughter was born just 18 mos. after the first, and the new baby was colicky and not sleeping well. My oldest was not ready for the division of attention. Life was getting through the next hour, nursing the baby, watching the clock...I've never been able to describe some of the feelings, but in your stories here, I've found myself thinking, "yeah, I remember being there." And I've wanted to check back and see each day where you are and how you're doing. Thank you so much for sharing a small piece of yourself here.
For me, things are better. It happened gradually. And in time you will be less tired, more in control, more at peace. Each day, more. So you are doing just the right thing to take a break. I'll miss your writing which has such heart.
I'm thinking your page will be like those little shops that hang a sign in the window: "Will Return" when they step out for a walk or lunch or respite. Take good care and I'm looking forward to reading about where you've been when you open shop again.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Anissa Mayhew said...

***Hoping you don't get this a bajillion times, blogger's being a PITA!

Rest, recoup and have a great time getting close and snuggly with the the wee ones.

By the time you get back we will have found your troll and roasted his much-detested balls into troll smores.

But we won't eat them, because that's a little gross. Actually, it's a LOT gross, but it's the sentiment that counts, no?

9:31 PM  
Blogger TLC said...

You know what? You are better than that! Take a break for YOU if you want to, but don't let some VOX STULTUS (Fool, I have a daughter who studies Latin) push you into it.

Don't feed the trolls, clearly he is a hate-filled obnoxiouso. The fact that he can spew such vitriole and claims to be a Christian is unconscionable.

We need Backpacking Dad and the League of Justice, dammit!

T.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

TLC - if I was being influenced by the trolls, I'd be reluctant to take a break (break-taking proving their point, as it were, that girls can't take the heat). But I don't give a fuck what the troll thinks, so I'm taking my break. SOON.

10:28 PM  
Blogger The Joys of My Boys said...

Where are these blogging balls rules listed? I missed that memo. Must be posted above the urinals.

Instead of making a relevant point about blogging, his words only reveal his own insecurities. Seems he fears women who blog will reveal that his small life is truly insignificant.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hbm,
your posts are so honest and wonderfully accurate, and we all love reading them! But, 2 small creatures is just such a giant task, and their well-being and yours in more important right now. So, have a wonderful rest and see you when you get back. And please, if it is possible, can you get some more help at home, with the children,house, etc. So sorry I'm too far away to help you!

2:48 AM  
Blogger Irene said...

Even though I've only just discovered you, I say, take that break and get some rest and don't worry about what some people will say about it. They don't count. I'll check back here regularly to see if you are here again. Take your time, though. I am patient.

4:54 AM  
Blogger The Mrs. said...

Get some rest. I hope you feel better soon.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Elaine said...

Finally delurking...I missed all the birthday hoopla, but better late than never, right? For HBF: Acupuncture: a jab well done.

For you, thank you so very much for this web-site. I never know quite what I'll find when I click over, but I know it will always be well-written and heartfelt. And I LOVE MamaPop too, and eagerly await your posts, as well as those of your colleagues. Keep up the good work!

10:42 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Take good care of yourself.
:-)

1:46 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Go! Take that break. This here blogging business commenced as a needed outlet-it's not supposed to be an additional burden. Go somewhere and splash your feet in some fresh water. Go!

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Elaine said...

Okay, like I dolt, I said keep up the good work, knowing full well you JUST announced the possibility of taking a blogging break. Gah. So, keep it up if you feel like it, take a break if you want, and enjoy the beautiful nom-nom baby and toddler/pre-schooler!

4:17 PM  
Blogger TheHMC said...

Meh. The only reason any blogger threatens to close their blog or stop writing or run away, is to get some positive attention. They want their fans to say "No! We love you! Don't go!" It happens the same way at message boards too.

I hope that you're able to get some more rest. I know how draining it can get and how little time that can be left for much else aside from taking care of the kids. It gets so much better the older both of them will get. Then all you have to deal with is opinionated pre-teens and back-talk.
Take care :D.

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

TAKE a rest. It is okay. I only have one child and he is 7 months old but I recall the 2-3 month time as being the absolute hardest mentally, etc ... because he was still on the 2-3 hours of sleep thing and I was at my wits end, on a diet of M&Ms and ... I don't even remember what I drank at that time. We'll be here when you return in a day or so or a week or so or a few weeks ...
:)

9:33 PM  
Anonymous Auds at Barking Mad said...

Have a great break! I will miss the breath of fresh air that you are...but will be awaiting your return and hoping you're well rested and your mind has been eased.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

I'm done. I'm done blogging in the sense that I have been and I couldn't give a rats ass who decides to not read. I can't do it. I'll still do SOMETHING, but it won't be like this. It probably makes me a lactating cow or something to someone but to the people at home? I'm needed.

Go rest. Rejuvenate. Fuck anyone who would think less of you for it. XO

3:25 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

that "lactating cow" comment is BEYOND offensive -- not least, of course, because cows are not brainless...! I can't believe someone could say such a thing to about a CHAMPION breastfeeding woamn (well, I can -- given, well, that whole mess).

7:11 PM  

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