Her Bad Mother

Monday, July 28, 2008

A Picture Is Worth Years Of Therapy


I received this cunning little sketch last week, and it has been sitting on my bedside table while I decide its fate. To scrapbook, or not to scrapbook? To consign to the bottom of the dustbin, or to frame and display in the front hallway? To deconstruct as artifact of postmodern motherhood, or to roll eyes at and discard?

A fistful of Smarties to anyone who can tell me what it is, or at least make some outrageously funny suggestion so that I can appropriate the narrative of this sketch and reframe it into something that won't keep me awake at night. Which, yes, is a hint.

(It's two sketches, actually. The scribble below the fold is a separate image, scrawled with a flourish to underscore a point about the main image, above the fold.)

105 Comments:

Anonymous MrsWaltz said...

It's OBVIOUSLY a minimalist profile of a very sad donkey (head only). With a gorgeous signature flair. Duh.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

It's half a bunny rabbit. The other half is obscured in view.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Now that is clearly a sketch of Rudolph stepping out of the fog on Christmas Eve. The other reindeer and the sleigh are still lost from view. For now.

2:57 PM  
Blogger Assertagirl said...

Before you said it was two sketches, I saw the figure of a woman, the bottom scribble clearly her bush. heh

3:02 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

It's the side view of a charm bracelet!

3:05 PM  
Blogger Loralee Choate said...

I have a similar sketch in a scrapbook with this caption:

"My son is going to be a genius. I have no idea what this sketch is supposed to be, which means he is already smarter than his mother."

It's a big favorite around here.

3:05 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

That is so an episiotomy.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Oh dear, I'm afraid my OB drew me a similar sketch. So very hurty!

3:12 PM  
Blogger Overflowing Brain said...

I believe the technical name is "modern art."

I'm pretty sure MOMA would frame it and hang it proudly.

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

It's clearly a lament on the current state of your nether regions and your posterior.

It's a post-modern reflection of the horrors of child birth and the sacrifices we women make for our family, our children.

That or it's portrait of what your husband looks like first thing in the morning.

3:14 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

WAIT! Is that... Frankenvulva?

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

upside down "cake"

3:16 PM  
Blogger Manager Mom said...

A recreation of one of Angelina Jolie's tattoos?

3:16 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Kittenpie, love, friend - I so WISH that were an episiotomy

3:17 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Upside down spider with a quarter falling out of his pocket? Do spider's even have pockets? I was never good an interpreting art.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Mr Lady said...

It's obviously a parachuter, coming down to land on a bouey. Boey. Bouy. Whatever. the orange floaty things in the ocean. You've got an airplane jumper on your hands.

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Angella said...

I was thinking vulva, but only because the word makes me laugh.

Hi. I'm 14.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Kimblahg said...

haha i'm glad i'm not the only one who thought it looked like a woman's nether regions.

3:24 PM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

Since I've been beaten to gate going ...THERE...I will say it is a mouth and tongue spitting out a pea. A commentary on your cooking perhaps? That's what happens everytime I cook, at least...

3:28 PM  
Blogger Amelia Sprout said...

I don't even know how to be creative after reading the comments, I'm lauging too hard.

G Rated - The spoon that the dish ran away with. The bottom is the cow jumping over the moon.

X Rated - Oh dear, the girl got a mirror and drew a self portrait. I'm not even that brave.

3:30 PM  
Blogger gorillabuns said...

In our house, it's called a china.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Mogul said...

It's either you have a headache or your hub's pee pee poking you on the head?

3:38 PM  
Blogger All Adither said...

It's a hep cat with a soul patch.

Anyone can see that.

3:39 PM  
Blogger sweetney said...

i vote sad, half-invisible minimalist bunny.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Text and IM language of the future?

3:42 PM  
Blogger sara said...

Woman with adam's apple, runaway nipple and appendectomy scar.

Pre "surgery"

I am an artist AND a med student!!

4:00 PM  
Anonymous Bloggymommer said...

Well, clearly, the top picture is a depiction of Sperm, Egg, and Baby.

I have no idea why M is being scratched out of the bottom picture.

Keep clutter down by filing the digital picutre of this masterpeiece with the date. Or heck, just archive your blog.

4:06 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

I am laughing too hard to come up with something coherent.

My guess? A boob hanging down from the sky.

No idea about the landing pad at the bottom.

4:12 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I have NO IDEA what that is, but something tells me that if I find out I will FINALLY understand where babies come from!

4:29 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

Oh wait. ... I just realized it looks suspiciously like the one-antlered deer in Open Season played by ashton kutcher.


Looks JUST like him, too.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Ms Picket To You said...

This is a sad one-eyed man with a papaya on his head.

The artist's note reads, "Behold the one-eyed man with the papaya on his head. He is sad. He wanted to eat that papaya."

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Okay, I think I have it...

The top one has to be of an old lady trying to relive the 80's bang style, which no one got to begin with, so that's why she's a bit confused/sad.

The other one is a bit tougher...

It's either a downhill skiier heading down the slopes or Prince's new indentity for 2009.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

WTF with y'all seeing REINDEER? and BUNNIES? Am laughing my ass off BUT SERIOUSLY. The Jungian therapy on this one is gonna be BIZARRE.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

That's The Wind In Your Vagina.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

*falls to floor, gasping for breath, omf THE LAUGHING*

4:54 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

It looks like someone who needs their bangs trimmed, has a prominent nose with a mole beside it and they are sad because of one, two or all of those things. That bit on the bottom is them trying to remember the name of their hairstylist - they are fairly certain it doesn't begin with an M.

That's what I came up with after I got my mind out the gutter

5:19 PM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

I have no clue, but am enjoying the comments!!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Why is it that doctor's can't write clearly, but they can draw something like that just fine. Ouch.

5:27 PM  
Blogger moosh in indy. said...

Yeah, that's your goodies.
And yeah, sorry about that.

5:57 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

It's a sad little one-eyed girl wearing Sarah Jessica Parker's hat from the Sex and the City movie premier. The doodle below is her dress.

6:00 PM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

Umm. Yes, that is the frankenvulva.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, I can't compete with the comment from Black Hockey Jesus.

It looks to me like your lady parts, with extra emphasis of the area that didn't survive the trauma of birth well.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Maggie, Dammit said...

I think it's a little one-eyed man (not *that* one) who is crying because his tongue and his magnifying glass are plastered to his forehead.

Duh.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

There's gonna have to be a special prize for 'SJP's hat', I think.

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did not read the comments yet so maybe someone said this...
But I think it is your breast and nipple and it is dripping milk...that is when I did not know it is two pictures....

Am not sure is it because of all the post about your breast being in pain and all...or really I am in that state!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

I am afraid that I would not be saving the drawing as it is a little too Georgio O'Keefe-ish for me. I DONT LIKE HER 'FLOWER' ART. And I am no prude, it just really gets me for some reason...

8:09 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh wow. If that's Frankenvulva then I am so sorry. And if that bottom sketch is how you tore and were stitched up, then I am even sorrier still. Ouch.

8:32 PM  
Blogger Tootsie Farklepants said...

I think it's upside down. If you turn it around it's clearly a vagina, a belly button, and the underneath of one boob.

And the doodle is a wavy line indicating anger. Or that it's hot.

9:10 PM  
Anonymous samantha said...

I too see a half invisible sad bunny.

9:53 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

"self portrait in repose, balanced on a whirlwind"

or something

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anissa@Hope4Peyton said...

No farking clue, I guess this means I get my own skittles, huh??

I'm going to guess with chicky tho and say it's the Frankenvulva!

10:39 PM  
Anonymous Bec said...

It is the sound of one beef curtain clapping.

10:41 PM  
Blogger TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

See, when *I* look at it, I see a lovely spider with an egg sac. That would keep normal folks awake at night. That would get me running for my macro lens to take pictures of all its eyes. And maybe the babies too. Because I'm a sicko.

10:41 PM  
Blogger TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

Or it's totally a vajay jay.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Um, Bec? I AM PISSING ALL OVER MYSELF LAUGHING.

10:55 PM  
Blogger TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

Also?

It is the eye of GOD watching all these comments and taking notes.

"And that's one for YOU...and YOU...and oh yes...YOUUUUU"

10:57 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

It is the tear wept by Nothing at the origin of the World.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

That's the look I had in the shower the other day when a pregnant mama spider was spotted post-soap, pre-rinse and I knew I couldn't get away. She looked as though she was doing the I HAZ A MILLION BABIES AND I"M GOING TO SPRAY THEM ALL OVER YOUR NAKED BODY dance.

I was fucking terrified.

11:02 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

Number 69, 2008.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

The Sphincter Mourns As Shadow Embraces Light.

11:09 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

I can't top any of these comments. All I can say is ouch and this might be the reason you are pissing all over yourself when laughing. Obviously this person did not know it's pearl one, knit two.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

I would like to point out that if that was my naked likeness in the shower - my tits do not point sideways like that. Nor do I have 4 teats.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

The Inverted Nipple Remembers High School.

11:25 PM  
Blogger Black Hockey Jesus said...

There Are No Flowers Or Perfume Where You're Going Motherfucker.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Whit said...

Glory Hole with Chewing Gum (Triple J Truck Stop- Yuma, AZ, 2003)

11:30 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

Reindeer Cornholio in Ink

11:37 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

This is completely hilariously out of control. I can't stop coming back to see what is new.

11:40 PM  
Blogger Karen Sugarpants said...

Bob Saget Attacks Unsuspecting Gazelle

11:50 PM  
Blogger Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants said...

Bwahahahahahaa.

~snort~


Srsly, lady bits?


((mails case of wine to HBM))

11:51 PM  
Blogger Whit said...

All Pale Against the O Face

11:58 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Karen - there's an Aristocrats joke in there somewhere.

11:58 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Frankenvulva, of course.

12:56 AM  
Blogger VDog said...

Someone tore you a new asshole?

2:31 AM  
Blogger Sass E-mum said...

Yes, it has to be Frankenvulva.

But really it has to be the view from the clouds of a teeny weeny person who let go of their balloon, and then off to the side you see a close up of their sad little smile.

In case you've not thought this already - I suspect this drawing is not great bedtime reading...

4:23 AM  
Blogger Tracey said...

The comments have distracted me so much that my OWN witty comment has escaped me. I SWEAR.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Wyliekat said...

Little birdie flying high
Dropped a message from the sky
My, said the farmer, wiping his eye
Isn't it lucky that cows don't fly?

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Erika Jurney said...

It's the reason I want to email you a home reconstructive surgery kit. And drugs. xoxoxo

9:51 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Erika - good drugs, I hope.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous lavandula said...

its a half bunny a sad one because umm it wee wee'd on the bottom of the page? oui? no?

10:41 AM  
Anonymous lavandula said...

oh its a ring and the jewel broke of a tiny bit and smashed on the floor.how silly was i thinking it was a mutant bunny!hahaha!

10:55 AM  
Blogger Ms. Huis Herself said...

I agree entirely that it's lady bits.

Because you've got the labia represented by the two sets of curving lines, and the darker, roundish part right below it is the vagina, 'cuz that's how a young artist would draw a hole that goes in...

Then maybe a belly button? 'Cuz that's sort of in the general area, too?

And beneath the fold is the hairy-grown-up version.

But I could totally see it being Rudolph with his nose falling off if it were around Christmas... with the scribble being the foggy night at the bottom.

My daughter drew a picture of herself eating cherries, complete with one in her stomach. I was glad to have her explain it to me because there was so much wealth in the details!

Maybe you can save it and sell it to pay for the therapy. :)

11:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

A sad vagina. I see the labia, clitoris, and pubic hair. And a frown. This vagina is very, very sad.

11:26 AM  
Blogger THopgood said...

Still LMAO at "That's The Wind In Your Vagina."

11:37 AM  
Blogger Jen M. said...

Bungee jumping Daddy Long Legs

1:08 PM  
Blogger iheartchocolate said...

I'm gonna have to totally second the episiotomy comment!

That is totally what it is!

1:26 PM  
Anonymous fidget said...

Nipple portrait!

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Shamelessly Sassy said...

It's obviously a one eyed reindeer. :)

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Vicki said...

Are there fuzzies around that lower dark spot? I am feeling very sorry for your vajayjay right now.

Its a map to the lost city of Atlantis?

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

Vagina......

...
..

.
Anus.


Normally separated by a plateau of nothingness except in this drawing there is clearly a large HOLE the size/shape of a baby head.

Can I get you some ice? Tucks? Hard liquor?

2:39 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

Yes, obviously it is a hoo ha with a sad face under it. Which is exactly how I feel about mine these days.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

It's a sad face with crazy hair. The picture underneath is a mess-up. A do-over. You can see the shirt behind the scribble.

7:05 PM  
Blogger ML said...

to me it says "Loach Pain." Loach, (not) meaning that smooth spot between the vajayjay and the rectum, was coined during a Balderdash round 15 years ago. It's really some kind of fish... which could also be a good title for this piece.

7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING

8:53 PM  
Blogger amelia bedelia said...

I'm thinking an episitomy, too?? gee, don't they feel good!

9:20 PM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

The larger picture is clearly a hand mirror view of a vagina.
The bottom is a rabbit. Maybe baby has heard momma talking about her favorite "toys" and was confused.

9:56 PM  
Blogger cbahm said...

I'm gonna go with:
A cyclops with a black eye and a bad combover. And a tiny little patch of chest hair.

11:09 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, hey, wow - Anonymous scrolled all the way down through 90-plus comments to type out that he was bored. Someone, clearly, needs to get a life.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

And, ha! Shonda - you've explained the bunnies to me. THANK YOU.

11:22 PM  
Anonymous Kelley said...

Yeah, what was I going to say? Whatever.

It was totally more witty than anyone else but all of a sudden my nether regions feel all kinda ouchie.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Kim/2 Kids said...

It looks like a duck to me, can't make out the bottom. Please don't take my input seriously, I have been in therapy for years and now one of my daughters is due to her father's terminal illness. My favorite drawings were always the large round circles with big round eyes and limbs shooting out from the widest part (kinda looked like chicken feet). I love the one we have of four circles and the only difference is my husband's green eyes vs. the three girls with blue eyes. We all spend years trying to analyze how we've f**ked up our children through their art, welcome to the club.

11:38 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Well, I'm not sure why you're so sure it's NOT a reindeer in the fog,

but if you're sure,

then the only other thing it could be is an extremely foreshortened worm's-eye view of a used tampon,
with a clot hanging from the string and a drip on the floor.

I kinda preferred the reindeer.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Okay, Roo? THAT scarred me for life.

12:34 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

ml - we call that a nifkin!

12:42 PM  
Anonymous bethiclaus said...

Yeah, as someone with mangled lady bits once myself, I sure thought of that as soon as I saw the picture. Although that damage doesn't look too bad. Yet.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Clenching my legs tightly together in sympathy over here.

9:26 PM  

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