Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

WTF Wednesday! Now with more cursing action!

**Note added below. Keepin' y'all on your toes!

The mood has been a little heavy over here at WonderBaby headquarters. Which means that it's time for the weekly WTF Wednesday interlude.

Conveniently brought to you on Tuesdays. Because here in WonderBabylandia we try to keep the masses happy.

And keeping the masses happy is good politics. Someone recently tried to start a revolution here, and so it is imperative that we set about distracting the masses with bread and circuses. Because sooner or later someone else is going to realize that this is, however benevolent, a dictatorship and that dissenters are administered 40 Big Word lashes before being subjected to Hard Pinches from WonderBaby's loyal subjects and then chased out over the drawbridge by shouting Cultish Mommy Bloggers (see below) with sticks and forced to start Their Own Blog.

(Yes, you may visit This Blog. There is currently no embargo, no travel advisory, and, to the best of our knowledge, no vaccinations are necessary. We prefer that you visit blogs with which we have established diplomatic relations - partial list at right, no passport stamps currently available - but we have not established any curtain, Iron or otherwise, with dissenting blogs and will not do so until such blogs become openly hostile. If you do choose to visit This Blog, however, please abide by interblog norms of civility and observe the rules of conduct of that site. For example: no Kool-Aid, and no cursing. Yes, the latter will deaden your self-expression, but rest assured that full cursing freedoms can be enjoyed when you return to WonderBabylandia. Which you fucking better well do. Her Bad Mother gets lonely cursing to herself.)

(Although do please refrain from bringing any plant or animal life back with you upon your return. And wipe your feet.)

In the meantime, to ensure that you remain loyal to WonderBaby, Imperial Leader, and to the cult of Her Bad Mother, we offer you fun and distraction! In the form of WTF Points of Interest, or Things That We Here At WonderBaby Headquarters Have Discovered This Week:

1. The Mystery of the Mutant Seal Block Revealed:


Remember that one? In the foreground? Seemed to be some sort of mutant seal, or earless cat, possibly performing yoga poses?

I think that I know what it is:

A Shmoo. Okay, so the Shmoo lacks the front legs and tail of the mutant block creature, but aren't Shmoos shape-shifters? In any case, they are truly extraordinary creatures, not unlike bulbous-headed Lilliputians. Because they are self-replicating and can produce any imaginable resource - meat, buttons, toothpicks - from their Shmoo bodies, Shmoos can form the the basis of a completely sustainable and self-sufficient economy, one that doesn't rely upon the exchange of commodities. And they are, apparently, more entertaining than television. So, the blocks upon which these Shmoo appear are clearly Communist propaganda. Make of that what you will.

2. In addition to being an unreliable narrator, I have, according to one Paul Larman of Barrie, Ontario, 'saddening' and 'frightening' views on parenting. This was pronounced after the National Post published a letter that I wrote addressing Caitlin Flanagan's recent work, in which I stated, among other things, that happy families require happy mothers, and that happy mothers are - whether SAHM, WAHM, or WOHM or whatever - mothers that have choices and are happy with their choices. This, according to Mr. Larman is a selfish view, and one that saddens and frightens him. More on this later in the week.

**When I post on this, I'll include the letters. So, no need to fuss about with online subscriptions to the Post get up to date. I'll fill you in; I promise. And although I may be many troubling things - saddening, frightening, an unreliable narrator, and burdened with a potty mouth - I always keep my promises. Well, most of them. I'll keep this one. Because I want you to like me, and to not defect to any protest camps.

3. Hammer still hasn't visited my blog. But he's been busy hanging with Sting (who's looking a bit rough and Malcom McDowell-ish these days) and taking random photos of exercise equipment, so that probably explains it. He's busy. Or maybe he's just afraid of...

4. Rampaging Mommy Blogger Cults!

Apparently, I am a member of a cult (see here, and comments here). The insidious Cult of Mommy Bloggers, who quaff emotional KoolAid and propagate nonsense about Empowerment and Disempowerment and chant lamentations for the Great Mother Struggle while choreographing pro-mother dance cheers (Woe Betide the Mothers/Go Mothers Go!) Ours is a great and dangerous cult, one that is dedicated to Mother World Domination and the mocking of Tom Cruise. We are fuelled by a dangerous cocktail of hormones, baby-love and virtual KoolAid, and we are actively recruiting and brainwashing new members.

If you are reading this, and you have a blog, or even if you don't have a blog, but are mesmerized by. My. Big. Words. And. Occasional. Cursing. And. Random. Photographs. Of. Big. Eyed. Child... you have been sucked in and you have become a member of the cult, too.

(Grandmistress Kristen! Note hypnotic use of punctuation above!)

People of the Blogosphere. You have been enslaved by Xenu. I can free you.

But you must send money. Now.

Sucked in yet?

Good.

29 Comments:

Blogger Kristen said...

A schmoo! I seriously think if I had a small teacup dog (which my daughter might crush or sit on or accidentally pick apart, so we do NOT have one, LOL)- we would HAVE to name it Schmoo.

And I've been sucked in since day 1.

10:48 PM  
Blogger mm said...

Sucked in a long time ago.
Knitting wonderbaby a hat, will have to figure out how to send it later...
Slurping back the kool aid in massive amounts.
Have my own blog too... har har har.
This lilliputian agrees wholeheartedly!
Anxious to get my hands on the National Post now...
K

11:32 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Wow! Are you flattered or what!? Someone started a blog because of your blog and names and games and holy blah-blah! You have MADE IT, girlfriend. I commend thee. Bottoms up with the kool aid cocktail and kisses to wonderbaby.

1:22 AM  
Blogger Pattie said...

OK...I'm sucked in. Where do I send the money??? *LOL*

4:46 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

This liliputian is a card carrying member of said club. haha

I love that Tearfree started a blog because of YOU. Girls Gone Child is right, you've MADE IT big time.

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

How could I not have recognized the Shmoo? (smacks head in disbelief)

I am totally sucked in, myself. I can't tell if it's Bad Daughter's hypnotic gaze or your judicious use of punctuation, but I'm hooked.

And I agree with GGC, when someone starts a blog to respond to your own, you're in the big leagues.

6:33 AM  
Blogger chichimama said...

You are too funny. I loved the kool aid...

And yes, you have indeed made it to the big time!

Wonderbaby gets more and more adorable.

7:18 AM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Hey, Kool-Aid! You're a ROCK STAR, dude!

I'm supposed to be getting ready for work, but I want to subscribe and read your Post letter when I have more time. "Saddening" and "frightening?" This should be interesting.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

I am curious to read more about this Paul Larman character.

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Motherhooduncensored said...

Truly, you are a rockstar. A troll starting a blog on your behalf? Amazing. Fabulous. Only your trolls - and hilarious that "they" are academics (although that's a pretty looooose term, wouldn't you say)...

And I can't wait to read this letter. I'm trembling with excitement. Now off to order your t-shirt for Blogher.

Perhaps I should get one about Koolaid? Or maybe just dye your hair with it. LOL.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Congrats on spawning an anti-HBM blog! You've got to be pretty important to have someone start a blog just because they didn't like you!

I can't wait to see more about this guy from the paper. He's saddened and frightened because a mother wants choice? I think he just might sadden and frighten me.

Maybe we need shirts that say "Welcome to the Cult of Mommybloggers"?

9:07 AM  
Anonymous J. said...

Can I still be a Cult Member even though I occasionally slip some vodka in my Koolaid?
I followed that link and thank you for the education. I'd never heard of her, but I want that book now.
You know, she DID hit the nail on the head with the "something is lost" statement. In all honesty, as much as we like to leave and go to work (or not hehe) I know that I for one still had major guilt from the leaving. Luckily, I found jobs that allowed me to spend the most time with my daughter (worked nights and stuff, and then days when she reached school age) and I've never NOT been home for her after school, I still felt guilt for the time I spent away.
I think that a lot of these so called Feminists are not completely honest with themselves.

9:13 AM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

yup, you can definitely chalk up the kool aid blog and the Post articles as signs of great success. I am happy to jump on those coat-tails. Wheeeeee!!!!

9:55 AM  
Blogger Bahar said...

Dear HBM,
We haven't seen any pictures of HBF, but as far as I can tell, WonderBaby looks like a small version of you. (she is so cute....OMG)

Ladies, stay pretty, always.

10:01 AM  
Blogger something blue said...

I had forgotten all about Shmoos.
You can't beat their loving ways. They'd make an excellent mascot for the cult of mommy bloggers.

I am completely hypnotized by WonderBaby!

11:12 AM  
Blogger T. said...

You just rock. Good on you for rising above such a troll.

11:20 AM  
Blogger tracey said...

Damn, you are so FUNNY! This was a perfect way to start my day. Rock on Bad Ass Mutha.
All hail the Shmoo!

11:25 AM  
Blogger Bridgermama said...

I am so glad I found you! You totally made my day! Sarcastic, biting humor is my favorite variety!

1:02 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Rock on, girlfriend. I'm gonna spike my Kool Aid, though.

And I totally agree with you -- happy mothers are mothers who are happy with their choices. After having her daughter and staying home with her for a year (and battling PPD for the first 10 months), a good friend of mine made the very difficult, personal decision that she wanted to go back to work. I applauded her and continue to do so, because if she's not happy at home, nobody's happy at home. Ya know?

1:15 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

You know you've made it when someone starts a blog with the sole purpose to bust your chops. Congratulations.

I wonder if L. Ron Hubbard's beginnings were this auspicious.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous reluctant housewife said...

Ha ha ha ha!

I'm away for a few days, and look! I miss all the drama.

4:02 PM  
Anonymous thebetty said...

Let's all hope this will be HerBadMother's last post that has anything to do with "The Reject." For someone who was simply looking to make some waves in this blogging community she is hardly deserving to be mentioned in you last three posts. (mind you she did hijack two of them)

I'm looking forward to reading more about WonderBaby and you.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

More swearing? Sign me up!

11:55 PM  
Blogger Pattie said...

I second J and Something Blue. Spiked kool-aid and making the shmoo the Mommy Bloggers Cult mascot...YEAH!

7:06 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Hey, count me in, especially if we are spiking our Kool-aid and practicing sad and frightening parenting techniques. Oh, and lots of swearing, I love it!

Honestly, I love your site! Bring on the Kool-aid, spiked, of course!

10:21 AM  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

Hey, I've missed something. Can you e-mail me about this Koolaid thing. I think i posted something from him/her? Argh...Me bad?

Anyway, you should be happy you started such a great discussion....

What the hell is koolaid?

11:09 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Please, may I have some koolaid too? or is that some fucking koolaid?

Although I did not actaully post earlier, I was thinking my you go girl, koolaid drinking, Mummy cult positive thoughts really hard. Does that count for something?

4:23 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Hi. I've run into you over at Sweet Juniper and a couple of other places.

I found you this time through Emma's blog, bees knees, and should have delurked to say thank you when I was reading earlier.

I was part of the feminist movement of the 70's and I can tell you that troll's diatribe was not what we had in mind. Of course it's about choice and no choice has less value than any other.

I've appointed myself the unofficial great-granny of the Koolaid brigade.

Ann Adams (aka granny)

12:04 AM  

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