Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Give Peas a Chance

So, seeing as the last post caused, apparently, some headaches, and gave at least one person the spins, I figured that it might be time for a light photographic essay or two.


If U Ask Her What She Had 4 Breakfast
This is What She'd Say...

Starfish and coffee; maple syrup and jam...


...Butterscotch clouds, tangerine...


And a side order of ham.

Okay, so that last one was a banana. But you can trust me that the one before it really was butterscotch cloud infused with zest of tangerine. Organic, of course. The starfish was fresh-water farmed. And the coffee? Decaf.

That's how we do things Chez Bad Mother.

(I'd wanted to do some sort of literary commentary here, pairing up WonderBaby's foods with Great Works of Literature - War and Peas! Banana Karenina! - but it seemed forced. Prince lyrics, however, can never be forced.)

Blockhead



These blocks are currently WonderBaby's very favorite thing in the world. If she catches the slightest glimpse of them, or even hears the clack of wood block on wood block as Mommy's foot knocks by them (because, yes, I am lax, lax, with the tidying), she will hoot and whoot until she is within grasping distance. Preferably sitting up, with the box at hand to pull the blocks out of, but propped up on elbows on tummy will sometimes do. And she will sit and play with them for loooong stretches of minutes. And Mommy sits on the floor and plays with her for a while and then brings laptop and coffee to the floor and the two ladies sit quietly together, occupied with their letters. And it is good.

But I've recently noticed that some of the blocks - which have letters, numbers, and simple pictures stamped into them - are a bit odd. The numbers and letters are straightforward enough, but some of the images, well...



Okay, so that creature in the middle of the left column, that's some kind of stylized horse, right? That's my guess, but I'm not sure. The creature on the bottom right block is what, though? Whiskers but no ears; legs and a stubby tail. The head is seal-like, but the rest of it?

And the one on the uppermost right? A factory, maybe? Workhouse for children with smokestack? Or is it a rocket?

The uppermost left block is, the Husband says, a gondola. Which strikes me as an odd subject for a picture that is stamped on a child's wooden toy block. But then I thought that it was a bunny with a spear through its head, sitting on a hunk of mouldy cheese, so what do I know?

I don't even have words, funny or otherwise, for the picture on the block that is middle of the righthand column.

And the bottom left image is clearly a bottle of Ambien or Xanax.

So what, I ask you, is a child (or a parent, for that matter) supposed to make of these? What will I tell WonderBaby when she is old enough to ask what the pictures are? That's a picture of the bottle of little pills that help Mommy sleep, sweetie...

I suppose that the beauty of these blocks as playthings is that they will encourage her to make up words and to invent explanations for the pictures. A rockethouse! A kittyhorse! A jar of magical beans!

But until she is old enough to explain these pictures to me, I'll have to turn to you. Please, anyone, WTF are they?

Bad Mother Math

35 Comments:

Blogger Kristen said...

OMG! Those blocks are like the picture versions of Hello Kitty language - random English words strung together for looks only. Hilarious.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

She has the widest eyes!

Those images are funny. Somewhat Rorschach aren't they...

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

She is just adorable. The pictures made me melt just a little bit.

That top left block reminds me of the water towers you see on buildings in big cities, except the pole that mounts it is facing the wrong way. Or maybe it's a house with a huge smokestack?

I agree on the gondola. Strange thing to put on kids' blocks, though.

The horse has... anatomical issues.

The middle right thing looks like a mechanized beetle.

I agree, prescription drugs on bottom left. And bottom right -- some sort of mutant seal? Or maybe it's the walrus (koo koo ka choo)

10:28 AM  
Blogger Bahar said...

Wonder Baby is doing great with her food. Some babies don't start "adult food" until ...I don't know like 6, 8 months?

Does it matter what those imgaes are? If I were a kid, I wouldn't care. I used to draw people with tails, horns, cats with wings, etc. They were my creatures. I didn't care if they actually existed.

and I love WonderBaby. She is the queen of all good babies.

10:38 AM  
Blogger T. said...

LOL! Can't help you decipher this mystery. Sadly, I failed Baby Blocks 101 years ago, and never bothered to retake the course.

Good luck with the mystery though!

11:07 AM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

you are too funny. i think those baby blocks are saweeeeet. ours are so normal and obvious.

Oh and wonder baby? Eye candy.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Maybe the drawings are supposed to be vague as some sort of new-age teaching method? We don't want to stifle Wonderbaby's creativity by telling her, "No, it's a horse. It has to be a horse!"

The middle right one looks like some sort of jellyfish blob consuming a table. And that house clearly is for smokers - just look at that exhaust pipe! The upper right one does look like a gondola - where the hell were these blocks made? Switzerland?

11:24 AM  
Blogger AndreaP said...

Maybe the drawings are supposed to be vague as some sort of new-age teaching method? We don't want to stifle Wonderbaby's creativity by telling her, "No, it's a horse. It has to be a horse!"

The middle right one looks like some sort of jellyfish blob consuming a table. And that house clearly is for smokers - just look at that exhaust pipe! The upper right one does look like a gondola - where the hell were these blocks made? Switzerland?se blocks made? Switzerland?

11:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the middle right one is a turtle.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Carrcakes said...

We spent the entirety of Monday night trying to figure out what those images were. That's awesome you posted them on your blog.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Um. What happened to playing with teething toys and potatoes? She's brilliant already.

As for the images, they are very very very scary... Crazy Canucks :) I'm just trying to pick out the bulbousheaded lilliputian??

1:14 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Jellyfish blob, hmm. And although 'turtle' seems so simple, I've never seen a turtle with stick legs. Although maybe these *are* Scandinavian blocks, and maybe Scandinavian turtles have stick legs...

If one if these *is* a lilliputian, I'm going to guess that it's the turtle-y blob. Although maybe what that is is a lilliputian transportation device.

You'd think that I have too much time on my hands, wouldn't you? I don't. I'm trying to avoid marking papers. And it's too early to be drinking as an avoidance measure, even if I was capable of drink, which I'm not...

Shutting up now.

1:31 PM  
Blogger bunmaster said...

Gondola for sure but that's about all I've got. Wait - is the turtle thing perhaps some kind of alien piano?

Oh marking papers sucks ass big time. I used to do anything to avoid that too, like cleaning my office or baking a cake. You know, normal things I do every day. Not.

1:58 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

The middle block on the right side is really confusing me. Is it some sort of helmet? An airplane humping a park bench? A genetically modified farm animal?

What could it be?!?!

2:07 PM  
Blogger Annie, The Evil Queen said...

I think he's some sort of Cubist turtle or something. Maybe if you avail yourself of the tiny pill bottle it'll all make more sense.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Bridgermama said...

Duh, the middle one on the right is a martian with many eyes and big lips. Hello? Like you couldn't have figured that out!

3:06 PM  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

What the heck?

The botom right has to be a Manx cat and bottom left a jar of Branston Pickle.

I agree that the upper right is a cable car ...

middle right is a ... Robot Turtle? A bed with a puffy duvet on?

You realise that this will drive me mad?

-Blue

3:25 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I think the right middle on eis a monorail. Not funny, I know, but I think it is. And I think you're right about the gondola, but I think the jar is jam. I have NO idea why that house has such a huge chimney, though, unless it is housing a grow-op.

3:28 PM  
Blogger bunmaster said...

Oooo monorail. That's so what it is.

By the way does WonderBaby get much food down to her belly? I'm trying to get the Doodles to start on solids but she wants nothing to do with it. Unless she can get her paws in it & smear it all over her & the Bumbo - then it's heaven. Plus the change in poop output is uh, strange to say the least.

3:37 PM  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

Hey! I love what you did with the blocks! Laughed aloud actually...and don't feel bad about the coffee. My dictator has been drinking coffee (and not decaf either) for weeks. She loves it...Of course, it is very very very watered down, with milk...But whatever....

Also, can you e-mail me where you got that Motha shirt on your darling babe? I want one - maybe for me and for the dictator...

4:16 PM  
Blogger something blue said...

Yum, butterscotch cloud infused with a zest of tangerine! Delicious.

I was going to say we have the same blocks but ours do not have those fancy pictures. Did you get a defective batch?

At a glance, the middle right block appeared to be a new age piano.

What I do know is that when you accidentally step on one of those wooden blocks they become torture devices.

4:46 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Your baby is darling. Those eyes, my god.

Block on the upper left is a one-armed crayon.

Block on the upper right is a tram car stuck over the East River on its way to Roosevelt Island.

Block on the middle left is a dinosaur that had a colostomy and is missing his bag.

Block on the middle right is a UFO.

Block on the bottom left is a jar of homemade preserves.

Block on the bottom right is a seal in "cat" pose.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the middle right block is a football helmet.

5:06 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Oh so funny.

I decided to get the opinion of my four year old and here is his take:
Upper left - a one-armed robot
Upper right - mommy's necklace (I don't wear a necklace BTW)
Middle left - a dinosaur
Middle right - a piece of an airplane being fixed at the garage ?!?
Bottom left - jar of grandma's jam (she doesn't make jam)
Bottom right - a cat holding its breath

5:20 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Bottom left is SOOO a jar of Cheez-Whiz!

6:13 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

No, the bottom left one is CLEARLY a jar of mayonnaise, but WB may not know what it is, considering her diet of butterscotch clouds (much better for you than mayonnaise, no?)

7:08 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

C'mon, I've never seen blocks like that. You and your Sharpie are just having some fun with us, aren't you? :)

9:37 PM  
Blogger Mega Mom said...

#1 WTF is butterscotch cloud? It sounds so yummy.

#2 WTF are all the commentors talking about? Was there more to the post after the pictures of WonderBaby?

That little girl of yours kills me. She is absolutely the most beautiful little thing (I know feminists aren't supposed to say that, but I'm not really one).

11:35 PM  
Blogger tracey said...

FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS! Oh my god, I'm am dying!!

12:50 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

That is TOO funny! I have no clue what those drawings are supposed to be either. Weird.

12:54 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Monorail! Ah. Weird subject matter for a block, but hey. Probably more appropriate than an airplane humping a park bench. And possibly moe explicable than a yoga-posing seal. And although Jezer 'Jezewhiz' is probably right about the Cheez Whiz, I'm still thinking that the jar *must* contain 'special' pills.

(MegaMom, you must not have been able to see the pictures of the magic blocks. Or maybe only people who take the special pills can see them.)

These are all hysterical.

Bunmaster - WonderBaby keeps her food down fine. She loves it. There is a lot of rice carnage on her Bumbo afterward, but for the most part she really gets into it.

(And, all? Butterscotch clouds are a little something that I whip up out of caramel ice cream topping and fairy dust after taking the special pills and listening to Prince's 'Starfish and Coffee.')

8:28 AM  
Blogger tania (urban_mommy) said...

Can't help but wonder if these blocks were made in a country where factories, gondolas, and light rapid transit (middle right) are considered items that babies better get used to, and fast. Not to mention that they will need to know how to give a urine sample before they will be given entry into the eugenics lab at their local zoo.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Gurukarm Kaur said...

The middle right? Clearly an alien ladybug :-D

Blocks - what a great concept! Have fun with her. And them!
:-)

3:11 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Ok- first picture- clearly a bong of some fancy sort. LOL. J/K.

I think the top right picture is one of those skycar rides at a theme park- or that thing that got stuck mid-ride in NYC.

I think that ladybug/spaceship looking thing is just a spaceship?

3:40 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

Too funny!

I believe these are baby heiroglyphics, and clearly the images are meant to represent key elements of the infant psyche, in which case we can assume they are figurative, rather than literal renderings.

Did you buy that? Yeah, me neither. I don't have any idea what those things are supposed to be. I'll take a stab at the equine looking creature and say it's a Dinosaur.

The bad mother math was a nice touch. ;?)

5:05 PM  

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