tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post5289110520043288472..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Got MILF?Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-66044937058043861992008-04-04T15:14:00.000-04:002008-04-04T15:14:00.000-04:00I'm late to this conversation, and to so many othe...I'm late to this conversation, and to so many others, principally the one on beauty and sexuality. I've never been intriuged by a hard body, chiselled chest, refined features till the mouth opens, and some parts of the heart exposed.<BR/><BR/>Motherhood is laden with layers of complexity, and contradictions. I wouldn't want to be viewed as purely an object of lust, but also, quite maddeningly, long for some acknowledgement of my physicality; the way it was, and will no longer be. <BR/><BR/>We are inundated with the celebrity mommies parading their lithe, toned, bikini clad figures post-baby creating illusions that run counter to realities of fat, dimpled thighs, sewn parts, leaking breasts. <BR/><BR/>I remember running my fingers down my mother's stretch marks as a child, being nestled within my gradma's saggy but ample bossom. <BR/><BR/>These, to me, are the MILS - Mothers I'd like to See.<BR/><BR/>We do not escape the emotional ravages of life, why seek escape from physical marks?<BR/><BR/>MILF seems to be a term appropriated from the pages of celebrity culture by teenage boys, men whose views of womanhood centre on one plastic image. A mother who is desirable has somehow managed to retain her pre-baby beauty and fits that stereotypical view: thin, perky, flawless. <BR/><BR/>But at heart, what is more comforting, more reassuring, indeed more sexy, than a strong body, marked by childbirth, childrearing, by life itself, that continues to nurture, and love in many ways.<BR/><BR/>Views pictures of ebony skinned African women juggling water and food on their heads with children in tow. That is strength, and that is sexy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47086972961696835022008-03-21T07:05:00.000-04:002008-03-21T07:05:00.000-04:00It might be my complete and utter lack of self-act...It might be my complete and utter lack of self-actualization but if I am really, really honest, I am not as "sexually empowered" as some of your commenters because I believe that motherhood has made *me* fell, look and think less sexy. <BR/><BR/>It's not just about looks and silicone and tank tops for me. It's deeper than that. It's how I've come to see myself and how others in my life have come to see me too. I *should* feel good about my body as a woman who happens to be a mother. I *should* feel empowered enough to feel sexier as a woman who happens to be a mother. I get that intellectually. I agree with it too. But I am not always able to draw from that well of knowledge when I need it most.<BR/><BR/>So although I find the term MILF is an objectification (that the feminist in me finds totally offensive), I'll admit if the term was ever thrown at me, I'd see it strangely as a much-needed compliment.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63875449420915420132008-03-20T18:47:00.000-04:002008-03-20T18:47:00.000-04:00Thanks for this post...it needs to be said over an...Thanks for this post...it needs to be said over and over, I think. There is such a specific and narrow standard of sexual desirability for women, that many of us do not meet. A sexually desirable woman (one a man would like to f*ck) is no larger than a size 8, with firm breasts. And certainly no belly flab or cottage cheese thighs, right? The changes that pregnancy and breastfeeding bring to our bodies also bring us further from that standard of desirability. And that's what makes me so angry. I, like you, feel that motherhood has made me more sexy. I feel I've truly realized and claimed my beauty as a woman. I'm more comfortable in my skin (even though there's extra skin on my tummy.) The stretch marks on my belly and the bit of sag to my breast are evidence of the great journey I've taken and still take as a mother. They make me more beautiful and interesting, I think. I feel this truth inside, but the voices I hear and the images I see every day do not support that feeling. The media and most men would say I've become less sexy, I believe. Sure, we women can bear and raise children, but to remain sexually desirable our bodies must remain perky and slim. It's not easy. And not typical. And thus the term MILF. And thus my anger. This narrow definition of attractiveness is destructive to womens' spirit and self-worth. You've reminded me to listen more to that inner truth... <BR/>Thank you for your post, and for your insight...Rock on, hot mama!!the Lerro familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14593264936063932378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-69289242573630432462008-03-20T17:38:00.000-04:002008-03-20T17:38:00.000-04:00Alison - I think it was outlined in the comments a...Alison - I think it was outlined in the comments above, but if not: Mommy I'd Like (to) F*ck.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50404296513083987492008-03-20T16:36:00.000-04:002008-03-20T16:36:00.000-04:00i am searching high and low, but find no explanati...i am searching high and low, but find no explanation or definition as to what this mysterious "MILF" stands for ... is that cos I'm British that I don't understand?? Is it an americanism? Help! I'm lost!!! But would love to have an opinion on the subject!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79415165023900358982008-03-20T01:33:00.000-04:002008-03-20T01:33:00.000-04:00I just find the term tacky. The same way I find we...I just find the term tacky. The same way I find wearing the word "juicy" across your butt tacky. I'm a big fan of symbols of uber-femininity - i.e. Marilyn Monroe, the stilletto, Barbie (I like Barbie) - but there is a fine line between the powerful feminine (including sexuality) and taking sex to trashy levels (i.e. Pussycat Dolls). <BR/><BR/>I thought the term humorously outrageous in American Pie and then annoying once it became widely "accepted". So I made my own MILF t-shirt... it stands for "my infant loves farts". <BR/><BR/>And personally, I think there are a lot of men out there who consider mothers much more sexy than we consider OURSELVES. (I've wondered how that might add to the communication problem.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-36548987662069743362008-03-19T21:03:00.000-04:002008-03-19T21:03:00.000-04:00Hur..I have that as a fridge magnet. A FEMALE NON ...Hur..I have that as a fridge magnet. A FEMALE NON MOM gave it to me.<BR/><BR/>Was I offended no.<BR/><BR/>Dh and I bandy it about...it is meant lightly and if he states I am looking milfish or soccer momish...I laugh and say thank you.<BR/><BR/>I DO get that the term more conotates a mom who doesn't look 'mommish,' but whatever.<BR/><BR/>Sweats ain't sexy. We all know that.<BR/><BR/>And yes blah blah..our 'inner' woman and all that should be sexy enough..but not in pop culture world and not in shallow just for looks worlds either.<BR/><BR/>But whatever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-14023912620662528562008-03-19T19:40:00.000-04:002008-03-19T19:40:00.000-04:00pa, I really don't think that there's ANY reason f...pa, I really don't think that there's ANY reason for mothers to be thought less sexually appealing. Yes, the body changes, but not necessarily in ways that make it less capable of sexual captivation - and every woman's body changes, regardless of whether one has had kids. Sure, most moms go through difficult phases where they're less likely to wear lipstick regularly, but again - so do most women. <BR/><BR/>If anything, moms have demonstrated their fertility by - yes - having children.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-42975746957322436712008-03-19T18:33:00.000-04:002008-03-19T18:33:00.000-04:00Of course there are many hot moms out there, but a...Of course there are many hot moms out there, but as I am about to become a mother myself, I have to admit that there are many parts of motherhood which might make a woman less sexually desirable than her pre-child counterpart. <BR/><BR/>First, there are the changes that often accompany pregnancy and childbirth. Many of these changes (I hear) remain permanent in many woman<BR/><BR/>Then, there is the problem of (as I hear it) much less time and energy, in general, to devote to exercise, clothing, and appearance. Also, there is a focus on the child, rather than the mother as an individual. <BR/><BR/>Mothers tend as a group to be older than non-mothers.<BR/><BR/>I agree with much of your post, but the idea that IN GENERAL your average mother can be expected to be less sexually appealing to the general populace to the same woman pre-child is not true.<BR/><BR/>I, of course, hope to be an exception but I am prepared if I am not.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-76036737678914561972008-03-19T16:35:00.000-04:002008-03-19T16:35:00.000-04:00I don't care for the term, mostly because I have t...I don't care for the term, mostly because I have two boys and I shudder at the idea of either of them classifying anyone as a MILF, ever, regardless of their age. It's degrading to women. But I guess I'm just fooling myself if I think they'll never think a degrading thought about women ever in their lives. Ick!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-35927175393120661672008-03-19T10:59:00.000-04:002008-03-19T10:59:00.000-04:00So, I'll admit that I think the whole MILF concept...So, I'll admit that I think the whole MILF concept is pretty funny to me. But, I think it's cause we have a long-running joke at work about it. I firmly believe you cannot apply the term to yourself (except in jest). But, really, if we're discussing MILF's I think most people think Angelina Jolie - and I'm sorry but Tori Spelling could never, ever fit into that category.<BR/>I hated her on 90210 also, and she's just gotten more and more annoying.<BR/>The funny thing about her is that because her character of Donna was a virgin she's made SUCH a point of telling the world that she's not a virgin. Weird weird weird.Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85618776685678356122008-03-19T08:41:00.000-04:002008-03-19T08:41:00.000-04:00Shannon - obviously, women in general do get categ...Shannon - obviously, women in general do get categorized according to levels of attractiveness. But usually that's done with some reference to personal preference, rather than to group characteristics. My problem with MILF is that it implies that one needs to distinguish attractive women *within* the category of mothers, which to my mind further implies that there's something about *mothers*, specifically, as a group, that suggests sexually unattractiveness unless otherwise specified. I mean, can you imagine if there were terms distinguishing members of other groups as 'f*ckable' or not? <BR/><BR/>It's the difference between expressing like or dislike toward individual persons versus expressing like or dislike (or attraction or unattraction) toward members of groups on the basis of membership in those groups.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47655716927959706482008-03-19T08:31:00.000-04:002008-03-19T08:31:00.000-04:00Jo. I said that *I* was sexually more interesting,...Jo. I said that *I* was sexually more interesting, as compared to my pre-maternal self. It was a personal reference, not a universal one (although I would argue that sexual self-awareness and maturity does make one more interesting as a sexual partner generally. This, however, does not apply exclusively to mothers.)<BR/><BR/>The fact is - as one anonymous commenter above makes abundantly clear - that mothers, as a group, are generally universally regarded as asexual or unsexual by the culture at large, and certainly by popular culture. If you can point to an example of childless women being characterized, because of their childlessness (other than the stereotypical aging spinster, who is so categorized because of her age - and now mostly supplanted in the culture by the 'cougar' - which, also offensive) I'd be interested to hear of it.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-40666548070659881892008-03-19T08:30:00.000-04:002008-03-19T08:30:00.000-04:00Huh, I thought the term was used more by adult men...Huh, I thought the term was used more by adult men than teenagers. The term doesn't bother me per se, although I wouldn't go around wearing it like a badge. <BR/><BR/>One part of your post I disagree with:<BR/>"that mothers, as a group, are ordinarily so obviously unf*ckable that society needs a whole separate category and term for mothers who escape that norm."<BR/><BR/>I don't see it that way. There are lots of terms that reference "hottie" women in general. This doesn't mean that women, as a group, are obviously NOT HOT.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12115868919422169439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7640047736293014552008-03-19T05:21:00.000-04:002008-03-19T05:21:00.000-04:00Um. The statement that mothers are sexually more i...Um. The statement that mothers are sexually more interesting is just as offensive as the suggestion that they're not.<BR/>Mothers are women. Childless women are women. There's no "winner" but there seems to be this divisive battle going on, particularly in the blogging sphere. Problem is, I don't see any non-mothers claiming superiority in the way I see mothers doing so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12900774778823418092008-03-18T23:52:00.000-04:002008-03-18T23:52:00.000-04:00I've always been extremely annoyed by that term, t...I've always been extremely annoyed by that term, too. The term itself, as well as the women who strive for that label. It does bring to mind plastic surgery mis-haps and "accidental" nipple slips. Ew.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-78157903924283155862008-03-18T21:00:00.001-04:002008-03-18T21:00:00.001-04:00Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is ver...Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the <A HREF="http://telefone-celular-brasil.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">Celular</A>, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://telefone-celular-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.<A HREF="4302531322" REL="nofollow"></A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-89388828514141880662008-03-18T20:30:00.000-04:002008-03-18T20:30:00.000-04:00Your blog is great - I love the way you write. I'...Your blog is great - I love the way you write. I'm not a mom but I am in my mid-30's which, I imagine, removes me from the "ILF" category...and that is fine with me! Do I want to be attractive and appealing? Yes - to my husband! Do I care about or need the approval of a teenaged boy? NO. And for those who do - that's pretty gross.Phoebe's Phriendshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587828452166178953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-4545637940233070262008-03-18T20:11:00.000-04:002008-03-18T20:11:00.000-04:00I'm so with you on this one. Hate the term; hate w...I'm so with you on this one. Hate the term; hate what it stands for.Terehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15850314798468099658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-5626977732109097272008-03-18T18:50:00.000-04:002008-03-18T18:50:00.000-04:00Ok, as the leader of the the former "Future MILF" ...Ok, as the leader of the the former "Future MILF" club I have to speak up. Though I am quaking in my boots to do so.<BR/><BR/>When I first started my weight loss club I named it The Future MILFs. Because the idea of MILFness struck me as hilarious. It was very much a sarcastic usage of the term. The idea being that losing weight can be such a chore, that we should all have a laugh at the idea that we're supposed to get to some perfect MILFy size.<BR/><BR/>But recently I ditched the club name. Renamed it to Gin In My Apron pocket for a couple of reasons. I felt like some of the members (and everyone who found me via google) didn't get the sarcastic empowerment of it. And I just can't get behind the term as a realistic goal/label.<BR/><BR/>And I found that all of us were getting better/smarter/wiser in so many other ways than just looks by supporting each other. So I wanted to open the group up for anyone that's working on some kind of self care.<BR/><BR/>That's all.Mom O Matichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00663817788501199975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-73466515347131226712008-03-18T18:49:00.000-04:002008-03-18T18:49:00.000-04:00Good post. You've articulated perfectly what's be...Good post. You've articulated perfectly what's been bothering me about MILF. I just couldn't pin down my thoughts and then articulate them like this. Well done, you.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15264625893829690986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-43869090593021974532008-03-18T18:41:00.000-04:002008-03-18T18:41:00.000-04:00Amen, and lets get rid of "yummy mummy" while we a...Amen, and lets get rid of "yummy mummy" while we are at itAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-20874615583293284492008-03-18T18:29:00.000-04:002008-03-18T18:29:00.000-04:00Want to hear something funny and mostly unrelated?...Want to hear something funny and mostly unrelated? Yesterday my mom sent my husband an email signed "Your favorite MIL". He didn't know it was an abbreviation for mother-in-law and thought she had left the F off of MILF. He was more than a little disturbed. LMAO.Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1140025628480642082008-03-18T17:51:00.000-04:002008-03-18T17:51:00.000-04:00I always thought it was a trashy label.Like my nei...I always thought it was a trashy label.<BR/><BR/>Like my neighbor with the bad boob job, too young/tight clothes and the frosted hair. All that at 44.<BR/><BR/>I am so fatigued with living in a world that still insists on defining women largely on their looks/f*ckability/ and youth...Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02086167716210736774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-80823216234834080452008-03-18T17:22:00.000-04:002008-03-18T17:22:00.000-04:00Sing it!!Sing it!!Liz Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09469435277058701080noreply@blogger.com