tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post4485167492366146266..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: All About My MotherHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32310575168780520922009-03-12T23:25:00.000-04:002009-03-12T23:25:00.000-04:00My mom thinks she is the big helper, and in realit...My mom thinks she is the big helper, and in reality, she is more the kind of grandma that is hands off. I wish she was like your mom and admitted it.<BR/><BR/>Instead, I have memories of her telling how much she helped, while in reality she told me the day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, that she needed a nap, and then took off, while I struggled to get food.Brokenornothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11784226024971647485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13848036882904898782009-03-12T10:19:00.000-04:002009-03-12T10:19:00.000-04:00My mom lives two doors down and I can count on two...My mom lives two doors down and I can count on two hands the number of times she's babysat, and then only for 2 hours max. But she loves my kids fiercely, and is an artist who spends time with the kids drawing and painting and sculpting and building a treehouse and being a "fun" grandma when we visit. There are times I wish for a helicopter grandma who would swoop in and clean the house and make dinner, but I can't imagine that I'll be that type myself. Some people are better at being fun than being nurturing and traditionally motherly.The Spicershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08667011381331956751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-83297903202499384672009-03-11T14:45:00.000-04:002009-03-11T14:45:00.000-04:00Wow thank you so much for writing about this. I ca...Wow thank you so much for writing about this. I call my parents the "me" generation. They love my son but it's really about their reflection - how great they look in his eyes. And god forbid they miss happy hour or trips to France or outdoing each other on toys rather than say starting a college fund. My parents were alot of fun -dancing, laughing and throwing parties. But my brother and I spent many days eating bread, butter and sugar sandwiches. And if my brother got to the bread first, forget about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-33916077030864869472009-03-10T12:34:00.000-04:002009-03-10T12:34:00.000-04:00I am the mother of four grown daughters and the gr...I am the mother of four grown daughters and the grandma of a 22 month old, a 6 month old, and a 3 month old. Learning is be a grandma is a least as hard as learning to be a mother, especially since my mom has been dead for four years. Each daughter has very different needs and expectations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85331333638259101802009-03-09T12:52:00.000-04:002009-03-09T12:52:00.000-04:00I have to ask how the overnighter went?I have to ask how the overnighter went?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32896150184383257472009-03-09T12:22:00.000-04:002009-03-09T12:22:00.000-04:00Your depiction of your mother here reminds me of m...Your depiction of your mother here reminds me of my father. My dad loved all the goofy, fun stuff of our childhoods and I love him for it =)<BR/><BR/>How did your mother like the newspaper article?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-6900777971607577102009-03-09T11:49:00.000-04:002009-03-09T11:49:00.000-04:00Both of our mothers are single, and our fathers ar...Both of our mothers are single, and our fathers aren't in the picture. They both adore spending time with their grandchildren, adn sometimes it becomes taxing trying to keep it fair. I love that my children have their grandmother and aunt around to watch them and participate in their lives. We made an agreement very early on that we would always offer the chance to have the children to them before we look for a babysitter, but they were free to say no. We called it the right of first refusal, and so far it has worked out well. I don't feel like I'm overburdening them, and they get the time they want.<BR/><BR/>And since my hubby is deployed, I really don't know what I would do without them.<BR/><BR/>This isn't a comment on your situation...I'm merely trying to point out that we all need to make our situation work the best for everyone. <BR/><BR/>ANd you and your babies are gorgeous in that pic.Mamalanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00200657325831762553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-43449202069023966472009-03-09T11:24:00.000-04:002009-03-09T11:24:00.000-04:00catherine your mum sounds so awesome.she is who sh...catherine your mum sounds so awesome.she is who she is.and don't worry about jasper he will be fine.hope you and tanis have a blast in NYC!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-25023029312443159612009-03-09T00:39:00.000-04:002009-03-09T00:39:00.000-04:00My mother is peeved that my husband and I are movi...My mother is peeved that my husband and I are moving to his home state in a couple of years at my urging. "You'll be so far away from your sisters, and from me" she says, although we live a plane flight away anyway. We are moving to be closer to the family that will actually be intimately involved with our kids, help out and give us a break when we need it. I read a couple of comments about how these are "our kids" and yes, they are, but generations of families have grown up supporting each other. Is that so bad? <BR/><BR/>Loved this post and loved the article. Excellent.Little Monkieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04900534132035538470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-54650824883471696582009-03-08T23:37:00.000-04:002009-03-08T23:37:00.000-04:00OMG I nearly peed when I read the unscrew bellybut...OMG I nearly peed when I read the unscrew bellybutton=bum falling off... My mother told my kids THOSE EXACT WORDS. She is a GREAT grandma, by the way. Hope I grow up to be just like her :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-45467143218164877892009-03-08T23:05:00.000-04:002009-03-08T23:05:00.000-04:00I start out wanting to wish you more involved gran...I start out wanting to wish you more involved grandparents, and then I read about all the cookie baking and girl scout trooping and merry making and think you know...that ain't half bad. <BR/><BR/>I guess we don't get to pick our parents, and so we learn to take the good with the bad. <BR/><BR/>And sometimes that bad isn't all that bad either.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-28689432414773137452009-03-08T22:46:00.000-04:002009-03-08T22:46:00.000-04:00Joy - so interesting... my sister is the same way,...Joy - so interesting... my sister is the same way, gets really frustrated that our mom doesn't helicopter. I remind her constantly that mom's never pretended that she would be otherwise!Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79674143726338467312009-03-08T22:39:00.000-04:002009-03-08T22:39:00.000-04:00I think I fell in love with your mom, too, but the...I think I fell in love with your mom, too, but then again, she sounds a lot like mine! ;) My mother has raised her five children with the joys and sorrows that follow motherhood, and does not want to mother her grandchildren or hinder my 'full' experience of motherhood. I need help, she's there, but helps me to help myself, mostly. And I completely get that, and bask in her hands=off enjoyment of my children. My sister, however, wants our mom to be a helicopter grandma, and is hurt and confused when that doesn't happen...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91691896433892327362009-03-08T20:51:00.000-04:002009-03-08T20:51:00.000-04:00My mom is like yours. She had 6 kids and was a goo...My mom is like yours. She had 6 kids and was a good parent, but she had basically no interest in seeing the grandkids outside of short visits with their parents present. <BR/><BR/>The problem with this is now that she has great-grandkids (15 of them!) they don't get brought around much because her grandkids don't really know her very well. It is kind of sad to me, but she made those decisions and she has to live with them.SUEB0Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301963922769609715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91666756827022603192009-03-08T07:27:00.000-04:002009-03-08T07:27:00.000-04:00love the article!My parents are 3.5 hours away, cl...love the article!<BR/><BR/>My parents are 3.5 hours away, close and yet far. they have taken the kidlets for a week so we could have vacation. but they aren't "around" for constant sitting...<BR/><BR/>MIL lives 10 minutes away, but is not the grandma type. she'll come if we NEED her... but sometimes the weeks of complaining afterwards cost more than just paying a sitter ;)Lydiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15054176279624205909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-6030844594304329762009-03-08T00:30:00.000-05:002009-03-08T00:30:00.000-05:00My mom is this type of grandparent and although I ...My mom is this type of grandparent and although I am grateful for what she does contribute to my children's lives I wish it was more. Raising children is hard. Historically, children were raised in small groups with many families, or related women, helping out. The load was shared. In the modern western family the load is directly placed on one or two people. It gets a bit much. I don't expect my mom to give up her life, but I do wish the circle of those who help care and influence my children was larger.<BR/><BR/>Having said all this, I really do love my parents and appreciate their involvement in my life, no matter the size. <BR/><BR/>I wonder what type of grandparent *I* will be? I'm not the same parent as my mother so I suspect I'll be different, but only time will tell.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7354802958799955142009-03-07T20:43:00.000-05:002009-03-07T20:43:00.000-05:00Dude! You were all in the NYTimes, how bad can you...Dude! You were all in the NYTimes, how bad can you possibly be? There is something freeing about her attitude and I envy her, but I can see where your frustration comes from. But at least she is coming from a place of love. And some grandmas really mess with their grandkids if they spend too much time with them, so you've got that going for you.Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15835303750336050596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-36504585003401944082009-03-07T15:12:00.000-05:002009-03-07T15:12:00.000-05:00Oh, I love your blog. And your muffin top. And a...Oh, I love your blog. And your muffin top. And all muffin tops everywhere! Go, NYT!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-25070500903817306102009-03-07T14:20:00.000-05:002009-03-07T14:20:00.000-05:00My mom is kind of in between yours and the "swoopi...My mom is kind of in between yours and the "swooping" type. I am mostly good with that. I wouldn't want her being too pushy. I guess I just feel we have to accept these moms as they are and focus on the positive, as you have with your mom. Peace.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79960349776171745102009-03-07T13:16:00.000-05:002009-03-07T13:16:00.000-05:00I kind of wish that my mom was a little more like ...I kind of wish that my mom was a little more like yours. Mine has very much inserted herself into my son's life and I've had to push her away a little. We lived with her when my son was very young (financial suckiness) and she flat out told me a few times that she thought of herself as my son's other mom and I was just not okay with that. It caused a rift in our relationship that I don't know will ever be repaired.<BR/><BR/>What has always been a point of conflict between her and I is that she's only ever wanted to be a mom, a grandmother, someone who nurtures and cares for others. And it's not that that's wrong, but that's all that there was for her. So when the people in her life eventually started to pull away to experience life without someone constantly there to hold our hands, she freaked. My mom does not have a life outside of being my mom and my son's grandmother and I resent her for it. I guess I don't want to end up like her.<BR/><BR/>I can't overstate how grateful I am that she was able and willing to just help out for even the simplest things, like holding my baby so I could take a shower or a nap. But I wish she would let me carve out my own path through this wilderness of motherhood.<BR/><BR/>Or something.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51175445951422391962009-03-07T13:03:00.000-05:002009-03-07T13:03:00.000-05:00AM SO EXCITED YOU'RE GETTING A COUPLE DAYS AWAY!I ...AM SO EXCITED YOU'RE GETTING A COUPLE DAYS AWAY!<BR/><BR/>I just left my own overnight for the first time last night and am glad to report we both survived. But I am not boobfeeding every couple hours, either.<BR/><BR/>LOVE.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1706627895250749172009-03-07T12:31:00.000-05:002009-03-07T12:31:00.000-05:00My mom (and my MIL as well, thank god) is a little...My mom (and my MIL as well, thank god) is a little of both. She'll show up when I need her and take over for a bit. But she also lives her life to the fullest and that doesn't really involve taking over my life or over doing it with my kids. <BR/><BR/>I'm thinking I should call and thank her for being the way she is.Issahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11309906249557761472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-78029917496375706142009-03-07T08:19:00.000-05:002009-03-07T08:19:00.000-05:00So I'm a bad grandma? I didn't know I had a title...So I'm a bad grandma? I didn't know I had a title, but it's one I'm delighted to claim. I'm like your mom. In dire straits, of course I'm there. And I do love those kids, and I'd do anything to ease their paths through life, but in 17 years of grandmotherhood, my daughter has only ASKED me to baby sit once. Bless her. Of course there have been many times when I've demanded to baby sit, but it's not expected of me. I have a life. I raised three kids, and now I have my semi-golden years and my job and friends. She's raising her kids, not me. And both of us enjoy them, in different ways.<BR/><BR/>I had fun teaching both of them how to stick your thumbs in your ears and waggle your fingers. She worries over their grades. I tell them scary stories, she turns on the night lights. I play tricks on them, she laughs at all of us. It works great. I enjoy them, but they are not my burden. She's the one who gets to carry that loving burden until the day when she gets to be a bad grandmother herself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-20234454600518000492009-03-07T08:18:00.000-05:002009-03-07T08:18:00.000-05:00MU - She *would* (and has) stepped in when I've re...MU - She *would* (and has) stepped in when I've really needed her (and asked directly.) One weepy phone call and she'll come.<BR/><BR/>She'll complain about how she's hate flying, though. But then again, she also invariably makes some lasagna ;)Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-8895508182623600932009-03-06T23:16:00.000-05:002009-03-06T23:16:00.000-05:00I hope to meet your mother someday.J will be fine....I hope to meet your mother someday.<BR/><BR/>J will be fine. Promise. Enjoy White Plains.Julie Marshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05386446012443269817noreply@blogger.com