tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post116899197109367144..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Wherever You Go, There You AreHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169610286421896892007-01-23T22:44:00.000-05:002007-01-23T22:44:00.000-05:00We went through a six-month period of nonsleeping ...We went through a six-month period of nonsleeping with the little angel. I read every book, every message board, berated myself and finally resorted to therapy, because the lack of sleep turned into bristling anxiety.<BR/><BR/>I think you should do whatever it is you need to do for you all to sleep. Don't worry about if it's "right." We slept on the floor of her room for a while and let her take a sippy cup of water to bed. But whatever it takes. Seriously. Take care of you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169517327465984742007-01-22T20:55:00.000-05:002007-01-22T20:55:00.000-05:00None of us know what we are doing. That's the hug...None of us know what we are doing. That's the huge, unspoken, earthshattering secret of motherhood. I am trying not to screw up my kids the way my parents screwed me up, but I've assured my daughter she's sure to be messed up---in different ways.Troublehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16553273498093394669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169478695400973602007-01-22T10:11:00.000-05:002007-01-22T10:11:00.000-05:00That was brilliant- and as I sit here in front of ...That was brilliant- and as I sit here in front of the monitor, my eyes burning because I have only had 2 hours of sleep, I totally get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169337966482318032007-01-20T19:06:00.000-05:002007-01-20T19:06:00.000-05:00don't worry! my boy (as i have probably already s...don't worry! my boy (as i have probably already said) was so sleepless that i resorted to sitting him down in front of whatever was on telly - in those days only horror movies - in the night. now he can talk he is so lovely and gives me really good feedback on my parenting. i reckon you have a future genius on your hands there!joker the lurcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17260629209872897792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169328267648225302007-01-20T16:24:00.000-05:002007-01-20T16:24:00.000-05:00We are going through the no sleep issue too! I hav...We are going through the no sleep issue too! I have read "the Happiest Baby on the Block", "The No Cry Sleep Solution", "The Baby Whisperer", and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." They did exactly nothing but cause me more stress and anxiety that my child wasn't napping as long as the books say he should and certainly not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time during the night, a big no no in all those books. I was certain he would be dumb or a murderer or something awful just because he wasn't sleeping. I had to be the worst mother on the planet because I couldn't get my child to sleep. <BR/><BR/>I finally read Dr. Sears Sleep book and finally I decided to just be patient and try not to crazy in the meantime. James is still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours all night long. If we co-slept it would be so much easier but co-sleeping isn't an option for me. I get up and go to his nursey each and every time he wakes. He had us all fooled at 3 months when he slept for 10 hours and even later when he was just up once a night but not any more! <BR/><BR/>I was with about 10 other moms and babies recently and I asked them who had babies that slept through the night. First I had to define "sleep through the night" becuase some people think its at least 5 hours, some 10 hours. Others believe that as long as they baby doesn't come fully awake, eats, then goes back out that it's not considered waking up. After we defined it as consitently consecutivelly sleeping 7-8 hours a night with out any feedings only 2 of the moms had babies who slept through the night. ONLY 2! <BR/><BR/>Oh yeah, and a lot of mothers lie about when thier kids slept through the night! <BR/><BR/>Know that your not alone and not sleeping is really the norm not the exception. <BR/><BR/>You're a great mom!Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01292347765475637473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169165769769502652007-01-18T19:16:00.000-05:002007-01-18T19:16:00.000-05:00My twins have foods they "like today" but not tomo...My twins have foods they "like today" but not tomorrow. Today, they like ham. Tomorrow, it makes them scream.<BR/>We used to try to beg, to cajole, to force, etc and eventually we've realized that some nights, it'll be toast with fruit for supper. <BR/><BR/>You're right......we have no idea what they are going to throw at us next. I guess the saving grace is that they probably don't know either.Gidge Urizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14879734082487890329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169139910650093522007-01-18T12:05:00.000-05:002007-01-18T12:05:00.000-05:00I thought you did know everything about parenting?...I thought you did know everything about parenting? :)Creative-Type Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594687030412942701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169138097119372282007-01-18T11:34:00.000-05:002007-01-18T11:34:00.000-05:00Bad: Two points.1. You have described Miss M's sle...Bad: Two points.<BR/><BR/>1. You have described Miss M's sleep habits to a T. She refused her crib (in our case from about 7 months on) for all naps. For almost a year and a half we took her out in the car or stroller EVERY SINGLE DAY. Eventually she settled into the routine of it all and participated in this ritual with very little fuss BUT only if we were hyper-aware of her nap cues. <BR/><BR/>At 13 months (WonderBaby's age now), Miss M stopped sleeping in her crib. She ended up in bed with us for almost a year. She would not fall asleep at night unless she was in my arms. I know the Weisbluthians out there are thinking, just let her cry it out already. I'm sorry. I couldn't. I tried a few times but Miss M went ballistic in a way that terrified me. She was always clingy and with each cry it was as if I was killing her soul. These were not simple protest cries but genuine abandonment fears. She is that kind of kind. <BR/><BR/>And so, we became a family of co-sleepers despite ourselves. Over the holidays, we put Miss M in a big girl bed. Last night, for the first time ever, she went down without rocking, all by herself. She's been napping with the sitter this way for a couple of weeks. She still wakes up and gets into bed with us in the middle of the night but everyone falls back to sleep quickly. <BR/><BR/>Miss M will be 2 next week. Sleep, my friend is a long journey. I am still not convinced my journey is done. I know though that, periodically, we come to places of respite. You will too.<BR/><BR/>Point 2, re the Bad Mother Thing. Look at it this way. Can you imagine any other person on the planet being a better mother to Wonder Baby? I didn't think so. I can't imagine anyone else mothering Miss M. We may be bad but for our particular kids we da bomb.<BR/><BR/>Sleep well.Madhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13416585771017767796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169137754304331692007-01-18T11:29:00.000-05:002007-01-18T11:29:00.000-05:00There's a book called something along the lines of...There's a book called something along the lines of "Your Spirited Child." It's been a great help with Boy 1, who has been 'spirited' (on good days) and heinously snotty (on bad days) since he was born.<BR/><BR/>On the bright side, spirited kids are always an adventure!Woman with Kidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03097328663857446991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169137253973315432007-01-18T11:20:00.000-05:002007-01-18T11:20:00.000-05:00Oh Catherine, of course I understand the not knowi...Oh Catherine, of course I understand the not knowing what we're doing thing. It's the blasted tagline on my blog, for God's sake. I can only hope that when we emerge from the haze of doubt, of sleeplessness, of unsure decisions outweighing the sure ones, that we can look back and it will only feel like the blink of an eye--the stories we tell. The essays we write. <BR/><BR/>Until then...I hope it goes speedily.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169136718712417662007-01-18T11:11:00.000-05:002007-01-18T11:11:00.000-05:00If a parent thought that they did know everything ...If a parent thought that they did know everything and that they were perfect with their skills, I would run far away from them. I already feel inferior enough. The things I thought I knew with the first child mostly get washed away with the second. Maybe I've forgotten everything already as a surviving mechanism.<BR/><BR/>I assure you that you are an excellent parent.ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169118793352579542007-01-18T06:13:00.000-05:002007-01-18T06:13:00.000-05:00If it makes you feel better, not a single one of m...If it makes you feel better, not a single one of my kids slept through the night until they turned...oh, 4. This also means that I still have at least 2 that wake me up during the night for things like, "Laywitme" and, "More milk/water", etc. <BR/><BR/>Getting the mom thing down pat will get easier. :) We'll never be perfect though - and if we do, we'll be one of those ones that went crazy once the kids left. As they grow older, there's more chaos - like encountering mean kids or they're great in English and not so great in Math. Which really throws me off, because I think my kids are perfect and, well, they're not. <BR/><BR/>All we need is love. (and now I have that song in my head! :) )Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382797455070371722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169098912524960012007-01-18T00:41:00.000-05:002007-01-18T00:41:00.000-05:00I still have NO idea what I'm doing, even after ha...I still have NO idea what I'm doing, even after having three children in four years. I think I know less than when I only had one ... this after a three-staple day. Three staples in my 3-year-old's cracked head, that is.Domestic Slackstresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03067343703529550218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169095316536231602007-01-17T23:41:00.000-05:002007-01-17T23:41:00.000-05:00I never know what the fuck to do as a mom. Also, ...I never know what the fuck to do as a mom. Also, not everything that worked with the first baby worked with the second. I do agree with the comments about developmental leaps. I found the same thing was true with eating. <BR/><BR/>When my older son decided he didn't want to nap, I changed it to "quiet time". I got the idea from some of my friends with older kids. Basically he can do whatever he wants in his childproof room as long as he's quiet. If he's not, he looses a priviledge like TV time or playing a board game etc. Sometimes he naps, a lot of times he doesn't. When he was Wonder Baby's age, I would just toss in a bunch of quiet time only toys and books and he would "nap" for 45 minutes.Alex Elliothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08567976812466320977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169084588372867592007-01-17T20:43:00.000-05:002007-01-17T20:43:00.000-05:00aww love yes that is how we will surviveand yup to...aww love yes that is how we will survive<BR/>and yup to everything else. Except mine didn't sleep at night. Its torture pure torture and then we willingly do it again.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169075581915200682007-01-17T18:13:00.000-05:002007-01-17T18:13:00.000-05:00So well written. I can so relate. We're at a diffe...So well written. I can so relate. We're at a different stage (almost 3!) but so much of it is unknown. <BR/>We go up and down with sleep to, and I try to tell myself that it's so much better than when he was little and I got less sleep, but whatever. Tired is tired.<BR/>The truth is that as I go along it's just one hurdle after another. And, I'm so frustrated, but then I suddenly have moments where I love it so much and it's okay. And then it sucks. And then there's another moment.<BR/>A little off topic, but for us the issue is bedtime. Matt just will NOT go to bed if I am anywhere around since I always cave.<BR/>I've started going to the gym every night at bedtime. He gets a kiss and a hug and then my husband tucks him in and I leave for an hour. It doesn't always work, but at least my mental health is a little better (and maybe I'll get in shape)Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169074230173248092007-01-17T17:50:00.000-05:002007-01-17T17:50:00.000-05:00Oy. I'm an ostrich. I can't think what's next. I c...Oy. I'm an ostrich. I can't think what's next. I can only deal with today. And not even that so much. In fact, I'm still reeling from yesterday when my baby wouldn't nap for nine hours. So I hear ya.Damselflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139191935886860839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169066055883363742007-01-17T15:34:00.000-05:002007-01-17T15:34:00.000-05:00Oh, I feel for you Catherine! Lack of sleep does ...Oh, I feel for you Catherine! Lack of sleep does take a toll on everyone. I hope this phase won't last long. She's strong like her Mama alright.wayabettyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06993697296070707945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169058813658852422007-01-17T13:33:00.000-05:002007-01-17T13:33:00.000-05:00My son didn't sleep through the night until 18 mon...My son didn't sleep through the night until 18 months. Crying it out didn't work, willing him to sleep didn't work, nor did any of the dozens of other methods we tried. He was just a crappy sleeper, and I blame that solely on his father, because I could fall asleep on the floor of a crowded city bus if conditions inside my head are right.<BR/><BR/>I tell you this not to depress or one-up you, but as encouragement. There is an end in sight. Unfortunately, you're in a sleep-deprived fog so you can't see that end, but trust me... it's there. My daughter is 6, and she's self-reliant to a point that is terrifying. <BR/><BR/>Take heart...Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02778318185310548615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169055534186364152007-01-17T12:38:00.000-05:002007-01-17T12:38:00.000-05:00I find that figuring out thing the hard way make m...I find that figuring out thing the hard way make me better at what I'm attempting. I guess I'm a hands-on learner, so I'm sitting here thinking that because you're really trying everything you can try, that you're one of the most adaptable mothers I know of. Someone who can roll with the punches and take things as they come, which I think, besides love, is one of the best qualities a parent can possess. <BR/><BR/>I hope the progress continues and you realize a renewal of the sleep patterns you've previously mastered.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169053185782488902007-01-17T11:59:00.000-05:002007-01-17T11:59:00.000-05:00What a beautiful post. I'm sure you will figure it...What a beautiful post. I'm sure you will figure it out. Wonder Baby is very lucky to have such an insightful Mom.<BR/>Nonetheless...Good Luck. Remember, this too shall pass.<BR/>Mine are all grown up and on their own, so you see sooner or later it does work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169051220361388742007-01-17T11:27:00.000-05:002007-01-17T11:27:00.000-05:00so, obviously, neither you nor i are the only ones...so, obviously, neither you nor i are the only ones who feel like we don't know what we're doing. the thing is, neither do the kids. and no one routine is going to solve any given issue for all children. the only thing you can do is try everything until something works, and then use it until it stops working. you're right: all you need is love. well, love and you really do need to sleep occasionally. do you have a dog crate you can lock her in for an hour or so? kidding, kidding......mostly.<BR/>good luck.megachickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07803819761757537823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169050997945150042007-01-17T11:23:00.000-05:002007-01-17T11:23:00.000-05:00A friend of mine (not a parent, interestingly) sai...A friend of mine (not a parent, interestingly) said that parenting must be like having to write a exam every day of your life, an exam for which you study in every spare minute, but for which there's no guarantee that the material you study will be relevant, or tested. And the exam changes EVERY DAY.<BR/><BR/>I thought that that was pretty spot on. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for all the support, and the recommendations, and the sandman wishes...Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169050736685834972007-01-17T11:18:00.000-05:002007-01-17T11:18:00.000-05:00My son just turned three yesterday and he hasn't s...My son just turned three yesterday and he hasn't slept since he was about 9 months old. He doesn't ever seem to need any sleep and definitely needs much less sleep than I do. As he is getting older, at least we can make him (or try to make him) stay in his room and play at night, but it is frustrating to never feel in control of anything! I feel for you. I really do. He is my fourth baby, so you would think I would know what I am doing by now, but I just don't. My other three are very easy kids, and he is just not. He's not predictable, not like any other kid I have ever met. I love him, but he's very difficult. I am trying to look at it as a learning experience because he really is teaching me a lot about myself too. Mainly that I hate feeling out of control and that it is something I need to work on. I feel for you!Radioactive Torihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588217525296865718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169050630290297852007-01-17T11:17:00.000-05:002007-01-17T11:17:00.000-05:00I don't know what to say other than hang in there....I don't know what to say other than hang in there. I think the constant change aspect of motherhood must be the most difficult thing. Remembering that this is a marathon, with ever changing landscape and not a sprint must be a daily challenge. <BR/>I'm thinking of you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com