tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post115733565679914841..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: The Loneliness of the Long-Distance MommyHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1158877549965445592006-09-21T18:25:00.000-04:002006-09-21T18:25:00.000-04:00Hello EveryoneI have made a Web site about mental ...Hello Everyone<BR/><BR/>I have made a Web site about <A HREF="http://leader4u.com" REL="nofollow">mental retardation and post school achievements</A>. <BR/><BR/>I hope you check it out.<BR/><BR/>http://leader4u.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157946560767419852006-09-10T23:49:00.000-04:002006-09-10T23:49:00.000-04:00fantastic essay, hbm! Just catching up on last wee...fantastic essay, hbm! Just catching up on last week's posts and am glad to have hit this one right away - it's a little...well, familiar. Except for the heels part which I don't care about. Jimmy Choo does make flats you know...Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157661609532787942006-09-07T16:40:00.000-04:002006-09-07T16:40:00.000-04:00Here's what I do. I always chose baby time over l...Here's what I do. I always chose baby time over laundry or cleaning (also I have made sure I have enough pairs of under-wear so I don't need to do laundry for at least one month). I have long ago accepted that i make mistakes everyday, sometimes twice or 3 x per day. and i tell myself that perfect doesn't exist in humans. no way i'm going to be perfect. this helps me not get too anxious about my shortcomings as a mom. i also tell myself that even bad moms are loved by their babies - i think babies are hard-wired to love their mommies no matter what. you might feel less competi-mommy when you start back to work and get some perspective on baby-raising skills and time spent with baby -- i did when i went back to work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157657738518002962006-09-07T15:35:00.000-04:002006-09-07T15:35:00.000-04:00I think it's time to stop running and start living...I think it's time to stop running and start living. All mothers, or almost all mothers, feel frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed just as you do. If we spend time thinking about the could have, would have, wish I...then we lose sight of the I did, I am, I have...<BR/><BR/>Perfection is what we make it. Loving your child and giving her the best is perfection. The fact that you care enough to enough to question you abilities tells me that you've achieved it. Well done.BlondeBronyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09053308791826914780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157649891671521222006-09-07T13:24:00.000-04:002006-09-07T13:24:00.000-04:00Maybe we can form a club of some sort? I see memb...Maybe we can form a club of some sort? I see membership shirts proclaiming:<BR/>"I'm an overachiever and all I got was this lousy tee shirt"<BR/><BR/>I usually feel like I'm doing pretty well on the mothering end of things, but the house and the husband get short changed and the me usually gets 3 hours a week at the gym and the occasional time with a novel.Annie, The Evil Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16585283486191306521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157625595892399842006-09-07T06:39:00.000-04:002006-09-07T06:39:00.000-04:00Right. Exactly. Bingo.We women drive ourselves nut...Right. Exactly. Bingo.<BR/><BR/>We women drive ourselves nuts trying to achieve our own unrealistic images of perfection - whatever they may be. Our fantasies clash with our realities, and we feel angst/failure/frustration. But...it eases as the kids grow, because we grow too.Ruth Dynamitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06161626814106717754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157603247660691562006-09-07T00:27:00.000-04:002006-09-07T00:27:00.000-04:00Great post.Great post.Girl con Quesohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18185883042219064363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157564649650029022006-09-06T13:44:00.000-04:002006-09-06T13:44:00.000-04:00You've gotten so many comments saying they all fee...You've gotten so many comments saying they all feel the same way, great writing, etc., that I feel somewhat competitive, and I want to say something better...but really, erm...great job. Loved this post, because it spoke to how I often feel like I'm a jack of all trades in my own life, not a good enough mom, not a good enough wife, not a good enough employee, on and on and on. But letting go of some of my ideas of what is good enough, that's a first step. :)Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00653383372182667361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157546246855711612006-09-06T08:37:00.000-04:002006-09-06T08:37:00.000-04:00Wow. You said it so perfectly.I find myself compe...Wow. You said it so perfectly.<BR/><BR/>I find myself competing against the ghost of my mother (who isn't dead oddly enough). I never win.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157518513169429222006-09-06T00:55:00.000-04:002006-09-06T00:55:00.000-04:00Ah, the Motherhood Mystique! You might appreciate...Ah, the Motherhood Mystique! <BR/><BR/>You might appreciate one of my all-time favorite quotes:<BR/><BR/>"People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes."<BR/>-Margaret Mahy<BR/><BR/>And the laundry...and the unattainable standards that we hold ourselves to. I echo your sentiments and stand beside you...joined in the same struggles. Solidarity, sister!Bobitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09671826623140228982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157495580009942422006-09-05T18:33:00.000-04:002006-09-05T18:33:00.000-04:00what? you can't do everything?? what kind of mothe...what? you can't do everything?? what kind of mother are you?!?<BR/><BR/>bwahahaha!<BR/><BR/>you of course must KNOW that i am right there with you with this: able to consciously know (and mock) how ridiculous that competimommy voice in our heads is, yet unable to wholly get past it despite this awareness.<BR/><BR/>i haven't washed my wood floors in weeks. this fact fills me with shame.Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004168548188885215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157486421095537872006-09-05T16:00:00.000-04:002006-09-05T16:00:00.000-04:00You're right. Reading your post, I realize I have ...You're right. Reading your post, I realize I have an inner image of what kind of mom I should be like. Wow, your post stimulated some of my brain cells today. Not easy to do waiting for this baby to come out.Damselflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139191935886860839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157483101944990552006-09-05T15:05:00.000-04:002006-09-05T15:05:00.000-04:00Yes... yes.... YES!!!!!Brilliant post. Can totally...Yes... yes.... YES!!!!!<BR/><BR/>Brilliant post. Can totally relate.Virtualspritehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06906165073300321977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157474662947572612006-09-05T12:44:00.000-04:002006-09-05T12:44:00.000-04:00How funny - CompetiMommy.Yeah, we know some. Excep...How funny - CompetiMommy.<BR/><BR/>Yeah, we know some. Except these one do think they know everythingCreative-Type Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594687030412942701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157470027210826382006-09-05T11:27:00.000-04:002006-09-05T11:27:00.000-04:00OH! You said it so eloquently. You have summed u...OH! You said it so eloquently. You have summed up how I feel in one beautiful blog.tallulahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02844399832417509801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157470011251665452006-09-05T11:26:00.000-04:002006-09-05T11:26:00.000-04:00total competi-mommy over here. :)total competi-mommy over here. :)Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11127692699186571544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157469225787445002006-09-05T11:13:00.000-04:002006-09-05T11:13:00.000-04:00Don't know if I'll be saying anything that the 45 ...Don't know if I'll be saying anything that the 45 people before me haven't already said, but I've always liked the sound of my own typing, so here goes...<BR/><BR/>I would never be accused of being an A-type, but I am a bit of a control freak, and I do understand how the yearning to do the best that you can for your child/family/self can feel overwhelming and discouraging. <BR/><BR/>How to not let the strive to be the best get in the way of being satified is a tricky one. I certainly don't know the answer, but an article that was published in Mothering mag a few months ago (the only parenting mag worth the paper its printed on imho), shed some light on this very issue with a piece called 'The Good Enough Parent.' It was comforting, good advice and I recommend it highly.<BR/><BR/>p.s. I have no doubt that your child is about as amazing as they come. You must be doing something right.karengreenershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02488069680575426742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157468482045360872006-09-05T11:01:00.001-04:002006-09-05T11:01:00.001-04:00Deep sigh. I know, I know. I am doing a good job...Deep sigh. I know, I know. <BR/><BR/>I am doing a good job. My house is clean. Really clean. “Stop by any time” clean. My kids eat home-cooked meals with proper proportions of protein, veggies, grains and fruits. We play with them and read to them every day. My husband and I have conversations every day. Sometimes about diapers and wipes, but also about politics and religion and aspirations. We find time for sex once or twice a week, AND it’s still good. My laundry is done and put away. I work full time and get great kudos on my work. <BR/>All this, and yet I spent a good portion of the long weekend seeing what is NOT done – the windows need to be washed, the garden needs to be weeded and turned over for fall, the pantry needs to be organized, the basement is a landfill, the closets need end-of-summer purging, the “to-be-read” pile of books is growing ever higher, I can’t remember the last time I wore something other than Birkenstocks, and husband and I need a romantic date. I cant see past my own lengthy, ridiculous to-do list.Miguelitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10134489935342720776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157468475083148352006-09-05T11:01:00.000-04:002006-09-05T11:01:00.000-04:00You and I are a lot alike. I am extremely hard on ...You and I are a lot alike. I am extremely hard on myself, holding myself to standards that I don't expect others to meet. <BR/><BR/>I fear I will be this way in motherhood too. But I do think that acknowleding it and being cognizant of the behavior and when you're doing it will help a lot. <BR/><BR/>Give yourself a break once in a while. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was having the same problem. I know it's difficult to do, but you'll be amazed at how good it feels.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157464108119563392006-09-05T09:48:00.000-04:002006-09-05T09:48:00.000-04:00This really hit me between the eyes. My colleague...This really hit me between the eyes. My colleagues joked while I was pregnant that I was managing the pregnancy like I manage my projects at work - with folders, deadlines, and hard and fast rules. I felt very successful as a pregnant woman. No vomiting, no excess weight gain, continued to exercise, craved healthy foods, etc. Once the baby was out in the world, though, it all went to hell. I couldn't get to the bathroom when I needed to pee, much less get everything done.<BR/><BR/>It's better now that she's almost 2, but I have had to do a lot of internal adjusting to come to peace with the fact that my house will never be as clean as it used to be, I'll never exercise as much as I should, and I've turned into the woman who picks the nutrigrain bar off the floor at Target and gives it BACK to the baby rather than listen to the screaming.<BR/><BR/>Motherhood changes the rules. It's just that nobody publishes the new manual for us - they expect us to figure it out on our own.Mommygothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14584517101798904292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157459726657345052006-09-05T08:35:00.000-04:002006-09-05T08:35:00.000-04:00What you're saying here is exactly how I feel all ...What you're saying here is exactly how I feel all the time. How can I be everything to my child as a mom and yet be everything I want to be as a woman as a wife, and also as an employee.<BR/>I remember when Matt was really little (like a few weeks) and I felt I had accomplished a lot by managing to put clothes on in the morning, and then my friend with a child of the exact same age called me and mentioned she had just put shepherd's pie in the oven. <BR/>I cried when she said that. Cause I didn't measure up.<BR/>But, I try to remember that at the end of the day what my son remembers is the cuddles, the hugs and the good stuff.<BR/>And, screw trying to be everything.<BR/>Besides, I always sit in awe of you and your writing. In case you haven't realized it yet - your writing is keeping zillions of moms sane :)Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157441140371537162006-09-05T03:25:00.000-04:002006-09-05T03:25:00.000-04:00Is SalsaBaby where they learn to dance or learn to...Is SalsaBaby where they learn to dance or learn to cook TexMex food? I hope the latter, so I can send Q to get some nutrition basics. Then he can make healthy dinners for us all!<BR/><BR/>As you can tell, we're a little hectic around here too. You're a great mom, writer, and taking on lots - can't believe you have another site going. I love your post at the Mother 'Hood.Lady Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13360693450146358247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157437524625056052006-09-05T02:25:00.000-04:002006-09-05T02:25:00.000-04:00GET OFF my DOORSTEP. I have a draft in right now ...GET OFF my DOORSTEP. I have a draft in right now called 'not enough hours in the day'. Since having my second I feel like Mike Harris over here.. it is all cutbacks and restructuring. YUCK.<BR/><BR/>With #1 I said the perfectionist in my had to die a slow and painful death. Now the complusive is being summarily sent to firing squad for a quick end.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157435228774301982006-09-05T01:47:00.000-04:002006-09-05T01:47:00.000-04:00You ARE a good mother. You strive to do the best y...You ARE a good mother. You strive to do the best you can for Wonderbaby. You love her. You show her affection. You nurture her. Those are the traits of a good mother. YOU are a good mother. <BR/><BR/>(that being said, it WOULD be nice to have a martini and a pedicure now and then)Cristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07245436504933052526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1157434734520883382006-09-05T01:38:00.000-04:002006-09-05T01:38:00.000-04:00Yep. I'm right there with you, running my friggin'...Yep. I'm right there with you, running my friggin' ass off and not getting anywhere but exhausted. Damn. I just might be writing about this at my place because I've got some stuff to share...<BR/>But, not right now because...I'm reeeeally tired.tracey clarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17137351051366653697noreply@blogger.com