tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post115206300649763145..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: War (What is it Good For?)Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152731274977275502006-07-12T15:07:00.000-04:002006-07-12T15:07:00.000-04:00Brilliant! Personally I wouldn't want there to be ...Brilliant! Personally I wouldn't want there to be only one right way. It would leave no room for individuality. <BR/><BR/>It's not a question of whether to work or not. I agree that the right way includes a whole lot of love!ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152538823104345432006-07-10T09:40:00.000-04:002006-07-10T09:40:00.000-04:00Only extremists play.Only extremists play.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152507937264290422006-07-10T01:05:00.000-04:002006-07-10T01:05:00.000-04:00Crap look at all those smart comments. What can I...Crap look at all those smart comments. What can I possibly add.. well, here's something.<BR/><BR/>You're right, women suck! You know whadd-eye mean? I gno what you mean.<BR/><BR/>Nice post!mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152490730320429372006-07-09T20:18:00.000-04:002006-07-09T20:18:00.000-04:00Kudos to you for saying so. I agree we all have o...Kudos to you for saying so. I agree we all have our own choices, and whatever works for the family is best. It is unfortunate that not all mothers think we have freedom of choice, and respect the choices that we each make. <BR/>Yes my family is living with a minimal budget right now, but I get to stay home with my son, and we are happy. <BR/>When the topic arises or is mentioned off hand at the park, many mothers on the playground make sure to let me know in a round about way that they think I'm acting like I'm better than them for staying home with my son, while they choose to work. This couldn't be further from the truth. In fact working sounds good to me right now, though so does staying at home with my son. IT'S A TOUGH DECISION EITHER WAY!It's like mothers bullying mothers on the playground when we are forced to choose which parenting style is best.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00242117999775244672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152419583980759872006-07-09T00:33:00.000-04:002006-07-09T00:33:00.000-04:00HBM, I now have not only a 3000 word response to L...HBM, I now have not only a 3000 word response to LH's original horrifying AlterNet article, I also have an 1800 word response to your original Flanagan piece...<BR/><BR/>Will I EVER get them posted???? I hate posting things that are THAT long.<BR/><BR/>But you make great points here... I'm getting tempted to dust them off.<BR/><BR/>Just because I happen to want to stay home and am able to stay home is not in any way an indication of how good (or not) a mother I am, nor is it any indication of my moral (or lack thereof) character. It's a lifestyle that works for me and my family AT THE MOMENT, subject to change without notice or approval by anyone else.<BR/><BR/>Why don't these two seem to get that?the mystichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11536278508991059301noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152404793775000482006-07-08T20:26:00.000-04:002006-07-08T20:26:00.000-04:00Great post. This topic I don't get tired of, ever...Great post. This topic I don't get tired of, ever.<BR/><BR/>I do agree that the mommy wars are not bound to come to a halt (or friendly cease-fire) anytime soon. I think you touched on the reasons -- as a society we tend to be so defensive of our own choices, and any other people's choices that we think somehow degrade or question our own. I wish people -- OK, women -- could be secure enough in our own decisions and choices that we don't feel the need to start these wars. We like to say "to each his own" but we don't really live that philosophy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152288107147279792006-07-07T12:01:00.001-04:002006-07-07T12:01:00.001-04:00Oh geez, I stretched your page. Sorry!Oh geez, I stretched your page. Sorry!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152288081344980212006-07-07T12:01:00.000-04:002006-07-07T12:01:00.000-04:00I blogged about this one way back in December when...I blogged about this one way back in December when Hirshman's god-awful article first came out:<BR/><BR/>http://www.athenadreaming.org/Beanie/archives/2005/12/synthesis.html<BR/><BR/>Her entire argument is crap. The formatting is kind of wonky b/c I wrote it before upgrading my blog software, but there you go. <BR/><BR/>And in it, I--ahem--disagree slightly with you. I don't think she's anti-SAHM so much as anti-Mom, period. She's not for working moms, not for any moms except herself and a slight handful of others. Gods know that I, as a full-tiem working mother, don't get any warm fuzzies from her writings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152271857720771192006-07-07T07:30:00.000-04:002006-07-07T07:30:00.000-04:00I am with Mama Tulip. I honestly have never heard ...I am with Mama Tulip. I honestly have never heard of these women, either until now. I gotta get with the program! Ahem...anyway, I agree...I never trust someone who says there is just one "right" way of doing things. As a Mom, what works for me may not work for someone else. I think we should just accept each other and respect each other's choices.War? What war? There shouldn't be one....The Domesticatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08333326286672903879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152252821164902862006-07-07T02:13:00.000-04:002006-07-07T02:13:00.000-04:00I've lately wanted to join the discussion on this ...I've lately wanted to join the discussion on this topic, but am so wishy-washy that I haven't taken the plunge. (and I love you even more, if that's possible at this point, for dipping into the pool yourself.) I've lately been feeling like some of the work-away-from-home mommy bloggers find the SAHM mombloggers "boring" because we don't tend to create posts that follow a format that looks like something a professional would. maybe that's just me and my insecurities bleeding all over the front of my comment, and blog, but it's something I've tried to talk myself out of and can't. why is it boring to blog about what I fed my child today? it's not boring to *me*. it consumed me for a good hour, because sometimes food is a giant battle between my child and his food preparers. why is it boring to mention that I'm having a horrible day, that I'm depressed, that I'm ill? it's what's happening, and it's important and nasty and consuming for me. and I use my blog to vent, oftentimes, because I don't have any other social outlet, since I don't leave the house and communicate with other adults. ever. which is not to say that I bear animosity toward those who do (jealousy, maybe, but not animosity); so why do they bear animosity toward me for writing about my supposed "boring" laundry list of experiences; why is my minutiae perceivable as boring, simply because it's not involving important, career-ish stuff, or written in an important, career-ish fashion?<BR/><BR/>whee-ew. I didn't mean to steal your blog. *hangs head*<BR/><BR/>thanks for posting about this, HBM. I like your take on this whole business way better than my own.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14163363926316904033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152241980584254202006-07-06T23:13:00.000-04:002006-07-06T23:13:00.000-04:00We're on the same page. I have to say I think the...We're on the same page. I have to say I think the polarization in viewpoints is strongly rooted pre feminist history. Women have been historically treated in absolutes not subject to change. We were to stay home and tend to children, or, post-feminism, we were to work because you're a capable person and historical roles were beneath us. In the end in-fighting only serves to reinforce existing class, socio-economic, and other differences among women, and undermine the debate about why workplace and other issues still require attention. Why women predominantly who work (by choice or necessity) pull a double shift or why glass ceilings still prominently exist in so many professions (*cough* law *cough*).<BR/><BR/>It's the same thing has largely pushed the leftist movement to the side for so long. We're so busy fighting among ourselves there is no united front and the issues remain sidelined. But that's a rant for another day.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04887803142491240945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152241627086257462006-07-06T23:07:00.000-04:002006-07-06T23:07:00.000-04:00It's true, there is no one right way. Anyone who t...It's true, there is no one right way. Anyone who tries to tell you there is only one right way is either a zealot or trying to sell you a book.<BR/><BR/>The right way is different for each family, each person, each situation. If you make your choices based on what is best for you and your family, then I believe you're choosing the right way.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and Linda Hirshman? She has a degree in Philosophy, just so you know. ;)Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07345875955750219033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152240359646036902006-07-06T22:45:00.000-04:002006-07-06T22:45:00.000-04:00There *is* more than one right way. I think if peo...There *is* more than one right way. I think if people opened their eyes wider and looked beyond their own front porches they'd realize that what works for them might not work for other people. <BR/><BR/>Honestly? I'd never heard of these two names until a little while ago. I don't know enough about what either of them have said or stand for to really weigh in heavily, but I do believe to each is own. As women, as mothers, we can choose what's right for us and our families. There really doesn't need to be so much hoopla about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152239755764813942006-07-06T22:35:00.000-04:002006-07-06T22:35:00.000-04:00Just happened on your blog and want to say that I ...Just happened on your blog and want to say that I totally agree. Why argue about these things. We all choose the path that is the best for us as a family and individually. It's no one elses business.Mrs. Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12911621891840832728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152225896322148792006-07-06T18:44:00.000-04:002006-07-06T18:44:00.000-04:00I've written about this too. It befuddles me that ...I've written about this too. It befuddles me that women can still choose THIS topic to go at one another's throats, when we are each Experiencing how hard the rols of mother is- both in and out of home.<BR/><BR/>I still ownder if the issue about women anger is popping up in this arena. And is it Just women who are fueling this, or do we have men egging them on from behind? When women are busy fighting themselves, it's much harder to rally and say "we want equal pay" or "we want paid time home with our children like Sweden..."Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12920042208198309201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152217794767054612006-07-06T16:29:00.000-04:002006-07-06T16:29:00.000-04:00I so agree! I'm just so sick of everyone (particul...I so agree! I'm just so sick of everyone (particularly other women) telling us ALL what to do. Where is this notion that all women must do the exact same thing coming from? Every woman, indeed, every person, needs to choose his or her own path and make it work for them. Thanks for the additional links on the topic!<BR/><BR/>I also wrote a flimsy post on this topic (sorta) but what is really nice is the long awesome comment I got about not only work vs. stay at home, but ALL the chioces we make as mothers/women being disparaged by each other.<BR/>http://www.moonstruckmama.squarespace.com<BR/>/journal/2006/6/13/mommy-skirmishes.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152212985902502152006-07-06T15:09:00.000-04:002006-07-06T15:09:00.000-04:00Imagine PEACEImagine PEACEReflecting on the 4thIma...<B>Imagine PEACE</B><BR/><B>Imagine PEACE</B><BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://neotechie.blogspot.com/2006/07/reflecting-on-4th.html" REL="nofollow">Reflecting on the 4th</A><BR/><BR/><B>Imagine PEACE</B><BR/><B>Imagine PEACE</B>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152210113695191102006-07-06T14:21:00.000-04:002006-07-06T14:21:00.000-04:00Great post!As I am growing older, more and more, I...Great post!<BR/><BR/>As I am growing older, more and more, I realize that there are "personal choices" in life that do not determine whether or not you are a feminist (or democrat/republican/libral/conservative). <BR/><BR/>They are just personal choices, meaning that, they work for you and your life style!<BR/><BR/>Why do we have fit within a box? Why do we need to label any step we take?The City Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09819377234772187931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152204298124156042006-07-06T12:44:00.000-04:002006-07-06T12:44:00.000-04:00YAY!!! ... Perhaps the bloggesphere is where this ...YAY!!! ... Perhaps the bloggesphere is where this battle will finally end. Perfectly put, I should add.toyfotohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17925976386177377987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152201508073075812006-07-06T11:58:00.000-04:002006-07-06T11:58:00.000-04:00First time visitor and I could not agree with you ...First time visitor and I could not agree with you more on this issue!<BR/>Great post-Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152200843768754412006-07-06T11:47:00.000-04:002006-07-06T11:47:00.000-04:00Toyfoto over at Itty Bits and Pieces wrote about t...Toyfoto over at Itty Bits and Pieces wrote about this just a couple days ago, <A HREF="http://ittybit.blogspot.com/2006/06/dont-mess-with-mama.html" REL="nofollow">here</A>. I am so with you, because I'm an Office Mother and I have to believe that what I'm doing is best for my child, and right now, my paycheck is needed to put a roof over his head and food on his plate, plus insurance for his healthcare at our disposal. But don't think for a minute I wouldn't stay home with him if the opportunity and finances permitted me the choice. There are merits to both sides, and I think I haven't written about this myself (like so many others have said) because I don't fall on one side or the other. I see the validity of both sides. One is only better than the other on a family by family basis, and judging a mother for her choices is only going to convolute the issue. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for your eloquence and insight.Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10612468442701491963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152199921197096832006-07-06T11:32:00.000-04:002006-07-06T11:32:00.000-04:00Yes, yes and yes!I haven't written about this for ...Yes, yes and yes!<BR/><BR/>I haven't written about this for the very reason you described. I am just so inflamed that they have created a scenario where there is a line drawn and there are sides. <BR/><BR/>There is no "right" way to do anything. Just what is "right" for ones own family. <BR/><BR/>These women seem to be enjoying their fame in polarizing a debate that need not exist.Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17049745050947936354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152197664443601872006-07-06T10:54:00.000-04:002006-07-06T10:54:00.000-04:00I'm with sweatpants mom..and the flaming bag of do...I'm with sweatpants mom..and the flaming bag of dog poop. Great post and I totally agree. What is right and works for one does not necessarily for the other. What happened to "live and let live"? Why must it be such a huge debate. <BR/>By the way, I am new to your blog, but I will check back. Enjoy it (love the picture of the "motha sucka" t-shirt...so cute!)Dana a/k/a Sunshinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10572195070306258488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152194852506908852006-07-06T10:07:00.000-04:002006-07-06T10:07:00.000-04:00I want to write about this but I'm waiting until I...I want to write about this but I'm waiting until I can get around to actually reading both of their books. From what I know, I think they're both going to piss me off.<BR/><BR/>I agree the subject is too complex to be treated as a dichotomy.metro mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00461160881873679783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152193275581400392006-07-06T09:41:00.000-04:002006-07-06T09:41:00.000-04:00"Gynobabble"!!I LOVE YOU!I am one, too, who has be..."Gynobabble"!!<BR/><BR/>I LOVE YOU!<BR/><BR/>I am one, too, who has been meaning to blog on this. I get so effing angry when I think about it, though, that I can't write straight.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps one day. In the meantime ... off to read all your links.<BR/><BR/>-BlueMrsEvilGeniushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02222509804838734889noreply@blogger.com