Her Bad Mother

Monday, May 5, 2008

If This Is It, Please Let Me Know

UPDATE: No baby yet. Have been to hospital and they say that I am in 'early' labor and that it could go on for days and oh, hai, yeah, sometimes it hurts like a bitch but it's just that way sometimes. Will update on that hospital visit - which made me, much to my embarassment, cry - later, after I have drunk my castor-oil martinis.

You all are getting sick to the death of the subject of my pregnancy, I know, and I apologize. Believe me, if I could summon the will to discourse intelligently upon any other topic, I would do so. Because, yes - as I keep saying over and over again - I am well and truly sick to the death of it myself.

I've been having crazy false labor for about the past 16 hours now. It's not regular labor, because, well, it's irregular, but it's more painful than past episodes, and this morning it's involving actual back pain and shit and although I know that this can go on for weeks, it feels different enough that I think something might be up. Which means, of course - because I have gone and written those words down and therefore invited the gods to bitch-slap me hard - that it's all probably all going to amount to nothing. But still: I get to sit here and feel my insides cramp up and wonder, for the umpteenth time, is this it? while contemplating the pros and cons of either continuing suffer through an interminable labor (because, false or not, this feels like labor, and so it is, to my mind, labor, and someday this kid is going to hear all about how mommy was in labor with you for weeks and don't you forget it) OR finally getting to a point where this kid might decide to get his massive self out of there.

For the record: the 'pros' of this continuing to be false labor involve the fact that so long as the labor is false, I do not have to get up off my lazy ass and do anything about it, like, say, pushing a giant kid out of my nether regions. The pros of this being true labor, obviously, involve the fact that I CAN HAS GIANT FETUS OUT OF MAH UTURUS kthxbye?

This is me, this morning, at 37 and a half weeks pregnant:

I am massive. My back hurts. My belly hurts. And it just keeps contracting and uncontracting and messing with my head omfg and I wish that I knew whether this time, it really is time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go double over in pain and pray for respite.


Everybody who participated in the shower this weekend? Thank you all beyond much, really. I'm trying to get around to all the posts to thank you personally - I've made it to about half of them so far, I think - but I'm being slowed by this may-or-may-not-be-labor thing. I promise that I'll get there eventually. In the meantime, big love to you all. (And also to everybody who talked me down from my panic about C-section nazis terrorizing me with their calls of doom and gory videos. Thanks for hearing me out, and for, as always, saying just the right soothing things in low tones and telling me to just go ahead, get it out, be angry. I love you for that.)



Blogger Mandy said...

You look huge, but great! (I know, no one believes that near the end.)

Best wishes with the second delivery whether it happens today or not!

12:23 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

You can do this. Really. You can totally do this.

At this point, do whatever you need to do to find some degree of comfort. The end is near, my bad friend.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Wish I knew if it was it. Hopefully it is.

Questions you can ask yourself (and call your OB and tell them):

Have you lost the plug yet?

Is it really irregular? Like: have one, wait an hour, have one, wait 8 minutes, have one, wait 2 hours? Or is it every 10-20 minutes pretty regularly?

How long are they lasting? just a twinge for a moment? Or a twinge for 30 seconds straight?

You might have noticed other things too. Write them down and call your OB. Let them tell you what they think.

I'm sure it's soon, not matter what! And you are going to be sooo happy to be done!

12:54 PM  
Blogger ScientistMother said...

you do look amazing. I feel your pain, truly I do, the monkey put me through 20 of false labor, and another 24 hours of slow, excruciatingly painful slow back labor before being sucked out my nether regions with a vacuum. the monkey and now sprout will have to hear about the torture they put you through, but once he decides to come out, you'll take one look at him and do it all over again. Hope it is it for you so you're not suffering to much. HUGS! and YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! (sorry but sometimes its needs to be shouted out when you're not feeling it 100%)

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do look amazing... all (big!) baby! I have no advice beyond what is already here. Good luck!

1:19 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

Oh honey. That is one seriously cute, big belly! Your back must be pissed off. Not too much longer, babe not too much longer

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same boat here. 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant and been having "false" labor or whatever it is they want to call it for past week. Sometimes so painful it keeps me up at night. Sometimes pretty mild. Sometimes 5 minutes apart for a few hours. Sometimes every half hour-45 minutes.

Here's to hoping we get some babies out of us SOOOOOON!

(small comfort if it is not real labor...I have been told this will make real labor easier...)

1:24 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

No labor pains for me. I have to say that your belly makes mine hurt. I keep getting told how small I am.

17 days at the most for me...

There is a light at the end of the baby tunnel for both of us!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

Well, I'm not sure whether or not to hope that this is it now...All I know is that I can't stop singing that song.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your belly is very cute, though I know you're very ready to be done with that. I so remember that feeling. My son was 10lb. 12oz. and I knew he was going to be massively huge and I was just sooooo ready to GET THE DAMN FETUS OUT ALREADY! I can has epidural now? Kthxbye.

2:25 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Gracious, but you are huge - though lovely! I never got to this point with Pumpkinpie, because while I was in fact enormous, I wasn't that uncomfy, maybe because she never dropped. so I don't know what to tell you, hon, except to take it easy as you can. Good luck!

2:29 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

I was three and a half cm's dilated for the last week and a half of my pregnancy w/ Oliver, and I still had to be induced.

Hang in there, hon...you're almost there. :)

3:00 PM  
Blogger Rocks In My Dryer said...

Just thing--all that false labor is probably getting things all "ripened up" down there so that the real thing will go faster!

3:01 PM  
Blogger furiousBall said...

pregnant women are so beautiful and i mean that in a totally non-creepy way

3:20 PM  
Blogger Candygirlflies said...

Don't hang in there for **too** long, sweetie... I, too, thought I was having "false" labour, and was amazed to discover when my husband dragged me to the hospital that I was 7cm... My first baby was in my arms in under an hour and a half.

Babe #2 took 45 minutes (and that was a planned induction).

Babe #3? Just a little under half an hour (another planned induction).

It can be fast. VERY fast.

(How's that for great story with happy ending??!)

Here's hoping!!!! Love and best wishes to you--


xoxo CGF

3:22 PM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I just heard that song this weekend. Coincidence? I think not.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't wait to see if this is it. Call the doc and tell her THIS IS IT! At the very least, get the cooch examined and see if you're dilated. If you are, even an inch, tell them to get the pitocin going. You look like you're about to burst.

Can't wait for sprout1

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

run in and get yourself checked. this happened to me at 35 weeks and it was actually being caused by pre-eclampsia. i DO NOT mean to freak you out or be alarmist or anything, i swear i'm not like that. but just pop on in (ha ha w/ wonderbaby, right?) and let them feel you up and send you on your way, just for peace of mind. hang in there! your belly is big enough to warrant your complaints (and screw anyone who is complaining about reading something VOLUNTARILY) and truly adorable.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Having birthed five babies, the last of which came out on Christmas night, I can feel your pain. I not only had false labor, I had slow labors that took days to progress...

When I had my last baby on Christmas night, the nurses thought that I wasn't ready and they were going to send me home. I told my husband,through gritted teeth as we walked the halls, that if I wasn't in fucking labor now,I'd never be.

On our last lap around the nurses' desk, I said, I want to go home now. They agreed that I could stop walking, and they would release me.

I sat down on the bed when I returned to the room, and my water broke.

Go tell the nurse, I told my husband, my water broke. Your water didn't break, you probably just peed your pants.

I wanted to kill him then, but I just fine- your right, tell the nurse, then that I have to go the bathroom.

When she came in and said, you have to go to the bathroom? I responded, actually my water just broke, but my husband didn't believe me so I said I had to go the bathroom.

Three hours later, my baby was born. And they were going to send me home. Stupid asses.

Nobody knows when babies will come. My assvice, sit on your ass, watch ridiculous t.v. shows, eat mountains of take out, and abuse your ability to be waited on hand and foot. It doesn't last forever sister- so soak it up while you can.

5:33 PM  
Blogger iheartchocolate said...

WOW, you are perfectly round and perfect. I don't look that good, not pregnant! When I was pregnant, mine wasn't as pretty and round.

I just wanted to share with you what happened with my last (14 mo ago)...I was about 37 weeks and was having a planned c-section because I had already had an emerg one..blah blah blah (by the way, that is totally the way to go, percocet-heLLOO) A few days before my surgery, I was at "The last meal" you know, when you try to fit in everything you aren't going to be able to do with a newborn.. My husband took me out to a very nice restaurant and I even endulged on a glass of whine, I mean wine. I began those pains, and was confused because, hellO, there was pain. It was very regular, but I wasn't sure. The pain did not get stronger but they got to 3 minutes apart. SO I couldn't eat much of my delicous filet because you just have no room when that pregnant, AND I thought I was in labor the entire time. I made my hus take me to the ER after dinner and they kept me for a bit and monitored me. The SECOND they put the monitor on, the pain and contractions stopped. There were little wavy lines on the screen at first (so they knew I wasn't lying) but it completely stopped. I felt like an idiot, but I really was sad because I wanted to meet my son. AND I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE and was ready to not be pregnant. He ended up being 9.5lbs, so I am thankful for not delivering via vj route. You should totally get checked, because even if you aren't going for real, it's nice to lay in that bed for a little while and not have to do anything.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Liz Miller said...

I hope that it is the real thing!!! All my best to you.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Amy Urquhart said...

I keep thinking that I'll call you or stop by but I don't want to be in the way...just know that you can call, come over or e-mail to suggest anything that will get you out of the house at any time.

6:22 PM  
Blogger Woman in a Window said...

What an amazing belly you have. And aside from the 14-24 hours in question I envy you all the rest. Oh, not the rhoids, definitely not the rhoids!

6:23 PM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

You just gave me some really bad flashbacks.

It'll be over soon, and you'll be on to the good part. Promise.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

The last few weeks of pregnancy SUCK. They really do.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Won't be long, except that these last few weeks go in freaking dog years.
Good luck!

7:46 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

now that's a beautiful baby belly.

any day now, C. any day now. and you can do this. i'm counting on it, btw. because i have to do it next! :-)

xo from brooklyn.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love belly pics! I have had false labor, long labors, everything, and the last baby had my belly doing the on and off squeeze horribly thing for the last 3 weeks...weeks 37-40. Dear lord I don't miss that. The night before he was born I was so out of sorts that I couldn't even open my eyes. I just would shoo people away, and moan. So hoping things are progressing for realz!

7:56 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

My second was born at 37 weeks- I looked like you, only more! I hope this is the real deal for you!

8:04 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

OMG... you are huge. I'm feeling for you. You look like I looked when I was 37 weeks pregnant with TWINS! How big is that baby!?

Hang in there, girlfriend. I'm feeling for you. And remember that all of us mothers out there in the blogsphere are with you in your peevishness, anguish, frustration, pain, and hope.


8:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This probably the last thing you want to hear, but your belly looks adorable! I was NOT a 'cute' pregnant woman and your constant posts about your pregnancy (which I love) remind me how much I hated the pregnancy thing. These are bookmarked so that every time I get 'baby fever' I can come read them again and remind myself.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

You look great, and I'm not just telling you that because your belly looks just like mine...and I'm six months post-partum. I'll do the labor dance for you tonight!

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that happened to me for three freaking weeks!! i was 3 cm dilated for 3 weeks and then my water broke and after 12hours of real labour, i was stil 3 cms and had to be helped along. it was crazy.
and i had some uh gross symptoms like runny stools for the WHOLE 3 weeks getting ready for labour......it was a pleasure that i hope to NEVER go through again.....I FEEL YOUR PAIN

8:16 PM  
Blogger Nauntie Lush said...

You know, I would go in and get checked. Just to make sure you and baby are okay. Not that there is anything wrong, but weird pains that last that long don't sound normal, and kind of scary. Make hubby take you now. And if it isn't time make him buy you ice cream on the way home.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

evening primrose oil capsules, two capsules (by mouth, or onto cervix, very personal choice, clearly), lots of good prostaglandins in those.
Try your pressure points
good luck!

8:52 PM  
Blogger excavator said...

I'm jealous. Wish I'd looked so good at 37 weeks.

Evening Primrose Oil worked for me.

Good luck--hope this is it!

9:21 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

evening primrose - by mouth?

9:45 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

oh, just saw karen's comment! will look into it!

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope it's for real! I am 2 weeks on the other side of "get this baby out now" and I assure you it is so worth it here.

I had a membrane sweep @ 39.5 & gave birth 1.5 days later (after quite a few days of "are they / aren't they" contrax. I would ship you my doctor if I could.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sex worked for me! Less than 2 hours later and my water broke. You have a perfect prego belly -- you look great! I looked like my body had swollen into a giant aquarium for the baby to swim around in, in both pregnancies.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said...


I know you don't need another labour story, probably, but I had severe braxtons since 27 weeks with #2 (severe enough for all concerned to think I was in prem labour). In the end, I went 10 days over blah-blah (I have the birth story on my blog. Its too exhausting to go into here)

Hang in there.....

10:36 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Oh, sweetheart. (Can I call you that? I feel moved to by empathy.) This reminds me so much of what I went through with Isaac. Contractions, contractions, contractions that went nowhere. Hip pain, back pain. Couldn't sleep, when I NEEDED to be sleeping to prepare for the not-sleeping that happens AFTER the baby is born . . .

Here's hoping this means your son is at least as brilliant and feisty as mine ;)

11:12 PM  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

Your second sounds like my second.
False labour for EVER...to the point I was just ignoring it..hissing through the contractions and carrying on.

I went to bed with them..bored with it all...woke up around 1 am and went hmmm...5 hours later..TADA!

Go eat food that is bad for you....

11:24 PM  
Blogger Cassey said...

Does it bother you when people say, "You'll knew when it's time."? That always bothered me.

11:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

36 hours before I gave birth, I thought I was having false labor contractions so I went about my business to the post office and the grocery store etc.

At ten that night I noticed those supposedly meaningless contractions were getting stronger and more regular.

By 2am I was whimpering every 15 minutes with each contraction.

I paced anxiously for hours because my husband wouldn't wake up.

Finally at 5am, I practically dragged him out of bed and by 6:30am I was checking into the hospital.

I gave birth exactly 24 hours later.

That false labor was really early labor and from beginning to end, it was 36 hours of contractions.

The point being? You never know...this could be IT!

I'll be tuning in regularly and crossing my fingers for you.


12:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can do this! Every thing is going to work out. xo

2:02 AM  
Blogger Sass said...

Have you had the baby yet? I'm a bit behind the curve, but I'm very excited about how this is going.

You are making me feel broody.

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HBM your belly is beautiful! and i had false labour from the 4th month until i had her pre-mature.i feel for you..as a matter of fact the day i had her i had appointment at the lab beside hospital for tests.and because i had bitchin back labour it took me awhile to clue in that i was in labour.hope the little guy comes soon take care of yourself catherine big hugs to you LAVANDULA

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mama V said...

ok missy... we need an update!

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Update please!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Those last few weeks of pregnancy are so crappy so your brain will forget that you have to pass a watermelon out of your nether regions and, instead, just want desperately for it to end. For f*ck's sake.


1:57 PM  
Blogger B said...

Oh no castor oil! I had the same predicament for um, don't kill me, weeks with my third. (I thought subsequent babies were supposed to fly out) My mother in law had me sucking down blue and black cohosh for days. It's gross and a crock of shit as it did nothing to progress my labor.

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!

5:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stopped by to see if there was a baby announcement yet! Keeping you in my thoughts ;)

6:03 PM  
Blogger Phoebe's Phriends said...

I don't mean to make this all about us (your readers), but really, we are eager for this baby to arrive! See what you can do about that, wouldja?

7:16 PM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Just... oh. Your belly is gorgeous. Although I know you think we're mad to be saying that. ;)

Hang in there. Really and truly this labour will be easier than you think. Even if it is a giant baby.

8:09 PM  
Blogger twelvekindsofcrazy said...

You look amazing! And I am reading every last ounce of your pregnancy blogging. I'm 27 weeks now and can not comprehend that I'm going to keep getting bigger. Not getting it. Nope. Not even after I typed that.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, poor you, poor you. I wish this was face to face so you would hear and see my sincere support. Hang in, hang in; you can do this. I wish I could take a shift for you, say 8 hours of enduring all of the pain and discomfort so you can dance about in my non-pregnant body and bend over and pick up WB and dance around and sleep 8 hours straight etc...etc... Oh I wish I could take a shift for you.

BTW YOU DO look gorgeous!

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man good luck! When I was in labor I was in denial! I kept on ironing! Now with this pregnancy I hope I won't be sitting around wondering with labor pains!

10:05 PM  
Blogger Carrie S said...

I am a lurker, but I keep checking your blog to see if the new baby is born yet! I hope your *real* labor is underway (or over)...

On the other hand, I've also selfishly been dreading the birth in case it keeps you away from the blog.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

MM - the massive headf*ck of false/early labor is that you DON'T know. SUCKS. LARGE.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, the early labor/prelabor crap. Ugh. I had it for a solid week before my son was born. Hurt horribly, and drove me crazy wondering when the real thing was going to start. I lost my mucus plug after two days and thought, yippee, time for the baby! But no. Five more days of prelabor. I feel for you! Hang in there!

11:12 PM  
Blogger jenB said...

Your belly is truly beautiful. I am wishing you a safe and healthy delivery. Thinking of you!!!


11:20 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

"I am massive. My back hurts. My belly hurts."

And yet your ass looks mahhhhvelous.

I am crossing my fingers that things ease up soon. Although if you do get to Sunday you can share Sage's birthday. Which, by the way, came nearly two weeks late. But I don't wish that on you, no way, no how.

12:35 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

You do look mahhhhvahhhlous. Ah I was hoping they got some dates wrong or something and that it might be a go for ya.

This from the woman who went to 41 weeks with my son 10lb 3.

But enough support and understanding....

Stop thinking about labour or you will go INSANE!! Get 40 movies and start redesigning your garden or something. Stop thinking about labour it is nightmare. Or did you not read my crazy
with the nuthatch. No of course you didn't.

He's going to be amazing. And he is going to be here soon enough. Between you and me, maybe you should resume the right to drink.

1:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope everything goes well, sending good thoughts. Take care.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I think you and your belly look fab! Sending happy thoughts your way!!

1:54 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I feel like the worst Internet friend ever, that I completely missed the shower. For both you and Mrs. Chicken - GAH!!! I am so sorry!

But I *am* thinking of you and wishing you all the best on you impending baby exorcism.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I feel like the worst Internet friend ever, that I completely missed the shower. For both you and Mrs. Chicken - GAH!!! I am so sorry!

But I *am* thinking of you and wishing you all the best on you impending baby exorcism.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

And clearly my computer feels sorry too, thus the multiple comments.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ive read this topic for some blogs. But I think this is more informative.

7:42 AM  

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