Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Freudians

Overheard while Wonderbaby and Her Bad Father shared a bath the other evening:

WB: Whassat?

HBF: What's what?

WB: What THAT is?

HBF: That's Daddy's penis.

WB: Oh.


I have one?

HBF: No, girls don't have penises.


(looks down)




(looks up)


So. How, exactly, does one explain that Freud was wrong to a two-year old?


Blogger Lisa Dunick said...

I have no idea, but if you figure out how, you've definitely gotta let me know :)

3:12 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

yeh, i still occasionally have that reaction myself. ;)

4:10 PM  
Blogger Not Afraid to Use It said...

LOL! Excellent point. My dd keeps insisting that her brother should have a labia. :)

4:19 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Heh. LOL.

I don't know how they walk around with those things. ;)

4:36 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Freud was wrong on so many points but I won't prattle on about that in the comments (and that wasn't the point, right?).

I think what I love most about these smart ladies is the absolute confidence when yelling out "I HAVE ONE". Damn girl, you don't need one.

4:43 PM  
Blogger clueless but hopeful mama said...

I need this advice too! We don't bathe with my daughter (our tub is TEENY and can't fit an adult) but she sees us naked getting in and out of the shower.

She does a lot of freaked out staring at our privates. She'll stare for a while, then slowly extend her finger, pointing, wondering: "dat?". We explain, she often shudders and walks away.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

What I get in my house is "Evan penis, Harry penis, Daddy penis, Mommy penis!"

"Uh Evan mommy does not have a penis."

"Mommy penis!"

"What ever honey."

5:54 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

This reveals our impression of boys around here my Papoosie Girl's perspective...she still wants to insist it is a tail.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Minnesota Matron said...

I loved this, but am a recovering Lacanian groupie, so that says something.

My favorite penis story: we're driving and my then three year old son, Merrick, says, "I have to go potty real bad!"

Me: "Me, too!"

Merrick: "Are you holding your penis, too?"

Me: "I don't have a penis."

Shock reverberates throughout car. "Don't joke."

We get to Whole Foods and rush to the bathroom. We share a stall. Feet pepper the floor in other stalls-the place is a party.

Merrick can't stop asking: "Really! I know you have it in there. Show me your penis, please, please?"

More than one mom stayed to laugh with me.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Mary Jo Koch said...

I recall Anne at three clipping five clothespins to her shirt and announcing she had five penises. She was obviously delighted at her own cleverness.

8:08 PM  
Blogger suchsimplepleasures said...

i'm laughing too hard to even think of how to explain ANYTHING!!!

8:30 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

so, we have a video of me in the bathtub asking, "what's that thing paul has?" the response to which is "that's his penis." i say, "daddy has one too - a big one." i also answer the "do you know what it's for?" question with, "it's how he goes to the bathroom."

oh, and this isn't a home video. this is an educational film for which i was a paid actress. a paid actress of four years of age. it's called "a family talks about sex." and it's been the bane of my existence for years.

do you know how many of my dates were shown this video in a moment of horrific jealousy by my sister?

yeah, that was a really long story. sorry for wasting space in your comments... :-P

8:35 PM  
Blogger Badness Jones said...

That's hilarious. My girlie was three when her brother was born and that started a lot of penis discussion....

Once he was old enough to share a bath with her she started holding a washcloth between her legs and calling it her 'pretend' penis! I told her she's better off without one, lol!

8:39 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...


This is the 21st century. Tell her women don't need one.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

That's one for the baby book!

My 3 year old keeps asking *why* I don't have a penis. And every answer I give him is countered with another "why." ARGH!

8:53 PM  
Blogger Maddy said...

Glad I'm not the only one that ear wigs my children's conversations!

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...


And, when my daughter was 2-ish, she asked 'what's that?' to my husband, but grabbed him as she did it. He almost jumped out of his skin.

9:39 PM  
Blogger Tania said...

Too funny! We have so far avoided penis talk around here. Pumpkin once made reference to "daddy's other bum", but we're not quite sure what she meant, and we decided not to ask.

11:09 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

Oh she is too funny,

12:28 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

oh.god. poor thing, I'm sure she'll get over it. heh. and good luck with Freud... :P

1:04 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

It's taken us the better part of a year to convince Persistence, but I think we're there, or close. Now she insists she has got one, only very tiny, and I think we all know what part I mean.

Using My Words

1:59 AM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...

You're about 2-3 weeks away from Chapter 2: "Does He Have One?" Followed closely by Chapter 3: "He Has One!"

Of course, these chapters occur not in the privacy of the family tub, but rather in public, usually with the elderly and/or devoutly religious.

Have fun.

7:23 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Yeah, Isaac is slowly getting the idea that he has a penis, and daddy has a penis, but mommy doesn't. This has a downside. He barged in while I was showering the other day, hauled the curtain open, and announced that "momma has no penis. she's got a huge bum."

Uh, thanks. You're grounded.

9:16 AM  
Blogger dizzibloom said...

my so is VERY aware that he has a penis, and daddy has a penis....luckily we haven't gotten around to the absence of mommy's penis......

Right now, this very morning in fact......the chunky monkey had to potty while I was in the shower. We were talking, he was singing.....potty sometimes takes forever.....when all the sudden he screamed.....


9:57 AM  
Blogger Kaleigh said...

A million years ago, when my son was a newborn, his two-year-old sister was on the scene when he was getting a diaper change. She pointed between his legs and crowed, "A TAIL!" She was so very amused that her baby brother had a tail. It was hard to correct her because it was so darn funny.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Moments Of Mom said...

That was funny! My dh has never let the girls see him naked. NEVER. But they've asked about their baby cousins body parts, and I told them the same thing, but they wanted to know WHY boys have penis's and girls have vagina's... eek!

This conversation made me laugh out loud!

10:38 AM  
Blogger ComfyMom~Stacey said...

LOL! I have 2 boys. They have told me that "Mommy is the only one in the house without a penis, poor mommy". I said. "Mommy is the only one in the house that is able to find stuff. I prefer knowing where my things are to having a penis anyday."
So the next day when DS1s teacher asked him where his crayons were he said "I don't know Mrs H. I have penis."

10:47 AM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Hmmm - perhaps all men feel similar at one point in their lives?

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! ROTFLMA- OFF! @ Stacey's comment !

I use a different version - I say that Momma's uterus is NOT A TRACKING DEVICE !

12:21 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

Isabella is all about the boobs these days...and her lack of them...we haven't yet ventured into the penis talk. :)

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha...oh the conversations that have gone on around here having to do with penises or boobs or vaginas hahaha...and what did freud really know anyhowLAVANDULA

12:55 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Ha. When my oldest nephew was about WB's age, we liked to take him swimming in the pool at the top of the apartment building (Yonge / Davisville) and we could look from the patio all the way downtown.

"Ahh," he said, pointing at the CN Tower, "Toronto penis."


2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh just wait if Sprout is a boy... then if HBF isn't around at potty training, you get to explain the delicate "how to shake off the pee"... without actually TOUCHING said penis.

Although my most shocking moment came when Jake slipped getting out of the tub, came down hard, then pointed and said "Mommy kiss make better?" I dare you to find a parenting book that addresses THAT!

(I ended up blowing a kiss in the general direction.)

4:04 PM  
Blogger caramama said...

This post and the comments are great! Thanks, all. I really needed a laugh!

4:11 PM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

"all gone" might be as good as any...

4:27 PM  
Blogger MelissaQ said...

loved the blog, it took me a minute to get what was happening, there. Thats too funny, I have two girls, an 8 yr old and a 1yr old. I went through something similar with my first daughter, Im sure I will have to go there again with the second, especially since men cant seem to just tuck those things away where no one can see them.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At three years old my daughter routinely showered with her dad...until the day she asked him "why do you have that piece of poop hanging there".

5:34 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Haha. The other day when I thought my son was about to do something that might cause injury to his bits and pieces, I said, "Boy, don't do that. That makes me want to cross my legs, and I don't even HAVE a penis." And then all of a sudden, even though we have discussed this whole "Mommy doesn't have a penis" thing before, he said to me, "Wait-- you don't have a penis?!?" as though it had just dawned on him. He looked horrified. And I said, "No. I've told you before. Girls don't have penises. I don't have one."

To which he responded, "But, you have hands!"

And suddenly, I understood men so much more clearly . . .

5:35 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

dude. every time i mention going to the bathroom my 3 year old boy declares that mommies can't go because they don't have penises.


Running on empty

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh how cute. She's a smart girl!

I always bring Dawson into the shower with me if we're in a hurry to get ready to go somewhere. He always asks me, "Mumma, why you don't have a penis? Only Daddy and Dawson have big penis?" This usually makes me laugh. And then he says, "Only Mumma have big cushions." He was talking about my breasts. I have know idea where the cushion description came from. The hubs swears he didn't teach him about breasts yet!

12:14 AM  

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