Her Bad Mother

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Art Of The Matter

Things that I have discovered, lo these many days of sick:

1) Ginger ale does squat for my nausea.

2) Except give me gingery burps.

3) Peppermint tea helps a little bit.

4) So do Peek Freans Chocolate-Covered Digestive Cookies, but only psychologically, and only for a minute, before I throw them up.

5) Having the flu while you are suffering from all-day morning sickness is a twisted sort of hell that I would wish on nobody other than, maybe, Ann Coulter.

6) Having the flu while you are suffering from all-day morning sickness AND trying to get your house ready to sell AND wrangle a toddler who welcomes each day as an opportunity for MORE! MAYHEM! is, I think, beyond even hell, and would make the devil weep.

7) God invented television to save sick mothers from the torments of unrestrained household chaos. But he didn't allow for any contigencies in the event that one's child refuses to sit and watch television, which has unsettled my already shaky faith in His benevolence (yes, HIS. If God were a woman this would all be much, much easier.)

8) Okay, maybe he allowed for one or two contingencies, but these involve crayons and markers and paints and play dough and so bear the mark of collaboration with the devil. Heavenly distraction; hellish clean-up. Third-Circle-Of-Hellish if you are a) sick, and b) trying to prepare your house for real estate viewings (hunched on the floor scrubbing Washable Marker from the carpet while the bile rises in your throat: evidence that you've fallen to the Fifth Circle as punishment for your intense desire to be Slothful.)

9) The artwork of a child - all the more when that child is your own child, and presents said artwork with a kiss - is ample distraction from all the torments of hell:

Mommy's Cage Of Sick (2007, mixed media fingerpaint)

Ode To Mommy, Who Will Rise Like A Phoenix From The Ashes And Give Me Cookies (2007, mixed media, Crayola Washable Markers and Crayola Paint Pen)

Elegy For Georgia O'Keeffe (2007, watercolor)

I think that WonderBaby is an artistic genius with a future in abstract art. Every parent says that, I know, but still. Who needs Jackson Pollock when you have a toddler?

Show me your kids' artistic genius - we can congratulate each other for having spawned creative genuises and, also, it will amuse me while I remain prone with my nausea and my earache and my sore throat. Post a picture of your child's artwork - be sure to title it, for posterity - on your blog and link back here. Next Friday, Wonderbaby will randomly select one and will send that artist a signed Wonderbaby original, and a selection of the Crayola tools (from their new line of easy-to-handle, toddler-friendly 'Beginnings' products) that Wonderbaby currently uses to create their masterpieces.


Blogger painted maypole said...

great artwork! and have you noticed how artwork takes on much more meaning when named. it's a collaboration between you too that is sure to bring you fame and fortune.

now if it would only bring you a settled stomach...

1:15 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Sorry you're still feeling so crapola; thank goodness for Crayola! (Perhaps I should abandon this whole blogging deal and start crafting greeting cards. Or not.)

There is a sample of Elyse's artwork here. I call it "Begrudging Use of Paper Medium" the fourth in her acclaimed series "I Prefer Body Art."

I respectfully duck out of the Crayola giveaway as we already have the Beginnings tools.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Lance said...

Have someone go to the nearest, best Chinese food restaurant and get some Hot and Sour soup. When you get, put a little white vinegar and soy sauce in it and eat it. You will feel better shortly. I promise. Hot and Sour soup is the best hidden secret for fighting colds and flus I have ever found. The spicier the better and the more vinegar you put in the better.
Good luck.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I just got through the morning sickness/flu combo. I thought for sure I may die. really, I did.
However I sent my son to daycare as that could have killed me.
I'd offer to help you out, but I'm currently sitting at my desk attempting to mentally stem the nausea. (it is not working)
Hang in there. it does get better. (it can't get worse)

1:32 PM  
Blogger S said...

Oh, hon. I'm so sorry -- flu on top of preexisting nausea has got to be the WORST.

Here's one of Ben's paintings that activates my maternal pride.

We'll pass on the crayons, as my kids eschew them (well, they are 10 and nearly 6).

1:34 PM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

you are a braver woman than I. Markers and paint are for the drop-in centre or the back deck only.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

I hope you feel better soon, and WonderBaby's creations are incredible.

Here's Josh's artwork...Called, "Leaves Are All Around Us."

And there is a link in that post that has more drawings by both boys.

Hope you feel better!

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much for Ode To Mommy? ;)

2:07 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

I would pay good money for a signed limited-edition print of "Ode to Mommy..."

2:09 PM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

She is a genius! Maybe I'd wish that on Michelle Malkin, as well. Feel better soon. And Ode to Mommy is brilliant!

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really dig the cage of sick. Just wish I could give you the key so that you could break out of it.

2:50 PM  
Blogger PunditMom said...

Ask and ye shall receive --

2:52 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Am so sorry you're feeling so bad and at a time when it couldn't get any more chaotic for you. Gah.

If you lived next door, I'd take your little one for a week. Seriously.

My heart is with you lady. Hope you bounce out of the fifth circle of hell very, very, very soon.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That first one? Scares me. Hellish indeed.

The Elegy for Georgia O'Keefe, however, is beautiful.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check this one out..


And my deepest sympathy...ick

3:38 PM  
Blogger Sheila said...

The artwork is great! I hope you start to feel better soon!

3:56 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

it's Wonderbaby's gift for naming her art that really amazes me. she's not only artistically gifted, but so erudite.

and yeh, i'd wish all that on Ann Coulter. and more. you got more?

4:02 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I love Phoenix you. And the cage of sick, but I hope that will soon be only in a Retrospective sense.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

I'll see about finding an artsonia link (they put our kids artwork up on that site now).

And oh my, between you and Mrs. Chicky...well, suffice it to say full sympathy. Wish I could help.

Using My Words

5:23 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.. puking is totally sexy, or didn't you know?

i heart you and haven't told you CONGRATS yet!

i suck.

5:26 PM  
Blogger Two Shews said...

Chez Shew had some funny art I posted a bit ago...

5:46 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

She's actually pretty well versed in a flourish!

6:34 PM  
Blogger Motherhood Uncensored said...

Mine is up today.

In an ode to you, actually, my friend.

I call it "Holy Fuck it Actually Really Does Look Like a Bike"

By Daughter Uncensored

6:42 PM  
Blogger meno said...

I have a great piece of art to add. I'm not home, but i will scan it when i get home. It's from when mine was 2.5 years old.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Badness Jones said...

Love the 'elegy for Georgia O'Keefe' I love most kid's art actually - their joy just from the act of creation always shines through. I posted some of my daughter's paintings today. Feel better soon.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

In a happy coincidence, I just posted my son's very first drawing EVER. Definitely an award winner, *I* think...

You can see it

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry you feel like hell, but am glad your writing doesn't suffer because of it. You have such a way with words! And oddly, I was just getting ready to post pics of my son's chalk art work on my blog!!

10:32 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

Huh, I was going to post some of the Boy's recent works, but after seeing WB's genius, I'm all shy. I'll let you know if I do.

Hope this nausea all goes away soon. Even though gingerale doesn't do all that much, it still does taste better than anything else when you're sick. Sometimes even water can make me nauseous.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

Ode to Mommy is in need of a frame. Also, try these ginger candies. I've seen them in the check lane of Target & Cost Plus World Market. Or you can buy online http://gingerpeople.com/order_chews.html

I can't, however, recommend the 5 lb bag. 2nd baby is two and I still have some candies. Husband uses them to make tea. Still.

11:48 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

HBM I feel so bad for you. Not that I know what it's like, but I still feel bad.

Hugs. :)

12:04 AM  
Blogger iheartchocolate said...

One day, this will be a distant memory? Does that help, even a little?

I am SO sorry you are so sick. I can relate.

2 pregnancies in 2 years, both with 24 hour nausea...bleh.

Feel better.

1:11 AM  
Blogger Dig it Forward said...

Ode to Mommy is fabulous. Looks like you're going to have to start a folder of her work! Pukinhead's entry is here: http://mykeyboardvoice.blogspot.com/2007/10/angling-for-booty.html

BTW, how are you so sick, selling a house and THEN posting a contest? Youz cwazy, lady. Take a break. Don't post for a few days. We'll miss you, but we'll understand. Really. Hope you're feeling better soon.


1:19 PM  
Blogger Karen MEG said...

What masterpieces! Here's my contribution. Hope this morning sickness passes soon; have a relaxing weekend, please!


3:16 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

If the smell doesn't make you puke? Powdered cumin mixed in water eases morning sickness. It tastes kinda bitter, but calms the tummy, oddly.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Hmm, we do a very intense, must be felt to be understood and appreciated kind of interpretive art. It involves...well, every goddamned surface in my house being artfully coated with unseen until they are felt smatters of too-sticky-to-be cleaned-with-a-wipe things. I am certain that if you were to walk the halls of our interactive exhibit you would feel relieved of your burden, so grateful would you be to not be living in the cave of unexpected goo.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am available to help work on the technology to transfer everybody's flu to Ann Coulter. Only for the purpose of giving her something to do with her mouth other than speak aloud.

9:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As promised, here are Matt's drawings from yesterday!


10:29 PM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...


God is a 10-year-old boy.

Sometimes a joy.

Sometimes a practical joker in need of time out and a long, hard gardening project.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And here is Jo's contribution to your getting-better gallery: http://mayberrymom.blogspot.com/2007/10/cheerer-upper-art.html

I warn you, though, that it's on pepto pink paper.

10:03 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

Oh you poor sick boo boo.

Do you have ANY idea what the accumulated ephemera of ten years of art making by VERY TALENTED CHILDREN looks like?

Thank god you bought a house is the country. Storage barns is all I can say.

Lemon candies worked well for my nausea.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

I've been looking for an excuse to post my son's latest crayola wonder, you know. He's made a giant leap in technique over the last few months.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could it be? The next Jackson Pollack? Where do I get mine?

teeth whiteners

1:53 PM  
Blogger ~Kat~ said...

Trader Joes Triple Ginger Snaps always did the trick for me... hope your pukey days lighten up soon.

HERE is some of my childrens art that I blogged about a while ago to cheer you while you are laying low.

8:57 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

There's some really nice composition and color work in Wonderbaby's masterpieces. :)

Here is one my favorites from our own gallery.

10:52 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Because we are both a couple of computer nerds we did one using an online program - probably doesn't count but Bumper and I are spreading the word about the contest (does that get us any points?). xo


7:56 AM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Whoops - that link sucked. Try clicking HERE

7:57 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Here you are, dear.

I hope today finds you NOT bowing to the porcelain god.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this idea. Now to see if I can make Hailey creative on command...

11:47 AM  
Blogger Niksmom said...

A late entry...Nik's first ever art done just last night. (Um, I think I erased the video of me holding Elmo hostage...)


WB...pleeeeeeeeez pick Nik's??

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am way late, and probably missed the deadline, but here is my contribution anyway.


4:41 PM  
Blogger painted maypole said...

i think i left this link in a comment on another post, but wanted to make sure you had it in the right place:


12:08 AM  
Blogger Angel The Alien said...

I love all the artwork! BTW, if you're wondering what to DO with all that artwork and you're running out of room on your refrigerator, you could always send it to

9:43 PM  

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