Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

The Shark Has Pretty Teeth, Dear, 'Cuz He Eats Dentists

Edit: Update below...

I'm going to the dentist today. I'm terrified. Actually, I'm more that terrified. I'm gripped by the chill hand of a terror that defies description.

I am afraid of dentists. I find dentists, and all dentist-related activity, more frightening than spiders, and needles. Actually, more terrifying than spiders and needles combined, because you very rarely find a spider brandishing a needle, whereas dentists, in my experience, almost always have needles and are prepared to use them. (Also, sometimes, they have spiders. One of my more terrifying dental experiences involved a visit to a dentist with a perverse decorating streak on Hallowe'en. Have never recovered.)

I didn't sleep last night, for the fear, and instead chose to drink two double vodka martinis, extra dry, in a misguided attempt to give myself a hangover so that I would be distracted by the pounding headache when the needle hovers into view. This was not a good idea. I'm exhausted, and achey, and I'm pretty sure that the vodka breath is not going to dispose the dentist - who, I am convinced, takes a perverse pleasure in terrifying and torturing her patients with needles and lectures on dental floss - to go easy on me. And I'm pretty certain that the post-vodka blurries are not going to distract me from either the needle or the lecture.

Once upon a time, Her Bad Father would accompany me to dental appointments, and hold my hand if necessary. But I am told that I am a big girl now, and he's off making money or something stubbornly grown-up like that, and I am on my own.

And scared.

Anyone want to hold my hand?

Always floss.


In lieu of hand-holding, you could do something big-hearted, and it might help mitigate my terror somewhat. Or, at least, re-assure me that while I am in the ice-cold grip of fear, nice things are happening in the world. Jen of One Plus Two has launched a campaign to raise money this money for the wonderful Stephen Lewis Foundation or to Open Arms. You can read more about over at Jen's place, or at Mad's. Let's join forces with these awesome ladies and take some more steps toward making the world a better place.

It's not getting rid of the dentists, but it's a start.


Also? Have you written your BlogHer post yet? I know that you want that candy. And don't forget that you can write one for Parent Bloggers, too. MORE CANDY.

Update: I survived. White-knuckle-chair-gripping-cold-sweat-didn't-make-it-through-the-whole-appointment survived, but still. I have to go back, so that they can finish the work, but I have a whole four weeks to freak about that. Thanks for your hand-holding. (And to the person who left the comment saying that they found my blog by watching me upload the site on my laptop in Starbucks? Um... NOT FREAKY AT ALL.)

I recovered last night by reflecting upon my teenage horror of school cafeterias, if you're interested. Less terrifying than dentists, but still pretty scary.


Blogger Mimi said...

uh-oh. good luck. i went to the dentist every two weeks for several years. if you ever had braces, it's all gravy now that you're a grownup.

still, that's not how phobias work.

maybe if you got drunk *right now*?

always helping ...

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeff's dad is a dentist and he's just about the nicest, most mild mannered man you'd care to meet. I feel confident if you could just come across two countries to southwest Florida, you'd have a great dentist experience.

Also, Jeff never went to any dentist but his dad up until three years ago when we lived in Ohio. Isn't that odd?

1:24 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

I was just at the dentist last week. I hate them as well.

You are gonna be just fine.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Mama V said...

aw sweetie... I feel your fear... My palms got sweaty just READING about your dentist... have you considered sedation dentistry? works for me!

1:31 PM  
Blogger The City Gal said...

I looooooooooove my dentist!

First, he applies some freezing. Once the gums are a bit numb, he gives me one needle. We wait 5 minutes for the first needle to do it's job, then he gives me 3 more needles that I cannot even feel.

After 4 needles, I more or less fall sleep and wake up when the job is all done.

I love my dentist!

1:39 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

It turns out I am not a grown up after all. All dentist appointments for me are made by Hewhoinstallsbatteries, at his lunch hour, with handholding/baby juggling and presents afterwards. So very pathetic, but true.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mom is a dental assistant, and so she used to clean my teeth. That's worse than a dentist - having your own mother do the dirty work and lecturing you about dental floss WHILE she gets paid!

1:58 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

I feel your pain! I am terrified of all doctors, dentists and needle wielding folk! Good luck!!

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel ur pian...doing the whole dentist thing myself. AM recently recovering from a root canal and tooth pull in the same day...3 hours in that CHAIR!!! I hate spiders too...but I def think Id take them over the dentist. Good luck!!!

2:09 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

I still haven't gone either. Good luck!

2:13 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

I seemed to have escaped the Fear of Dentists somehow. Don't like 'em though. If I wasn't at work, I would be an excellent support team.

You could picture the dentist in his/her underwear...Or maybe that only works for stagefright.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

Good luck! I hate dentists too. I like having the laughing gas when I get fillings. Being high helps me relax.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

I go to a dentist for scared people and have gone for over 15 years, and even though I am much less scared they will still hold my hand if I want them too. They are kind and nice and never yell at you (yes that happened to me before) and they always make you feel comfortable.

They are awesome. You can even be put under if you really want as well or any state of awareness in between. I use gas if it is going to be major work and that helps a lot.

Good luck and if you are interested in the name of my dentist let me know, they are in the Leslie and Shepperd area and I live in Brampton and still go there.

2:33 PM  
Blogger S said...

I love the new look of your site! Awesome! And as a fringe benefit, it loads so much more quickly.

I endured a root canal at the age of ten, and ever since I've found the dentist to be a (relative) breeze.

And that's about the only good thing I can say about having a root canal at ten.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Erin M said...

xanax and a cab


works well.

I'm sorry, hopefully there will be no followup

2:52 PM  
Blogger Girlplustwo said...

first of all. THE NEW LOOK! LOVE IT. I love it.

Second, dentists - whoa. nothing is worse, is there? i have to be medicated just to go in the front door. i wish i could come with you with a sippy cup full of vodka.

Third, thank you. thank you, thank you.


3:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the new banner! This suits you so well! Clean punk. Just as a site featuring WonderBaby should be!

3:11 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...


Who are you? Where am I?

Whew, big moment of disorientation.

Okay...looks good. A little wide even for my screen which is why i was baffled for a sec b/c I couldn't see your name. I like the new banner.

GL at the dentist. I find yoga breathing, zen meditation, and the SonicCare toothbrush is my salvation.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

I feel your pain. I've had to go 6 times in the past two months to "fix" things. I knew I should have paid for dental insurance for the previous 5 years. Oh well. Good luck.

Oh, the new design is very pretty. I love the header.

4:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate going to the dentist, too. It's not even the pain; it's dealing with the staff. Having all those "how often do you floss?" judgmental questions. Too bad I'm not a movie star I could have one of those "You can't make eye contact or speak to me" contracts.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Maewen Archer said...

You're brave -- I just don't go -- I mean, I've had a broken tooth for over a year, and I still don't go. Luckily it's just a little bit broken. If I do decide to ever go, I'm going to make my husband take the day off, and he and both the kids are going to go and hold all of my hands. And I'll still be freaking out. You're not alone!

5:16 PM  
Blogger Mad said...

You really are funny, Bad. Stealing a horse and galloping off into a storied existence? No problem. The dentist? AHHHHHH!!!

Thanks for the plug. This drive is really starting to take off.

5:29 PM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

You know you're bad off when you look forward to the dentist's chair because it's one hour of peace. Not that Bossy knows anything about this. Not at all.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

I'm totally fine going to the dentist myself, but I'm nervous about taking Q for the first time. Maybe I'll ask SwingDaddy to do it. :)

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, honey. You know how I feel about dentists and what kind of dental hell I've been through lately. I am holding your hand.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Oh dear. Hope the dentist visit went as well as could be. If needles were involved, I suspect it wasn't all fun and games.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how did i find this blog? accidentally glanced at your laptop screen this morning in starbucks as i walked by and saw the title as you typed it up. decided on a whim to google it.

go yorkville.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I would hold your hand, hon. Dentists scare the bejeezus out of me too.

(Um, is your last commenter stalking you? Cool.)

11:24 PM  
Blogger Julie Marsh said...

Needle-brandishing spiders - my god, what a mental image THAT is.

Last time I went to the dentist, Tacy came with me and put her head on my tummy while they scraped away. Infinitely more comforting than a double martini.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

wow, you have a starbucks stalker! that's so... creepy, yet awesome.

i can chop off my hand and send it to you so you can hold it while you're at the dentist's, but that really might just freak you out more than cheer you up. depends how you feel about mutilated body parts. :-P

2:38 AM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

dentists... shudder...

and i'm long oberdue to go in


5:49 AM  
Blogger Michelle Constantinescu said...

I am like you - hate the dentist! I was there yesterday too, but I've recently found a dentist with flat screen televisions hovering over the dental chair. Now I just lay back and focus on the Food network. They know I'm scared of dentists, so they talk to me like I'm about five. And no, I do not mind.

7:08 AM  
Blogger Multi-tasking Mommy said...

Isn't it so funny that as soon as we become mothers, we are expected to be all grown up and do everything on our own, be brave, etc.?! It's amazing what motherhood does to ya sometimes.

On of my more recent dental visits was terrifying....she drilled and filled 2 cavities without any freezing claiming that it wasn't needed. GREAT! However, when she was done, she said, "Now, those cavities were a bit deeper than I expected--are you SURE you didn't feeling anything?" Ok--wasn't that her job to KNOW that I wasn't going to feel anything? SCARY!!!! I did want my MOMMY!!!

8:06 AM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

Deep breath - you'll be ok.
I was a huge dentaphobe for a number of years, knowing that as soon as went, I'd be told that I had to get my wisdom teeth out. I need all the wisdom I can get, so I boycotted, until I absessed. Let this not happen to you, my friend.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

Your timing with this post is impeccable. I have had a tooth ache - and I have (literally) a hole in my tooth. I hate the dentist as well (actually, my dentist is really cool - but he still wields a drill).
Have you considered getting Adovan? Seriously. Dentists prescribe it to calm you. I always get a prescription. I basically need it just to call and make the appointment.
And, the other thing that helps. I listen to my ipod. We have a little system where he squeezes my hand if he's going to use the drill - and then I turn it up. It doesn't make it better, but it makes it easier.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

You need to go to my very gentle dentist and his accompanying hygenist who LOOOOVES us. It's like a trip to the spa - and my teeth are made out of chalk so really, it takes a lot to relax me at the dentists. So maybe your dentist is just not a good FIT for you, you know?

9:23 AM  
Blogger tallulah said...

I too, have an irrational fear of dentists. If you haven't looked into it already, I have two words for you....

Sleep Sedation

It's the only way I can go to a dentist. (Oh, and it's fun - like having a couple of martini's and waking up and not remembering anything.)

10:06 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Glad to hear it's all over. Last time I had dental work done, I decided that if I was ever a secret agent or soldier or someone privy to national security, it would only take a bit of dental work to help me spill the beans. Pleasant, it's not.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Karla Zamora, Digital Analyst said...

Too bad about having to go back :(

I too hate the dentist, every time I go I get a huge lecture about taking better care of my teeth and gums.. its like I hear you already leave me alone and get the torture over with.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Karen Bodkin said...

My dentist is GORGEOUS. It pains me to think about the things I think about when he says, "open."
THAT is why I hate going. I'm glad you survived, babycakes.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

Hey, your site turned green again. Was I dreaming yesterday or was it different?

1:28 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

It's under construction, P. Izzy is under the hood RIGHT NOW.


1:43 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh, that's great. I already think spiders come equipped with all kinds of torture devices, but now I have a new fear with this needles image. Not that they need them , what with their mandibles of death and all. Yippee.

If your next appointment is on my day off, I can come hold your hand.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Something I've learned - Ask for the gas before you get work done, it'll completely mellow you out!

2:43 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Waaaah! I wanna see the pretty new site too!

I also *hate* the dentist. And it does horrible things to my blood pressure. The hygenist always looks alarmed when she checks it. I'm glad you survived.

And, interesting, you have a Starbucks Stalker. A litte creepy, but interesting.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I never minded going to the dentist until he molested several people in his office.
Then I understood why he was easy going with the laughing gas.

Eek. Now I never go and when I do I get lectures. No wonder everyone hates the dentist.

5:09 PM  
Blogger S said...

re lawyer mama's comment:

or is that a latte creepy?


6:56 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

The dentist scares me too. And I hate the flossing lecture. So now they know (it's in my file) that I'm nervous and don't like a lot of the sensations and they coddle me :) And if I feel like the flossing lecture is coming I stop with a quick "yes, I know, I didn't floss enough" and a big smile :)

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I so sympathize about the dental fear. I would hold your hand.

I have spent more on my teeth in the past 2 years I could have a brand new car. And not an economy car either.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Cathy, Amy and Kristina said...

Since childhood, I've been forced into close relationships with dentists, orthodontists, oral surgeons, etc...

That said, I would rather go through 17 hours of back labor again than return to the Evil Drilling Man next month for three fillings.

9:48 PM  
Blogger Blog said...

Wow! I can't believe you're so afraid of dentist. I LOATHE going to the dentist. But, I can't imagine being petrified ON TOP of the hating! I'm so glad you got through it!

12:27 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

The last time I went to the dentist, I paid $95 for the joy of having him tell me nothing was the matter, even though the only reason I was there was because my teeth hurt.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

I had a horrid experience as a kid and my parents couldn't get me to go back (even to another dentist) for years.

Finally, they found the right dentist. He did nothing for the first two visits except let me sit in the chair. By the third visit, I was almost calm and he was gentle.

I still hate it but the terror has left.

11:36 AM  
Blogger moosh in indy. said...

Ever consider going to one of the dentists in the phone book who uses kitties in their ad and promises to hand out the gas like candy? I know yous loves your candy.

12:35 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

I had trouble getting past the spider thing *shudder*
Glad to hear you made out A-OK!

8:11 AM  
Blogger Gidge Uriza said...

When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, while the dentist waited for me to numb up, he looks at me and says "Did you ever see Little Shop of Horrors" and proceeds to dance around, WITH the intstruments, singing 'You'll be a Dentist'.
It was surreal.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Mom said...

I went into working in dentistry because of my childhood dentistry nightmares. 13 cavities and a mean dentist who called me Tiny Tears.

I dedicated myself to not letting people get hurt. We had quite a great team. The best thing is getting people who are really scared to be able to do the work that needs done and then feel secure enough to keep coming for their semi-annual appointments.

But now I am just a stay at home mom. I hope that the next appt is easier. I am a white knuckle dental chair rider too.

5:45 PM  

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