Her Bad Mother

Friday, February 16, 2007

Where's the Guide to Chocoholic-Proofing Your Marriage?

I ask you, is pilfering and sampling of one's Valentine's gift by one's spouse (the giver) a good reason to get pissy with said spouse?

A Valentine's heart, pillaged and scavenged, left with only the half-bitten carcasses of unwanted fondant. A clear case of marital (and confectionary) delinquency - but one warranting punishment?

(In my defense, the heart was left, untouched, for two days. Two days. And it was the only source of chocolate in the house. I did not receive chocolate. I deserve, I think, a medal for my restraint.)


Been to the Basement lately? There's been some interesting discussion of late: issues with pregnancy, issues with activism (!), and, currently, issues with certain manifestations of depression. Those visitors would love to hear from you.

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Blogger Heather said...

Nice. Two days, well done!

I made a giant heart cookie for my hubby, but I wisely made one for myself this year too. One that he did not know about. I ate that one first...before munching on his.

4:43 PM  
Blogger S said...

Ah, but it is better on the moral/ethical front than pilfering your children's candy, of which I have been guilty more than once. Too bad I am not Catholic, for I could do penance. Instead I just feel incredibly guilty.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

I apparently have a double standard when it comes to chocolate. When I started reading I thought he was eating the chocolate he gave you. I was outraged! But you eating his chocolate...of course that's okay. I mean you waited two days. You're a saint.

5:03 PM  
Blogger EUC said...

After two days it was absolutely, 100% yours for the taking. I did the same to the fuzzy peach slices I got my husband for his Christmas stocking. He has this bizarre ability to leave candy around and not eat it. I've never understood it. :P

5:05 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

My husband knows that if anything containing the minutest bit of chocolate is left in the house, I will eat it! If he wants to save it for himself, he knows to take it to work with him.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Andi said...

I'm absolutely certain that somehow or another he OWED you that chocolate...

5:16 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Clearly this was an emergency situation so there really is no need for punishment. I mean, in this weather one must use all available chocolate resources to avoid going out and freezing their butt off, right?

5:18 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Chocolate = every man/woman for themselves! I have been known to hide chocolate in the fruit crisper to keep my seriously choc-a-holic hubby away from my stash. I buy it sometimes wanting it for later but, come later it is gone. For now my secret hiding place is safe.

Just caught up on the Valentine's posts - lovely. And, the tub shots heart-wrenchingly beautiful in words an images.

Contended sigh, a wonderful visit.

5:29 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

I ascribe to my paternal grandmother's philosphy as it pertains to marital possessions:

"What's your's is mine and what's mine is my own."

That seems only fair.

5:36 PM  
Blogger moplans said...

First of all he bought you no chocolate (Now that is MAJOR delinquency)
second he had not touched it in two days
Its a clear-cut case if you ask me.
At most you are responsible for the offense of leaving half eaten fondants. Don't do that again or I'll report you to the swiss guards.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've killed people over indiscretions smaller than that.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

You lasted TWO days!? And you were the chocolate GIVER?! In my books that makes you a double saint.

Except for the half eating part. I'd have eaten the entire thing.

I can't be alone in the house with chocolate for a few hours. Even if it belongs to my sweet child.

5:54 PM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

Oh dear. Double standard reared it's ugly head. When I thought it was him.... so wrong! But when I realized it was you... hey, you lasted 2 days right? What'd he expect?

Can I blame my pregnancy cravings for this attitude? Or am I just bad?

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband did this to me one time and his defense was that he thought I'd share it with him anyway. So there you go - you were only taking your share ;)

6:31 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

I think the real question here is; how in the hell did you make it two days? I would'a never!

6:48 PM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

Oh, the half eaten-ness is priceless!

7:30 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

Ah! My husband got annoyed with me for doing the same thing to a box of chocolate WHICH BELONGED TO ME, and which he hadn't even given me in the first place. He's just picky.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, I've had enough of this. What she fails to mention is that I did give her chocolate fudge for Valentine's Day. Well, it was a fudge mix, actually, but in a romantic red bag with a cute cookie cutter attached. And it required the addition of butter and milk to make but we had those things in the fridge. It was my best option at 8pm on Valentine's Day. And I gave her a card, too. She gave me a heart-shaped box of chocolates, and that was lovely, but then she makes me open the box right away so she can sample them, often taking one bite and then putting the rest of the chocolate back in the box. What is up with that!? Also, in my defense, I was working long days, the 2 days she "patiently" waited before going on to partially devour my chocolates. And here is another thing. Last September was our ten year anniversary and along with giving her money for a nice dress and taking her out for an excellent meal, I gave her 2 gift certificates – one for Tiffany & Co and one for a fancy spa. Now, months later, she still has not used either. So, I figure that I owe her no more gifts until she redeems those gift certs. How about that? So I ask you… is she Her Bad Mother? Or is she really My Bad Wife?

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my husband hides his chocolate ...

and 2 days? who leaves chocolate sitting around for 2 days!!??

9:32 PM  
Blogger Debbie said...

a medal? no. you deserve to reside for a day in a house made of le chocolate, in the middle of a garden of chocolate trees, grass and flowers, located on chocolate street, in chocolate town.

yes. you do.

(me too, come to think of it. i didn't get any chocolate either. harrumph. you know what? i'll just visit you in your chocolate house the day that you're there.)

11:41 PM  
Blogger mist1 said...

I'm still waiting for the crash after my chocolate high. Luckily, I have Netflix to comfort me.

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bless the poor man for his defending of his self. My husband is the chocolate stealer, and I the hider. It's marriage! Boundries blur, we fight it out! As long as he still loves me, it's all good....

11:45 PM  
Blogger NotSoSage said...

Haven't had time to read the other comments, but TWO DAYS! No human who is capable of resisting chocolate for two days is deserving of the rich gifts that it can offer.

And didn't I read somewhere that you got fudge mix...I bet that's still around. You can make it up to him with some home-cooked fudge.

1:56 AM  
Blogger Scribbit said...

My sweet teenager gave me a box of chocolates and they were all cream filled. I can't stand the cream filled ones, I mean they're better than a root canal but just not worth the calories in my book. I waited until she was at school and gnawed off the chocolate coverings and threw away the centers. I'm pathetic. :)

2:21 AM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

You need to buy back up chocolate. My husband did not get me any this year but I got my own ahead of time since I am much better at picking it out than him any way. He goes for cheap waxy chocolate and I love the dark expensive stuff.

3:58 AM  
Blogger Bea said...

You and Mad Hatter are on quite a roll here, confronting me with all my sexual double standards. Very trickily done, my friend!

7:25 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Really. you were just cleaning up after the holidays, someone had to do it...also, eating your children's chocolate is a means of protecting their health, so really this is all about altruism.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Susanne said...

What you really need is enough chocolate for everyone and emergency chocolate too. Sorry to say, I don't think it was a morally good decision to eat the gift. Next tie I also recommend buying another box for yourself. One can never have enough chocolate around.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

As my sweet bad husband says above, this post should NOT be taken to suggest that he is negligent in the gift-giving department. If I had wanted to take him to task for such negligence, I would have written about the bag of fudge mix that I received from him on St-V Day. MIX. (Granted, it came with a red ribbon and silver heart-shaped fudge cutting thingie, but still. DIY.) But I did not write about the fudge mix because, yes, he did very well with the anniversary gifts this past year.

Still, I submit to you: fudge MIX. Me, alone in a house, with fudge MIX and an untouched box of chocolates, ready-to-eat. What would you have done?

10:29 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

*lol* You bad lady. Tell him you wouldn't have had to do it if he had bought you ACTUAL fudge, instead of fudge mix.

Josh got me one of those hearts, and I have guessed every piece correctly so far! That never happens!

11:04 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

I got so screwed by doing the Exact Same Thing a few years ago! My husband left his birthday chocolate just lying around for an entire WEEK. One day something in me just snapped, and before I knew it I was ripping that wrapper right off in a chocolate-flavored feeding frenzy! An entire week might I remind you all, what's a girl to do...

I do think you should make the time to use those gift certificates though. Shame to let all that pampering go unused.

11:18 AM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Sheesh, a man should know you can't leave chocolate alone like that. Chocolate is like a hot guy -- if you don't go after it, someone will.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

Dude, clearly you are THE BAD HUSBAND.

Let me explain why. First off, Fudge mix? Please! Anything that she has to mix with other ingredients to make into something edible is not a gift. IT IS WORK.

Secondly, the big V-day, it's a fixed day on the calendar. So regardless of how busy you were, or how much you had to work, you knew the big day was rapidly approaching. Which why it is inexcusable to have to go to a store at 8pm that day to buy FUDGE MIX.

Thirdly, the fact that you presented your lovely wife (and she is indeed lovely) with wonderful gifts earlier in the year, which she has still yet to use, does not render you free and clear of purchasing more gifts for her, namely chocolate.

You must remember something, no matter how wonderful you are (and I hear you are pretty wonderful) and how romantic or thoughtful you can be, you will always owe HBM or to you Her Bad Wife, a gift.

Because she will always trump you in that department. Until you figure out how to gestate and deliver a human being through your loins.

Hands down, she wins.

And quit whining. I see one uneaten chocolate in the box. She didn't completely make a pig of herself!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We need more comments around here from Her Bad Husband.

I admit, I did the same thing...always do. So I buy dark organic fair trade chocolate for my (good) husband so that I have one less thing to feel guilty about.

And dude, that's an amazing anniversary gift!

1:27 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Hey, if he seriously wanted them untouched, he should have hidden them. Or eaten them. Or taken them to work. Otehrwise, it's just taunting you and begging for trouble.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Damselfly made me shoot latte out my nose.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

Glad I could make someone laugh! Hope the latte thing wasn't too messy.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I admire your restraint. Not only the two days' lapse, but the fact that you were able to bite into the chocolates without finishing them. ;-)

happy belated v-day, my friend.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

I ALWAYS end up eating most of the chocolate I give my husband. Seems he cares about his figure and I only care about filling that empty chocolate abyss in my belly. I really, really try not to eat the kids chocolates though, b/c then I really feel like a heel. You are quite justified---doesn't chocolate have a shelf life? Two days is much too long to let it sit untouched!

9:43 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Two days. No more need be said.

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't receieve chocolate either. Maybe that's why I'm so cranky.

4:39 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

He should have hidden them like I do from my husband.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Ok, putting them back half bitten is something only I thought I did.

This year, Nate gave me chocolate, opened it himself, and has proceeded to eat most of it. I suppose it's like half the gifts he gets for "me" so I shouldn't be surprised.

(Remind me to tell you about the Brookstone leg and foot massager)

10:46 PM  
Blogger Sharon L. Holland said...

If I buy my husband chocolates, I know I will eat them (all). So now I only buy him chocolate-covered cherries, which he likes, but I detest. It keeps them safe from me.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Karla Zamora, Digital Analyst said...

I think that two days is long enough for chocolate to be left lying around. I commend you for waiting that long...cause I would have eaten them in less time.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well my toddler comes in handy for chocolates that i bite into and detest.giving them to her makes it ok for me to eat them.family of mine be forwarned that if you leave chocolate especially the dark stuff i will eat it.now if you'll excuse me i hear my husbands secret stash of chocolate calling me....LAVENDULA

11:44 AM  

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