Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Mothers Are The New Sheep

I became a mother because everyone else was doing it. No, really – I kept seeing all those flashy strollers and cool diaper bags and hip pregnancy clothes and I said to myself, girlfrennn! We have got to get us some of that! I’d been, like, totally ambivalent about having kids for, like, forever, but then when I saw that it was cool? And that everybody else was doing it? And that it meant more shopping? I was totally on board.

Gwyneth was doing it. So were Kate and Jennifer and Sarah and Gwen and Britney, back before she lost her mind, back when she was still hot. They were all getting pregnant and wearing skinny jeans slung below their bouncing bellies (totally sexy, omg, did you see them? Slinky little tank tops stretched over those smooth round tummies, belly-buttons poking cheekily through the filmy fabric? Hott!), slouching around with their decaf lattes and bags of super-cute baby clothes slung over their arms. Some of them already had their babies, and wore them on their hips, all fat and pink and decked out in the super-cutest little Burberry newsboy caps, like the sweetest little accessories that you ever saw. Kate, with her baby in one arm and that big white Birkin on the other? That was cool. And did you see when Gwyneth had Apple at the Live8 concert with those earphones pulled down over her little blond head, and Gwyneth had her hair all long and loose and neo-hippie-like and wore those big aviator sunglasses and was, like, totally rocking out with her adorable little blond baby and made motherhood look so cool? I loooooved that. I wanted to be that.

So I decided to have a baby.

Okay, so maybe I was already pregnant by then, but when I look back at it now I can totally see that I became pregnant because that’s what was hot. And that’s, like, totally cool. I got in on the trend at the very beginning. I saw the signs: Babies Are The New Uggs. Get Them Before They’re Out.

I was marketed into motherhood. I became a mamanista.

That’s what I’m told, anyway. That motherhood is, like, the new black and that all us mothers have just been, like, totally sucked in because the media and the marketers made it look just so tempting, like something that we had to have, like a totally hot new bag except with no waiting list (okay, nine-month waiting list! But still! Waaaay shorter than the Birkin list, omg!)

(Wait. Are we the same Gen-X/Y post-consumer performance artist hipster parents who are trying to make terminally un-hip parenthood cool? The ones who are exhibiting their babies as counter-culture artwork on their blahgs and Babbling about how to wrap their own baby slings out of vintage rock tees recycled from Goodwill?… Is that, like, the same thing or is it totally different? I’m, like, soooo confused.)

But here’s the thing about becoming a mamanista: it’s all fine and cool and hotttt and we all love the pretty shiny things that come with babies – even the babies themselves! – until we realize that motherhood isn’t as shiny and pretty as Sarah Jessica Parker makes it look and that even a Bugaboo Cameleon and a Burberry diaper bag don’t make up for all of the sleepless nights and the sagging, sucked-dry boobies and the spit-up stains on your vintage Diane von Furstenburg wrap dress and the fact that your swollen post-partum feet will never fit into Choos again. And then we get buyers remorse. That’s what they tell me, anyway. Mamanistas will regret - do regret - having babies, because babies are so less cool than you thought they would be.

They can tell, see, because of what we say on our blogs, because of how we’re quoted in the media. They can tell because some of us, sometimes, have said that motherhood can, sometimes, be boring. Frustrating. Messy. They can tell because sometimes, some of us, admit to having a drink. Or two. Or ten. They can tell because we’re obviously desperately trying to hang on to our selfish, urban-hipster-doofus-culture-victim lifestyles. They can tell that we’re miserable, and that we’re ruining our children.

So they're issuing public warnings now: Don't Have Children Because It's Trendy. Don't Get Pregnant Because Bridget Moynihan Did. Don't Turf Your Birth Control So That You Can Buy A Bugaboo.


Got that? Don't do it, because you'll regret it. No matter how much you end up loving - adoring - your children, no matter how incalculably precious you find those moments of snuggling/kissing/playing with/gazing at/thinking about your babies, no matter how inexplicably fulfilled you feel by this overwhelming, life-changing, soul-expanding thing called motherhood, you will regret it, because nothing - nothing - makes up for cellulite and baby puke on your Tory Burch wedges and you'll only have yourself to blame when you find yourself, some dark night, in a strip-mall beauty-salon-slash-tattoo-parlour begging a nineteen year old to shave your head and tattoo the words BABY'S BITCH on your pubes.

So, if you have ever at any point in your life been ambivalent about having children, if you never played with dolls or doodled the names of your future children in your schoolbooks, and if you now find yourself inexplicably drawn to Starck-designed strollers or Oilily diaper bags or Cookie Magazine or Babble.com, or have noticed that you discuss with some authority the relative merits of Chuck Taylor sneakers over ballet flats for attending Saturday afternoon family dance parties or kiddie salons, or find yourself surfing Celebrity-Baby when you should be doing your taxes or planning your charitable giving, consider yourself warned: you may be, or be on the verge of becoming, a mamanista, and so may be in danger of spontaneously combusting from the combined effects of sleeplessness, boredom and frustrated fabulousness. For which the only remedy is to not have children - or, travel back in time and not have children - and save your money for an accessory dog and that Birkin bag.

Because that's all that you really wanted to begin with, wasn't it?


Thank you all, beyond much, for your reassuring comments on my last post. I still feel like a bad mother, but at least I know that I am in the best possible company.

Labels: ,


Blogger S said...

Gawd, do I feel old.

But you, you are funny. And not quite as old, I think. But still old.

Would Britney be having some kind of wacked-out breakdown if it weren't being televised?

I cannot say. But glad I am that I am not Britney. Or Sarah Jessica. Or Gwyneth. Because I am only slouching mom, I don't know how to accessorize. So I don't. Ergo, my kids will never be a) accessories; and b) accessorized.

6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, then there's me. I've never doodled future kid's names...always said, "UM NO KIDS, THANKS"...never wanted to get married or have babies...protested loudly anytime someone would say "just wait, you will"...joined a group just for women who didn't want kids.

And now? Now that I've met the man I'll marry? Um...yeah. TOTALLY freaking out because I can't wait to have his babes. And I couldn't care less what celebs are having kids - some of them shouldn't.

This is the first time I've said that out loud on the blogosphere, btw. BOY are people going to be confused.


6:53 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

LOVE. THIS. LOVE IT. Perfection. Truly. And so very, very accurate.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are we really, as a culture, so overstimulated that anything that is not interesting, entertaining, new, is de facto 'boring'?

Some things are just part of living. I like to cook, and I don't like to do dishes, but neither are particularly interesting. But both tasks must be done. Classifying such little acts in life as boring does the act of living a huge disservice.

Sometimes things are neither boring nor interesting, merely necessary.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, I never wanted kids at all. The accessories sucked me in.

7:02 PM  
Blogger EUC said...

Am confessing to wanting a cute jogging stroller at costco on Sunday. Have always wanted kids, though, and if we won the lottery today I'd totally throw out the package of pills faster than I could say "yay we won the lottery" but as it is we're not there financially yet. As it is, trying to keep baby fever at bay. Haven't been too successful.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Debbie said...

yeah. I regret it. I regret that I didn't do it about six years sooner. My back is killing me.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Crap. I really got screwed then because I didn't get any of the cool accessories....not even the kids. They won't let me dress them in hip little outfits. They make very messy, uncooperative accessories indeed.

Maybe I did it wrong. Should I try having another? Or I could just get one of those weird, little shaking purse dogs. I could put a tiara on it and carry it in a designer bag.

Great post. I loved the whole thing.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

Thank you for reminding me that I need another girl ... so I can get all that PINK stuff. Yeah.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...


Who am I kidding? I wouldn't know the cool, hip trend if it shot out of my vah-jay-jay.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Just read the harangue at AlterNet: the upshot, it seems, is that women always chase after pretty shiny things? Gosh, women are *dumb*, aren't they? What an insulting article.

You know what? I have a ginormous SUV stroller, and yes, I've watched my latte congeal on the bottom of it while I race home with a screeching miserable infant. Of course I didn't know what I was getting into. No one does before they have the first one. Not because we're stupid, but because it's unknowable. Not because we're not competent to discern marketing trend from biological urge to procreate, but because parenthood must be experienced to be believed.

I'm super duper insulted (not by you, but by what you're mocking here). Grr.

Aren't these people just once more engaged in an exercise of blaming the mother? Urr, yeah, babies is hard--if you want a pair of baby uggs to make the terror at least cute, I say do what you have to do to get through the day!

8:46 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

I followed that link over to the AlterNet article...(*shaking head in disgust*). FWIW, I entered motherhood feeling totally terrified. I had no rose-coloured glasses on - it really would not have been possible for me to be more fully forewarned of what was coming. And it was still overwhelming - still totally beyond anything I could have imagined or prepared myself for.

So, yeah - ads depicting cute little babies wearing Robeez and the latest Baby Gap are NOT actually the sole cause of post-partum depression.

9:04 PM  
Blogger NotSoSage said...

Um, does that mean that I should start acting all coy and NOT explaining that the white stains on my black work clothes are banana?

Anyone? Anyone?

9:05 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

HBM, you rock. No really, you do. Here's my question, when Maya was born 5 years ago didn't I sign a waiver that when she got uncool, I could trade her in? For a designer one like Angelina's or Gwen's maybe? One that looks cute and doesn't whine, talk back, leave legos and Barbie shoes all over or swing her backpack at me, hoping it will hit me, just because I put Nemo fruit snacks in her lunch instead of Princess ones? Isn't there a trade in clause in there somewhere, like a car? What kind of idiots do they take us for? I can't believe someone would write trash like that.

The again, maybe they got their insider information from my cousin who had both of hers "so she'd be loved." Yes, two of them. The second after the first one learned to talk back. Oh well, there are some idiots out there. But most of us knew mostly what we were getting ourselves into.

You came up with a great re-buttle. I also agree with Mimi above. I had some pretty shiny things when mine were babies....that was a perk, it however had nothing to do with why they were born. Shiny things do not get up every ten minutes at night with a puking toddler, sway back and forth for the entire first year (whether holding said children or not), clean neck to toe poop, nor fetch my morning coffee.

Oh and Hi, I hope you and WB are doing well. Issa

9:11 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Chase, I am beyond honored that you outed your newfound maternal urges *right here*! I love to host breaking, if confusing, news!

Mimi, Bub, Issa, all - TOTALLY. None of us could have known what it would be like (yes, Bub, unknowable is exactly the right word) - distracted by shiny things or not - and most of us understood that from the beginning. The idea that we might have fallen into this through a marketing dupe? And that the challenges we struggle with now are all due to buyer's remorse? Insulting to the nth degree.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

I totally had a baby simply because my body said I couldn't. I have a real issue with authority and you know, threats like that. I take it up as a challenge.

Anywho, I don't know anyone who went into parenting because they thought it would be cool, hip, fun, easy and the thing to do...so like whatevah.

I do, however, on some days have buyer's remorse, like you know today, when the two year old sprayed my brand new purple shirt with silver glitter glue just before we had to leave for a Mardi Gras parade.

Can I say I have hip and trendy fatigue? And am absolutely exhausted from so many articles like that telling me I didn't know what I thought.

9:30 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Wait, so having babies is merely trendy? I guess that makes the "Greatest Generation" boomer mamas just a giant flock of sheep. Yeah, they thought they were SO cute cranking out all those kids in their June Cleaver dresses. How superficial!

Great post. Only now I have to go look up "Tory Burch kitten heels."

9:41 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

I entered motherhood for the best possible reasons - because I got accidentally pregnant on my honeymoon. If I could travel back in time - despite the poverty of our first years of marriage, despite the horrific post-partum depression - I would do it all over again, because my God, look what I ended up with, my DAUGHTER.

10:07 PM  
Blogger m said...

Before having my son, I occassionally wrote for an online shopping "magazine". When our editor came out to meet all her Vancouver writers around Christmas time, I was about six months pregnant. I was feeling very out of sorts, not being able to drink my way through a dinner with a group of beautiful strangers and being the only one anywhere near motherhood.

There were some comments like "I feel like I haven't done enough with my life yet to even consider having kids" or "The only thing in my fridge is diet coke and take out--I can't have kids!" which I laughed at and chose to ignore the backhanded insults that go with them.

But the one comment that still kills me when I think about it, the one that I wish I had a smart response for instead of just being struck dumb was:

"Motherhood is very trendy right now."

As if that was the reason I decided to have a baby. This was a comment from a successful editor, my peer, someone my age.

It's easy to laugh at the stupid marketing and vapid articles about yummy mummies, but what makes me cringe is realizing that "educated" people are writing that copy and thinking that we plebes are going eat it up.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Mad said...

I think I'm getting old. When I read articles like that one (and usually I go out of my way to avoid them) my response seldom is more generous than a curmudgeonly "fuck off!" People have babies in IRAQ and DARFUR for crying out loud. Procreating is about biologoy as much as anything else. Sometimes people in the west (myself included) make me want to scream with the "blah, blah, blah, remember life is not what Hollywood has painted it as. Make, responsible choices, ladies!" Like duh. Yeah, kids are hard. They're also love and joy and FAMILY. I'll buy that for a dollar any day.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I've actually been meaning to blog about (my opinions on) how marketing has affected parenting - not so much IF we parent but HOW we parent. I've had the post started and not written since Christmas. Maybe I'll re-apply myself...

11:14 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

OMG!! I, like, can't believe that babies don't stay the size to always fit in your handbag, just like Paris' Tinkerbell.

11:45 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Nice rant.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Like, totally.

12:43 AM  
Blogger Creative-Type Dad said...

Yup, my thoughts exactly. My nipples hurt now.

1:26 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

Yeah they can continue to try and commodify family life... It is inevitable.

Not unrelated news.. "children crave unstructured time with parents. not stuff"

I blame the Pears people, or is it the gibson girl? Certainly Walt Disney.

Poor us

2:14 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

I've been laughing at this over on Babble for weeks now, and I just have to say, that if I did all this to be in style, then why do I still look as frumpy as I did before? I want my money back! Urban, yes, in Israel's overly-dense suburban-urban type way, but hipster? Not a chance. My accessories (the non-human ones that is) still suck. Any hope these articles claim I might have harbored that a child would turn me super-cool vanished into the mashed banana that's currently covering my way out of style pants. Geez, I'll probably want a minivan next, too.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Okay I'm back after having actually taken the time to read your links.

I'm with the Catherine above. (And you should blog that...I'd be interested.)

I still don't think the AlterNet article is correct that a "trend" is what motivates a person to have a child.

However, I do believe that there is a point to the idea that the constant barrage of media images affects our expectations AFTER we become parents.

In fact, I touch on this briefly in my current blog post.

The only difference is that I call it "Hallmark Moment" expectations. It's when parents expect a Full-House-like TV-image form of parenting (consciously or not) wherein the Perfect parent is full of patience, wisdom and successful techniques that they employ on their strategically available (as per script) child.

I think too often we do believe---and I admit I fel victim to this---to the mental and emotional image (and expectation) of constant glory and awwwww and wow in parenting.

As Momish said, those are fleeting adn fragile moments. They are bracketed by the "hey, stop that!" and "put on your listening ears!" and "holy mary mother of...what did you just DO?" times.

I think that's the moment when moms call it "boring." Repetition.

I think that's when moms experience the most frustration, "I expected it to be a gorgeous experience."

And it is, at times, but they are the brief moments that make the rest of it bearable...that and the love we feel for our kids.

Mommy (and I don't mean to cut out dads, I'm just keeping the focus here) is a tough job. I know we know that, but lurking in our minds is this sticky wicket of Hallmark and Full House-like images and ideass that we keep seeing in ads, on TV, in photos, read in stories and so forth.

In short, I think that article mised the mark and anyway was sort of somewhere between ridiculous and offensive. :)

8:11 AM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

"Baby's Bitch"


I love you.

BTW, if I wanted to have kids to be cool, I'd have just adopted a few surly teenagers, because parents of teens are way co...oh...drat. Nevermind.

You mean I should just go back to wearing mom jeans?

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. As a mother you should abandon whomever you were before. ESPECIALLY if that person was a creative thinker or at all interested in modern music, design or art. SHUN IT ALL!

Show off your front-butt in those mom jeans and dress your kids in a sack! For shame, you careless hipsters!

(Said with a proudly guilty tongue planted firmly in cheek.)

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh how I love you.

9:27 AM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

I'm way more concerned about young, unprepared women that have babies because they think
a)the baby daddy will stick around b)they will have the unconditional love they crave or c)because they think it is easier than getting a job.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

Ah, see, now, I have the dubious honor of riding that particular wave BEFORE the big cool crush came along. I like to think it was me that CAUSED Britney and Gwyneth to get funky and knocked up and stuff. Having my first at 22, when most of my friends still stuttered at the idea of dating the same person twice, consecutively, clearly must indicate my status as trendsetter.


9:42 AM  
Blogger Baby in the City said...

That Alternet article was, what, written by a fourteen year old? Stop the presses, consumerism is everywhere, everything is commercialized! God, say it isn't so!! But what do you expect from a yoga instructor living on Vancouver island. Humourless, holier-than-thou hippie ranting, that's what.

Thank you Janina Stajic for opening my eyes to this giant conspiracy that was, well, just so well hidden until you peeled back its intricate layers. Wow. You are REALLY insightful. And I was, until reading your article, so blind. Silly, silly me.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

I'm scheduled to get a new tattoo next week and I'm totally dumping the idea that I had and going with BABY'S BITCH.

Won't the hubs love that.

I was birthing babies before it became cool. So they can suck it.

But I'm only adopting because Angelina and Madge said it was cool to do so.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow i was reading away and thinking to myself where is her bad mother and what have you done with her.and then i found you.lol.anyhow i've been a barefoot hippieish kinda mum for a lot of years here and i so see what you mean about babies being the new cool thing to have.yikes.oh well off to google tatoos now....LAVENDULA

11:34 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I only wish I could afford one of those designer diaper bags. But alas, I'm stuck with this fuddy-duddy Eddie Bauer gray motherfucker with the weird zippers and pockets that I'm supposed to fill with 'things,' and always, always, the crushed goldfish lingering at the bottom.

You rock, hard.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Nichole said...

How ridiculous. I'm, as my grandmother would say, disgusted. Sure, maybe I want the cool things for my baby, the bugaboo, the doobydoo, what the hell ever, but that doesn't mean I'll get it (because I'm broke. see: baby) and that doesn't matter.

I didn't get pregnant so I could accessorize either, and I'm highly offended that the marketing media thinks it has us all in its clutches. Advertising is effective, but it isn't God or a voodoo priest. Matter of fact, before I got pregnant I never even NOTICED baby-related commercials, let alone shed a tear over the cutie babies.

Great post, HBM. Well-said.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Run ANC said...

That's funny. I DO think parenting is "cool" -- warts and all. It's definitely a clique of sorts - those that have 'em and those that don't. I was aware of how much hard work would be involved and how much "crap" would be flung, and I was still about as unprepared for this parenting thing as a person can be. I don't think anyone is prepared the first time.

Still, to see what we've created -- that's COOL to the Nth degree, daddy-o.

(Oh, and I am still distracted by pretty shiny things.)

12:54 PM  
Blogger ms blue said...

I have these totally cool children that I made myself. (Ok with the help of this guy that I picked up in a bar and married.)

For the sake of the sparing a future mamanista, I will start a business renting out my cool children. Be seen and photographed! Go to trendy children's dance parties! Buy hip children accessories. I guarantee at least one tantrum or your money back. (My goal by 2008, I'll have my first million.)

Mothers are the new fashion victims.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Karla Zamora, Digital Analyst said...

I think that we forget when we look at the celeb moms that they don't actually do the work. Please, they have a cook, a cleaning lady, a nanny, a driver, etc. All they do is play with the kids and tell them a story or two.

I was astonished when I went to visit my home country of Nicaragua to learn that the nannies were the ones to fix the food, wash them, change them, put them to bed and wake up in the middle of the night if the baby should wake up. All that my friends did was play with them and kiss them good night. That is about it.

I have to say that when I was pregnant I was pretty pissed off that the celebs were also having kids because they tend to cheapen even the most beautiful things. Becoming a mom was the most wonderful experience for me and even though it was extremely extremely hard at first, it is just awesome now.

I mean even Paris Hilton is threatening to get pregnant... God I hope not.

1:27 PM  
Blogger MrsEvilGenius said...

Shite, I didn't get any of the cool accessories either! Just this 'boring' life and this messy house and these beautiful children. Crap!

Who do I need to sue?

2:16 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

But....but....I had kids because I knew they would look good with my super cool trans am.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks for this awesomely ranty non-boring maternal post! I got pregnant on purpose for the first time 8 1/2 years ago/not sure if I was blissfully culturally illerate or the mommy wars were as yet still brewing...in any case, there were moments I could have used some Robeez to cheer me up but I'm pretty sure they didn't exist. In any case I can safely say Robeez played no role in bringing my next two into this world. I won't feel guilty for not loving the parts of mommying just aren't lovable, and I won't feel like an idiot for loving the parts that are immeasurably lovable. This probably makes me difficult to market to...and I'm not so sorry about that.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Damselfly said...

You had me at "sucked-dry boobies."

Seriously, you're right. Having a baby became the thing to do. A baby is the latest must-have accessory.

3:09 PM  
Blogger tallulah said...

I am so like, totally cool. I just shaved my head. For the 1st time in my life, my 9 year old son looked at me and said..."Mom, you look so cool. Why did it take you so long to shave your head?"

I said,"Gee Christian, I was just waiting for Britney to do it."

3:52 PM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

When Bossy had her first baby no one cool had babies. Britney was probably still sucking her thumb. Or something else. The point is no one marketed motherhood to Bossy except Bossy. Bossy used to tuck rolled up toilet paper under Barbie's dresses so she'd stay knocked up and then Kenn would have to drive her ass around in the Barbie camper.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Oh oh oh oh OH! How you've done justice to this topic. Love it! I just read that alternet article and in a very politically incorrect word: it's retarded.

Some women, drawn in by the trend, become completely disillusioned when they realize that motherhood isn't always as delightful as donning the latest offerings from the runways of Paris.

Is that for real? Does she have one example of a woman "drawn in by this trend?" I'd like names and numbers.

Meanwhile that G&M article is like from a billion years ago. Moving on.

7:39 PM  
Blogger Scribbit said...

I missed the last post and after reading I have to add my "you're not a bad mom" comment. Though I know what you're talking about. When my daughter (number 1) was a week old I tried to trim her fingernails and ended up cutting off the tiny end of her finger. You know how those nails grow right up against the finger and how babies squirm when you're trimming? I cried and cried (as did she) and beat myself up pretty bad. Then a friend gave me this great advice: "Don't trim when they're awake. Wait till they're asleep." It's been smooth sailing ever since.

And though I'm being slightly facitious it has gotten better.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

All I can say to this one is, sing it, sistah.

(And, also, do these people even READ our blogs? Really?)

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I am a fairly young mother who happened to get pregnant during that same time when there was a pregnancy boom in Hollywood, I got accused of following some trend that, to be honest with you, I wasn't even aware of. Because there's no way that my husband and I could have made a personal decision to become parents, right? It must be all about designer baby clothes and celebrity worship.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Alex Elliot said...

I love the idea of the tattoo! That's what I'm going to be doing this Friday night!

11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it! I was caught up in the mamanista mania in the beginning, now I am just freakin tired and covered in baby spitup. Oh and I haven't had my eyebrows waxed in like a year...

But I kinda want to know how to make a sling out of an old t-shirt, just because it sounds much better than dropping the 50 bucks on one.

1:11 AM  
Blogger urban-urchin said...


1:15 AM  
Blogger Sharon L. Holland said...

You mocked this so much better than I could. I would probably spit on somebody and stalk off growling about the death of western civilization.

My decision to give my children life does not have to be justified to ANYONE, least of all some snob who thinks women live by fashion.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Gwen said...

And see, I'd already clawed my way out of post partum depression by the time the beautiful hep cats started to breed, so I just looked at their picture perfect existences in People and snickered because I knew what life was really like once they got back behind the gates of their mansions.

Isn't the point of marketing and advertising to convince us that spending money on whatever it is will make us happier? It's not just babies and mothers--anyone watch that little sporting contest awhile back called The Super Bowl? When is Janina going to write another poorly composed article that warns men that drinking Budweiser will not magically make large breasted chicks appear to lap dance for them?

3:52 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Ahh, yes, foiled again by that hip new maternity line by Liz Lange. I guess that's how baby #2 came along. Damn her.

4:18 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I must say...I'm a totally shocked mommy over here. I never imagined you were the type to get suckered into mommyhood...I need to do some thinking.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're too funny. It's true what you write. I would like to change the word motherhood to fatherhood though. I see a huge change in how fathers act with their kids and their involvement. It's cool to be a father with the Baby Björn strapped on, stroller loaded, and having coffe with your child next to you. At least it is over here. I see so many fathers who take 6 months off to be with their baby. They have a magical glow in their face as they walk around town with their loved little one.

It's trendy and cool plus it's good for the kids. And the fathers feel like superstars. And the women can work. Everybody wins.

Nice weekend


4:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How did they know that I had kids just to buy the cute wittle itty bitty outfits? Because I think a station wagon screams "HOT MAMA" like nothing else? Because I'd much rather save my hard-earned money for college tuition than for exotic vacations?

They've found me out, dammit.

And you, HBM, are brilliant as always.

9:17 AM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

This is a great post! Truly!

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again, great post!
I somehow managed to miss the whole trend thing... especially since "cute maternity tops" and "my pregnant body" did not go together.

The article was certainly interesting, what a shame that woman (obviously) regretted her choices!

6:46 AM  
Blogger Namito said...

Baa I say. Or maybe just bah.

I tore myself away from Celebrity Baby to read this? ;)

How dare you be all self-actualized and wise and everything! You're a mother, for crying out loud. Stop making us all look bad.

love, ya, grrl. Keep it up.

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And see, I went and read the link and grrrrrr.
Reminds me of the article in a magazine over here about women who had chosen not to have children, and were complaining about how they suffered great pressure and unkindness from others because of it (which might have been true) but ONE of them said 'Anyway, having kids is just a lifestyle choice, like how you decide weather to buy a boat or house or something. People just have to live with those choices!'...
And I just screamed 'Oh My GOD Who ARE YOU!' and I wonder if people don't give her a hard time for some other reason.....
Amazing post. Very funny.

4:00 AM  
Blogger Gidge Uriza said...

I only had the twins immediately after the first one because I wanted both a double and a triple stroller.
Because strollers ROCK.

Everyone knows that.

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I thought the whole "hipster parent" concept was meant ironically. You mean we really are hip? Jesus, what does that say for the state of cool?

2:25 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home