Her Bad Mother

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Things I've Learned This Week

1) That the trolls that cruise the flashier corners of the blogosphere are waaaay meaner than your everyday, run-of-the-mill mommyblogger tards. The thrill of getting a post up at the must-read Huffington Post was harshed somewhat by the sting of blogtardage.

An example: reading your piece made me want to scream... (at) my own mother.

He didn't mean that in a good way.

2) That it's cool to see your writing up at a site like the Huffington Post, even with the blogtardage. Bring it on, bitches.

3) That the mothers of the blogosphere are extraordinary. Okay, so maybe this wasn't something new that I learned, but the lesson sure was hammered home. Your songs of love for your children, your odes to the profound physical connection that bonds mother and child, have been taking my breath away. Moving me, and inspiring me, and reminding me that this is an extraordinary community.

Thirty-five posts and counting. Keep singing.

4) That babies will eat cat food if they can get it.

Veganism is making me pale. Bring on the meat pellets!


*Kristen also has a post up at HP. Check it out.

*An early visitor to the Basement is back with an update to her story. You're gonna want to hear this...


Blogger metro mama said...

Congrats on the Huffington Post (it's excellent, by the way).

Fuck the trolls. Motherhood is far scarier than they are.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As always, HBM, that was a fantastic post. Your honesty and insightfulness in exploring the deeper crevices of parenting continue to amaze me. I love it.

Congrats on the Huffington Post. Screw the haters.

10:13 PM  
Blogger moplans said...

Great Post. Congrats.
Ah wonderbaby she is SO CUTE

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am the AmyN commenter at HP. There is a lot to be said for being part of this Mom Blogger community. Your post over there was wonderful --- have no doubt. I have a "fear" post that will be there as well at some point --- now I know to look out for trolls. :-o

10:43 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I loved your essay over at the Huffington Post. I was sorry to see the people (trolls, people is too nice) that came out to trash it.

Screw 'em. Their mothers obviously didn't love them.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are awesome. Loved the post. It's easier for people to criticize (especially such pithily nasty criticism) instead of digging deep inside to figure out how your post touched them. In a more positive way that the screamer did.

11:04 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Loved the HP post and I'm with all of the above. Screw the haters.

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to second what Metro Mama said, and also add that babies will eat dog food if they can get it as well. If Kaitlyn can get to the dog's dish, she scoops up a handful of Mini Bites and starts popping them in her mouth. I might have to start filling the dog's dish with Sweet Potato Puffs.

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dog food too. And it's a little cheaper per pound!
That baby is mighty cute, and has such a sweet, knowing look on her face. Like she doesn't even care that dog food is cheaper!

12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your HP post was wonderful. Congratulations on making it to the "big time" and don't let the trolls spoil your moment. Well done.

12:33 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Awesome Huffington post!

This struck me, "I am afraid that she will see me as I once saw my own mother, as just a mother. As a woman not to be emulated. As a woman to be discounted. Just a mother."

As soon as I found out I was having a boy, I thought this very thing. Because he is a man, he will never understand motherhood (and everything I have done for him). Now that he is here, I could care less because he brings me so much joy, but for him to experience it like only a mother can (would be cool)... he can't, but that is okay.

And that is one cute baby you've got. I betcha my kid is whiter than your kid! ;)

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to leave my message on the Huffington site. That post was so deeply touching to me. I was so taken aback that people would be cutting and rude. I didn't expect that people with 'mother issues' would feel free to throw a lifetime of fury at you - as if you were their mother. I thought about saying something here, but it seemed more important to do it there. I apologize that it is so long and that I am not the crafter of words that you are, but I need you to hear that you wrote a stirring, resonating and achingly honest post. I think I heard you, and I feel like I would be at ease with you. So, thanks.

1:50 AM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

Such a great post at the Post. LOVED IT. God girl, you're good!

4:12 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Congrats on the brilliant piece at The Huffington Post. Mutha Fear is something that all mothers with a strong perception of self can identify with. Their children are lucky, as is WonderBaby.

4:41 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Catherine, I thought your post over at HP was great (no surprise there!)

7:56 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Wonderful post at HP. It helped me see new angles on my own struggle over the past 9 months since Monkeygirl arrived to knit together who I was with who I am now and will become. And that mutha fear....

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell yes. My daughter thinks cat food is the best thing to eat in the house.

Besides my arm of course.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I read your HP post. It was amazing. I sent it to my own mom, my sister and some friends.
And then I read the comments and they shocked me. The thing is, it's impressive that you were able to cause so much outburst with your piece.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Baby in the City said...

Holy Jesus, what a different readership over at the HP. I guess it takes some time for people (or maybe just non-muthas) to catch on to the HBM magic. I think most of the commenters misread you.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Mommygoth said...

WHATever. Those people are biyotches. Talk about plastering your own unresolved issues all over someone else's story. I'm SO sorry your mommy didn't make you happy, miss freaked out commenter, but that really wasn't the point of the post. I really, really understand what you're talking about. I too, am struggling to find the person I was, to make sure my daughter has a chance to know her. I want my friends to tell her stories about all the crazy stuff I did. I have always yearned to go back in time and see my mother as a young woman for this very reason.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My, those are some NASTY trolls! I thought your post at HP was awesome...and congrats!

That's a pretty adorable pic.

Our little family is doing a fundraiser for the Cancer Society @ http://www.muchmorethanamom.com/?p=328

You have, like, 149 764 more readers than I do, so I thought this would be a good place to pimp it ;-)

10:54 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Great piece over at HP! Congrats! As for the comments...people are nuts (and not very bright, either).

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's obvious that none of the commenters, save Mom101 and Kvetch, had kids.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

If you're not pissing off people, you're not doing a good job. Seriously. The HP entry was honest and well-written and spoke to professional women with BRAINS and CHILDREN. The people that took umbrage with it - those with obvious mommy issues and not a whole lot of introspection. Dismiss their comments as irrelevant because they are just that, irrelevant.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Congrats on HP. Well done. And even more admirable is your screw them attitude towards the ridiculous trolls.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Namito said...

Congratulations, HBM.

On the blogtards too! You know you're writing really well when you piss people off. Those responses...haven't seen that much projection since I went to the movies.


1:47 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Cat food - been there and learning to deal with that (ack)

Huff post - congrats and woah - blogtards are harsh but Chicky-chicky mom captured it perfectly: 'Screw 'em. Their mothers obviously didn't love them.'

BTW - great post over there. I'm so proud to know ya'

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved your post. It was well written and meaningful. To heck with those people who didn't like it.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Kristina said...

Before I became a mom, I never understood why it took so long for other parents to load/unload their kids from the car, and I was oblivious to the obvious need they had for me to hold the door open when they were pushing a double stroller.

Now that I'm a mom, I get it. And so much more. I get you, too.

I'm willing to bet that the trolls over at Huffington aren't parents...they are still carrying around that adolescent angst.

4:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats on the HP article -- I just read it and I see exactly where you are coming from. And I can relate. Because I don't want to disappoint my daughter either, in the ways that my mother disappointed me. It's something I am very consciously aware of.

Excellent article.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

All About My Mother is one of my all-time favorite movies. It makes me like you more to see that poster.

Congrats on the Huffington Post! You are now in league with John Cusack - and that means a lot to me. :)

6:03 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

As I said...lots of guys who read the HP with mommy issues. Theirs, not yours.

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is such a sweet photo!!!
pssha on the critics .... Mom101 is right .. their issues not yours!

10:10 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

Where have I been that I haven't even considered sending in stuff to the HP? AND WHEN DID EVERYONE START CALLING IT THE HP?

Congrats to you, hon! Way to go.

11:21 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

I think we all have fears...can we be the Mother we want to be for our children. No, most likely not, our standards are way too high. All we need to know...is that we are doing our best...and the huffies at Huffington...well, screw'em....

12:16 AM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

Great post on the HuffPo!

1:09 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Hey, congratulations! And you're right, the people reading over there don't know you, and did seem to read you wrong, didn't they? We all know over here that you don't mean self-sacrificing and martyrish as some moms are when you say heroic. You mean a good role model, someone for her to be proud of and wish to emulate. And so you are.

1:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe it's because i'm new to the blogging world, but do all comments have to be in agreement with the point of the post? or are you upset that people commented rudely? not that i didn't like your post, but I'm not clear if i am only "allowed" to post comments if i agree with you...

10:03 AM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

The photo! That is the greatest photo ever! Wonder Baby and Almodovar together - PERFECT!

10:09 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...


No, all comments do not have to be in agreement. Absolutely not. But comments should not be mean. (Saying 'what's your point' is just a little rude, no? Would you say that in conversation?)

And in the case of this post, a couple of the comments seemed to miss the point or misunderstand the point (which may be my fault as the writer, although plenty of other people seemed to get it) and then rant on the imaginary point that they were upset about. My post made you want to scream at your mother? ISSUES, dude. Issues. Maybe work those through before taking them out on a virtual stranger...

End of the day, though - whatever. Comments are just commments. And as I said above, I'll happily take (on) the meanies as part and parcel of writing somewhere like HP and attracting attention. 'S'all good.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Girlplustwo said...

Your post over at Huffington was achingly gorgeous. I can relate so well to what you wrote, and have felt many times over the past two years that I am slipping around losing myself out of the very best intentions as a mother, and yet she needs to know all of me, not just the mother. Thank you, very much.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Karl said...

Congrats on the HP post!

3:31 PM  
Blogger Blog said...

I just read your Huffington Post. Sorry to hear about the troll. I just wanted you to know how much your article touched me. I love the phrase "mothering through the fear." I've now committed it to memory....Thank you for that. It'll keep me strong and reminded that others are mothering through the fear, too.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Ruth Dynamite said...

You just have a way of sifting through the murkiness of motherhood and exposing its fleshy underbelly. You speak for so many, but do it in words that few can find. Thank you for that, and congratulations on your well-deserved attention at HP. (The idiot commenters are nothing. Nothing.)

6:53 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Methinks some of those commenters have some serious "mom" issues that I hope they work out before parenting.

As I have said to you before, it is our self awareness which makes us vulnerable as mothers. Our awareness of the difference between who we are pre and post baby. Perhaps our mothers never had that sense of self prior to mothering, so it can't be understood what you are saying.

and to be one of these women raising a daughter? We understand intimately the joys, the pitfalls, the harshness of other women, the cattiness of which they will face. And it is scary. I almost wished for a boy so I would be spared this part of mothering.

The universe, however, doesn't play like that. We were meant to raise these daughters, even full of our own self doubts and examinations. They will go beyond us, and their daughters even further beyond.

It is that thought that gives me such joy.

Dear lord. I hope that made sense

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a beautiful piece over at Huffington Post.

And f*** those trolls. And not to be sexist here, but didn't it seem that most of those trolls were guys? Like they'd know anything about being mothers. Duh. (probably most of them aren't fathers yet, either.)

9:20 PM  

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