Her Bad Mother

Monday, August 21, 2006

I don't like Mondays

EDIT/Update: I've secured relevant permissions and have posted the 'Motherhood is Boring' article (discussed below) on another page. You can find it HERE.

And! I was on the news! As Her Bad Mother! My secret identity is no longer secret! Does this mean I lose my powers?


I don't like Mondays (tell me why...)

Because it was a long, challenging weekend with sniffles and teething and husbandly mood-suckage and I really would just like to bitch bitch bitch but that would take more emotional energy than I have and would just exascerbate the mood-suckage of the husband (who I love dearly, but seriously, dude? There's only room for one beeyatch in this house. Don't start a turf war.)

Because I have multiple blog posts on edit in my head in addition to the backlog on my to-do list and every single one of them is H-E-A-V-Y and I'm getting a bit tired of doing heavy-lifting blogging. Not to mention that I'm starting to feel like I might be the sort of person that other people find interesting from a distance but wouldn't want to have over for dinner (yes, she is very thoughtful and obviously *cough* very intelligent. But I think that she might bring the mood down, don't you?)

Because I cannot get Gitterdun out of my head.

German opera in the style of Wagner? Um, no.

For some reason, the gods have seen fit to torment me by putting this trailer on an endless loop on each of the very few television stations that I watch.

On the flip side, I am the one person in North America that does not have mother-f***ing snakes on a mother-f***ing plane! running through her head. Small mercies.

Because I was outed as a blogger this weekend. Which isn't such a big deal, really. Except that I had totally forgotten that I had provided quotes to a journalist as Her Bad Mother and was somewhat alarmed to wake up Saturday morning to e-mails from random acquaintances and colleagues and long-forgotten whomevers saying hey I saw your picture in the Globe today and omg you have a blog!

My picture?

For the record, everyone: the peroxide blonde who is morosely clutching her infant child while sitting in an amusement park ride in the picture at right is not me. Yes, the highlighted quote under that picture is from me. But the sad looking woman with dark roots in the picture? NOT ME.


This is what I look like on amusement park rides.

Note absence of infant child.

Note lovely, if damp, hair.

(Also, note creepy satanic dude eyeballing my husband behind the camera. More reasons to avoid amusement parks.)

(You're wondering about that article. Summary: the work of motherhood can be boring, some mothers say so, others get mad that any mother would refer to her Great Work as an exercise that would sometimes benefit from the infusion of large quantities of vodka. I can't be bothered to get all worked up about anyone who would deny the inherent dullness of sterilizing bottles and wiping asses, nor can I be bothered to reflect on tards who dislike their children. So that's all that I have to say about it. For now.)

(To be clear, in case anyone is getting panties all twisted about Bad Mother proclamations on boredom: the WORK of motherhood can be boring. Diapers are boring. Shit is boring, and gross. My CHILD is not boring. She fascinates me, because she is fascinating, and also, because she would kick my ass if I was not fascinated by her and failed to demonstrate that fascination every waking moment of every freakin' day...)

Because WonderBaby continues to impose her will in all matters concerning her well-being and upkeep.

Her Bad Mother has learned her lesson and is now keeping camera and camera assistant on hand in dining area. (That diaper helps us maintain our PG rating. It was loudly protested by WonderBaby, Vegan Nudist, who prefers to dine upon her tofu and humous and veggie spinach nuggets au naturel.)

Because I wrote this post this morning and Blogger wouldn't let me upload the necessary photos and so I have been stuck in blog purgatory all day.

Motherf***ing Blogger is a mother-f***ing pain!

Why do you not like Mondays? (And if you do like Mondays, you'd better have a good reason.)


Blogger Christina said...

Because Mondays inevitably mean crazy traffic backups when trying to get to work, because here in Columbus we're so skilled at one-car accidents. How stupid do you have to be to wreck your car with no one else around, closing down two lanes of traffic right at rush hour?

10:11 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

oooh...i was in that article too...and thank the good lord no one thought that woman is me!!!!!

10:18 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

and oh my god...creepy man in photo? might just give me nightmares tonight...

10:19 PM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

I love monday because i took the day off work & sat on a patio with metro mama. she wrote about it, and i think she likes monday now too.

but, man, hated that article. i wrote about that, but it won't kill my monday buzz.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Blog said...

I like Monday because I'm a stay-at-home-mom....or, a BAHM (blog-at-home-mom), if you will. The weekends are a bit tough because everyone's home (my hubby and everyone else's hubby, family, friends), so I/we have to coordinate everything, and it gets confusing and exhausting...I mean, relative to my Monday-to-Friday, which is all totally my call....

I'm totally fascinated by my monkey....No other word describes it. In awe works, too....Still can't stop staring at her (after over a year...). You're little wonderbaby is so adorable!!!

11:29 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

I just posted about that article (I was wondering how you felt about the whole conjunction of real name with blog title thing!). Should I feel bad that you summed up my whole post with devastating succinctness in less than two lines?

And the satanic dude! Scary!

Is it possible that that is red hair coming in on WonderBaby?

11:41 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

i hate mondays because i spent nine hours driving home from vegas with Fiance who, while the love of my life, is not a fun car partner... ugh...

12:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mondays: Where we reinvient the wheel that we had perfected by Friday afternoon. That is why I hate Monday. The end.

12:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tuesdays: Where we learn to spell the word "reinvent". That is also why I hate Mondays. The End, Part II>

12:43 AM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

Monday is my grocery shopping day so it means that I have to come up with a menu and a grocery list and then drag my kids to the store with me. Today my toddler tripped and fell in the store and now has a wonderful bruise on his forehead. Good times.

1:11 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

A day is a day to me. I only dislike Mondays because it means i'm back on duty and can't sleep in. I really like my sleep these days, being 35 weeks pregnant. Although, i'm on duty Monday-Friday so,... They are all kinda blah to me.

1:20 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Today just happens to be a Monday that would go down in history as one of the suckiest Mondays in my life. Why do bad things always seem to happen on Mondays? yuck.

I'm tired of the heavier lifting over on my blog as well. I'm going to have to find something cheery to talk about soon.

1:29 AM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

That has got to be Top Gun at Wonderland and i have got to wonder(land), oh ha ha...if that is sweat in your hair, or did you um...lose your stomach all over yourself? Still darn pretty tho'...sorry, late, lots of wine, being baaaddd.

Mondays...oh wait until Wonderbaby starts school, then you will know about the dreaded Monday...

1:50 AM  
Blogger Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

Andrea at Beanie Baby does a Monday Mourning Blog Boast, which might cheer you up. She works full time, so she misses her baby terribly on Mondays -- I only work two days, neither of which is Monday, but I had a blog boast, too.

The snowboarders say: It's all good, duuuuuude. Pretend you're 18 again and say that to yourself. It helps : )

2:27 AM  
Blogger Ms. Smoochy said...

I like Mondays because I get to read funny HBM posts! Gitterdun!

2:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you post the article- it is not available via the Globe.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous is tearfree. I know it. Jurk.


My friend says Mondays are her favourite day of the week because it symbolizes a fresh start for her.

There are many reasons why I don't like Mondays but one reason I DO like Mondays is that I can usually return to my computer for a few hours of lovely blog surfing and visit in on my efriends. The weekends are great but leave me with computer withdrawl.

The way you describe yourself up there- the way you are worried people view you- it sounds like you stole the words directly from my mouth, I was saying this weekend to my Aunt that I worried that is how I am perceived too.

Funny. I would never perceieve you that way, you make me laugh.

8:09 AM  
Blogger JChevais said...

Mondays = another week of commuting 2.5 hours total a day to sit on my ass and do nothing all. day.

Hate it.


8:26 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Mondays. Suck. That's all I can think to say about that.

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Mondays. While it's true that I love my child more than Mondays, it is nice when that first schoolday of the week rolls around and I can get some work done. When Wonderbaby is Wonderschoolagekid, you might like Mondays better.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have you over for dinner and I would serve you home made hummus.

Mondays are okay because I can always pull myself out of bed and get to work for one day. Tuesdays are the suck day because that's when I realize I still have four fucking days until the weekend.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Jerri Ann said...

We've been watching the blue collar comedy tour and just watched the Health Inspector and I swear, I said "giterdone" for 3 days afterwards. My life is so drap, it helps that I've been indulging in stand up comedy. Glad to see someone else has a "hang on to it" comedy brain.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Bubandpie - yes, as the hair slowly emerges from her giant head, it does indeed appear to be coming in strawberry.

Like the world needs a red-headed tyrant.

And, AC? I can't remember the name of the ride, as it scrambled my brains, but it involved spinning around through jets of water. So, no, I did not soil myself or sweat myself into wetness.

9:53 AM  
Blogger macboudica said...

Mondays are OK. Every day is kind of the same for me until the kids and Hubz go back to school, anyway. I really never know what day it is during the week, so Mondays are like any other day.

We would have you over to dinner, but you'll have to mind the piles of toys and, ahem, dust because I don't love the Work of motherhood =)

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh oh, sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!

Dude. Kidding.

I really did enjoy every word of this post. And I enjoyed the pics even more.

But these snakes of which you speak? I didn't realize there were snakes somewhere other than under my deck and slithering across the bike trail. Please, do elaborate on the snakes.


10:46 AM  
Blogger OhTheJoys said...

I like Mondays because the wee ones go to daycare. (How's THAT for Bad Mother-ness?!)

10:46 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Anonymous - I can't post the article here because the big bad Globe and Mail corporation requires that I purchase a license to do so. Not interested.

10:50 AM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

oops...did not mean to offend (if I did), just tipsy and irreverant...AC

11:05 AM  
Blogger Karl said...

Ha, I love how underneath "Motherhood is Boring" is an article about the "Jihad Factory." Niiiiiice.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Mondays because I'm off from work and I have to do errands all day with a screaming toddler.

OH and I had to have blood taken yesterday and the phlebotomist bruised my poor arms. :(

11:22 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

i have a word file of it...if you want :)

my mother wanted to see my debut in the paper...she was less than thrilled, considering the title...

11:22 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

AC - no offense taken. Just know that if I *had* spewed all over myself at Wonderland, there would have been an entire post about it. No shame, dude. No shame.

And, Ali? Posting the whole article without a license might get me into trouble. So I have to decline.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thoughtful posts? Heavy posts? I'm just here for the vegan nudie pics.

Mondays: Good bc husband goes to work. Bad bc girl-child must be awakened and sent to school in a crabby mood.

11:38 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

You have me singing
"Tell me why? I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down."

Except it's now Tuesday. Wheeeeeee!

I beg to differ. The world does need a red-headed tyrant with the biggest blue eyes.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey that last anon was me, Mayberry Mom. something's off with the comment form.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

I don't like Mondays because I'm usually thrown off center by the weekend and Monday -- and its chores -- feels alien and strange. I feel alien and strange. Tuesdays are better. Happy Tuesday!

Congrats on the exposure! And you're right, the work is boring. It's not all cuddles and kisses, is it?

11:45 AM  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

I saw your letter in Today's Parent too!
I didn't know you were being outted everywhere!

Lord...so do we fight each other on the forums over at TP??

c'mon..what is yer handle!!!???

12:53 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Even though it's Tuesday I wanted to chime in. Cuz I'm beyond fashionably late into insultingly late. I don't like Mondays because the week stretches so dang far ahead of me. This particular Monday marked the return of school, which means clogged roads and buses that won't turn right on red.

For awhile, I was having better Mondays than Fridays, though, from locking my keys in my car resulting in a cracked windshield to being rearended the next Friday. There were a couple other things, but they've slipped memory, happily. Thank God the Friday business stopped.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Mondays suck donkey balls.

I hope that gets my point across that I hate Mondays.

For reasons that I won't get into I hate mondays with a passion.

I don't know if it's because it's tuesday or that picture of you with the hair and the spooky devil guy but I feel so much better today.

2:08 PM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

LMFAO!!!!!!!!! i love you! i love the you after a ride and iw as like- that bitch in the pic isn't her!!!!! YOU ARE SO HOT! RAHR! i miss you and your nipple pasties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Blogger sucks. I have had such a hard time commenting on Blogger blogs. *sigh*

2. I LOVE the amusement park pictures.

3. You say things so much better than I do: I can't be bothered to get all worked up about anyone who would deny the inherent dullness of sterilizing bottles and wiping asses, nor can I be bothered to reflect on tards who dislike their children.

4. I don't like Mondays because I always feel like I'm hungover on Mondays.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

true, true :)

3:04 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Yesterday, Blogger was having a bad hair day.

I hate Mondays, cause I have to get out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, when I'd rather cuddle with my husband, who leaves even earlier than I do. Because I have to wake up my lovely children and get them dressed and fed and to day care and then sit in traffic on a street that will never not have construction on it, to go to work and listen to dumb people all day who think they are gods greatest gift to man kind.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

i would have you to a dinner party at my place ANY time. but leave the evil eyes at home.

oh, and thanks for making me squint and breathe heavily on my screen so I could read your quote on that photo.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

I don't like Mondays but I do like the Boomtown Rats.

I tried desperately to log into the fucking G&M for a free subscription only to have them trick me and tell me HA HA SUCKER you need to pay to see the only article you want to read here anyway. Can you send me a copy of it?

Also, dude...#1 in Canada! Wheeee!

5:19 PM  
Blogger Devra said...

Well I had the same problem with the G&M, so I sent an email to a Canadian blogger I know asking if she had the article. Then someone sent me the article and I realized the blogger I emailed was interviewed too! Small world isn't it? Catherine, if you see an email from me asking for the article, feel free to delete sans guilt. ; )

6:24 PM  
Blogger Piece of Work said...

Yeah, Mondays. Boo. OH, and: kids are definitely boring. Beautiful and charming and thrilling, but also boring.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

OK, all permission has been secured and I'll be posting the original article as soon as WonderBaby has been fed and put abed.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love that you posted the post-rollercoaster hair picture.


However, what motherf'ing crazy canadian vegan diaper do you have on your child?


I'll happily send you some 'merican ones... teehee

7:04 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I don't care for Mondays since the Boomtown Rats disbanded.

And I concur. The tedium of motherhood? Highly over-fucking-rated.

I laughed, HARD when I saw the peroxide blonde. Sadly, morosely, clutching her offspring. You should put the Pasties on WB for her nude dining experiences...

7:44 PM  
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Bad Mother, you sound a little crazy. But it's that good crazy, the kind of crazy that might save the world one day.

I hate Mondays because I'm usually still dealing with the guilt and denial over whatever weekend activities I SHOULDN'T have been a part of.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Virtualsprite said...

OOOH! Reasons to hate Monday? Have to go to work tops the list. Having to drop Ubergoober and Sam off at day care when I'd rather go to the library with them. Having to deal with bitchy boss.

And there is nothing wrong with small redheaded dictators! (Coming from one herself.) Enjoy Wonderbaby's decisiveness!

9:32 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Excellent article - thanks for posting it! And what a smart and succinct quote from you. Well said!

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the article! And yes, definitely keep an eye on creepy satanic eyeballing dude.

I hate Mondays, too.

10:38 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

can't believe my stupid PC has been giving me the cached version for a full day and I missed it until I hit reload - oh, bugger.

Ack - I would be totally freaked out by the outage myself, especially if people you know are picking up on it. There's always the basement...

I hated yesterday because Pumpkinpie was having a rotten, overtired, strung-out, whiny morning, refused me a hug, and told me to "go a work, mommy." Ouch. Tough to leave on that note.

11:03 PM  
Blogger the mystic said...

Oh my God, why did you say Gitterdun! I VOLUNTEERED to review that movie for Blogcritics and seriously five minutes into the movie my husband was like, "I could write your review for you right now!"

He wouldn't even sit through it with me, but damn it, I'm a professional so I watched the whole horrifying thing before I trashed it.

I'm just going to think about the cute vegan baby and forget I read anything else here!

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I was anonymous- thought I'd clear that up- I'm not a nasty blog reader- I just wanted to read the article since I read Rebecca, HBM and Ali frequently. Thanks for posting the article HBM!

8:13 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Cause I'm at work and not at home with my daughter. =o(

And that wonderbaby just keeps gettin cuter!!

10:35 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Monday's suck. Its the day I have to go back to work and leave my little man. And alll the other reasons you cited ... even more so.

I didn't love the premise of the article that Rebecca wrote but was interested in reading it and thought your quote was a balanced and insightful addition. And now you are outed!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Debbie Pelberg said...

I am late but you're mutha$#@%ing famous! Obviously, I can't get that out of my head and it's mutha%#$@ing Wednesday!

5:10 PM  
Blogger tallulah said...

Monday's are the equivalent of Jesus (if I beleived in such a thing). One child left the nest, three children at school and one left at home with a promise to go to preschool on Tuesday. Oh....and the husband has gone back to work with zero input on how the family should be run during the week. Heaven.....

8:34 PM  

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