Her Bad Mother

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Bloggrrls Gone Boobie

You know that you've reached a special place in your life as a quote-unquote mommy-blogger when: a) you really want to write about your breasts, and not in the context of breastfeeding, and b) you cannot write about your breasts because other people have already written about them and the topic of your breasts is already so freaking yesterday.

Which, whatever. It's not really about your boobs any more.

(I cannot believe that I just said that without immediately following up with a Gratuitous WonderBaby Photo.)

(OMG WonderBaby. I cannot even go there.)

So, yeah, the boobies. Or rather, everybody else's boobies. My boobies started a meme. A tittie meme.

You can read about it here. I'm now officially sick of my boobs now and it has nothing to do with breastfeeding.


Okay, lie.

It has a little bit to do with breastfeeding. I've been weaning WonderBaby for a couple of weeks and I figured that I was homefree heading off to BlogHer for four days. All boobies no baby? No problemo. I didn't give it a second thought.

Which sucks, because that second thought might have reminded me to pack a breast pump.

You know what happens when you are lactating and you don't have a baby or a breast pump on hand?

Udderly engorged! With pasties!

(These are not my boobies, people. Please.)

It sucks. Hard. (No pun intended.) It hurts.

And it totally detracts from the in-yo-face rockstar glamour of being a mommy-blogger at a blogger conference.


And there is glamour, y'all. Dirty glamour. And it goes waaay beyond the nippie pasties...

Bloggrrrls Gone Wild. You knew that it would be like this, right?


We're toasting you all here. You do know that, right? We totally are. Every third conversation begins with the words, don't you wish (insert mama or papa - yes, you, MetroDad - blogger name here) was here?

We're maybe not doing so much visiting this weekend - we're busy dressing up les boobies and getting drunk - but we're thinking of you. Every minute. (Okay, every other minute. First minutes are reserved for missing babies and husbands.) So, every other minute. No lie.

And all you rockstars who have been doing the Mupproustian Interview Experiment? I'm reading your interviews, and I'll be Muppeting you up and spreading the linky love immediately post-BlogHer. Pinky swear.

And, and... keep visiting the Basement. Someone's hanging there right now, and could use the company. Bring cookies.


Blogger Mom101 said...

A meme! I love it. "Ten things I love about HBM's boobs."

1:12 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

the meme to end all memes... I can't top a HBM boobie meme... damn I can't wait to hear it all!

1:17 PM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Painful boobs are the price ya gotta pay,
For a little fun in San Jose!

Live it up! Go Wild! Your babies will be so proud. In the words of WonderBaby "That's MY mama! She's the coolest. I know all about what's under those pasties."

1:33 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Looks like you ladies are having good times. Enjoy!

Thanks for keeping us suckas updated.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

I love that before BlogHer you were famous for your brains. Now for your boobs! You do us Canadian Mamas proud :)

See ya soon my friend.

8:40 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I love the pic at mom 101 s with the stars - that's a great shot! Can't wait til you can come back with photos and stories abounding to share with us TO gals. I'm glad you're having such fun, rock-hard and enormous tatas notwithstanding.

9:08 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

So, there I was, showing pictures of Blogher to my husband and I was saying "And this? This is HBM. And these! These are her boobs." No, not really. But I could have 'cause your boobs are all over the internet. They are spectacular, though. :)

10:23 PM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

you're still drunk, aren't you?

10:48 PM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Is that Jennster grabbing some cute woman's ass? Hmmm...between the groping and the pasties, I am really beginning to feel left out!

1:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BlogHer is about women grabbing each other's rears and holding their breasts up for the camera?

Bah. If it was a men's blogging conference we'd end up talking about sport or our cars, drink to much have fights. We're the "it's not fair"er sex.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Jaelithe said...

Oh, I hate the burning rock-hard boobs. Those are the worst. They aren't giving out rent-a-pumps with the pasties at the door? And I thought this was a women's blogging conference!

But at least they look, you know, extra perky for all the celebrity exposure they're getting with this pasties meme, right? ;)

I hope you feel better soon!

8:03 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

Okay, that's it! Next year, I'm going!!

9:13 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Oh, good god, where they really pasties?!? That is awesome. What else was in those goodie bags?

And, can I just say again that you are soooo not a Velma. Especially with the pasties.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture is making my boyfriend very very happy. He's been trying to get me involved in a same-sex ass-grabbing scandal for years.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good 'ole San Jo was my old stomping ground. I should've given out info on the best restaurants/bars/etc. Not the cheesy high-tone places, but the great dives/ethnic food joints, etc. The nostalgia is making me crazy! I love that town. I'll have to google this to find out where you guys are. I wish someone would blog specific San Jose details.

5:04 PM  

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