Her Bad Mother

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

You Gotta a Friend (and a contest!)

New and Improved Epic Edition

*Now with pictures!!! Because WonderBaby is a sweet, sweet addiction...
*And further notes on The Great Mom/Mommy/Mama Blogger Love-In of 2006!
*And a somber addendum.

It is the post that NEVER ENDS...!


The other day, I was provoked by this post, which raised a lot of interesting observations and questions about friendship and judgment, subjects on which I have at least a half dozen emotionally-charged and pedantic (because I can do both! At once!) partially drafted posts that have been abandoned because of the aforementioned emotional-chargedness and pedantry (which, trust me, you do not want to see, because, um, any post in which I segue madly between Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, The Velveteen Rabbit, Jacques Derrida and that episode of Friends where Monica and Rachel start smacking each other and then Phoebe grabs them both by the hair and calls them her bitches is a bit much, even for me, which is a saying a lot. A LOT.)

So, I was talking about this great post, which challenged me with this statement: I don't know if it's possible to become heart-friends with somebody without seeing her face as she laughs at you or tells you that she loves you.

I think that we all probably have different understandings of what a heart-friend is. I know who my own heart-friends are in real life: that very small group of human beings who I’ve variously lived with, grown up with, danced with, drunk with, sung along to Patsy Cline with, cursed with, sniffed cherry blossoms and peonies with, co-authored academic papers with, discussed reality TV (unironically) with, drunk with, made babies with, laughed with, and cried with. Those human beings with whom I’ve been living the best and the worst and the most precious moments of my life.

(Yes, I just sacrificed good grammar for the sake of that syntax-mangled run-on sentence. For the rhythm of language! For friendship! That’s how committed I am!)

The best and the worst and the most precious moments of my life. So many of these, now, are being shared with people that I have never met face-to-face. People who are also sharing some of their best and worst and most precious moments with me. People with whom I am sharing tears and laughter and curses and random thoughts on big and small ideas and a disdain for Tom Cruise. People who, when I opened up about depression and losing my teaching contract and the terrible feelings that come with having been pushed aside for reasons relating to the overwhelming smackdown new motherhood can be, commiserated and commented and share their own stories and sent sympathetic e-mails and rose up against the meanies who had started throwing sand around in my sandbox.

Good people. Good mothers. Good women. Women (and some men) with whom, I think, I could be friends. Good friends.

And then I think, are they not, some of them, many of them, friends already? These are women whose presence in my world – even if that world unfolds partially on the flickering screen of a laptop computer – make that world a richer, fuller world. They make that world a better place, a much better place.

So even though I don’t see their faces when I laugh or cry or commiserate with them, they are friends.

(Pause for dramatic effect. Cue cheesy Whitney Houston song.)

Which is why, when my spies told me that my crazy blogtard (nope, no linkage) was running a contest to find the Worst KoolAid Mom (still no linkage), I got really, really mad. These be my friends you slaggin,' yo. And because, um? Apart from the general slavish evilness of the whole enterprise, holding a which-mommyblogger-sucks-most contest that culminates on Mothers Day Weekend is like putting a bounty on Santa’s head and scheduling the execution for Christmas Eve. But because nothing good ever comes from futile anger at ressentiment-fueled Last Men, I decided that the best use for my energies was to do something positive.

So I am announcing my own contest, which is not so much a contest as it is a call-to-celebration. This is a summons for love letter posts to your bloggy friends - the bloggers you love or think that you’re gonna love or that you maybe just wanna fool around with a bit - to be tossed around the Internet in a big, kissy, KoolAid slurping, mommyblog-loving frenzy in which we all get celebrated as Mothers of the Week. So: sometime between now and Mother’s Day (Sunday), write a post about the women in the blogosphere that have made some difference in your world. It doesn’t have to focus on just one blogger (I don’t know that I’ll be able to restrict my celebratory post to just one blogger), but you absolutely must single out the objects of your celebration and give them lots of linky love. And if you want to write about how Dooce or Amalah or some other supa-stah or near-stah blogger has enriched your life, that’s great, but if you do that, you are required, by the terms of this assignment, to also celebrate a lesser known blogger (extra points if you seek out someone who is not on your blogroll and write about what a great discovery they are.) By this weekend, I want to see all of our names in virtual linky lights.

When you’ve posted your Ode to Amazing MommyBloggers, let the object(s) of your affection know. And send the link to your post to me, and I’ll put all the links together in a Big Honkin’ Momma Love post in honor of Mothers Day and us and the totally awesome mothers that we are. (Oh, and spread word of this around. As I recently pointed out here, I am not an supah-stah or even a comet or even a random piece of space junk, so word won’t spread if we rely solely on HBM traffic. Talk it up!)

The point of this is to make this week the week that we are all Mother of the Week. This is the week to really celebrate our friendships, new and old and as-yet-undiscovered. This week is our week. Make it so.

**To be clear - you can write about as many mama-bloggers as you like. You want to name 5 Mothers of the Week? Great; the more, the merrier. Just remember to shine on each mama with a bright, red carpet-worthy spotlight (and, of course, give good linkage.)

And: you don't need to be a mommyblogger to post an ode to your favorites. Anyone with a blog (dads? y'all can feel free to step up here) is more than welcome to share up the love.

And, and: don't forget to link back to me so that I can include your post in the Great Love-In Round-Up Mother's Day CardPost (which, note, may go up Monday in the event that Sunday sees me buried in a mountain of bon-bons.)

And and and and: Many thanks to those of you who have already posted! Rock-on KoolAid sistahs!

**Serious Note**

Today, the tears, they have been flowing. Kristen told the devastatingly beautiful story of her amazing mother and the loss that they shared. Jezer wrote about such tragedy befalling someeone she knows. And Amalah, in her latest Daily Dose, posted about a few moms who have suffered the most terrible loss or are facing such loss. T. reminds us regularly of the strength and hugeness that are required for facing such loss. In the spirit of Mothers Day, sisterhood and the Great MommyBlogger Love-In of 2006, go shower those moms, or any others that you might know of, with the warmest virtual hugs.

Those moms (and here I'm also giving special nods to my sister, mother of the remarkable Tanner, and my late much-beloved Grandma, who lost her Jeanie before I was born) are the strongest and most awe-inspiring women imaginable. Words fail, so warmest, most appreciative virtual hugs and THREE BIG CHEERS will have to do. Love to you all.

And a sweet little smile from WonderBaby...


Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Nice idea! I will go link to this post now (despite the fact that I am "working" right now.) A while ago I wrote about how much I am enjoying getting to know Bridgermama and her family. Lucky me, I get to see her electronically and in person!

1:46 PM  
Blogger shade said...

I like the positive spin you have put on this!!! The postive from the negative :) gotta love it.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Miguelita said...

Oh please dont make me pick just one! I am a blog slut these past few weeks - loving and whoring around from one great Mom to another.

This is my Charlie Sheen moment. Oh what will i do?

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was thinking the worst mother ever award would be great and we can all flame each other with our dirty little secrets. Like I bribe my 2 year old with gummy life savers so she won't cry when the sitter comes.

HA. Just kidding. I think it's fabulous. I'm all over it. However, I'm going to be on vaca and I'm going to miss it all.

However, I'll try to be a very good mother ON THE BEACH BABY!

2:37 PM  
Blogger susan said...

You had me *sniff* at Kool-aid. What a fanfuckintastic idea!!!!! And thanks for your committment to friendship and the rhythm of language... those of us who blindly mangle syntax on a daily basis didn't even notice!

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, the tearfree site. I am guilty of visiting over there. I am just so freaking curious what she will talk about. It's like engaging in a gossip mag- I visit, and then curse myself.

Anyway, I am totally going to do this. There are several bloggers out there out there who've made a difference for me. I'm quite excited to write this lovey dovey post actually!

Thanks for the idea.


2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great idea. I am so doing this.

3:18 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Sweet. I need some time to think about this. I'm on it.

3:26 PM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

I think it's a positively wonderful idea!

3:45 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

yes, I will so be giving up the linky love this week for you. I have my list, now just have to weave it into some words.

And good on you for not linking to that loser. I must admit I am slightly curious what the weirdo is up to over there, but I refuse to give in and go look - I don't want to give her the traffic.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm all over it. Wonderful, uplifting idea.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

FAAAAAN-tastic idea. I've been trying to compose a post like this for a while but didn't know how to write it without sounding like a comment whore (who me?) or that girl who would do all the cheerleader's term papers just for the honor of being able to sit at the cool kids table.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Let me give it a try. And if they want a nomination for worst Koolaid blog, that would probably be me.

I'm much too courteous to say how little I care about her opinion.

4:23 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

I am in. Despite the fact that the next 3 days will be the busiest of the ENTIRE YEAR for me at work. I love this idea too much not to celebrate with ya. I don't know I'll be good at narrowing it down too much. I'll try and get something up by Saturday.

Great idea HBM. Great idea.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a wonderful idea!!! I am so doing this, you ROCK!

7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, this is a great idea. My task is complete:


Thank you. Truly inspired idea. Thumbs down to the Trolls.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

I saw that (ahem) other contest too and I thought, wow, it takes a lot of energy to come up with a contest simply to insult people and try and hurt them - people who you've never met and influence your life not one bit. Really. Don't get it. Life's too fucking short.

So I love this. So great. I'll do my best to get to it this week.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

This is a fab idea HBM. Once I fully awake from my self induced wine coma, I will devote the rest of my brain cells to this task.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

me too! love this idea! (my unconscious has apparently decided, that to make up for my brevity, I'll be over-punctuating!!)

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I passed on the news at my blog too! Let me know if you mind...Loving the idea!

9:45 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Love it, and I've already promoted it. The world needs more positive energy, and this will certainly help.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm so doing it. I actually have been thinking about how lucky I was to have "met" the mom's I've "met." Great way to praise our bloggifriends.

9:50 PM  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

That's a great idea. I actually posted something a while back about all of this so perhaps a repost? Do you mind?

10:33 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

I love this idea and I will definitely help spread the love.

10:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Here's mine!

12:07 AM  
Blogger ms blue said...

Brilliant! You are truly an amazing woman. Excuse me while I go shout your name from my rooftop. Yippee! Oops I just woke up the lovely couple across the street.

Count me in. I'll be back to let you know when I've completed the assignment.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Cristina said...

What a great idea and a way to conteract the meanies out there. I'm on it.

1:25 AM  
Blogger Granny said...

Here's what I wrote tonight. I know who I want to write about but I'm a little reluctant to spring it on her. I emailed her. If she's uncomfortable, I'll figure out something else.

4:16 AM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

I'm in! I don't know when I'll find time, so please don't grade on grammar and spelling.

5:57 AM  
Blogger DellaB said...

If the motive of the author who wrote the post that started this 'campaign' was to cause dissent - it seems to me that it has had the opposite effect.

Well done, count me in.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

I'm in.... great idea!!! GOtta show some love to all the great cyber space MOMMAS!

10:25 AM  
Blogger Nichole said...

Count me IN! Great idea! Great great great!

10:28 AM  
Blogger Gabriella said...

So many to choose from! But I managed to pick two...great idea!!!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

I am on it like stink on weed. Now I just have to find the time for such linky-love.

Brilliant, and kudos to you. Rising above such a troll.

11:20 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

here's mine


11:36 AM  
Blogger Bridgermama said...

Love, love, love this idea! I will get to it, spreading the love is always a good thing!

11:51 AM  
Blogger bunmaster said...

Great idea! Now I just gotta do some thinkin' & find some precious time.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

My friend Alice in Kidderminster just wrote this. She'll follow through with a Mother's Day post as well.

I just sent her your updated post. She was concerned because she's not a mom. Now she'll know it's okay.


3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's mine. Maybe not a eloquent as some I've seen, but my humble attempt nevertheless. I found this more worthy than plain ol' work.

Andrea (blogger brain farting with the comments - or maybe it's just my computer)

3:22 PM  
Blogger Eryn said...

This is a really really really neat idea.. I have met some incredible people, virtually, who I couldn't imagine life without now.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Sharon L. Holland said...

Here's mine. Lovely idea. So uplifting.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Casey said...

Mine's up! This was a great idea.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

Thanks so much for the nod, and for the prayers for Evie's family.

I'm clawing my way out of a funk over here, but very soon, I will post my Mother's Day tribute. Awesome idea!

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great idea. Thanks for this.

I will be blogging about some of my favorite blog women this weekend.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is such a great idea! I'm in...!

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this is a great idea. And frankly, I find the love going around the Internet lately very welcome. (I didn't know there was another round of hating.) Sometimes you just need a virtual blog hug!

9:57 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

I'm in!

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fabulous idea- I think you've created quite a project for yourself! Here's mine


4:04 PM  
Blogger k.thedoula said...

Here it is... ack.

1:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love love love. My contribution is here.

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is excellent and so refreshing. My post is up too. Thanks for this great idea.

2:09 PM  
Blogger DellaB said...

My post is up but I don't have a list - just the one who has so far inspired me (I am new to blogging and am looking specifically for people in here of my own age-group, thats baby-boomers about to or already reached sixty) ... lucky me, I found rocrebelgranny who again today has inspired me to post my own Mother's Day warm & fuzzy memory.

Now I am off to find out what this link and backlink thing is all about.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is mine!


10:10 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Just did mine too. Thanks for suggesting this big KoolAid mom love fest. You are still the best!

10:41 PM  
Blogger Janice Seagraves said...


I've done mine, and it took a while too as I wanted to do a good post. Please checkout my contests winners on my blog Lady Jan's Home.

Thank you for letting me play along.


3:27 AM  
Blogger josetteplank.com said...

I've done mine! WHoo-hoo!

1:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mine is up :)


3:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, man, what a great idea!

This is what I get for coming late to the party.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Namito said...

Better late than never?


Still wet behind the ears with the whole linking thing. Feel free to curse me out if I've mucked it up.


8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did it finally. Mine has a bit of a twist to it, or should I say kick.


10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great article! Thanks.

3:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for interesting article.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Blog!

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank You! Very interesting article. Do you can write anything else about it?

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very interesting site. Blog is very good. I am happy that I think the same!

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent website. Good work. Very useful. I will bookmark!

11:23 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home