Her Bad Mother

Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Mother of This Bad Mother

*The Great Mommy Blogger Love-In CardPost will go up tomorrow - a day after Mothers Day, but there's just been so much love circulatin' through our 'hood that it's taking me longer than expected to pull it all together (I may, in fact, have material for two - TWO - CardPosts. The head, she spins). That, and today was a bit chocolately 'round these parts and my fingers got sticky. So keep sending links to your odes to mommy bloggers, if you haven't done so already, and if you're so inspired; I'll add whatever I receive right up until the last minute. And if I keep receiving them, I'll just keep on posting them. Sticky chocolate fingers or not.

But for now, for today, a word to my mother:

Dear Mom,

I've told you many, many times over the years, and in many different ways, how much I love you. How you have always been a light and an inspiration; how proud I am and have always been that you - beautiful, whimsical, powerful you - are my mother.

But I did not - could not - fully appreciate the force of you as a woman until I became a mother myself. Until I began living, moment to moment, the heartlifting and heartaching work of loving and nurturing my own daughter, I had only the faintest experience and faintest understanding of what it meant to be fully powerful as a woman. And so I could only perceive the brilliance of you as through a glass, darkly. You were always just Mom. A good lady, a funny lady, that-lady-my-mother. The soft voice in the darkness, the warm skin in an embrace, the furrowed brow, the knowing glance, the generous smile. But still, just Mom. Loved dearly, but taken for granted. Taken as seen. Just mom; just a mom.

Now that I know the weight that is a mother's love for her children, now that I know how beautifully heavy that weight, now that I know how hard the work that that love demands, I see you more clearly. My mother, my mommy, my mom: the very source of my life, the very source of me. The heart that carried my heart, the heavy weight of my heart, through childhood, girlhood, womanhood, life.

I see you now. Thank you.

With so much love,

Your Bad Daughter, Her Bad Mother

Bad Daughter: The Next Generation


Blogger mamatulip said...

I see my mother in a totally different light now that I am a mother myself. It's a very humbling experience, on several levels.

Happy Mother's day to you.

11:24 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Beautiful. Thanks.

11:32 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

That was a very beautiful letter to your mom.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

That was so sweet. That picture is priceless!


1:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy first Mother's Day, Bad Mother! Isn't it amazing how Mother's are able to do the job and make it look so simple.

7:45 AM  
Blogger The Domesticator said...

Love the baby in the wig...very funny!
You have done your mom proud. What a beautiful tribute.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

What a great post! And the picture ... priceless!

8:49 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

HBM - I have my love-in post up over at furtheradventuresofme.blogspot.com
but I'm not sure how to make a link in comments (yeah, I'm lame) so I'm hoping you'll snag the link for me...
thanks for this contest.
And once again - god, where did she get those huge eyes?! Gorgy.

9:28 AM  
Blogger bunmaster said...

How'd Wonder Baby get my hair?

Nice letter to your mother. I vainly tried to write something for my mom but was too overwhelmed at this new realization that becoming a mother yourself brings. Verklempt I was & now feeling guilty for it. Can I just cut & paste this to my mom? Pretty please? ; )

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is beautiful. you are so right, we cannot truly appreciate "mom" until we become mothers ourselves. oh, and by the way, your babies eyes are insanely cute, and so huge its UNREAL!!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Bad Grandma said...

My dearest daughter (aka bad mother) Words can not express my heart as I read your letter. I will always be eternally grateful for the wonderful gift of my children and privilege of being a mother and grandmother.
For many years, you have regaled people with "you won't believe what my mother said/did" stories - when I saw our wonderbaby with her new "do" it was deja vu and I do believe bad mother is more like her mother than she thinks.
You are my heart.
Your really bad mother.

10:48 AM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Damnit, I was gonna make it through a couple of hours without crying but you foiled my plan. what beautiful thoughts.

11:02 AM  
Blogger susan said...

Echo to what the others said... Simply beautiful! Thanks for the reminder of how all important our own moms are!!

11:20 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

awesome post!!!! the pictures were wonderful and I LOVE the baby in a wig, that is priceless!!!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The post was beautiful, but the best part was your Mom's comment (oh, and OF COURSE the hilarious, but gorgeous picture).

Happy Mother's Day!

1:32 PM  
Blogger Carolyn S. said...

You hit it. "Just a mom" was unfortunately the sentiment I had during my child-less years towards my own mother. Once I became a mother myself however, I realized just how encompassing and awesome being a mom is.

Beautiful post and can I please borrow that wig?

1:36 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

This post is beautiful... and then your mom went and added another layer to it and, dammit, I'm tearing up just a little bit.

But one look at WonderBaby's new 'do and it washes all the tears away.

2:27 PM  
Blogger Miguelita said...

This is so true. No way to know until you are in the role.

It reminds me of something Rosie O'Donnell said about her deceased mother when she herself became a mother. She was holding her baby son and was suddenly overwhelmed when she realized "WOW - THIS is how my mother loved me! I had no idea."

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see my mom now, too. It's amazing that perspective that motherhood can bring.

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a lovely post. You expressed what I feel about my own mother so well. Thank You.

Also, I have completed my assignment. Thanks also for turning something malignant into something celebratory.


3:34 PM  
Blogger tracey clark said...

that was an amazing tribute.
And that your mom replied makes me weep.

I've posted mine too and would love to be included in the love-in post.

Incredible of you to do it. Thank you.

3:39 PM  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

oh, yes, you can link the post to yours. I was going to write one about all the non-mother mommy blog readers....but I forgot!

It's definitely good we have you organizing these things...heehee

5:31 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

fantastic! i am only beginning to digest what this whole blogging thing means to me, but you are summing up so many of my own thoughts here. i know that when i am with newborn in early winter, this here sphere is going to be a lifesaver.

oh, and chocolatey??!!! i am sitting here at home, blogging, and I forgot to crack into the stash of mother's day chocs I was proud recipient of. what gives???"

lovely post, be back later (and fatter).

9:04 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Thank you so much for your blog. It's nice to go back and remember the "fun" of the infancy stage. Your daughter couldn't be more adorable if she tried.

Reading blogs and books by mothers who are open and honest about the situation is therapeutic for me. I adopted my first baby and had a wonderful experience. I was fortunate enough to conceive my second daughter naturally. What I never anticipated was the aftershocks of giving birth. Colicky baby, panic attacks and pos-partum depression. Who could ask for anything more, right? People don't talk about experiences like that. I have no idea if anyone outside of my circle of friends reads my blog, but maybe if I'm honest about my experiences other women who need to read about less than ideal situations won't feel so bad about themselves. I've hated myself for 18 months now. YUCK!

Reading funny and heartwarming posts like yours is so wonderful.

Thank you!


9:20 PM  

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