tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post8520001958756652170..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Baby Can't Dance (Or, Everything I Needed To Know About Post-Partum Mental Health I Could Have Learned From Jonathan Swift And Ally McBeal)Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79550094894634036122008-11-04T23:13:00.000-05:002008-11-04T23:13:00.000-05:00I'd bookmarked you months ago and only now found y...I'd bookmarked you months ago and only now found you again...<BR/><BR/>Just based on this post? I don't like Svetlana. She reminds me of the therapist I recently quit. Bad taste in mouth...<BR/><BR/>Ear plugs rule. Allowed me to hold the baby and otherwise take care of her without having my adrenaline whipped into a frenzy by that grating cry.<BR/><BR/>And -- a compromise between AP and CIO -- we used it for bedtime, but would work for breaks, too, I suppose. Put the baby in the crib or wherever he sleeps. Pat and say bye. Leave. If he cries, wait a few minutes -- if he's still crying, go back in, pat, reassure, say bye -- don't pick him up or stay long -- and leave again. Repeat ad nauseum. For me it was the right balance of respect and compassion for her needs AND mine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23630851674730582702008-10-17T12:03:00.000-04:002008-10-17T12:03:00.000-04:00Oh, honey. I found your blog from All Things BD's ...Oh, honey. I found your blog from <A HREF="http://allthingsbd.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">All Things BD</A>'s blog. I remember these feelings. I remember wondering if my mind would ever be the same again. After all, this child will be mine forever, so how will my mind be mine again? Drugs can help, thinking your way through it can help, but knowing that one day (much sooner than I expected), my mind will be mine again - the one I recognized from before children. I will be able to think like myself again was the biggest relief. My children are now 4 and 6, and as I see them getting more independent, it frees my mind a little every day.Tiffany Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14593440424514634781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87210644104499270232008-10-17T11:34:00.000-04:002008-10-17T11:34:00.000-04:00Can I have Svetlana? She would come in handy right...Can I have Svetlana? She would come in handy right now. BTW, I absolutely love you. You express all the things I wish I could, but cannot get out.Millicenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05817874631519320746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91060078143963078092008-10-17T00:14:00.000-04:002008-10-17T00:14:00.000-04:00Okay maybe you've already tried this? But I just b...Okay maybe you've already tried this? But I just bought an Ergo Baby Carrier last week to carry Ced and it has helped SO! MUCH!<BR/><BR/>I really cannot express how much it has helped. I used lots of slings with Caius, but with the 2nd I needed something that I could put him on my back or even in the front where his legs would tuck away (unlike in the bjorn).<BR/><BR/>Now that Ced is rolling, I can put him on the floor and let him roll around for awhile, but sometimes he just wants to be held (yes, the shrieking!), but now I can hold him and have my hands free. Which has pretty much changed my life.<BR/><BR/>Hope you get more peas Catherine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30250507221298274342008-10-16T23:18:00.000-04:002008-10-16T23:18:00.000-04:00Haha good then I can admit that I do lurk in a sli...Haha good then I can admit that I do lurk in a slightly stalkerish way, haha jokes :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57599014046604269312008-10-16T22:31:00.000-04:002008-10-16T22:31:00.000-04:00Just wanted to say I get a kick out of your posts ...Just wanted to say I get a kick out of your posts - not your life, just your funny posts!Ernestahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03781480379290482311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-37087178830101406992008-10-16T19:44:00.000-04:002008-10-16T19:44:00.000-04:00I love Svetlana. I wish I had a Svetlana. I'm glad...I love Svetlana. I wish I had a Svetlana. I'm glad you're finding a little bit of peas.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-35606014405965868252008-10-16T14:55:00.000-04:002008-10-16T14:55:00.000-04:00I've been there, and it's important to just be tol...I've been there, and it's important to just be told that it is okay to let go a little, that you don't have to hang onto the baby for the baby to be able to hang onto you. Not wrong, not bad, not dangerous to take a breath on your own. My friends told me that it was okay to put the baby down and step away when I needed to, even if the baby wasn't so happy with that. And they're all very AP types in general. It isn't that the goal is to step away, but life includes many rounds of putting them down and stepping away, then back, then away. Your baby can't dance, but you can. <BR/><BR/>I don't know if Svetlana said it to you directly, but it isn't in the details that your child will find their mental health and lifelong wellbeing, it is in your underlying philosophy, your love, regard, and respect for them, and your willingness to take on big tasks like therapy so that your philosophy can have more room to work as you all grow.<BR/><BR/>As for the down=not always so peaceful, some babies are 'up' babies, and some are 'down' babies. Most are somewhere in between, and shift their opinion regularly. I like slings, backpacks (sometimes a sling is too close-in for myself or them), the Super Yard (fence off some safe space, move it where you want), and a baby entertainment mat, plus all the items you listed. Something from each column. You've already got several items in circulation - maybe consider a couple more options that incorporate some of the up-ness. My life freed up immensely with a backpack carrier, when I had an up-baby who hated slings. No screaming on those 'do not put me down' days, plus two hands free. Ahhhh. Peas!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-62835241344327778532008-10-16T12:38:00.000-04:002008-10-16T12:38:00.000-04:00You have such a way of writing. And I'm glad you ...You have such a way of writing. And I'm glad you got something out of your visit. I'm also glad you were able to translate it for us. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-81239089694258544962008-10-16T11:27:00.000-04:002008-10-16T11:27:00.000-04:00svetlana sounds so wonderful!...hope you get some ...svetlana sounds so wonderful!...hope you get some more peas and arms free time catherine.catherine jasper will probably get used to being out of your arms and stop shrieking when he gets more used to it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51882531511151768902008-10-16T10:37:00.000-04:002008-10-16T10:37:00.000-04:00Laural - we do have an exersaucer. and a bouncy ch...Laural - we do have an exersaucer. and a bouncy chair, and a swing, and a jolly jumper, and a floor mat. I use all of them, every day. *rolls eyes*Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-15290347038670751972008-10-16T10:34:00.000-04:002008-10-16T10:34:00.000-04:00Jasper's going to find his peas with that teeny bi...Jasper's going to find his peas with that teeny bit of arm freedom, so will you.Anissa Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01637783862251849189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39215552159652200422008-10-16T09:59:00.000-04:002008-10-16T09:59:00.000-04:00Do you have an exersaucer?Okay - I know this is ma...Do you have an exersaucer?<BR/>Okay - I know this is maybe bad parenting, but with Matt I went with the exersaucer/Baby Einstein combo.Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-22720549414859588672008-10-16T09:02:00.000-04:002008-10-16T09:02:00.000-04:00I'm just sayin' these sessions with Svetlana make ...I'm just sayin' these sessions with Svetlana make me cry... in a good way. I love that you have found her; I love that you are sharing her here -- healing for all the of us. <BR/><BR/>Peas... here's to peas.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13450969141222276012008-10-16T01:57:00.000-04:002008-10-16T01:57:00.000-04:00I concur with every one of your commenters. Svetla...I concur with every one of your commenters. Svetlana sounds amazing. And yeah, CIO is not an easy route but ultimately I think it works. It just takes time to undo a habit that the two of you have gotten into. <BR/>Wishing you all the best! And some sleep. ((hugs))<BR/>Oh, and everytime you say peas it makes me think of whirled peas. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-4651363492083750412008-10-16T01:23:00.000-04:002008-10-16T01:23:00.000-04:00Thank you for sharing your journey here with all o...Thank you for sharing your journey here with all of us. I think it can be so helpful to so many women. I love how Svetlana simplifies things and points out things that should be SO obvious, but just aren't for some reason!Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00318376427752604367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39999545868846715222008-10-15T23:48:00.000-04:002008-10-15T23:48:00.000-04:00Ok, 1st I wanna admit I read that only once. But a...Ok, 1st I wanna admit I read that only once. But am I the only one scratching my head saying to myself "WTF?"<BR/><BR/>It sounds like your psychiatrist is one the same manic/depressive meds that *I* am on. I'm still pondering if I "*heart*" her or not...<BR/><BR/>The only thing I can recommend is that you put Gooliver in a closet and pour yourself a shot of tequilla--then sip one more. <BR/><BR/>Martie of http://uncontainedchaos.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59159974554757544142008-10-15T23:47:00.000-04:002008-10-15T23:47:00.000-04:00I think I'd keep going to her. Even when you star...I think I'd keep going to her. Even when you start feeling like you don't need her, keep going. She's good and what goes on in your mind during these sessions must be priceless!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-86426665499073498622008-10-15T23:17:00.000-04:002008-10-15T23:17:00.000-04:00Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your st...Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your story has helped me begin to seek help for PPD, even though I'm not having my baby for 2.5 weeks--because I needed to see that it was okay to ask for it.Mrs. Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14250579324753451669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-14544101973017149852008-10-15T22:47:00.000-04:002008-10-15T22:47:00.000-04:00that was WAY too long - so sorrythat was WAY too long - so sorryMama Snyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06696319680830431379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-89213455768730678672008-10-15T22:45:00.000-04:002008-10-15T22:45:00.000-04:00I love the story and I love Svetlana's method of c...I love the story and I love Svetlana's method of communication. She could have just suggested putting him down, but she really leaves her mark with her "baby can't dance."<BR/><BR/>This may not be quite the right forum to say this, but you seem pretty tolerant, so I'll proceed. My little guy is 13 months old and very clingy. He is a twin, but she is miss independant. <BR/><BR/>I was blowing off steam and complaing to my girfriend one evening - Moaning about how my hubs can't seem to accomplish one of the 12 tasks I handle in a day. Later in the conversation, I went on to b*tch about my little guy's neediness when she said something that stopped me cold. <BR/><BR/>She said - You're raising him to be the same way, you know. The same as your hubs - unable to take care of himself. I was mildly offended at first, but it got me thinking. I allow him to need me all the time. It just made me realize that I push my girls to be independant, but I don't seem to do the same with my little boy. <BR/><BR/>Crying it out helps him learn to take care of himself. You are teaching him to begin to care for himself, in small doses, in baby steps. <BR/><BR/>I know that you are much smarter than I, and perhaps you have a very differnt viewpoint, but her comment helped me to feel better about letting him CIO. Hope it helps...Mama Snyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06696319680830431379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-55402025459667883142008-10-15T21:35:00.000-04:002008-10-15T21:35:00.000-04:00Chiming in to say I am allowing my six month old t...Chiming in to say I am allowing my six month old to cry it out before bed... it's the only way he will sleep well. I didn't do that with my first, it just wasn't working for him or me, but either I'm more pragmatic this time or else better at blocking out the yelling... but CIO is working well for us.<BR/><BR/>Last night at bedtime, he screamed for half an hour while I rubbed his back and sang to him. Tonight? Less than ten minutes. And he's still asleep now.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for letting us use Svetlana. Because she is teh awesome.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15855682469727450176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58759628899997443702008-10-15T21:19:00.000-04:002008-10-15T21:19:00.000-04:00I will echo catnip..CIO is a lifesaver when you ar...I will echo catnip..CIO is a lifesaver when you are losing your sanity..no baby ever died from crying for a while..<BR/>((hugs))Tiffi33https://www.blogger.com/profile/04014269732603003638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-86145452534764251292008-10-15T21:10:00.000-04:002008-10-15T21:10:00.000-04:00catnip - thanks. need to hear that right now.catnip - thanks. need to hear that right now.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63267073498453340472008-10-15T21:05:00.000-04:002008-10-15T21:05:00.000-04:00About that postscript - he'll be okay. CIO saved m...About that postscript - he'll be okay. CIO saved my life and my sanity, and I don't regret it one bit.AnnetteKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08934735163312719435noreply@blogger.com