tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post8381388524668717618..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: The Science Of SleepHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41511382750342467492009-02-11T17:25:00.000-05:002009-02-11T17:25:00.000-05:00The blog is a healthy place to talk and as you see...The blog is a healthy place to talk and as you see the many posts, we feel your pain. I really went for 3 months in a semi-conscious state. I have no memories from that time, I was too tired to think. I hope you build up good karma points and have it easy during potty training. Good Luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-9474479105284538662009-02-11T14:18:00.000-05:002009-02-11T14:18:00.000-05:00My first girl was just like yours ~ perfect sleepe...My first girl was just like yours ~ perfect sleeper, easy to put down & Godloveher slept in her crib all night at 7 weeks. GO NEW MOMMY!!!!<BR/><BR/>This second baby is paying me back & kicking my ass for all the smug thoughts I had the first time around. I know nothing, she refuses to sleep at night & I'm starting to wonder if she's part vampire ... and my boobs are soggy from the Con.Stant. night time feedings. It's a good thing she's cute.Brianne Hudgins Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03177822409968152703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-74785084581236492192009-02-08T16:09:00.000-05:002009-02-08T16:09:00.000-05:00I just have to say I know what your saying.My bub ...I just have to say I know what your saying.<BR/>My bub is almost 10 mnths, has never slept thru the night and everything you just said about Jasper could have been about my Henry.<BR/>I hope one day I wont be summoned from the dark with frantic cries of ma ma ma ma ma, and clutched tight while he burrows his head into my neck, whimpering because I left him.<BR/><BR/>Emma<BR/>qotfu72@yahoo.com.auAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23217901126811627942009-02-07T15:21:00.000-05:002009-02-07T15:21:00.000-05:00Both of my children were breastfed co-sleepers. B...Both of my children were breastfed co-sleepers. Baby Troy (14 months) stopped nursing a few months ago and I'm kina glad he did because HE WAS KILLING ME SOFTLY. He did NOT sleep and had nursing parties every two hours. Now, he takes a bottle of milk and goes to bed at 9pm and stays asleep until the morning. Me? I have my life back. And I drink wine. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there. This will pass. I promise! Your kids are adorable.ZDubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17050000234750719978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-36323252873487311282009-02-06T23:08:00.000-05:002009-02-06T23:08:00.000-05:00As someone who went through this with my first and...As someone who went through this with my first and then had a great sleeper with my second, I can totally feel your pain. My first born was such a terrible sleeper (and still is) but he does sleep through the nights (barely). I have already made a promise to myself that when he hits his teenage years I am going to sporadically go into his room at 4am and cry. Paybacks are hell.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10325609744026316727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85692866431367260582009-02-06T13:35:00.000-05:002009-02-06T13:35:00.000-05:00Catherine,I was introduced to your blog by a frien...Catherine,<BR/><BR/>I was introduced to your blog by a friend and colleague who took one of your Philosophy courses at the University. I've been reading your writing a little over a year now.<BR/><BR/>Recently, I became a first time mother, and sank into extended periods of madness I hardly anticipated. Your recent post on sleep helped me more than all avenues of assistance I've sought, and I simply want to thank you for the courage you've shown in openly articulating experiences common to many women, judging by the number of responses here.<BR/><BR/>I wish you and your family all the best.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47534527231808050732009-02-06T11:33:00.000-05:002009-02-06T11:33:00.000-05:00Haven't commented much yet but I often think of yo...Haven't commented much yet but I often think of you.<BR/><BR/>You are handling what you're going through really, really well. I cannot deal with what is, I think, much less sleep deprivation with anywhere near that kind of strength and grace.<BR/><BR/>I'm only on my first child and I'm finding that one of the hardest parts of motherhood is that there will always be someone out there who will need to use your worst experience to make themselves feel better about their own worst experience. Your insecurities make them feel better about their own. But as mothers I think our emotions are so raw that we take this otherwise normal part of life much harder. I used to think, oh, I'm the kind of person who doesn't give a rat's ass about what other people think. But it turns out, I do. And I don't think it's in my daughter's best interest either. Somehow though, I can't help it.<BR/><BR/>So all I can say is, you seem to me to be handling all this really, really, really well. And have a great time in Nashville!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-86054927099064019862009-02-05T08:35:00.000-05:002009-02-05T08:35:00.000-05:00My oldest son (he is 7 1/2 now) was a terrible sle...My oldest son (he is 7 1/2 now) was a terrible sleeper. His naps lasted 15 to 30 mins max and he slept for just over 2 hours at a time. He only started napping regularly around the age of 10 months and that was just a few weeks before I was to put him in day care (I felt cheated!). We lived in a century home and I had learned every creak in every floor board and would walk around the house in a strange dance of "skip that floorboard, hug the wall, turn, turn, through the door". It was crazy. I was crazy. I remember coming to tears almost daily when people would question me - "What isn't he sleeping, my kids always slept" UGH. I wish I had the magic answer that will help but I guess the only thing to say is that he will grow out of it. It may take time. But he will. And eventually your sanity will come back. It will.Chantalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01623046375096046381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-62211120776720608692009-02-04T15:59:00.000-05:002009-02-04T15:59:00.000-05:00I suppose one other thought is to keep in mind tha...I suppose one other thought is to keep in mind that no one (no matter their age) really sleeps "through the night," - we all wake up periodically and go back to sleep. Its just that some kids wake up and want to stay that way or can't go back to sleep. My little one wakes once or twice each night and, because he doesn't want to get up and party or anything (hence putting me in the "lucky" category), he just goes back to sleep with a little nursing or cuddling (we cosleep). But my point is, we all wake up, it just takes different kids different amounts of time to adjust to the idea that its better to go back to sleep right away! <BR/><BR/>I join Joy in saying "bah" to the "try harder" folks, and toasting everyone in the sleepless club.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09870471188823398822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-42580996330495642192009-02-04T15:20:00.000-05:002009-02-04T15:20:00.000-05:00(((HUGS))) to you, in your sleep-deprived madness....(((HUGS))) to you, in your sleep-deprived madness. I read this post after all three of my children (7, 5, and almost 2) took turns tag-teaming me ALL NIGHT LONG with wakefulness!!! Every freakin' half hour, one or the other was in my room, and all trying to crawl into my bed! AGK!! That is not to say that they always do this, because usually the older two are great sleepers, NOW, and the youngest is getting better, really, she is. But it's taking time for them to mature and grow, and it depends on so many external day to day criteria in their little worlds for how well they sleep. For my children, the magic age was about 2.5, 3 for consistent sleep through the night. <BR/><BR/>And BAH to the "you're just not trying hard enough" camp. YOU ARE. Anyone who goes without sleep tries their best. Because, seriously?, who would actively or passively choose to go without sleep?!? Kids are different - they eat differently, grow differently, play differently, and sleep differently too. <BR/><BR/>So, hugs once again, and I'm toasting you and all the sleepless moms out there with my vermouth (because I just can't do vodka) and say welcome to this sucky sleepless club, until we're lucky enough for our children to start sleeping!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-31711284224250375982009-02-04T14:09:00.000-05:002009-02-04T14:09:00.000-05:00My daughter was very similar to Jasper. My husban...My daughter was very similar to Jasper. My husband had to take over so I wouldn't lose it. He would rock her to sleep - and she was angry - but he was there comforting her. She was entitled to be mad about her all-night milk bar closing, but I was entitled to some sleep. And she was getting comfort for her frustration. Just not from me. After she stopped the first night feeding - her tummy stopped craving it. And the 2nd wake-up was pushed later, too! <BR/><BR/>One thing... my breastmilk supply dropped a bit when the night feedings went away. I think it's good to keep at least one in there (around midnight-1am) until the solid feedings start kicking in more. For me, I needed greater supply until she was 9 months. But 9 months in the span of a lifetime is not much of a sacrifice. And then it's OVER. And even though it feels like forever now, it will be a distant memory some day.<BR/><BR/>BIG HUGSAshleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01129705018304260161noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-22630125719027619162009-02-04T13:05:00.000-05:002009-02-04T13:05:00.000-05:00I had a HORRIBLE sleeper with my first baby. By t...I had a HORRIBLE sleeper with my first baby. By the time she was 18 months old I had effin had it. Seriously, I was heading for a nervous break down. Plus my shoulder could no longer take rocking her to sleep every night for 30-45 min. I finally bought the Dr. Ferber book and it worked magic. The second child, I never had one bit of problem from. Thank God! All the advise I can give you is to hang in there. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. Jasper is just not a good sleeper. At least when he gets a little older you can at least work with him a little more. Not that that helps you now...Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16973125452842612070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-67807157718660990702009-02-04T13:00:00.000-05:002009-02-04T13:00:00.000-05:00Sounds like you've tried everything, some babies j...Sounds like you've tried everything, some babies just won't sleep. My first was excellent sleeper, my second didn't sleep through the night till 14 months old, I swear. It was awful. I tried everything, including crying it out even if that meant waking the other sleeping child and a CPA husband who had to work 12 hours a day through tax season. Nothing worked. He just HAD to have me comfort him. He didn't even need anything, just had to see me come in his room and tell him to go back to sleep and he did...every 2 hours for 14 months. <BR/><BR/>I feel your tiredness for you. He looks adorable though, blurry and all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7569528107791539742009-02-04T12:40:00.000-05:002009-02-04T12:40:00.000-05:00Eva - I've deployed every sleep-training technique...Eva - I've deployed every sleep-training technique that I know of, seriously. The only thing I haven't tried is getting outside help, but that can be expensive.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68250546976885098862009-02-04T12:07:00.000-05:002009-02-04T12:07:00.000-05:00I don't know how old Jasper is, but after six mont...I don't know how old Jasper is, but after six months you should make it a priority to get him to sleep through the night, or failing that, to wake and not need/expect you. Both my kids sleep through the night, but they both had to be, to varying extents, trained to do so. I think all babies (and older people for that matter), wake up periodically through the night; they just don't remember it if they've learned how to fall back asleep. Your baby does need sleep and can be trained to put himself back to sleep without you, if you're serious about it. <BR/><BR/>If you don't want a week of crying it out, then do it incrementally -- take away the crutches gradually, decrease the time you spend with him, or gradually extend the time he has to be alone. And don't put him to bed when he's already asleep -- make him fall asleep on his own. I made the mistake of making sure my eldest son was asleep before putting him down (partly b/c it was easy and fast), but as he got older, boy did this practice become onerous! It was awful to break him of the need to fall asleep with me. Now we're out of it, but he still has crutches and I wish I'd been more firm.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-71215940801680896052009-02-04T11:48:00.000-05:002009-02-04T11:48:00.000-05:00i had good sleepers (night-time. NOT daytime. no n...i had good sleepers (night-time. NOT daytime. no naps for the martells) and for so long i kept thinking that i was doing something right and my friends were doing something wrong.<BR/><BR/>but then i realized. they were just good sleepers. and i was just REALLY lucky.<BR/><BR/>now i don't offer any sleep advice and keep my mouth shut when people discuss at what age their children FINALLY slept through the night.Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11127692699186571544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-22144719072195671992009-02-03T23:48:00.000-05:002009-02-03T23:48:00.000-05:00If you do everything wrong and they are like that....If you do everything wrong and they are like that.. and you made me laugh like that... you are something 10 times better than lucky.<BR/><BR/>NB: Myself and a wise review of motherhood in the sun and wind Feb morning... Granville & Broadway. 5 members in the audience, quoted you 4 times... you were right and much nodding. Just wanted to pass that on.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85587846915560642642009-02-03T22:31:00.000-05:002009-02-03T22:31:00.000-05:00Glad to hear I'm not alone. I blog about sleep (la...Glad to hear I'm not alone. I blog about sleep (lack of) all the time, because it is the biggest, most disruptive thing happening in my life. My 11 month old wakes up every hour or so to feed, all night long. Always has, and I'm starting to think he always will. As for naps, I'm lucky if he takes 20 minutes. I think he's a "wakeful" baby, whatever the fuck that means. And no, he does not have apnea or anything else "wrong" with him. And yes, I've tried every trick in the book, he's just not a good sleeper. End of story. One day, I'm sure I'll have a hard time getting him to wake up and get his lazy butt out of bed, but that day is a LONG ways away. Anyway, at least he's cute as a button, and a happy chappy the rest of the time. It's amazing how little sleep one can get away with and still (sort of) function, isn't it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-26398426461204021012009-02-03T17:26:00.000-05:002009-02-03T17:26:00.000-05:00Totally. Boy1 was a freaking wonder in retrospect...Totally. Boy1 was a freaking wonder in retrospect. We were talking about this last night and my husband said, "You don't know how good it feels to get pissed on until the shit starts to fall too." <BR/><BR/>good thing all these genius (that's why they don't sleep, right? genius?) babies are the ones inheriting the earth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-60115793046887619852009-02-03T15:24:00.000-05:002009-02-03T15:24:00.000-05:00I don't have much advice, I'm afraid, except to sa...I don't have much advice, I'm afraid, except to say that my Bug is 2-1/2 and still usually wakes up at night. When she was Jasper's age, she was doing what he's doing and I was completely confounded by her. I slept with her, letting her nurse at will and not getting much sleep and generally going slowly insane. She eventually did start sleeping on her own, but it took for-freaking-ever to get to that point. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I wish I had more words of advice for you. <BR/><BR/>And turn off comments whenever you want/need. It's your blog. Do whatever you want to do.Major Bedheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17669161302510096751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-881468403176876822009-02-03T14:30:00.001-05:002009-02-03T14:30:00.001-05:00I swear Jaspar and my Zachary are twins separated ...I swear Jaspar and my Zachary are twins separated at birth. Well, they would be if I weren't so darn sure where Zack came from. Same deal with Zack--happiest baby on the planet, but is not interested in sleeping by himself, has to be with me or my husband, loves to nurse at night. I've just decided (with the help of your blogging, I have to say)that's the way he is, that he NEEDS this from me, and that some day down the road he'll (a)sleep through the night and (b)thank me for this. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90729773374992618732009-02-03T14:30:00.000-05:002009-02-03T14:30:00.000-05:00I feel for you! I have 4 kids, 2 good sleepers, t...I feel for you! I have 4 kids, 2 good sleepers, to horrible sleepers. One of the horrible sleepers is 9 and the other is 7, 9yo has gotten much better, but I'm still sharing a bed 1/2 time with the 7yo. Both of my bad sleepers though are that way for other reasons. 7yo has reflux (since a baby), and is autistic. 9yo is autistic and adhd, and just never really needed much sleep. He's pretty quiet now at night, just doesnt sleep well.<BR/>All I can say is take it one day at a time, it does get better. Theres a time for everything, and all phases do end eventually. It's just a matter of getting yourself thru to the end.Blessed Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01959429720080163567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91145581114388342602009-02-03T14:26:00.000-05:002009-02-03T14:26:00.000-05:00Like you, my first child is a girl, and a wonderfu...Like you, my first child is a girl, and a wonderful night sleeper. My second, a boy, is not. He is 25 months old and has slept through the night exactly...once. I live my life in a fog, but I try to treasure those moments in the night when he calls for me, reaches for me, holds me and says, "momma...seep me. Seep ma bed". Because although it seems endless, this time of him wanting me, of his warm little body snuggled tightly into the curve of mine, is short. And someday I'll miss it. I don't always succeed, some days I scream with frustration and exhaustion, but sometimes, sometimes, I manage to live in and savour the moment.<BR/><BR/>Good luck honey. Sleep tight.Badness Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05660823596302637985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-33676991079963300952009-02-03T13:59:00.000-05:002009-02-03T13:59:00.000-05:00My kids are now almost 3 and almost 5. I tell peo...My kids are now almost 3 and almost 5. I tell people expecting their second that there is NO WAY to understand how hard having two is. It is physically exhausting. If there is one thing I've learned about parenting, though, it is that nothing lasts forever. They DO eventually sleep (and stop pushing other random kids out in public!)<BR/>Take Care.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13445283663758644298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85323325828816448512009-02-03T13:57:00.000-05:002009-02-03T13:57:00.000-05:00I have three girls. My oldest didn't sleep throug...I have three girls. My oldest didn't sleep through the night until I let her fuss it out. She became a good night sleeper but did not nap. My second slowly worked up to near hourly night waking. I tried to let her fuss, but a little crying always led to more crying, then hysterical crying until I gave up and let her sleep with me and breastfeed all night long. She was a great napper, but didn't sleep through the night until I night weaned her sometime between 12 and 18 months (I can't remember - possibly due to long term sleep loss). My third, who is 8 months, goes to sleep easily but wakes frequently and is a short napper. She never just fusses. She's a screamer. So, she's in bed with me breastfeeding all night long. I really think each kid has his/her own sleep personality. However, I'm starting to think night weaning will be the solution to our current sleep problem. Just not sure I have the energy to do that right now. I always like reading about your sleeping woes because I take comfort in knowing I'm not alone in my tiredness :)Christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04020964211042284023noreply@blogger.com