tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post6650645804027084570..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: BeanerHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-52798532165826904942008-08-26T18:41:00.000-04:002008-08-26T18:41:00.000-04:00Marie, I've been thinking about your story for day...Marie, I've been thinking about your story for days now. I'm so sorry that your family is choosing to hurt you instead of help you. I'm sure they're worried about your children and maybe they feel like you won't let them help?<BR/><BR/>I can't tell from your words what you really want. But you did say that if you keep this 3rd baby you will be sacrificing the lives of your other 2 kids. Those words chill me. Please don't sacrifice any of their lives.<BR/><BR/>I live in Virginia, near the Shenandoah mountains. If that's near you please email me and I will help you. ellisa@nocturne.org<BR/><BR/>I know a wonderful family near Denver and my sister is near St. Louis. Please contact me if we can give you moral or emotional support.<BR/><BR/>Please get help somewhere. Your children don't need to suffer. There are so many people that will help you if they know you need it.<BR/><BR/>You aren't alone! We love you Marie.RainyPMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06236256948179373338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-5671139817794902702008-08-26T01:28:00.000-04:002008-08-26T01:28:00.000-04:00Marie~ if drugs are involved, please get help. I'm...Marie~ if drugs are involved, please get help. I'm sure anyone at the hospital would know exactly what assistance you need. Your kids deserve it, and so do you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51079576475207165302008-08-25T22:49:00.000-04:002008-08-25T22:49:00.000-04:00I was singlehomeless when I found out that I was p...I was singlehomeless when I found out that I was pregnant. I also suffered (things are better now) from severe depression. Adoption was mentioned a few times. I never doubted that I would be the best mother for my child. I moved in with a close friend. A week later her house was hit by lightning while we were inside it. It burned in front of us. <BR/><BR/>Since then I have managed to get a nice 2 bedroom apt on my own and enroll in college. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know what's best for you but I can honestly say that no one knows what can happen. If you don't want to stay in that town then leave. I left her father by choice when he changed how he felt towards me. I moved 60-70 miles away. I've moved approx 16 times and I'm still only 22. <BR/><BR/>If your heart wants your baby then there are support systems out there which can help you keep her. If you need more information about these and would like me to check around for you, you can email me at satsukirebel@hotmail.com. I'll add you to my prayers.Satsuki Rebelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00106775549331057570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87121195685955018912008-08-25T21:30:00.000-04:002008-08-25T21:30:00.000-04:00Marie,As the adoptive mother of a little girl, I w...Marie,<BR/>As the adoptive mother of a little girl, I would like to suggest something. It's possible the other family backing out wasn't a sign you'd made the wrong decision regarding your Beaner, but perhaps it was a sign that wasn't the RIGHT family for Beaner. <BR/><BR/>I am not an overly religious person, I have tried to be since our adoption for reasons I won't go in to here, but it just doesn't work for me. What I will say is, when dealing with adoption I firmly believe there is a higher power involved. Time after time I look at my daughter who fell in to our lap out of nowhere and think "who was pushing this along?" She came when we needed her the most, but when we weren't looking for her, when she needed us the most but we didn't know she existed. <BR/><BR/>I believe after hearing several stories like ours, that there is some kind of "higher power" that places the choices in our path when it comes to adoptions and places the right path there in front of us to take or not to take. In my case I felt VERY strongly it was a step I HAD to take and her birth mother has said the same.<BR/><BR/>In your case maybe that higher power is saying "take a step back, breathe, think of what you want for you and Beaner and be sure" and maybe, just maybe that same higher power knew Beaner belonged with another family or even with you. It's hard to know which, but I would look at it not as a "stumbling block" or "obstacle" but a chance to find that right path that you may not have known wasn't right in front of you the whole time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58445712502103873302008-08-25T12:56:00.001-04:002008-08-25T12:56:00.001-04:00Pease read that post. Especially the last paragra...Pease read that post. Especially the last paragraph.<BR/><BR/>http://www.sams-stories.com/2008/06/i-did-not-know.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58923152111959978462008-08-25T12:56:00.000-04:002008-08-25T12:56:00.000-04:00Pease read that post. Especially the last paragra...Pease read that post. Especially the last paragraph.<BR/><BR/>http://www.sams-stories.com/2008/06/i-did-not-know.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61535618248401805092008-08-25T12:42:00.000-04:002008-08-25T12:42:00.000-04:00Dear Marie:It is hard to tell from your post wheth...Dear Marie:<BR/><BR/>It is hard to tell from your post whether in your heart you want to keep your baby but follow your heart, whatever you do. The net is replete with stories of mothers, like HMS own mother, who regret the decision to give up their child to their dying day. Yet there are just as many who know they gave their child the most unselfish gift in making the same choice. Please try to envision your life in 5, 10 and 20 years and reflect on how you may feel about your choice at a later time. <BR/><BR/>It is hard to tell whether want your to keep your baby or whether you feel like you should because your family wants you to. Your decision to name your child in utero and in wondering whether it is a sign the other couple backed out make me think you may, in your heart, want to keep this baby. Yet, you sound conflicted about your own personal wants and desires to escape shitville. <BR/><BR/>If, in your heart you want to keep your baby, please know that in six short years your youngest will be in kindergarten and you will again have the time to pursue your dreams. Please follow the advice here about seeking assistance. Please know that ALL MOTHERS shelf many of their own dreams while raising young children (whether personal, professional, artisitc or otherwise) but realize that it is only temporary and that the reward of a child's love is far worth it. <BR/><BR/>If in your heart you know you can not provide your baby with the love that she deserves (and that she will so purely give to anyone who loves her back), please find someone worthy of that love and do your best to honor your choice and do everything possible to make your dreams come true for yourself and your other two children. <BR/><BR/>Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-64785652758532595812008-08-25T12:05:00.000-04:002008-08-25T12:05:00.000-04:00a small part of me is wondering what marie isn't t...a small part of me is wondering what marie isn't telling. but the bigger part my heart is breaking for her. she is the only one who can decide whats best. none of us can make this decision for her. can she ask for help from her family? or from the childs fathers family? sometimes the best thing to do isn't always the easiest. which could be adoption or fighting to keep your child. is marie perhaps suffering from post partum because of the traumatic circumstances of babys birth? or perhaps her financial situation is not stable? there is always help to be found. i hope and pray for marie that she can find the help she needs. and as for wanting to leave her home town you can leave but that doesn't always make the problems go away. i know from first hand experience.well God bless you marie and i hope you can find peace in your heart upon making this very hard decision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-52656437335561339952008-08-25T09:55:00.000-04:002008-08-25T09:55:00.000-04:00Marie,I know it doesn't always seem like it but th...Marie,<BR/>I know it doesn't always seem like it but the truth is you can do anything you want to do. The obstacles standing in our way, getting in between the *here* where we are and the *there* where we want to be, are obstacles WE have created. If you want to get out of that shithole town, you can do it. With two kids, with three kids, by yourself - how ever you decide to do it. It will be hard but no one can stop you but you. <BR/>I think it is very brave to reach out for help like this. I'll be thinking about you and your beaner...<BR/><BR/><BR/>Bad Mother,<BR/>Thank you for your beautiful writing. Really...wow.<BR/>MaggieNo Mommy Brainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17711076857040819996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12490520971465471092008-08-25T03:46:00.000-04:002008-08-25T03:46:00.000-04:00I think following your heart is the only right way...I think following your heart is the only right way to do anything. It prevents you from living a life that you regret at the end. Your heart always knows what is best.<BR/><BR/>Find some quiet time to sit and meditate, listen to your soul.<BR/><BR/>God bless you on your journey.Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187089876317175889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-65898311158683100472008-08-24T22:18:00.000-04:002008-08-24T22:18:00.000-04:00My husband and I are blessed to be parents of a be...My husband and I are blessed to be parents of a beautiful 2 year old boy. He was once and still is someone's beaner. <BR/><BR/>We adopted him at birth, and maintain a very open adoption with his birth mother. She did what she felt was best, even though it broke her heart. It was never that she didn't want him.<BR/><BR/>As a parent it's my job raise my son to know and love his birth mom and be proud of his family, whatever form it is!<BR/><BR/>I love the woman who made me a mother and it breaks my heart to hear that the family Marie chose backed out. <BR/><BR/>Families like ours, families committed to open adoption are everywhere. <BR/><BR/>Marie's decision is hers alone and should be done so with her heart, out of love either way.<BR/><BR/>It's because of stories like that of your brother that our son will grow up knowing everything he can about both of the families that love him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-82948028090465016022008-08-24T20:34:00.000-04:002008-08-24T20:34:00.000-04:00I'm an adoptive mom, twiceover, and this just make...I'm an adoptive mom, twiceover, and this just makes me wonder what lies ahead... I have no way of finding their birthparents, they were abandoned in China.polkadothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16240347480458703647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-31281139590721556492008-08-24T20:14:00.000-04:002008-08-24T20:14:00.000-04:00Dear, dear Marie,None of us can tell you what to d...Dear, dear Marie,<BR/><BR/>None of us can tell you what to do. We can offer our hearts and our shoulders - we can, maybe, share stories.<BR/><BR/>The thought that this adoptive family is backing out makes me believe that they weren't the right family - so take that to heart. It's a good thing, right? If they're willing to walk away because of a little drama - would they have been the right parents for your Beaner?<BR/><BR/>But as someone who was married and unable to conceive, I would have adored to have a child that I could raise - healthy and happy - maybe there is, yet, a family waiting for your baby. <BR/><BR/>Or maybe you are the family for your newest child.<BR/><BR/>My thoughts and prayers are with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59608946198224919162008-08-24T19:51:00.000-04:002008-08-24T19:51:00.000-04:00I cannot imagine having to make a decision like th...I cannot imagine having to make a decision like that. I wish I had some magical solution for Marie, but I don't. The only thing I can do is tell her we are thinking about her and whatever decision she makes, she will have support.Dianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05108595974729471061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51800346642568663832008-08-24T18:05:00.000-04:002008-08-24T18:05:00.000-04:00My heart breaks for this mom, for her family to be...My heart breaks for this mom, for her family to betray her in such a way instead of helping her. Taking her children at a time she was most vulnerable. This just sucks. I'll keep her in my thoughts. I have no advice but after reading some comments here I can tell she has found a gold mine of advice. This is one of those stories that really makes you dig down deep and think, man I'm going to hug my kids now.Homemom3https://www.blogger.com/profile/12708246860880585571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72674139558793301132008-08-24T16:38:00.000-04:002008-08-24T16:38:00.000-04:00Marie,Just sending out another hug from a fellow m...Marie,<BR/>Just sending out another hug from a fellow mother. I have no experience in the matters, and I cannot imagine the heartache you must be feeling. Please reach out for all the help that is out there (a lot of places listed here). <BR/><BR/>Hang in there!tracey.becker1@gmail.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09606831315390042198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-74540930177218455402008-08-24T08:29:00.000-04:002008-08-24T08:29:00.000-04:00I think she needs to really think about the life s...I think she needs to really think about the life she could offer all 3 children if she kept the baby. She is struggling with 2 kids already. However, people make it out of terrible situations every day. I have never even had to remotely consider what to do in a situation such as that. That being said, it sounds like an open adoption may be the right move.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50736698903163381112008-08-23T23:59:00.000-04:002008-08-23T23:59:00.000-04:00I think you said it best: you have to do what you ...I think you said it best: you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. <BR/><BR/>Somewhere out in the world my husband has a brother. Aaron's mom gave birth to a boy when she was 16. She kept the baby until he was 2 years old. At that point, she decided she couldn't care for him any longer (long story, I'm told) and she gave Joshua up for adoption. She later met Aaron's dad and they had two sons together.<BR/><BR/>No one knows where Joshua is. He was adopted locally, but they don't know his last name or if they even kept his first name. Aaron wants to find his half-brother, but at the same time he's hesitant to do so. He says he doesn't know how he could meet him and give him the news that their mother is dead. <BR/><BR/>Aaron's own mother was adopted, too, and we have no idea how to go about finding her birth parents, if they're even still alive.Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07345875955750219033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79372261536576799492008-08-23T23:50:00.000-04:002008-08-23T23:50:00.000-04:00I'm adopted and have just recently found my biolog...I'm adopted and have just recently found my biological family. I had a great life but wanted to know my roots. Sometimes doing the hardest thing is the right thing. I beg of you to have the adoptive parents know little beaner was loved. Write a note, draw a picture, anything so that there is that knowledge that it was out of love if you do decide to give your child to adoptive parents.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-34286009887533029872008-08-23T22:58:00.000-04:002008-08-23T22:58:00.000-04:00When I was 23, I gave birth to a baby boy. He was...When I was 23, I gave birth to a baby boy. He was my third child in six years. I mistakenly believed his father would provide the stability and love I craved. After six months, I realized that I could no longer be the parent my son deserved. I was in my last year of university and there were never enough hours in the day . . .<BR/>My parents also turned their backs on me - they felt I was making a grave mistake. One wintry day in February, I placed my son in his adoptive mother's arms, saying "Here he is , Mom". It was the hardest thing I had done - but also the best. I knew that these two people could provide him with attention, security, stability, and of course, love. But it was never a question of "love” - I had more than enough love for him, but sometimes love is just not enough. <BR/>Fast forward 17 years . . . <BR/>My birth son is entering his last year of school. He is healthy, happy, and well - adjusted. He has had opportunities that he never would have had with me. And best of all, our two families have managed to forge a relationship that defies words. I have attended his hockey games, birthdays. He has spent weekends with my family, and he is particularly close with my oldest son as they share many of the same passions. <BR/>Is our situation an anomaly? I don't think so. With compassion, trust, and time, we have done what has worked for us. Would I make the same decision again, yes – without a doubt. It allowed me the opportunity to better myself, and by doing so, create a better life for all of my children.opheliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11882515469898091423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-26271410292571339322008-08-23T21:48:00.000-04:002008-08-23T21:48:00.000-04:00Marie, as a Mother I wish I had a good piece of ad...Marie, as a Mother I wish I had a good piece of advice. It's my thinking that you can only do what every single mother does every single day. And that is make the best choice you can with the information and resources you have. And when you do that? You can never really regret. I mean, of course you do. But you have to know you did your best. And that's all you can do.<BR/><BR/>You've been given a lot of advice on both sides of the coin. And I, too, know of some wonderful adoption stories and some wonderful stories where a birth mother made the other choice. And there is never a way to know which way is right. You choices are so difficult right now and I wish strength for you as you make whichever choice you make.<BR/><BR/>You will be in my thoughts as you search your heart to do what's best for your child and children.Kim @ Ponytaildiaries.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12106809118792122459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-80711907515628980792008-08-23T21:35:00.000-04:002008-08-23T21:35:00.000-04:00Whew...HBM, as if a new baby and busy toddler were...Whew...HBM, as if a new baby and busy toddler were not enough to deal with. First of all, good luck with your search for your brother. My heart goes out to your Mom, and I also commend her bravery. Times were very different back then.<BR/><BR/>Marie...my best friend was blessed enough to be able to adopt a baby which she had been longing for for five long years. The birth mother was a single Mom with a one year old who recognized that she could not support her new baby.<BR/><BR/>The unselfishness of her decision amazes me to this day.<BR/><BR/>Nobody can make this very difficult decision for you...look deep into your heart, and I will send some prayers your way.Mommato2https://www.blogger.com/profile/13475207169746158064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50635354474927278912008-08-23T16:11:00.000-04:002008-08-23T16:11:00.000-04:00Marie, My thoughts and prayers are with you during...Marie, My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.<BR/><BR/>Whenever I am struggling with a decision, I try to imagine exactly how I would feel with each individual choice, perhaps trying that would help you in your decision.The Other Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03618067911224855096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-88277961561837912222008-08-23T14:55:00.000-04:002008-08-23T14:55:00.000-04:00Marie,From a male and father's perspective: I also...Marie,<BR/><BR/>From a male and father's perspective: I also cannot tell you what to do. The connection a child has to her or his mother is much different than that of the father. I truly admire that aspect of pregnancy and childbirth.<BR/><BR/>With that said you truly have a tremendous amount of courage. I can also say you came to the right place for advice but more importantly for support. The moms that visit here are the very best to be found. Read each of their words carefully. Digest them all. And then make your decision.<BR/><BR/>After it has been made then return for more support. If you need help someone that reads this blog will be able to help you.<BR/><BR/>My family will be praying and hoping you make the right choice.Ben and Benniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165216797183902071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72779628294051810832008-08-23T14:28:00.000-04:002008-08-23T14:28:00.000-04:00We adopted our son through American Adoptions, www...We adopted our son through American Adoptions, www.americanadoptions.com. This agency was really great with our birth mother. Everyone who works there has been adopted, are birth mothers or have adopted children. They are all very caring and maybe Marie could call them and get some counseling. They DO NOT pressure birth moms. They talk, share their experiences and most important they listen to the birth mothers. It might be a way for Marie to sort out feelings with a person with an objective view.<BR/><BR/>Shame on her family for not supporting her and for taking away her 2 kids. I feel for her.<BR/><BR/>We have an open adoption (the only kind that American Adoptions does). I keep in email contact with the birth mom, send her pictures and our son knows all about her.<BR/><BR/>Hope this helps, will keep everyone in our thoughts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com