tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post6532720351628770945..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: The Bad Mother ManifestoHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger206125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-14681142339271940282009-06-18T16:08:17.519-04:002009-06-18T16:08:17.519-04:00I totally agree with pretty much everything Cather...I totally agree with pretty much everything Catherine said here. The jist of the matter is that if you cosleep, not cosleep, spank, not spank, feed all organic, feed non-organic, AP, CIO, schedule, no schedule, work, not work, etc etc etc ad nauseaum, there is always some asshat somewhere who thinks you are doing it wrong. Fuck that and fuck listening to judgemental assholes. Yes, it is okay to sometimes put myself first. I refuse to be a martyr to the good parenting cause. If that pisses off you so called "good" parents, that makes me pleased as fucking punch.Catherine Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-38760113568949074952009-06-18T15:01:50.956-04:002009-06-18T15:01:50.956-04:00Bravo!
We're all flawed, it's what makes ...Bravo!<br /><br />We're all flawed, it's what makes us human.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58122950772913299342009-06-18T13:19:37.319-04:002009-06-18T13:19:37.319-04:00Thank you!
Thank you for giving us real moms a voi...Thank you!<br />Thank you for giving us real moms a voice. We shouldn't be afraid to be who were are. Our kids are loved and healthy and fuck everyone else!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12591852177827265329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56845181575686701242009-06-17T00:57:36.691-04:002009-06-17T00:57:36.691-04:00Loved this entry and love your blog. SO true and s...Loved this entry and love your blog. SO true and so honest. Finally, another mother I can relate to.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-45725958178468243432009-06-16T04:17:22.529-04:002009-06-16T04:17:22.529-04:00Whoa, reading the comments from this post was a li...Whoa, reading the comments from this post was a little like riding a coal car into the mine...they kept getting darker and darker.<br /><br />My screen name should tell you where I stand on all of this, but the truth is, as much as I love blogging, I can only take parenting blogs (the Bad and the Good) in small doses. It's fun to visit other people's worlds and opinions, but ultimately if you're buying anything hook, line and sinker, you're not being true to yourself. And for me, being true to myself allows me to be the best mama I can be for my munchkins.<br /><br />Then again, it is 2 AM and I am a pregnant insomniac, so what the hell do I know? Oh, and that comment from the "husband of a good mother" 20 or so back? *blink, blink*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39287733443916885982009-06-15T20:10:27.395-04:002009-06-15T20:10:27.395-04:00i call myself a crazy mother.
it pretty much mean...i call myself a crazy mother.<br /><br />it pretty much means the same thing. :Dbeautiful pencilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03182673973746890633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-48801833563667278262009-06-15T17:35:30.874-04:002009-06-15T17:35:30.874-04:00I know I'm late with this, and I haven't r...I know I'm late with this, and I haven't read the other comments, but I just wanted to say that I LOVE how you made the "Good Mother" both spank and never spank and co sleep and never co sleep and stay at home and go to work. YES! I so don't get the "mommy wars." I think they arise from the deep insecurity of knowing that we're all making mistakes and saddling our kids with baggage in spite of all our efforts, but from a strange unwillingness to admit this. It's a way of distancing ourselves, the way when we read of some kid going to a school and shooting his classmates, we look for clues of a trouble home-life--it helps us sleep at night cuz it won't happen to us. But all the "mommywars" do is derive us of much-needed support. <br />Anyway, rambling here, but I really enjoyed your post. I guess I'm a Bad Mother too--my daughter would certainly agree!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-75189038593734025492009-06-15T13:07:24.087-04:002009-06-15T13:07:24.087-04:00Fuck yeah. Does anything else really need to be s...Fuck yeah. Does anything else really need to be said?<br /><br />I've found some of the most vocal, judgemental, and aggressive pushers of the Good Mother are, in fact, men. Good Enough really is good enough.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05222429275608115736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-48763824041502866522009-06-15T09:24:24.123-04:002009-06-15T09:24:24.123-04:00I feel so much better after reading this.I thought...I feel so much better after reading this.I thought I was a good mom I love my children more than life ,but my oldest daughter seems to think I didn't fill the good mother profile.I was beating myself up you made me fel better, I am glad I am not the only one who isn't in the good mom profile.This is one of the best posts I have ever read Thanks againRitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87197316409942280992009-06-15T08:59:16.231-04:002009-06-15T08:59:16.231-04:00Ahhh.....honesty! I appreciate it and applaud you!...Ahhh.....honesty! I appreciate it and applaud you!Annie @ Cookieshttp://cookieconversations.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13092971201700210322009-06-15T08:28:20.014-04:002009-06-15T08:28:20.014-04:00Love the post!
First time reader, and I am hooked!...Love the post!<br />First time reader, and I am hooked!Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02588674211848206661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-71434402902425089142009-06-15T07:59:59.617-04:002009-06-15T07:59:59.617-04:00Ok, I know I shouldn't bother, but I have to s...Ok, I know I shouldn't bother, but I have to say something, even though it echoes many previous posts.<br /><br />The ONLY POINT HBM was trying to make with her manifesto is that NOBODY IS PERFECT - no matter how much your love your kids, how much time you spend with them, how much effort you put into providing them a loving, stable, well-ordered environment, you will at some time feel like you have failed or like you aren't doing something right. But it's OKAY; failing sometimes doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you a Bad Mother (ie a HUMAN BEING, who is fallen and imperfect). Maybe some of you out there have never lost patience with your child, never worried that something you did or didn't was (or wasn't) enough. Kudos to you! It must be great to never worry that you've made a mistake! But the rest of us sometimes feel overwhelmed and guilty, particularly by strong and mixed messages we get from Society and from Judgmental Parents (hey, that might be YOU, perfect parents!). What this means is that being a good mother does NOT derive from whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, whether you work at home or in an office, whether you co-sleep or crib sleep, soothe or CIO, spank or time-out, never give sugar/processed food to your kids or occasionally let them eat ice cream or a happy meal. Sometimes people make us feel like we have "chosen wrong" on any of these issues, and more. HMB's manifesto is a way of standing up to Judgmental Jerks who think they are perfect and their style of parenting is perfect. Am I a better mother than my friend because I put my baby to sleep at 6:30 and she puts hers to sleep at 10:30? Who decides? If everybody is happy and healthy and loved then this is what matters. <br /><br />It's actually kind of nice that posters like stay-at-home-dad have written in, because he underscores PERFECTLY why we need HBM's manifesto. He's basically saying "if you don't parent exactly the way I do, and if your children aren't perfectly behaved at all times in an extremely disciplined fashion every moment, then you are a BAD MOTHER. And don't even think about doing anything for yourself ever. You aren't just a BAD MOTHER, you have MENTAL PROBLEMS and are LAZY and SELFISH, and destroying the FUTURE OF OUR NATION." (flavored with a hearty and heartening dose of misogyny since the women haven't been able to "catch up" with the men, even after being in almost sole charge of childrearing for the PAST MILLION YEARS!) (and PS SAHD - you don't actually KNOW HBM OR her children - so unless you know for a fact that they are not polite, well-behaved, happy children then you are just projecting in a deeply offensive way. And if they ARE happy, polite, delightful children, then you've got no point, really.) This is exactly the mentality that HBM is rejecting. <br /><br />My family is the most important thing in the world to me. My son is well-mannered and disciplined, because these are traits and values my husband & I take very seriously (particularly the idea that happiness does not come from self-indulgence, but from self-discipline and independence), as well as traits we MODEL. I hope he will also be compassionate and non-judgmental of other people, with the full knowledge that HE IS NOT PERFECT and neither is anybody else. To me, this is the essence of the manifesto: Do your best, and stop trying to force yourself to conform to somebody else's definition of what that means. <br /><br />(PS I know there were many posters who were troubled by HBMs manifesto and put forward some important and interesting challenges - I don't mean my response to be directed at you just for disagreeing with the idea of being Bad.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-4585378643417596522009-06-15T00:52:04.209-04:002009-06-15T00:52:04.209-04:00Well obviously lots of people have lots to say abo...Well obviously lots of people have lots to say about your post. I'll admit I didn't read them all so this might be a repeat but so be it Bad Mother's also let their babies cry it out or don't let them cry it out and jump at a babies every whim. <br /><br />On another note, whatever you do, NEVER, EVER call yourself a Bad Mother to your children as your excuse for letting them eat cookies for breakfast or not letting them when they are begging you for one. Take it from my experience it will come back and bite you in the butt. They will tell their teacher, the pediatritian or just anyone who wants to listen. You get some crazy accusations going after that.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15553577112521451396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-62128480225260699112009-06-14T22:51:34.729-04:002009-06-14T22:51:34.729-04:00Is motherhood really no different than high school...Is motherhood really no different than high school popularity contest? Constantly comparing yourself to imaginary standards and reveling in the social melodrama? Because that is what you are "selling" here. You wanted/needed to pat yourself on the back for your own self-measured inadequacies to be proud of your self-created label? <br /><br />How about simply doing what is best for your own kids and quit worrying about what everyone else is doing? Wait, that would not allow you to compare yourself to others so you can live up to your cool new label of "bad". How ironic.RowanMamanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-82562958584626052592009-06-14T13:25:47.609-04:002009-06-14T13:25:47.609-04:00Sounds to me like alot of women have mental issues...Sounds to me like alot of women have mental issues. I realize this new selfish parenting kick has cause seriously ill behaved children and I'm not suprised that so many bloggers have given their support to someone who can justify narcissim and selfishness. I've noticed that mothers either give whatever to their children to keep them from crying or schedule the children to death with activities, but the most important thing of talking and guiding children has completely been taken out of the picture. People with your sense of parenting believe in making yourself happy first and making your children happy is more important thant instilling discipline and respect, this sickens me and makes me fearfull for the future. But of course what do I know, after spending several years in the military I am now a stay at home dad with well behaved and well adjusted children who display good manners when no one is watching and excell in school but are not overloaded with activities. But I am not a mother, I'm a father, and have raised my children with logic, love, and understanding...maybe mothers havent quite caught up to that level of thinking yet, I've noticed most of the thought processes on here focussed through "Me First" then love etc if there is time.Stay at Home Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-2223820717159444602009-06-14T12:46:35.585-04:002009-06-14T12:46:35.585-04:00I saw your blog in a news article on CNN today! Th...I saw your blog in a news article on CNN today! They quoted your blog and showed pictures but then showed an interview for another "bad mother." I was so confused! I knew that wasn't you nor your children in the interview. CNN needs to work on their production skills.<br /><br />http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/06/12/am.costello.bad.parents.cnnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-54148798454362569992009-06-14T10:26:47.276-04:002009-06-14T10:26:47.276-04:00I read this and loved it! Some days I feel as if I...I read this and loved it! Some days I feel as if I'm a bad mommy and I feel guilty about it but then my son smiles or my daughter laughs and I realize I'm the best mom that I can be to them, and not the best mom someone else thinks I should be, and they're loved unconditionally and are healthy and happy and that's all that matters.DM'sMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18278175142682081691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-83492043138457089672009-06-14T03:43:13.919-04:002009-06-14T03:43:13.919-04:00I wish someone had been brave enough to say this 9...I wish someone had been brave enough to say this 9 1/2 years ago when I first had my son. I think we both would have had a much more relaxed time of it. But I applaud you. You have said everything in my heart I have never really had the guts to say except to my most close friends who feel the same way.MonaBookGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03437273302439944514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-67445453665681190832009-06-13T14:43:54.224-04:002009-06-13T14:43:54.224-04:00This resonates with me both in the word-play way a...This resonates with me both in the word-play way and in everday way. <br /><br />Words are made to be taken and retaken and mistaken. That's how language evolves, and how people come to common understanding. It's also through words that we feed the divide. Words are good and bad. Like mothers. <br /><br />This post appeals to me for its content and for the debate. I admire your vocabulary of philosophy. I admire, aside from linguistics, the specifics: the list of bad things. It resonates. It really does. <br /><br />The debate supports what I perceive to be the underlying premise of this post and your blog in general. Words have meaning. More than almost anything else in this world, words mean something. What keeps it turning is how we use them to define ourselves.Binkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17161541480469324280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79910248981723088122009-06-13T14:31:36.770-04:002009-06-13T14:31:36.770-04:00I started reading blog posts in 1999. In ten year...I started reading blog posts in 1999. In ten years, this is one of the best posts that I've read. Perhaps because I can relate to it so well.Amanda Hill of Shamelessly Sassyhttp://www.shamelesslysassy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90705266972944880382009-06-13T12:53:10.592-04:002009-06-13T12:53:10.592-04:00This was on one of my local news station's web...This was on one of my local news station's website today:<br /><br />http://www.katu.com/news/specialreports/47980891.html<br /><br />They seem to think your blog is written by Ayelet Waldman! And they are quoting her as if it was said on your blog. Be prepared for visitors asking why you spank your children and leave them in the bathtub alone.Tangsongshannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32716346742207534232009-06-13T01:39:03.512-04:002009-06-13T01:39:03.512-04:00THANK YOU for writing this. I stumbled on this to...THANK YOU for writing this. I stumbled on this today from MamaPop and I needed to see this tonight. I am also a bad mom. I don't even like being a mom sometimes. I also love me some Ativan. But I also love my kids like nothing else in the world.<br /><br />Good words. Thanks for sharing.Kristen Howertonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11055131545156196477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63297631205585323742009-06-13T00:14:50.567-04:002009-06-13T00:14:50.567-04:00Anonymous, insulting blogtrolls DO NOT participate...Anonymous, insulting blogtrolls DO NOT participate in a meaningful exchange of ideas. People like you, who openly admit your feelings and then engage other peoples' feelings and comments, are involved. Let those people who are such cowards roll off your back like the bullshit they are serving up - and then hiding from.<br /><br />Warmly,<br />Your Twerp,<br />@kristeneileenkristeneileenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09402002413361280471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3009168851311084612009-06-12T23:45:17.919-04:002009-06-12T23:45:17.919-04:00Some of these people in this comment section are d...Some of these people in this comment section are disgusting as hell.<br /><br />The anonymous asshats of the internet can just suck it and go back to whatever cesspool they crawled out of. <br /><br />And for the (slightly) less offensive people who are TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT OF THIS POST??! Get your damn knickers out of a twist, already.Loralee Choatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055102094371755499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41766430897026491582009-06-12T21:26:45.292-04:002009-06-12T21:26:45.292-04:00A good mother? It's a woman who parents her ch...A good mother? It's a woman who parents her children in a way that is comfortable for her. That fits the way she is, not a model Good Mother. One size doesn't fit all in this either :-)<br /><br />You've got to be happy as a person, because that bleeds through to your kids more than anything else. That means finding your own parenting style. <br /><br />And letting your kids find their own kid-style too. <br /><br />That's what I try to do, and I think you do too Catherine. You can call it bad if you want, but I'm pretty damn sure it's good.Susan Getgoodhttp://getgood.com/roadmapsnoreply@blogger.com