tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post611958460597008131..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Community Is Hard. Deal With It.Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-75806858741944162212008-07-03T18:36:00.000-04:002008-07-03T18:36:00.000-04:00in case you missed it:Fussypants and Sweetney have...in case you missed it:<BR/><BR/>Fussypants and Sweetney have kissed and made up. Everyone please resume life as usual. Thanks. <BR/><BR/>and have a good holiday.Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004168548188885215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23132136325161601212008-07-03T17:12:00.000-04:002008-07-03T17:12:00.000-04:00I think Sweetney's tweets and her subsequent posts...I think Sweetney's tweets and her subsequent posts (not Tracey herself mind you, but her written words) are petty and unnecessary. I have been disillusioned with her lack of insight and defensiveness for sometime...this is not the first occurrence. I will not read her any more. (For the record, I do not read Fussypants either).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-38141460039490995252008-07-03T16:13:00.000-04:002008-07-03T16:13:00.000-04:00When I mentioned my favourite authors being jerks ...When I mentioned my favourite authors being jerks in their real life, I was talking about Anais Nin, Henry Miller, etc. -- not any blogging writers! Oops -- see, it's so easy to do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90167172256288946152008-07-03T16:06:00.000-04:002008-07-03T16:06:00.000-04:00The thing about all of this that is interesting to...The thing about all of this that is interesting to me, as just a stay-at-home mom reader of blogs, is that it really hit home to me from all the comments that these bloggers are in business. Most of the blogs I read claim they originated out of a desire to chronicle their childrens’ lives, a need to overcome the isolation of depression or a pull to belong to a community. And, although that seems to have once been the case, there is a lot of talk of copyright infringement, goodwill, supporting families, etc. that made me realize, “Of course, these people are self-publishing writers, with writer conventions, who respond to readers in order to foster their web presence and who have contests to keep them coming back and to attract advertisers.” I don’t really care if my favourite authors are jerks in their personal lives — most of them are, but I think the idea of a supportive blogging community is part of the fallacy I’m being sold as a reader and maybe it’s time to call a spade a spade and let it go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-69030843563109968312008-07-03T15:35:00.000-04:002008-07-03T15:35:00.000-04:00Hilarious. Someone who runs a website that basical...Hilarious. <BR/><BR/>Someone who runs a website that basically repackages information found on other celebrity blogs <BR/><BR/>and <BR/><BR/>Rolls out another tired "mom reviews" website (Cool Mom Picks, Sundry Buzz, Mightywhatever)<BR/><BR/>called another blogger derivative. <BR/><BR/>Fuck I'm happy I have a real job.Monkey McWearingChapshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01159146850159129520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61511699814013872322008-07-03T15:29:00.000-04:002008-07-03T15:29:00.000-04:00Yawn. Get over yourselves.Yawn. Get over yourselves.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-75760790338373685802008-07-03T15:03:00.000-04:002008-07-03T15:03:00.000-04:00Oh gawd, my comment looks even longer once I hit p...Oh gawd, my comment looks even longer once I hit publish! Now I'm the girl who can't shut up...<BR/><BR/>I forgot to say that I hadn't heard of you until Sweetney linked you at the Johnson & Johnson thing saying "Nether Home" on video and I knew I'd found a kindred spirit. Smart girls rock.To Think is to Createhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07991324171850357891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-31180103086122323162008-07-03T15:00:00.000-04:002008-07-03T15:00:00.000-04:00You all have such a great discussion going here, r...You all have such a great discussion going here, really honest and mostly civil. I'm impressed. Sorry for this super long comment...<BR/><BR/>A few things...<BR/><BR/>First, I would not have thought much about Sweetney's comments until the "parasitic" tweet came through. The others, to me, seemed normal snarky Sweetney that I love to read because of said snarkiness. That one crossed the line, passing just "opinion, and into mud slinging, imo. <BR/><BR/>Second, to debate the actual comments, I totally disagree that there are similarities, other than "fussy" being part of the name. It was frustrating to me that Fussypants was compared to Bossy because of her photoshopping, when many MANY have done that before even Bossy came along. Fussypants was also compared to Amalah's Smackdown, which I have loved forever and ever amen, but said comparison totally perplexed me. I don't know if this was the implication, but I don't agree that only one person can talk about fashion or beauty in a funny way or else be considered copying. Then there was the comparison to Dooce, which is weird and maybe I misunderstood and Sweetney was referencing her own comparisons to Dooce by others in the past, but I can't be sure. At any rate, Dooce didn't invent sarcasm. <BR/><BR/>I have heard from other bloggers prior to this whole thing, that they believed Fussypants copied Bossy, but I just can't get on board. It feels like they are picking on someone just because they don't like them as a person (because she's not snarky or because she talks about her faith or because she's just not like them), which is their right, but I just disagree. Even in Fussypants' post responding she says that she adored Sweetney. Let's not discuss the Fussypants commenters, because they made me cringe.<BR/><BR/>Also, I actually am REALLY glad that Sweetney came on here saying she's not a Mean Girl. When I saw the parasitic thing, it rang mean girl-ish only b/c she's "popular". I know she doesn't see herself that way, but she is nonetheless. I was disappointed in the tweet, but I'm really happy for this post and her response. <BR/><BR/>For me, the only reason the whole A-list stuff even came to mind was not because of traffic or elite-type attitudes, but because it sometimes feels like bigger bloggers assume EVERYONE must know who the big bloggers are. I haven't ever read Fussy or heard of her. Bossy is very new to me. I have no idea if I'm copying anyone, because I'm just being me, and no I did not do a thorough search and background check and sniff test before naming my blog. I just picked a name and ran. I think Sweetney's point was that the "copying" was intentional, hence the parasitic comment, but all it takes is reading a few Fussypants posts to see that any copying (which I don't think is there) is unintentional. I know our opinions differ. No big deal.<BR/><BR/>Finally, I know everyone is saying how this "worries" them, and I don't know how I feel about blogging anymore blah blah blah, but I don't feel that way. I know we all would like to avoid drama, but I come from a family that talks/fights/yells it out and we are all closer afterwards. Pretending like things aren't going on is anything but helpful. As much as I don't agree with the call out being public, with no communication to the actual person you are calling out, I do think this all can benefit us if we want it to. I hope that people can see that talking about stuff isn't bad, and that in the future people from both sides can avoid taking things so low. Neither side deserves it.<BR/><BR/>I hope you meet some of you at Blogher!To Think is to Createhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07991324171850357891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91090233477519295532008-07-03T14:42:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:42:00.000-04:00nomotherearth - yeah, I was drunk when I wrote tha...nomotherearth - yeah, I was drunk when I wrote that ;)Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-15109272112525023752008-07-03T14:40:00.001-04:002008-07-03T14:40:00.001-04:00ByJane - I think that ALL community is hard, no ma...ByJane - I think that ALL community is hard, no matter how you define it. Family? Hard. Neighborhood? Hard. Nation? Hard. Commune/Ashram/Marxist Utopia? HARD HARD HARD. Negotiating social life is always challenging, always has been. But that is, in part, what makes it rewarding. We INVEST in it, with our energies and our take all sorts of knocks but we deal with it because of the reward. <BR/><BR/>That's all I'm saying here - there's no community I've ever seen or heard of that didn't deal with struggles and conflict within, so any expectation here that OUR community should never witness internal struggle or conflict or incidences of meanness or whatever is disingenuous. That there was a conflict doesn't mean that the mamasphere is doomed. It means that we're robust and diverse and pissy. Which is good, believe it or not. ;)Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-49931289125809549822008-07-03T14:40:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:40:00.000-04:00I have nothing to say that hasn't already been sai...I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said in your post or the above comments. Can I just say, though, that OMG you have a cohesive thought process for a mother of a newborn! I can barely remember everyday words, and my kid is 8 months. <BR/><BR/>In awe.Run ANChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06088821030860597465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-28381284475440449392008-07-03T14:19:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:19:00.000-04:00HBM - No apologies necessary it was bound to happe...HBM - No apologies necessary it was bound to happen just makes you more human to me :) and you are 100% right bigger issues exist.<BR/>The cliques exist, here on HBM's site we have so and so and so and commenting on Fussypants site we have so and so and so - no one is wining but what must be remembered is someone was hurt in a space she probably felt pretty safe - and no one deserves to be called names like the ones that Sweetney has been called and there are a ton of ways that anger/hurt can be expressed besides calling people a douche or a bitch but not everyone is so articulate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-10638055655993407262008-07-03T14:16:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:16:00.000-04:00Maybe someone said this before (I don't have time ...Maybe someone said this before (I don't have time to read through all the comments), but my two cents are:<BR/>(1) community means different things to different people. Your definition may be a "textbook" one but that textbook is referencing a particular philosopy.<BR/>(2) people come into these discussions with varying abilities to "argue the points." It requires a specific kind of mind schooled in critical thinking to effectively do so. It's hard to understand that most people don't see the issues that rationally. And god knows, contemporary "political debate" encourages insisting on either a pro or a con position with no room for middleground. So when some people get upset, all they can do is blast. Tough for us; tougher for them because it's not a particularly effective way of communicating.<BR/>(3) I do agree with whoever said it was a gender issue. Girls on the playground fight their battles in different ways than boys. That continues to some extent no matter how Grown Up we are.ByJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10540902996183063666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-67959376900574023292008-07-03T14:13:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:13:00.000-04:00I think everyone just needs to give it a rest alre...I think everyone just needs to give it a rest already. Pass out the Midol at BlogHer and leave it between the 2 forces that be.<BR/><BR/>Why would we (anyone) want to prepetuate this any longer (and here I am STILL reading the conversation, so I am just as much to blame as anyone) and hurt MORE feelings. These women are JUST LIKE US. They are like YOU and they are like ME.<BR/><BR/>I am ashamed that more hurt is happening. We should all be ashamed.<BR/><BR/>Still, I do applaud you HBM, for putting it all so well.carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04038972194323564240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61091694613300185552008-07-03T14:11:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:11:00.000-04:00Anon - I'm sorry that you were disappointed. I did...Anon - I'm sorry that you were disappointed. I did defend Sweetney - I wasn't trying to hide it, it's just that it wasn't the larger point of my post. I defended her because regardless of what anyone thinks about what she said, she's a lot more than those 140 characters and that needed to be said. That, and I really do believe that all the sweetney-bashing was not only hypocritical (people calling her a bitch and a douche for being mean - the discussion was descending into a hate-spiral) but also counter-productive. There are real issues at stake here - what we say and how we say it, who we are and whether we should or should not be territorial about who we are - that have gotten lost in the frenzy of bitch-slapping.<BR/><BR/>Anyone who thinks that Sweetney was mean is free to say so - but I don't see why there needs to be an imperative that the whole community take that line or restrict their discussion to those terms. And I don't see why I should be identified as being narrowly clique-oriented for not joining in on the bitch-slapping. Sweetney (Tracey) is my friend and a human being, and my standing up and pointing that out does not mean that I'm denying Fussypants her pain, or that I'm sticking up for my 'clique', or that I'm picking a 'side' It means that I'm asking us all to rise above the anger and get civil already, and turn these energies to better discursive use.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-6792393557803801522008-07-03T14:05:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:05:00.000-04:00No one is decrying you as an evil bitch whore in t...No one is decrying you as an evil bitch whore in this space. That's not to say that people aren't, but here at least, there are a range of perspectives, none of which is excessive.<BR/><BR/>People are being shitty to you, for sure. It sucks. It's not your fault that people are being so shitty and excessive. But you are a factor in their response, I think. Your blog response invokes your being disempowered in terms of high school hierarchies. It is, in other words, a tacit response to the fact that many of the shouts against you involve discussions of popularity.And the defense it creates is, i said what i mean then, i got shit; i say what i mean now, i get shit. Which is fine enough, except that one has almost nothing in common with the other and the people decrying you in this situation don't perceive you as an outsider. Thy perceive you as that chick in the cafeteria. <BR/><BR/>And to that, let me say: you ask what are the criteria for this imagined hierarchy people want to perceive you in? It's not that hard, really. You have been featured at major events for the community, you have been profiled by other media sources, and you have public relationships with other "famous" bloggers. It's not a mystery. It's laudable for you to not give a shit about these dynamics, which I believe you don't, but they are absolutely undeniable. When people are emailing you requesting that you insult them, I think the issue is pretty much resolved.<BR/><BR/>Then there is this questions of whether it was a personal attack. You didn't intend it to be, fine. YOu analogize it to critiquing a film or other piece of art. Except that we all know that personal blogs are successful in proportion to their establishing a distinct personality. I am hard-pressed to believe a critique of a personal blogs output is not a critique of the personality. Further, in both your and Catherine's defense of your critique, your own personality is invoked: you are a person who tells it like it is, is honest and unflinching. In other words, evaluations of your output need to be contextualized with respect to the fact that this is who you are. And yet your critique of others' output is impersonal? It's a bit contradictory, no?<BR/><BR/>All that is, btw, a different matter than the fact that people are being shitty to you, which is a shame.Sybil Vanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02783736868053542345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13473088192454912602008-07-03T14:01:00.000-04:002008-07-03T14:01:00.000-04:00i'm so glad that ive been a shitty blog friend and...i'm so glad that ive been a shitty blog friend and been totally lax in poking my head out of my cave. Sometimes it's nice here in my bubble.. even with a baby screaming at me 22 hours a dayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-2076973023159321672008-07-03T13:57:00.000-04:002008-07-03T13:57:00.000-04:0099.99% of the time I totally agree with HBM. This ...99.99% of the time I totally agree with HBM. This is the first post that I have read from HBM that I was disappointed to find here.<BR/><BR/>HBM you did exactly what fussypants friends did. You stuck up for your friend Sweetney - while it was not the only goal of your post it was woven throughout your post (DAMN HBM YOU CAN WRITE)<BR/><BR/>Sweetney - i dont know you, I dont read your blog - I did read a few of your posts today. You were wrong. What you did was mean and it was an attack on fussypants - you could have got your point across in a post or twitter without naming names - but you didnt.No one says your tears dont count - they count just as much as the tears you caused fussypants.<BR/><BR/> I found the fact you feel the need to mention that you are an MA Phd major quite patronizing.. of course you can separate the self and the blog.. because you are educated!! BIG Fu^&en deal. I know a ton of people with PHd's while many are brilliant just as many have to be some of the dumbest people i know.<BR/><BR/>I do blog - I always comment anonymously - I have few readers.. I am still honing my writing skills and I fear the rejection from the blogging community.. I see the cliques from anonymous land and I want nothing to do with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47362695224397841902008-07-03T13:31:00.000-04:002008-07-03T13:31:00.000-04:00Catherine, It's all I could do to stop myself from...Catherine, It's all I could do to stop myself from shouting "Hell, yeah!" as I read this...<BR/><BR/>You so often manage to articulate things that leave me sort of stammering. Thanks.The Other Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03618067911224855096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-48951819797610794202008-07-03T13:23:00.000-04:002008-07-03T13:23:00.000-04:00In life a little acid rain will fall on our heads-...In life a little acid rain will fall on our heads- carry a steel umbrella. <BR/>This is a weird world- I can say to you "Hi you suck" and we will have a good laugh because you know I am a total bitch and you love me. I can write "Hi you suck" and peeps will be offended. Next time I say meet up mono-e-mono and duke it out. Blogher cage match! <BR/>I like Fussypants and through this uproar I met alot of other bloggers including Sweetney- So some good has come out-well for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-76619232430195193962008-07-03T13:15:00.000-04:002008-07-03T13:15:00.000-04:00I'm glad to see that this nonsense goes on in othe...I'm glad to see that this nonsense goes on in other places besides my kids' PTO. And I thought I was missing something by not being a blogger. Now I know I'd just be missing the same old crap that happens in real life (sorry, IRL). <BR/><BR/>About blogger names, it's my understanding (and I could be wrong...someone feel free to shed some light)that if you don't copyright them (or whatever it is you do...did I read about someone buying a name?), then I don't think you can really claim them as your own. I'm not a copyright lawyer, but I do have experience with it, and while the U.S. Copyright office says something to the effect that whatever you do is basically copyrighted, it's best to register it officially because otherwise it'd never hold up in court. <BR/><BR/>And for what it's worth, I plagiarize all of you (okay, really just your writing styles, which are quickly becoming identical) when I send e-mails to my friends and they all think I'm hysterical. I am different and funny and creative because they don't read blogs so they have no idea that I'm emulating all of you. I do read some blogs, I love the few that I read, and I'm glad you all write them because they're really great. I just don't have time or interest in writing my own.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-70848521410497222002008-07-03T13:14:00.000-04:002008-07-03T13:14:00.000-04:00The degree to which people have taken two sentence...The degree to which people have taken two sentences as a license to dehumanize me is honestly blowing my fucking mind. These people who would, of course, in the same breath decry my "meanness" apparently don't think I'm an actual real live human being or something. My feelings and my tears, it seems, just don't count. <BR/><BR/>Oh hi internet, I said some critical shit. I own that. But I said TWO SENTENCES. *TWO FUCKING SENTENCES.* Now reading about 500 statements about what a fucking evil whore bitch I am, written by people who've never read my blog and clearly haven't the faintest idea who I actually am AT ALL, is not just upsetting -- it's getting genuinely frightening at this point. I have never, ever seen a lynch mob of this sort on the web, and I hope never to again.Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004168548188885215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11510142223744013112008-07-03T12:45:00.000-04:002008-07-03T12:45:00.000-04:00I would just like to say, Amen. You say things I ...I would just like to say, Amen. You say things I think (sometimes) but generally more eloquently than I ever could. Thanks for helping focus on the issue, and for your comments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-29986338433883039152008-07-03T12:10:00.000-04:002008-07-03T12:10:00.000-04:00So, I'm pretty out of the loop, here. I didn't se...So, I'm pretty out of the loop, here. I didn't see the original Twitter post, and with the exception of Tracey, I don't think I follow any of the other people involved on Twitter. So this is the first time I'm reading all of the details about what happened. <BR/><BR/>Since I'd be talking out of my ass if I said anything about any of that, I won't. But I will say this: Tracey is one of the best friends I have ever had. She was the first person I called this very morning when something went horribly awry in my life and I needed someone to listen to me freak out and remind me that I'm not alone. I've been friends with Mean Girls. (Tracey and I have been friends with some of the same Mean Girls, in fact.) I know how to spot a Mean Girl. I know that Mean Girls do not provide the kind of loving, unwavering, sisterly support that Tracey has for me. Not only is that assessment of her (by virtual strangers, no less) upsetting, it's false and ridiculous. <BR/><BR/>So: my dear, close, loyal, GOOD friend who is a good person said something that hurt someone's feelings. Fine. I'm not denying that person's feelings were hurt. It can be true that a person says something that hurts someone's feelings while simultaneously being true that she isn't a bad person or a big meanypants or whatever. If someone has something to say about what was SAID, they should say that. If someone has something to say about who she IS, they should probably research it a little better before saying something that's patently false and stupid.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10264352029631287881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56473091036137732732008-07-03T12:00:00.000-04:002008-07-03T12:00:00.000-04:00Ok, I'm gonna be the bouncer here. Everyone just l...Ok, I'm gonna be the bouncer here. Everyone just leave it alone. Its like that stink in the air when someone farts. If no one says anything eventually it all goes away and no one gets embarassed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com