tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post598533457833658079..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: SnapHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger110125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-60788458872821145452008-06-11T18:03:00.000-04:002008-06-11T18:03:00.000-04:00xoxo, all of you.xoxo, all of you.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57494133171250049022008-06-09T23:29:00.000-04:002008-06-09T23:29:00.000-04:00for Feck's sake Cath, makes sure you're getting wh...for Feck's sake Cath, makes sure you're getting whatever help you need, will you? I remember the first time T asked me if she hurt me (when I was crying) and indeed, it nearly shattered me into teeny bits. <BR/><BR/>Be well...Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-71850068935360065442008-06-09T09:41:00.000-04:002008-06-09T09:41:00.000-04:00Thank you for your honesty. Always.After reading t...Thank you for your honesty. Always.<BR/>After reading this post, I thought about you all weekend and was picturing you crying in the corner. It really broke my heart. I am glad things are going a little better.<BR/>I have had issues with anxiety and depression all my life. I am currently not taking anything because I'm still pregnant (and while some meds are fine to take while pregant, it's just not for me)and want to hold off. My doctor has zoloft waiting for me the moment I deliver. Some people have diabetes and need insulin. Other people have depression and need anitdepressants. That's how I see it now. Not sure if you are in the same boat as me but if you think you are, the medicine works.<BR/>Take care,<BR/> Tinatwelvekindsofcrazyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15602513992459641210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30056714842555562142008-06-08T23:15:00.000-04:002008-06-08T23:15:00.000-04:00Your son is so beautiful. And being someone who is...Your son is so beautiful. And being someone who is less than a month ahead of you with my second child, I'm sure you'll appreciate my mantra: "This too shall pass."No Minimomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009737531863391592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-52651655752257151932008-06-07T22:45:00.000-04:002008-06-07T22:45:00.000-04:00I know.... I have those moments now. When she won'...I know.... I have those moments now. When she won't listen and he keeps crying. <BR/><BR/>The breastfeeding will get better. You'll get some sleep and it will get better. The first weeks are, indeed, HARD (in so many ways). Trust me. It's hard, but you will adapt. And, if you can't, I have the best postnatal psychiatrist in the city -- at Mount Sinai Hospital. She got me through both my pregnancies. I will happily give you her contact info....Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07516203764767040649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-14478154597919399232008-06-07T14:38:00.000-04:002008-06-07T14:38:00.000-04:00I can't really add anything that hasn't already be...I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said. Our society doesn't carve out the time for women after birth that we need to heal. My in-laws are Ethiopian, and their tradition is that for 40 days after birth, the mother does nothing but nurse the baby. Community and family take care of all housework, etc. I hope you can get help with the house, the cooking, your lovely daughter, and the BF issues. Hang in there! As an aside, I think it's amazing that you are continuing with the breastfeeding - even with a perfect latch, it is still painful at the beginning, regardless of what the LCS say (in my case, anyway!). And, once there is any damage to the nipple at all, it is excruciating, even if the latch is corrected. When my first child was one month old, I woke up thinking, "I can't bear this pain any more, and I am quitting." And, that day, it suddenly hurt 50% less than it did the previous day, so I kept on. Maybe she grew, maybe the latch was better, I don't know. Hugs and comfort!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41747399970428382992008-06-07T08:11:00.000-04:002008-06-07T08:11:00.000-04:00C, just wanted to sent you a huge cyber hug ... it...C, just wanted to sent you a huge cyber hug ... it IS so difficult, especially during this time when baby #2 is first here...and I didn't even have as difficult a time as you with childbirth nor painful BF (mind you, I was frustrated with lack of milk, another story). And your history of PPD compounding it.<BR/><BR/>My husband travelled a lot the first year little G was here; I lost it in front of the kids more than a handful of times, believe me.<BR/><BR/>Hope things get better for you soon... I believe they will.Karen MEGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10834425321020756655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-150811362117017052008-06-07T07:56:00.000-04:002008-06-07T07:56:00.000-04:00I have been there, right there! When I brought Dr...I have been there, right there! When I brought Drew home Madison was 14 mo. I thought I was going to die my first day alone. It was terrible. I felt guilty for being so overwhelmed. <BR/><BR/>For me, Zoloft never really helped-just kind of gave me a disconnected feeling. From everything. I never found the miracle drug...I wish I had. Life is a lot easier now, with them both able to walk. You will get into a rythm and everything will fall into place.iheartchocolatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06506809401305000430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-29890299647899805582008-06-06T19:56:00.000-04:002008-06-06T19:56:00.000-04:00You all are so amazing, I just don't even know whe...You all are so amazing, I just don't even know where to begin. Just - you're amazing. I wish you all lived next door, I really do.<BR/><BR/>I'll update soon, I promise. I'm hanging in.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85116805248075243622008-06-06T17:33:00.000-04:002008-06-06T17:33:00.000-04:00Lexapro saved my life after I had the last one, li...Lexapro saved my life after I had the last one, literally. And I can't add anything here that all of these other great, strong wise women have said, really. Just-keep on keeping on.Korihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17523892197119604721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12278210324113351652008-06-06T15:04:00.000-04:002008-06-06T15:04:00.000-04:00whew.you've written an amazing post, a post almost...whew.<BR/><BR/>you've written an amazing post, a post almost all of us mothers could have written.<BR/><BR/>you've gotten good advice, and I hope you don't find it even more overwhelming. maybe you just had to vent. <BR/><BR/>but if you need help, please get it. I distinctly remember crying as my parents were walking out the door, after two weeks, leaving me with a newborn and a two-year-old, and thinking, "No way can I do this."<BR/><BR/>But I did. I was fortunate in several regards: no boob pain; in-laws nearby; no PPD. But that overwhelmed feeling will keep happening. I hate to be redundant, but: it does get better. Seeing my two girls together now (1 and 3 years old) is so overwhelmingly wonderful now, that I know those early days of pain and panic were worthwhile. I look forward to reading the posts that you tell us those stories. You will have them.<BR/><BR/>you are in my prayers. hang in there. And don't be alone!<BR/><BR/>hugs,<BR/>rpmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32344051888414541662008-06-06T14:35:00.000-04:002008-06-06T14:35:00.000-04:00Reading this reminded me of early last year when I...Reading this reminded me of early last year when I was first left alone with my twin boys. The thing that I didn't do, that I should have done, was ask for help. Ask for what you need, you don't have to do this alone. And know that you are heard by people who do care and are sending you positive thoughts/prayers.Dawn Johnson Warrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384705577929824190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90640429211870219912008-06-06T13:25:00.000-04:002008-06-06T13:25:00.000-04:00Everyone has been so wise and insightful with thes...Everyone has been so wise and insightful with these comments, I'm not sure what I can add. When you have two, breastfeeding becomes that much more difficult. And when you're in pain, from birth and ravaged nipples, and sleep-deprived on top, with another child that needs tending to, holy hell, how is one supposed to stay calm? <BR/><BR/>It gets so much better. If you feel like you can't nurse anymore, that's what you need to do. If you want to continue, several commenters on your last post recommended that APNO from Dr. Newman. I'll say it again, it saved my nipples and my sanity. <BR/><BR/>I hope you feel buoyed by the virtual support of your blog friends. We're certainly thinking about you.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17350861069153040567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-70131693253989038872008-06-06T11:41:00.000-04:002008-06-06T11:41:00.000-04:00I'm about an hour and a half's drive away - can I ...I'm about an hour and a half's drive away - can I stop in and entertain your daughter?!<BR/>Of course, I'm not necessarily the best person to help out as I continue to 'snap', dealing with a toddler and a 7 month old. Once, a few months ago, I just walked out of the house, I couldn't take it anymore. <BR/>One of my coping strategies was to combination feed, and I only did that until baby was 6 months old. Do what you have to do to get yourself healed and in a better frame of mind. <BR/>And I know everyone means well when they say it's going to get better, and yes okay it does, but it's still hard! At least for me.<BR/>I wish you rest and healed breasts and some you-time...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-62162453694230842732008-06-06T11:00:00.000-04:002008-06-06T11:00:00.000-04:00yes, the little bums suck the life (and milk) righ...yes, the little bums suck the life (and milk) right out of us, dont' they! Keep trying girl! It WILL get better - it will!!tiarastantrumshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03036618235332598079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1327635310612926672008-06-06T10:01:00.000-04:002008-06-06T10:01:00.000-04:00Alot of us have been where you are! We like to th...Alot of us have been where you are! We like to think we're superwomen...my son was just over 2 when his baby brother bounced his way into the world, and I thought I was going to lose my mind! It gets better- and now they are 6 and 4, and things are much, much easier.GoMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03391767545224036805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-62128130456856823752008-06-06T09:40:00.000-04:002008-06-06T09:40:00.000-04:00All I can offer is a giant hug and a prayer. This...All I can offer is a giant hug and a prayer. This WILL get better--but I agree with a lot of the posters: It's time to pop the top on a can of formula and give your boobs and sanity a break. Just a supplimenetal bottle now and then won't hurt a thing--and you may find that he does better with the formula--just saying.<BR/><BR/>I remember my "snap"--all Mom's have been there--you are NOT alone.<BR/><BR/>(((HUG)))Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19958550212523554522008-06-06T09:23:00.000-04:002008-06-06T09:23:00.000-04:00i'm so sorry you're hurting. it's hard and i feel ...i'm so sorry you're hurting. it's hard and i feel for you. I'm not going to tell you to quit breastfeeding or go on meds (you know what you need better than me), but I will tell you that your way of snapping is healthy, that your self-awareness is impressive and that if i lived near you I would be there in a heartbeat just to give you time to breathe and heal. <BR/><BR/>you are amazing and doing wonderfully, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.Pgoodnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15446275487595330171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51900318631609614242008-06-06T08:37:00.000-04:002008-06-06T08:37:00.000-04:00What a raw, powerful post. I'm crying - because o...What a raw, powerful post. I'm crying - because of your pain and because, even though I didn't have PPD, I did have similar snap moments after the birth of my second child. It IS hard. It IS overwhelming - even under the best of circumstances, and with the hard birth and painful nursing and husband gone for long hours, your circumstances are hard right now.<BR/><BR/>I hope that you find some peace, HBM. It does get better - easier somehow.cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07821039766205415909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11173236784663349702008-06-06T07:46:00.000-04:002008-06-06T07:46:00.000-04:00yeah...been there, it started with the worst tantr...yeah...been there, it started with the worst tantrum my two year old ever had, after a loooonngg day of tantrums and a newborn to take care of, and ended me calling my husband in tears and once he came home, me going to my room (baby attached to nip) to give myself a timeout-and i reeaaallly didn't want the baby there, but what choice did i have. I get it, it gets better. <BR/><BR/>about this time i started going to yoga once (or twice) a week-two hours to myself did the trick. <BR/><BR/>sending you a hugALIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786932063350292717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-80063531701802696132008-06-06T07:44:00.000-04:002008-06-06T07:44:00.000-04:00Oh, I am sorry, you sound overwhelmed! When my thi...Oh, I am sorry, you sound overwhelmed! When my third child was born she had colic, my hubby had back surgery and I had 2 almost teen boys. <BR/>Believe me it does get better. I would sit and cry for hours on end, I had no help for any of it. In fact, I know we ate every day, but I don't remember ever cooking! heh! <BR/>You are a strong woman and if I can make it I know you will! I barely remember those 3 months, it may have something to do with the 3 hours of broken up sleep I got each night and no nap during the day.<BR/>This will pass, let your HBF take the slack when he is home and try to rest when you can. <BR/>Good Luck, my thoughts are with you and {{{{{HUGS}}}}}justmylifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11374379802087502624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90829751861545592592008-06-06T03:09:00.000-04:002008-06-06T03:09:00.000-04:00If you could i'd say hire a live in nanny to help ...If you could i'd say hire a live in nanny to help with cooking and cleaning and basic child entertaining, or hire a post partum doula. get some help somehow, if you can afford it. I'm going to be in the same boat as you soon but we can't afford it, so I'll be using motherwort (a herbal narcotic excellent for mothers!) and blessed thistle, a herbal antidepressant type thing that's excellent for lactation as well. You could try those too :) Hope you feel better, it's so hard to have to do so much alone!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12272021099329656002008-06-06T00:35:00.000-04:002008-06-06T00:35:00.000-04:00This is tough, motherhood is tough, and you're sti...This is tough, motherhood is tough, and you're still in the adjustment phase right now - it will get better. It's okay to be overwhelmed. I'm sorry though, it's not easy to feel that way. I think it's a sign of health that you do know that you feel overwhelmed, and know that sometimes it's okay to just let go because there's nothing else you can do. I hope you feel better. (HUGS)Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00318376427752604367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-69048848542164845632008-06-06T00:01:00.000-04:002008-06-06T00:01:00.000-04:00Only in today's society do we expect mothers to be...Only in today's society do we expect mothers to be isolated at home, alone, and cope with everything: infant, other children, managing a house, etc. <BR/><BR/>Please either call someone (family doctor, nurse, doula, night nurse, nanny) or have HBF call. <BR/><BR/>It took courage to write what you did. It takes courage to ask for help. You will never regret either.Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586323120994967027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-31928093271953469832008-06-05T22:26:00.000-04:002008-06-05T22:26:00.000-04:00Overwhelmed, lost, not knowing where to begin, or ...Overwhelmed, lost, not knowing where to begin, or where to stop; the tears, the pain, the guilt, the sheer exhaustion. It's all normal, especially with the 2nd one. You try to be strong for the 1st, so that she doesn't see, doesn't worry. But you can't. And that's OK! It will get better as Jasper gets older, and Emilia will blossom into a big helper. Jasper is still so very new for all of you, but soon you'll find your rhythm. If you can, find a mother's helper for the afternoons or evenings or whatever the "witching hour" might be. And it can be Emilia's witching hour or Jasper's. Or yours! Whatever time you need the most help. Even an hour break can do wonders. Don't be afraid to ask for the help you need, whether it be babysitting, medicinal, or someone to talk to. You are surrounded by many folks who would love to help. All you have to do is ask. Peace, Catherine, and many, many hugs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com