tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post5507418723584736551..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Around The Corner, I Had A FriendHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-70803861283748162392007-06-19T13:35:00.000-04:002007-06-19T13:35:00.000-04:00When I first started blogging, I sent out an e-mai...When I first started blogging, I sent out an e-mail to about 50 friends and family. For about six months, I sent a weekly "tickler" with titles and teasers of my most recent posts and a link to take them there.<BR/><BR/>Living overseas, I thought people would jump on the chance to stay in touch this way. They didn't.<BR/><BR/>Three of my oldest, dearest friends read my blog regularly as do one or two family members. Most others ignore it, or check in on it only if I write to them and tell them to do so.<BR/><BR/>It's strange and just a little disturbing how many people claim to want to share my life but don't want to share in my writing. <BR/><BR/>They don't have to love it. They don't have to comment. They don't have to read every post. I just think they should know they can't claim to care about me and then leave my words behind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39192302746012365812007-06-19T11:57:00.000-04:002007-06-19T11:57:00.000-04:00I remember that post, and I think every new parent...I remember that post, and I think every new parent could relate to it, sometimes only too well. <BR/><BR/>I understand your regret and frustration, but I still don't think you bear the responsibility for the friendship ending... she ended it, deliberately and, I think, nastily. She also did it in such a way as to ensure she had the last word...<BR/><BR/>If she ever has a child or children of her own, she will probably regret ending your friendship the way she did. And you're right: it is her loss. She will never know her once dear friend's family.ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-46125653314731196742007-06-18T22:38:00.000-04:002007-06-18T22:38:00.000-04:00love this post, and sorry i came to it so late.win...love this post, and sorry i came to it so late.<BR/><BR/>window licker, huh? I can see how some people would see it that way--that we only get to have "relationships" through lookin on from the outside. But you, my friend (my *friend*) are not guilty of this.gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-75565458643211064092007-06-18T22:10:00.000-04:002007-06-18T22:10:00.000-04:00I can definitely relate to your post. I go throug...I can definitely relate to your post. <BR/>I go through cycles when I'm not as prompt as I would like to be with emails, but I always have a blog post up which of course let's all my friends and family know that I have indeed been on the computer that day. This has caused problems before. I feel like blogging is something that I do for me. I'm sorry for your loss.Alex Elliothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08567976812466320977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-40287879663348650402007-06-18T15:43:00.000-04:002007-06-18T15:43:00.000-04:00I can definitely relate. Sometimes after a day of...I can definitely relate. Sometimes after a day of answering Pumpkinhead's constant questions and dealing with people at work, I just CANNOT talk to another person. Blogging is a low energy way to share myself without speaking out loud or having to hop on the phone. This post is precisely why I haven't "come out" as a blogger. I want to be free to post when I want, say what I want, etc., without judgment (at least from people whose opinion matters, like family and friends).PT-LawMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12003033623703820510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41503894901775457262007-06-18T11:51:00.000-04:002007-06-18T11:51:00.000-04:00Wonderful post. I can also relate.Wonderful post. I can also relate.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16486438725653025356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85552821636105611502007-06-18T11:36:00.000-04:002007-06-18T11:36:00.000-04:00I think this is not uncommon with friends who have...I think this is not uncommon with friends who have babies when the other does not. She is in a very different place than you and can not understand. If you are lucky and she is honest with herself she will have a baby one day call and say sorry. This sort of thing happened to me, except I was the friend who was baby less. Two years later I realized a apology was in order when I had my own baby and had started to do some soul searching, (as often happens once you have a baby.)<BR/>Best of luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-55040850730112648882007-06-18T11:29:00.000-04:002007-06-18T11:29:00.000-04:00Bossy believes real friendships endure much worse....Bossy believes real friendships endure much worse.BOSSYhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12137297805742498961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13185286507387622812007-06-18T04:43:00.000-04:002007-06-18T04:43:00.000-04:00That was a very lovely post.That was a very lovely post.JChevaishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02683339168047479228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-5660257372140663162007-06-18T02:15:00.000-04:002007-06-18T02:15:00.000-04:00It's so strange for me to listen to stories of chi...It's so strange for me to listen to stories of childless women who don't get the change a child brings to a woman's life. Of course someone's priorities change. Of course their schedules change. Of course their EVERYTHING changes... how can you expect anything else?<BR/><BR/>It's a fine line between supporting someone in the changes in their world and treating them like they just abandoned everything they were before they became a mom, though.<BR/><BR/>I think I work to take note of both... and offer babysitting when needed, and a girl's night out when needed, or a dinner brought over when needed, or a shopping trip for the first non nursing bra in forever... when needed.<BR/><BR/>Some of us get it, I promise.<BR/><BR/>I guess it helps that I would have babies right now myself, if I could.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-60514222666405135462007-06-17T20:30:00.000-04:002007-06-17T20:30:00.000-04:00Well. As for the loss, you know already that I agr...Well. As for the loss, you know already that I agree with Madame M. <BR/>____________<BR/><BR/>As someone who felt like they knew you very well before WB and before your blog(s), I can say that, in retrospect, I knew but a sliver. The biggest revelation being your writing ability. No one should keep one of their strongest talents such a secret. It feels like a bit of a revolution in your life (seems like that from the outside), that you revealed it to everyone - finally. <BR/><BR/>And I suspect this is one of the bits about your blogging that drove your friend away. You upped your pace when you started blogging and the stride you hit left that certain someone in the dust.Baby in the Cityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01167558214100594817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-77101159890483688872007-06-17T10:58:00.000-04:002007-06-17T10:58:00.000-04:00"The space of real life". Yes, that's exactly what..."The space of real life". Yes, that's exactly what it is and to be living outside of that is a lonely, lonely place. I remember being asked to return to the school where I had been teaching so that I could show off my firstborn son who had been born the previous spring. Everyone thought he was precious, but then the bell rang and these people HAD SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. My classroom was taken over by someone else and I had "retired" from teaching. The space in this community where I had once been a part was closed up. Doors clicked shut as my friends returned to their jobs and I stood there realizing that there was nothing else for me to but load my son into his carseat and go home. Many of my friendships took a nosedive, too, though not because I didn't have time, although I didn't. It was because of the separation between those who had the freedom to move around after work and...people like me. I didn't regret becoming a mother, but I regretted that I didn't have anything of my own to hang onto WHILE I was being a mother. Suddenly, I felt as though I didn't know anything about anything. No profession...no identity. It wasn't until two years later when I became a freelance writer that I felt as though I could call myself something. Something besides "mommy" which, although a sweet, sweet word, could not adequately describe all of the things of which I was capable. <BR/><BR/>Love the new design!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-82020016741228175402007-06-17T09:20:00.000-04:002007-06-17T09:20:00.000-04:00All of my single women friends have lost touch wit...All of my single women friends have lost touch with me over the past 2 years. Some of this loss of contact is due to distance, but it is more because of I am now a mother. I know that grief of losing a friend. I'm so sorry.<BR/><BR/>The friends I have made over the last few years have all been mothers...there is a common ground that set us at ease when we met in the early hours of the morning at the playground, and realized none of us had had a full night's sleep. <BR/><BR/>But here, through writing, in some ways, it is as if more of myself is revealed. I have said more in these pages than I have in my daily relationships, only because time and place do not allow for the more intimate conversation that happens here. We are so lucky in this community.Namitohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06476552972162497517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-55802071046654001952007-06-17T09:18:00.000-04:002007-06-17T09:18:00.000-04:00I remember when you first wrote about this. I'm so...I remember when you first wrote about this. I'm sorry that time hasn't changed the situation, but it was interesting to read with the perspective of a bit more distance. <BR/><BR/>And in case I didn't say it anywhere earlier - love the new 'do. It fits you like a bob.karengreenershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02488069680575426742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39117159074975144072007-06-16T23:49:00.000-04:002007-06-16T23:49:00.000-04:00Its sad that your friendship ended for whatever re...Its sad that your friendship ended for whatever reason though I suspect blogging was just the scape goat here. It is so difficult making the transition to motherhood without extra stresses. I almost wrote off a couple of friends but they have since come arround. Still I will never think of them the same way I think of you and the other bloggers as other moms who really understand what I am going through, or at least empathize with me.<BR/>Thanks as always for sharing this with us.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39786483447725694192007-06-16T22:48:00.000-04:002007-06-16T22:48:00.000-04:00Wow, you wrote that so frankly and yet poetically....Wow, you wrote that so frankly and yet poetically. Losing friends is something I fear because I feel I have already lost so many....<BR/><BR/>Good luck on winning!Damselflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139191935886860839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58624554537191843922007-06-16T20:10:00.000-04:002007-06-16T20:10:00.000-04:00Beautiful post. It's too difficult for me to talk...Beautiful post. It's too difficult for me to talk yet about the complications of blogging - new friendships, better personal/family connections because we see each other online, the stress on other connections because of too much time online. <BR/><BR/>By the way, WonderBaby looks just spectacular in that Toronto hat picture below.Lady Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13360693450146358247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85673174938099097372007-06-16T15:54:00.000-04:002007-06-16T15:54:00.000-04:00I've always thought that there's no "the One" for ...I've always thought that there's no "the One" for you and that applies to friends as well as men. There are just the right people for certain tims in your life, and we're lucky to have them for whatever time we do. Perhaps that friendship would have gone by the wayside eventually for other reasons - it's hard to say. And while you haven't filled that particular gap with someone else, it's nice to know that you've filled others.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11996192367272041072007-06-16T14:53:00.000-04:002007-06-16T14:53:00.000-04:00Aw Catherine, you always have a way of hitting my ...Aw Catherine, you always have a way of hitting my chest in that soft spot where it hurts.<BR/><BR/>Going through a breakup of sorts myself with a friend who I held dear. But she can't wrap her head around my choices (blogging, persuing an adoption, etc) and I can't have such negativity around my precarious and fragile mental health. <BR/><BR/>Blogging really was the life line that got me through the death of my son, and it still is. But that is a post I intend on writing on my blog and not in your comments.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing. And more importantly, thanks for becoming my friend.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-26049151679962938312007-06-16T12:47:00.000-04:002007-06-16T12:47:00.000-04:00This post hit me square in the chest...I am sorry ...This post hit me square in the chest...<BR/>I am sorry you lost your friendship. It is painful, and it is a loss, and you must go through the mourning of that relationship.<BR/>The same thing happened to me last year, but not because of kids or blogging: it was because I did have a little post partum, and I was moving away. My friend didn't have the capacity to be there when I needed her. Is that really a friend? I think not...The Domesticatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08333326286672903879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-74899018235034534162007-06-16T11:42:00.000-04:002007-06-16T11:42:00.000-04:00Hey,I recently added you to my "domestic divas" th...Hey,<BR/>I recently added you to my "domestic divas" the good blogs list and wanted to come over and say helloHeather @ thedomesticdiva.org https://www.blogger.com/profile/10047974427966155198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68628838510645489242007-06-16T08:01:00.000-04:002007-06-16T08:01:00.000-04:00I have a friendship that has drifted so far now I'...I have a friendship that has drifted so far now I'm pretty sure it's lost. I really don't know whether she is angry at me or regretful, and if she's angry I'm not even entirely sure which of several options applies. Is it my fault we haven't called each other in over a year? Do we simply have too little in common now that children fill my life and not hers? Or is it the sympathetic remarks I made when she was considering cancelling her engagement to her now-husband? That last one, I suspect, might be unforgivable.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15957626443087438904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-81606960957596960812007-06-16T07:24:00.000-04:002007-06-16T07:24:00.000-04:00(de-lurking to say) This post really hit home for ...(de-lurking to say) This post really hit home for me. Also, your post about the loss when it first occurred. I recently had a friend tell me that blogging wasn't "a normal way to communicate." <BR/><BR/>Well, if someone could give me a reasonable explanation of "normal" perhaps I'd be willing to listen. In the meantime, you know where to find me.kristen spinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12099514779097752438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-86162477792123552692007-06-16T02:14:00.000-04:002007-06-16T02:14:00.000-04:00I believe this topic (from last year's posting) wa...I believe this topic (from last year's posting) was my first HBM read. Apropos of nothing?<BR/><BR/>It is a special 'venue' the blog and the community it creates is all you say.<BR/><BR/>ps..I think I did just post on the empowerment issue.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84856336787452454612007-06-16T01:38:00.000-04:002007-06-16T01:38:00.000-04:00I remember that post. It stuck with me for weeks....I remember that post. It stuck with me for weeks. <BR/><BR/>Blogging is bittersweet, I agree.Bobitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09671826623140228982noreply@blogger.com