tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post5061611559803248657..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Joy, And PainHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger82125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19489400347504915412008-06-17T12:02:00.000-04:002008-06-17T12:02:00.000-04:00HEAR HEAR!!Beautiful POST!!!HEAR HEAR!!<BR/>Beautiful POST!!!tiarastantrumshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03036618235332598079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3598224974811235632008-06-17T09:10:00.000-04:002008-06-17T09:10:00.000-04:00I was really glad you posted the now regretted pos...I was really glad you posted the now regretted post. It made me feel a bit more human as a mom for my experience. Because no one ever told me about breastfeeding as honestly as you did in that post. <BR/><BR/>Give yourself a pat on the back for perservering. I didn't, and I'm still not quite at peace with it. <BR/><BR/>Chin up! (that's to both of us, and all moms).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41651437061904862182008-06-15T20:34:00.000-04:002008-06-15T20:34:00.000-04:00Beautiful and heartfelt. Simply put, I've done bo...Beautiful and heartfelt. Simply put, I've done both: bottle and breastfed. Though both were intimate acts, I can say with certainty which one stays with me as something intense and primal. The first 5 weeks were a desperate struggle of pain and breastfeeding complications. Once we were past that, good Lord, the beauty of that relationship still floors me to this day.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17350861069153040567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30467257212804373472008-06-14T17:30:00.000-04:002008-06-14T17:30:00.000-04:00I think expectant moms need to hear about the difi...I think expectant moms need to hear about the dificulties some go through with nursing, healing, etc. I was very lucky when it came to nursing my 2 daughters. I was hesitant to try with my first and even let the nursery give her a bottle a couple of hours after she arrived because the c-section was horrible and I was exhausted. I half-heartedly tickled her cheek with my nipple and was surprised how well she caught on.<BR/>If expectant moms took all "horror stories" to heart, the human race would have died out a long time ago ;)<BR/>A warning I do pass on to others: make darn sure you are numb before a c-section. I had an epidural and thought it was "natural" that I was regaining some feeling before surgery. I suggest women give themselves a mighty pinch on the tummy before the start of a c-section. If I had done that, it would have saved me alot of screaming and some nurses the trouble of restraining my husband to prevent him from entering the OR.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-40846803662768922392008-06-14T11:14:00.000-04:002008-06-14T11:14:00.000-04:00I can identify with both the rough starts and the ...I can identify with both the rough starts and the ecstasy of success. For something so natural and healthy, it can be pretty hard to figure out at first. But I am firmly in the camp that if you can get it going right, it is very much worth it, for both people involved.<BR/><BR/>Hop things continue to go better for you.followthatdoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02073521142861511678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63071924465086219972008-06-13T21:50:00.000-04:002008-06-13T21:50:00.000-04:00I had a hard time with my first baby, and like you...I had a hard time with my first baby, and like you, saw blood in my pumped milk due to cracked nipples. But the soreness went away after six weeks and when I tried to wean her at six months, I was such an emotional wreck that I had to continue. She could have weaned just fine, but I couldn't. What you describe, so very well, is one of the greatest joys of motherhood. (Once they heal, of course.) <BR/>I miss the nursing more than anything.Zellmerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17205730682765977056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-89420142499556564362008-06-13T12:34:00.000-04:002008-06-13T12:34:00.000-04:00I am one of those moms who sailed through breastfe...I am one of those moms who sailed through breastfeeding, so there is hope out there! But I also got incredibly fat and swollen with horrible morning sickness and 15 hours of labor. So I think I deserved one thing easy :)Deshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00716267631213917643noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-20977448530427606432008-06-13T11:28:00.000-04:002008-06-13T11:28:00.000-04:00It will truly get easier. Really. And there is not...It will truly get easier. Really. And there is nothing sweeter in the whole world than a sweet baby breastfeeding, nothing at all.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-70435733568221403172008-06-13T10:47:00.000-04:002008-06-13T10:47:00.000-04:00I am so glad you are feeling better. And I loved t...I am so glad you are feeling better. <BR/><BR/>And I loved the Rilke post. One of my favourite writers. <BR/><BR/>All the best.Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586323120994967027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-4989164122018422832008-06-13T10:45:00.000-04:002008-06-13T10:45:00.000-04:00Why should you regret posting something that you a...Why should you regret posting something that you actually felt at the time you were posting it?<BR/><BR/>Because it is perpetuating the myth that motherhood is all sunshine, flowers and babies farting perfume? <BR/><BR/>Some days it sucks and it is hard. But we do what we do because we think it is important and worthwhile.<BR/><BR/>The end.Mamanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09424255301775934985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-91995734227352564832008-06-13T10:02:00.000-04:002008-06-13T10:02:00.000-04:00My twins were 10 weeks early. I pumped from the ti...My twins were 10 weeks early. I pumped from the time shortly after birth until 10 weeks later when I could no longer stand the pain. My babies could not latch, my nipples bled and cracked, but I pumped enough milk to feed both of them until they were 14 weeks old. I ached to feed them but couldn't because of breathing machines and the like. <BR/><BR/>I ended up quiting pumping because I found out that I was taking too much calcium (drinking milk, taking a multivitamin, and taking a calcium supplement) and it was causing me to have calcium crystals in my milk ducts which was stopping them up. After I quit taking the supplements (except the multivitamin) it was too late. The damage was done and one of my breasts would no longer produce milk. You can't feed twins with one breast not working at all.<BR/><BR/>I think what you are doing is brave, HBM, because you tell it like it is. You don't sugar coat it for anyone but you do explain that you support anyone in their decisions. I'm proud of you and I'm glad that I found your blog. You truly are an angels' voice in a sometimes dark world. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-35361329636639173292008-06-13T09:09:00.000-04:002008-06-13T09:09:00.000-04:00As with all things in mommyhood you just do the be...As with all things in mommyhood you just do the best you can all the time. Some people can nurse, some can't. Some people can babywise their kids to sleep, some can't (maybe I'm jealous but I never understood how that worked.) Some mommy's don't use a pacifier, some (like me) relied on it. We're all just dong the best we can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-16214621205905989112008-06-13T04:54:00.000-04:002008-06-13T04:54:00.000-04:00That gave me goose bumps... My daughter drank 'pin...That gave me goose bumps... My daughter drank 'pink milk' more than once during the first 8 weeks of her life and there were moments when I cried and flinched when I could see her getting hungry. I remember one day, sitting on the sofa, nursing her, tears streaming, looking over her across the room into my husbands eyes, my pain reflected in his eyes, he told me silently 'You can do this'. And I knew I could, and I did, for many many months to come and I persevered exactly for the reasons you describe: Because it's beyond beautiful. To me, nursing my baby has been the essence of it all. To know that the milk my body produces to readily for her keeps her alive and well and comfortable, and, once the pain subsides and the two of you have figured it out, to sink into that space of comfort and connection - it is truly magical. I still miss it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-81862932380809225662008-06-13T01:00:00.000-04:002008-06-13T01:00:00.000-04:00I think everyone is faced with difficulties somewh...I think everyone is faced with difficulties somewhere. There is only one woman that I know who had a blissful pregnancy, easy delivery, and took to breastfeeding with no troubles. She was hospitalized for post-partum depression. So we all pay somewhere, and some of us in more than one place.<BR/><BR/>Yesterday, I wrote about wondering why new mothers aren't told there are many options besides exclusive breast feeding and exclusive bottle feeding. I've seen too many ladies suffering so much pain and not realizing it isn't all or nothing.Lady Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13360693450146358247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23554022460754428292008-06-12T19:41:00.000-04:002008-06-12T19:41:00.000-04:00well said.When I read the comments, what stood out...well said.<BR/>When I read the comments, what stood out to me was not whether or not you should breastfeed but that there were a whole lot of women saying that you are a good mother no matter what choice you make.<BR/>I think that's the message that should be sent out - and unfortunately it gets lost behind the breast/bottle debate.<BR/>Good for you for persevering though. With my son I never really loved breastfeeding - I did it because I felt the pressure, but with my daughter the choice has been solely mine and I'm finding it far more manageable (and also the only time that is hers alone).Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61325175421246951692008-06-12T18:57:00.000-04:002008-06-12T18:57:00.000-04:00What you do here is not just a record but a public...What you do here is not just a record but a public service.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68254845670184118182008-06-12T17:58:00.000-04:002008-06-12T17:58:00.000-04:00Beautiful post: writing and image are magic togeth...Beautiful post: writing and image are magic together. Being a visual person, I had to track down the source and found it fitting that the artist, <A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paula_Modersohn-Becker" REL="nofollow">Paula Modersohn-Becker</A>, was a strong, smart and beautiful woman - fitting accompaniment for HBM!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17387650877711210366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-74475898584274460172008-06-12T17:48:00.000-04:002008-06-12T17:48:00.000-04:00I think in writing about breastfeeding, at all, yo...I think in writing about breastfeeding, at all, you are being far more encouraging than discouraging.<BR/><BR/>Online, you get the feeling that breastfeeding is more popular than the numbers show...and it is especially nice for those who live in areas where breastfeeding is even rarer to see it discussed openly.<BR/><BR/>And I think a lot of women are SHOCKED by the initial challenges. So maybe a realistic look, sans rose colored glasses, will help them through those early days.<BR/><BR/>Hope you are feeling better!!!Candace Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05888447703056321730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3217901299345591782008-06-12T16:47:00.000-04:002008-06-12T16:47:00.000-04:00"Even as the pain pierces my chest and my tears sp..."Even as the pain pierces my chest and my tears splash upon his brow, the joy is there, the love is there, keeping my hand pressed upon his back and under his cheek, pulling him to me, ever closer, his gurgles and sighs and the sweet smell of his skin a balm for the pain. The knowledge that I can do this for him, that I can nourish him, that I can comfort him, that I can be all the warmth and comfort of the womb and then some...this is why I nurse" I wish I had written this - and I am so glad that you did, so perfectly, as it expresses so well what I always felt. I never left a message here before, but I love your blog, I love your writing and I love how you nail such difficult emotions and feelings related to motherhood. I sit here reading you and I often cry because you and what you write move me so deeply. Nobody told me that breastfeeding was going to be such a powerful thing in my life - I stopped a year ago when my son turned 19 months, and I feel it's one of those things that made my life sweeter and the memory of it always make me smile - and I also remember the pain at the beginning, which you describe so well and that I had forgotten....I never really thought of stopping nursing, not even when I had mastitis after 8 months, because despite the pain I loved those moments, that were only ours, how I could have my son all to myself, and in the end when he was already a year and a half I would joke with him while he was nursing and he would laugh while at it and we would laugh together so much, it is just the sweetest memory, I hope I can do it again with another baby soon enough. Thanks for putting it all out in writing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1447715933746810402008-06-12T15:52:00.000-04:002008-06-12T15:52:00.000-04:00I enjoyed your post very much. Mostly because it w...I enjoyed your post very much. Mostly because it was real. You said your opinion and at the same time you did not take any side what so ever. I think that is one of the reasons that your blog has good number of readers.<BR/><BR/>Before saying my comment (which will be very much different from almost everyone up there), I have to say that I am a mother of two and both of my children were breastfed for one year, successfully with little pain and discomfort at the beginning. <BR/><BR/>But I STRONGLY OPPOSE to this notion of "breastfeeding" is amazing and good and natural for EVERYONE...this whole movement makes so many women absolutely in the bottom of a self created hell if they CHOOSE - yes CHOOSE- not to breastfed. <BR/><BR/>The breastfeeding should be a choice for the mother, no and or but. <BR/><BR/>There is NOTHING wrong if the woman CHOOSES not to do that for personal reasons, and she should not be obliged to have a more “acceptable” reason for it. I mean in my profession I deal with a very good number of mothers that feel a bad mother if they choose not breastfed or if they really do NOT get the same pleasure as the rest of the blissful population gets.<BR/><BR/>In the comments above all these wonderful mothers talk about the fact that now they can not breastfed because of the medical reasons or because of other FORCES. There is NOTHING wrong with a woman who decided to become a mother and who CHOOSES to bottle fed her baby not because of a medical reason but for totally personal reason.<BR/><BR/>The same way that there is nothing wrong with a totally healthy woman decides not to become a mother…<BR/><BR/>Let's face it, it is true that we are mammals, and it is true that we are women…. but not necessarily all the females mammal HAS TO BECOME A MOTHER and not necessarily ALL the FEMLES MAMMELS THAT CHOOSE TO BECOME MOTHERS, HAVE TO BREASTFED. After all we are the only mammals that have the CHOICE in life...in everything in life.<BR/><BR/>As a psychologist - with the specialty in the children filed I may add- who spends her time both in practice and research, I can not say that the fact of a women breastfeeding, makes the bonding more strong or less. <BR/><BR/>The relation between a mother and a child is built on so many verities and not necessarily one makes it more important than the other.<BR/><BR/>What we, all of us, has to start question is that why there is so much "guilt" in the psyche of women and more than that in the psyche of mothers? <BR/>Personally and professionally I think a major part of it comes from the society and surprisingly a good percentage of it comes form other women and other mothers.<BR/><BR/>Thank you "Her Bad Mother" for allowing all of us voice our differnt opinions in your post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72327672389706437712008-06-12T14:22:00.000-04:002008-06-12T14:22:00.000-04:00Please don't ever regret being honest. It so impor...Please don't ever regret being honest. It so important for the different realities to be know. Especially for those like me. I was meant to nurse, milk came in no problem, monkey latched no problem. It was easy and I loved it. I do not say this to make you feel bad, but to say that until I read your posts, I never understood why women said they hate it. You have given me perspective, shown me the other side and I understand, I empathize and I can say to other women I KNOW you are not alone in your pain and that you can do it, it does get better. <BR/>And nursing is so worth it. I lost so much weight and energy making the year, and if I could physically have continued I would've. Its been 6 months since I weaned monkey and every night lying before he goes to sleep I yearn to nurse him againScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-9561221129316801812008-06-12T14:20:00.000-04:002008-06-12T14:20:00.000-04:00Well said. I can identify with your reasoning, an...Well said. I can identify with your reasoning, and with being a loving and devoted slacker mom. So many things about motherhood fit the bill of being "so worth the pain". Thanks for your honesty!Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06932579725861343758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-38844501807421155172008-06-12T14:09:00.000-04:002008-06-12T14:09:00.000-04:00Beautifully written! And totally true. Glad everyt...Beautifully written! And totally true. Glad everything is going smoother.justmylifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11374379802087502624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-33804830680471785542008-06-12T13:48:00.000-04:002008-06-12T13:48:00.000-04:00There are many like us. Many who had a hard time n...There are many like us. Many who had a hard time nursing, but upon reflection, would not take back our decision to breastfeed. There are many reasons that we feel this way. There are times when I look back and think that perhaps I would have been healthier mentally if I had switched to bottles at the time. I was very stressed out. But I am so glad I got the chance to be close to my kids in that way.<BR/><BR/>I think the best thing a new mother can do is be informed. Read, take classes, talk to other mothers who have breastfed, and make sure you know what resources are available to you in your community. Although the lactation consultants never had anything of significant value for me in terms of nursing positions or latch techniques, it helped SO MUCH just to have someone who knows about nursing tell me what a champ I was for hanging in there and promising me it would get better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23288305454607955892008-06-12T13:40:00.000-04:002008-06-12T13:40:00.000-04:00hugs and loves and you are doing just fines. xoxo...hugs and loves and you are doing just fines. xoxoxoxoxoxojenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05422055949931141453noreply@blogger.com