tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post4132656472448543687..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: They Shoot Wet Nurses, Don't They?Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger520125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30882534330907816212009-03-12T14:43:00.000-04:002009-03-12T14:43:00.000-04:00I may be a bit blase about the possibility of vira...I may be a bit blase about the possibility of viral infection... But isn't there a standard regimen of blood tests that mom gets while pregnant including the HIV test, syphillis, and a bunch of other tests for the things that pass through mom's milk? <BR/><BR/>One mom mentioned Epstein Barr as a reason not to allow another mom to breastfeed her baby. Epstein Barr does not pass through breast milk, nor does the herpes virus. A baby is more likely to be exposed to Epstein Barr by being held than by being breastfed. What DOES pass through breastmilk is EB antibodies. <BR/><BR/>The screening tests mom has to get in order to donate milk are simply: HTLV, HIV, Syphillis, and Hepatitis.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56259625357072295032009-03-12T14:30:00.000-04:002009-03-12T14:30:00.000-04:00I think you and Laura are just awesome womenI think you and Laura are just awesome womene-mommie A.K.A Iliana Zúñigahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10846291161986058742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50492431845890962322009-03-12T13:41:00.000-04:002009-03-12T13:41:00.000-04:00Hi Anonymous from yesterday, I just reread both of...Hi Anonymous from yesterday, I just reread both of our comments, and I guess I don't know what you were asking Catherine to do if you weren't saying that as a powerful blogger she shouldn't have called attention to the fact that she was criticized and that it hurt. I simplified that by calling it taking crit without giving any. Because I think that's basically what it amounts to.<BR/><BR/>I don't think that because Catherine is a more popular blogger that she should have to eat extra crap. It's hard enough being a Mom and having all the usual criticism. <BR/><BR/>I wasn't saying that you called her snarky, I just pointed out that she wasn't. I also wanted you to realize that she doesn't really have control about what her readers do with the information. Some want to fight for her honor, some want to tear the other lady down, some get mean and nasty, some start a good discussion. I was just saying it's the nature of this medium, and blaming HBM for people getting mad at the other lady doesn't make much sense to me. <BR/><BR/>I kind of think that the whole thing is pretty fair game. I think the original blogger had a right to post on the topic she did...I haven't read the original post, but HBM felt it was an unfair portrayal. I think she has every right to post her own side. She's an honest blogger, and that's why so many of us love to read her.<BR/><BR/>I hope it's more clear to you now what I was trying to convey. I did appreciate the tone of your post. It was so much more respectful that most of the other Anonymous posters.Bibihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03203829802265788353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79026306806689933002009-03-12T13:35:00.000-04:002009-03-12T13:35:00.000-04:00I'm loving the conversation about breast feeding o...I'm loving the conversation about breast feeding other people's children and I'm loving the learning and sharing of experiences this has brought out.<BR/><BR/>I'm totally not getting the moral outrage--by you (Catherine) or a lot of commenters on both "sides."<BR/><BR/>Someone disagreed with you breast feeding another person's child, blogged about it and had people who regularly follow her blog agree with her? <BR/><BR/>SHOCKING.<BR/><BR/>Come on.<BR/><BR/>I mean, hey, I get that it stings to be talked about (especially by people who don't know you), but that's sort of what you open yourself up to when blogging/twittering/whatevering in this day and age, no?<BR/><BR/>I very much appreciated your post describing the experience, it was something I never really thought about before (just reactively thought, "Nah, not for me.") Now I'm thinking more critically about it and I appreciate that (a lot of your writing does that, so thanks!).<BR/><BR/>But to react at all to the other person's blog post? Eh. Whatever. She wrote about it. She wanted to talk about it. It was basically a hypothetical. Why react at all? You believe in your actions enough that you don't have to defend them, right? The thin skin argument falls a little short when you clearly put yourself out there as a woman-centered, feminist mom (which I shout BRAVA to, by the way.)<BR/><BR/>And the "gang" mentality is unimpressive. "Followers" are a scary thing to have I think.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing, though, I think the best part of this shitstorm is the thinking it's made a lot of people do.<BR/><BR/>Sincerely,<BR/>LizLizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08009520572962406730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-77683407072429174132009-03-12T13:04:00.000-04:002009-03-12T13:04:00.000-04:00Oh, and one last comment! I truly believe the ove...Oh, and one last comment! I truly believe the overall most important thing about this entire situation is that you and the other mother TALKED AND AGREED about it. Therefore (IMO) the only thing people really have a right to comment on is the public venue or their feelings about the subject. As you have said many times here, the way in which it was done and the resulting vitriol was not only unnecessary, but hurtful to both of you as well as to all women and the idea of furthering our knowledge about the subject. Sometimes we are out own worst enemies!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-39300467614876865612009-03-12T12:57:00.000-04:002009-03-12T12:57:00.000-04:00First off, let's get my basic bio out of the way, ...First off, let's get my basic bio out of the way, shall we???? I was adopted and my children are adopted. My brother was adopted. Many of my friends have adopted and most of the rest bottle-fed.<BR/><BR/>Therefore, I have precious little experience with breast-feeding. I readily admit that I KNOW NOTHING!!!!<BR/><BR/>Accordingly, I have very few opinions on whether what you did was "right", "wrong", "icky", "brave", or anything else.<BR/><BR/>So why am I posting????? Simply this --- I agree with you 100%! It's your boobs, your milk and her child. <BR/><BR/>WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT IT OR WHETHER THEY WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING?<BR/><BR/>You helped a new friend, relieved your pain, and fed a hungry child - those are all good things in my book.<BR/><BR/>Those other people who are freaking out need to chill out and worry about the things in life that are within their control!<BR/><BR/>Would I have done what you did? Who knows. BUT, I'm SURE I wouldn't have gotten up in your face about it!Perkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12248691584210828726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-76135852371383617942009-03-12T12:56:00.000-04:002009-03-12T12:56:00.000-04:00HBM, I've been really thinking about this, hard, b...HBM, I've been really thinking about this, hard, because I am convinced certain topics illicit these reactions for reasons that are culturally complex and fascinating. Can I share? Thanks. <BR/><BR/>I am positive that aside from the possible health issues involved in cross nursing there is FOR SURE a bigger societal stigma with breasts and sexuality than there is danger. The past five decades have skewed reality sexualizing what is created by nature to nurture, nothing else. The reason men are instinctively attracted to large breasts is the subconscious thought that "those boobies will feed my offspring so it will thrive." <BR/><BR/>Even though milksharing happens in certain cultures it usually stems from need, if not necessary, moms just feed their own. (we know all about how maternal milk is formulated specifically for one's baby) I think what swayed your decision stemmed from the need to relieve your pain. <BR/><BR/>If it is true that you would let your baby feed off another mom, then that means you are willing to accept the risks however negligible they are. You in your heart don't believe it is dangerous, no more than any other daily activity. But, what made you question whether you would do what you did (before you did it) is that very societal stigma. Heck, even the medical community advises against it, so you pause, and think because you can make decisions for your son and for yourself based on your belief but not for someone else. I think that is why in your post you had to say that you tried expressing, you couldn't find a pump, you looked into every venue before doing "the deed".<BR/><BR/>Ultimately if this served to reaffirm your belief it goes to show that those cultural standpoints are sometimes worthy of a big ol' "suck it".Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03833447800964535970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-2203831108242866042009-03-12T12:27:00.000-04:002009-03-12T12:27:00.000-04:00Katie Kat - I'm still sorting out my thoughts abou...Katie Kat - I'm still sorting out my thoughts about my responsibilities as a quote-unquote popular blogger. I feel badly about the fire-and-brimstone that hailed upon the other blogger's head. But it still feels weird, the idea that I need to 'call off my dogs' - people act of their own accord - and apart from what was being said here, I had no idea what was said to her/about her, because I was avoiding her comment and twitter streams to protect my own feelings.<BR/><BR/>But - full disclosure - I did know that there was a backlash going on, and I knew that it was because, in part, I'm liked and respected and that some of that backlash had little to do with the debate and much to do with people taking sides and that it was probably hurtful to her, and I feel badly that I wasn't quicker in saying publicly that I wanted people to be nice to each other.<BR/><BR/>So, yeah, I'm conflicted. And feeling badly, and a bit guilty, and still trying to sort out my feelings.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-28549495521269580662009-03-12T12:08:00.000-04:002009-03-12T12:08:00.000-04:00I do want to chime in to say that I think Anon 12:...I do want to chime in to say that I think Anon 12:24 has a very valid point regarding the "pack mentality" and the viciousness shown for anyone who might disagree with Catherine. <BR/><BR/>I found out about this whole thing through Twitter, and there were definitely comments left there that would make people who wanted to share a differing opinion think twice about it lest they be flamed, or worse. This included a comment from one person who said if anyone messed with HBM they would "drop an f'ing bomb on them." I respect the person who wrote that and her loyalty to someone she truly cares about, but it does send a rather harsh message to people who might feel a lot more like Anon 12:24 and who aren't willing to risk the fallout (hence using "Anonymous"). <BR/><BR/>Anyway, I just think it's something to think about. As a very popular blogger, your actions DO become public "fodder" if you will for discussion and criticism. It's why I think all bloggers such as you are so brave and so valuable. I just think it's important to keep in mind that if you choose to do something controversial (which I think you knew it was after reading your comment that 2 weeks ago you weren't sure you would have done it) and then comment on it in your blog, you might want to call off the dogs just a touch to allow your real message to be heard without too much catty rehtoric getting in the way.<BR/><BR/>Still and all, I think this is fascinating and I have learned a lot by reading your account of it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-44734971337205081032009-03-12T10:54:00.000-04:002009-03-12T10:54:00.000-04:00I applaud your action, your courage and your hones...I applaud your action, your courage and your honesty. Most of all, I applaud your willingness to moderate this important discussion.Jessica B. Howellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17532264912202942444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-54738155332726427642009-03-12T10:16:00.000-04:002009-03-12T10:16:00.000-04:00I, in an emergency, nursed another woman’s baby. ...I, in an emergency, nursed another woman’s baby. Her husband dropped the baby at my door as they were on the way to the hospital (she had broken her leg). The father said to me…. Sam might be hungry…. Could you nurse him if necessary. At the time my still nursing son was one. Sure enough the baby got hungry…. I nursed him (he was only two months old and had never had anything else). It felt perfectly natural…but not the same as nursing my own. <BR/><BR/>I wonder what the objectors would think of this true story. I met a woman who had lost her baby immediately after birth. An adoptive baby came available within weeks. She put the adopted baby to the breast and there was milk. She nursed that baby for two years. The baby was not biologically hers…yet she nursed her and raised her as her own. She told me that it felt perfectly natural and she felt blessed to be able to feed her adopted daughter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-5590689343919828012009-03-12T09:11:00.000-04:002009-03-12T09:11:00.000-04:00Belle - who decides the difference between opinion...Belle - who decides the difference between opinion and damning moral judgment here? Me. My space. My rules. I'm under no obligation to permit anyone to say whatever they want here, none at all.<BR/><BR/>And, I'm not trying to justify anything. Just telling my story. Something was written about me that was inaccurate, and a comments thread was *encouraged* - and fed by the author, who actively supported the commenters - to speculate about the degree of disgustingness of what happened (the author even dropped in comments implying that I might have been drunk). Borderline defamatory.<BR/><BR/>Readers and friends brought it to my attention, and I responded. Why is this so extraordinary and amusing?Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87256717162570378902009-03-12T07:56:00.000-04:002009-03-12T07:56:00.000-04:00Laura's baby was a year old, right? At one year o...Laura's baby was a year old, right? At one year old, my son was eating dog food off the floor and possum poo. I don't see how breastmilk from a stranger could be worse than that. :-)<BR/><BR/>Seriously, I thought that your post was a lovely heartwarming story. I have a breastfeeding friend with a baby - toddler now - the same age as mine and always wondered if we could share. I'm not sure I would be completely comfortable with it, but I certainly don't think it would be wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3470836608050369092009-03-12T06:06:00.000-04:002009-03-12T06:06:00.000-04:00Your comment policy on this issue amuses me. Who d...Your comment policy on this issue amuses me. Who decides on the difference between 'opinion' and 'damning moral judgement'? Do you have a panel, or is it just you? You met a woman at a conference. You had coffee with her and you had a 'discussion' with her about breastfeeding and health issues. Just so that I'm clear on this - she was NOT a stranger to you for these reasons? So you breastfed this woman's baby. I have no problem with that whatsoever. It was your call. I just would never have done it myself. As for trust and community. I would trust people at face-value with many things, but NEVER the welfare of my children.<BR/><BR/>6:03 AMBellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09544499105873976552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19731613401326455572009-03-12T06:03:00.000-04:002009-03-12T06:03:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09544499105873976552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-29627676799439279262009-03-12T05:49:00.000-04:002009-03-12T05:49:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09544499105873976552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-77219424791952344192009-03-12T05:45:00.000-04:002009-03-12T05:45:00.000-04:00Good for you!Good for you!AimeeRosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12402582266267394543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56575120266194687892009-03-12T05:34:00.000-04:002009-03-12T05:34:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09544499105873976552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-76101510064135013502009-03-12T03:49:00.000-04:002009-03-12T03:49:00.000-04:00Forgive me for not reading through all of the comm...Forgive me for not reading through all of the comments to see if someone has already posted about this, but did you know Salma Hayek very publicly breastfed an infant that was not her own child on a trip to Sierra Leone last month? I think people responded very positively to it. Isn't it interesting how the same behavior provokes different reactions when it is done by a celebrity vs. a non-celebrity? Here's a link to the story in case you missed it: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Story?id=6854285&page=1Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61824687715517718522009-03-12T03:32:00.000-04:002009-03-12T03:32:00.000-04:00Wow, TONS of comments already on this one! I'm sor...Wow, TONS of comments already on this one! I'm sorry some people have trouble expressing their opinions without being mean. I like to call those people.. not so smart.<BR/><BR/>As for my take on the matter, I would have no problem what so ever nursing someone else's baby. I see nothing wrong with that, because you know, I know where my boobs have been and I know what I've put into my body. On the other hand, I'd have a hard time letting someone else nurse my baby for the same reasons.. I don't know what the other person has been doing.<BR/><BR/>Bravo to you for nourishing a child! Bravo to Laura for trusting you!Biankahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06793296169857678771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-9123238716617260532009-03-12T01:26:00.000-04:002009-03-12T01:26:00.000-04:00You did good. Proud of you. If only there were m...You did good. Proud of you. If only there were more of it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50303061852310326832009-03-12T00:40:00.000-04:002009-03-12T00:40:00.000-04:00You and your friend did no wrong. I know you don'...You and your friend did no wrong. I know you don't me to tell you this. It's for others who will say differently. There used to be a perfectly accepted position of 'Wetnurse'. That is what you did when you nursed her baby. ( I loved nursing my 4 babies) WetNurse..an honourable job/lifestyle and accepted as such. People should just MYOB. If Nosey Noras have that much time on their hands to gossip about you, they should put their time to better use and actually help people who are in dire straits....no money for food, shelter, clothing, etc., instead of sitting on their fat A**es writing harmfull crap! So, this Gra'ma sends you both a big hug and a wish for all the best in life.Marhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02138254277082008962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19907097849177100432009-03-11T23:55:00.000-04:002009-03-11T23:55:00.000-04:00I came over from Imaginary Binky.As I read your st...I came over from Imaginary Binky.<BR/><BR/>As I read your story, I am appalled that something so wonderful for two mothers and one child has been reduced to words like 'dirty' 'diseased' 'drug addict' and 'immoral'.<BR/><BR/>Hearty BRAVA to Laura, for seeing your need and her child's and creating a bonding moment between mothers. Don't we need more moments like this? Isn't this what "it takes a village" all about?<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry that you were villified for being in pain and taking the solution offered. Shame on the blogger who feels that this is something dirty to disparage.Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01718001074320164888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-44213862336235600522009-03-11T23:52:00.000-04:002009-03-11T23:52:00.000-04:00Alright. I'll go ahead and add comment # 1,000,00...Alright. I'll go ahead and add comment # 1,000,000. My son was born at 4lb. 13 oz. Small. By C. Per doc instructions, I walked and walked the halls. Went by the nursery. There was a tiny baby in there, just my son's size. His dad was loooking at her through the glass. "Where's Mom?" I asked. "Oh," he said, "she's in a coma. Hasn't even held her yet and she's two weeks old." <BR/><BR/>So I bit my lip hard so I wouldn't cry and said to him, please, please let me nurse her. "Oh, no mam, that's okay. She's getting fed. They're giving her formula," he said (he clearly didn't understand). "But breast milk is better for her, especially at her size. I'd really like to," I said. <BR/><BR/>It was pure instinct, and pure normal. I still wonder about that little tiny girl whose mom hadn't held her yet. And cry, of course. The hormones never go away.Lawyer Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04487040434589941351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-17961914303683929972009-03-11T23:47:00.000-04:002009-03-11T23:47:00.000-04:00Hey Catherine--Let me start by saying I was very h...Hey Catherine--<BR/>Let me start by saying I was very happy to have met both you and Laura this past weekend. I found you both to be lovely women, committed to your children and extremely thoughtful in expressing your views. (I've read your blog for a while, and you had some very kind word and ideas for me.)<BR/><BR/>While I don't know that I'd have offered my breast to another baby or my babies to another's breast, (and as a mom who breastfed twins, I'm quite familiar with the pain of engorgement!), the decision was absolutely yours to make. <BR/><BR/>I also had the chance to meet the other blogger...who also seems to be equally lovely, committed to her children and thoughtful in expressing her views. Reading the post she initially put up, I didn't get the condemnation, so much as curiosity...<BR/>questioning...<BR/>and a seemingly genuine interest in feedback. It IS an interesting topic for 21st century westernized mothers...breastfeeding supporters included.<BR/><BR/>Here's hoping this episode helps us all work toward supporting all mothers' perspectives...regardless of their coincidence with our own.<BR/><BR/>Glad to have met you, to have met Laura, and to have met the blogger whose post spurred this one. (and am ever-so glad I missed the Twitter aspect of it...)<BR/><BR/>Wishing you peace and happy parenting---keep in touch--Cheryl Lagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03368796775852338505noreply@blogger.com