tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post2995917860165569623..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: The Confession of the Green Pickle MartianHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-16497725829732986522008-03-01T23:46:00.000-05:002008-03-01T23:46:00.000-05:00I posted this on your other post.Bullying is not o...I posted this on your other post.<BR/>Bullying is not okay. And neither is allowing children to navigate situations without help that we ourselves would not. I mean, if I walked into my office (when I had one) to have someone shove me in the shoulder or back me into a corner in the ladies' restroom and threaten physical violence or call me names or push me down the stairs, I would file charges against them and they would be taken away in cuffs. If my boss harrassed me, I would file suit and retire. But my child is supposed to fend for herself in a comparable situation? Absolutely not.SMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17986540464794429363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85502508484830942262008-02-18T18:37:00.000-05:002008-02-18T18:37:00.000-05:00As a person who was horribly, horribly bullied in ...As a person who was horribly, horribly bullied in school I can't for the life of me understand why any parent would wish such an experience on his or her child.<BR/><BR/>Being picked on, teased, mocked and degraded doesn't build character - it builds a progressively worsening sense of powerlessness and self esteem. And you can bloody their clothes as much as you like, it doesn't change anything at all.<BR/><BR/>One of the most frightening moments of my life to date was realizing after the Columbine shootings that, while I would never harm another human being, I could empathize with someone who would after years of torment.<BR/><BR/>Is that the kind of human being Reese Witherspoon is hoping to raise? Because allowing your child to be bullied means that the person he or she will become will be significantly angrier, more fearful and less trusting.<BR/><BR/>Oh, that was a lot of potentially misdirected anger there, but you get the idea.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02978884187164859620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72180083150441976922008-02-18T13:16:00.000-05:002008-02-18T13:16:00.000-05:00Huh. The greatest failure of my learning curve wa...Huh. The greatest failure of my learning curve was that I was almost an adult before I learned that the only effective response to bullies is to immediately escalate beyond all reason.<BR/><BR/>Once you have a reputation with the local predators as crazy, they don't bother you any more.<BR/><BR/>Appeals to reason make you look weak, and you get picked on more. Appeals to authority get you questions about what YOU did to provoke them.<BR/><BR/>The correct response to "you have funnly clothes" is to give them bloody ones.<BR/><BR/>LamontAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-26001642319166011492008-02-18T09:58:00.000-05:002008-02-18T09:58:00.000-05:00Bullying is never ok. I got a little shiver as I ...Bullying is never ok. I got a little shiver as I read this because I just finished Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes. The story is about a child who is bullied and stands up for himself with several guns. It is also about a friend who stops standing up for him because she wants to fit in. It is a terrifying and heart wrenching story. Your point is well stated.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996771542056313779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59779577795384718842008-02-15T15:49:00.000-05:002008-02-15T15:49:00.000-05:00This is an excellent, excellent post.This is an excellent, excellent post.Jeanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03690707658312607097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61341848561555941282008-02-15T15:33:00.000-05:002008-02-15T15:33:00.000-05:00I was teased and bullied, but not overly so. Just ...I was teased and bullied, but not overly so. Just enough to scar me for life and develop fear. It is not something I would choose to repeat, nor is it something I would ever hope my children endure.<BR/><BR/>There are far better ways to build character, as you pointed out.<BR/><BR/>Love, Tuna-faced Tanis or Skinny-Minny Miller the Carpenter's Dream.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57647773243377772262008-02-15T12:09:00.000-05:002008-02-15T12:09:00.000-05:00I am so terrified of my son being bullied in schoo...I am so terrified of my son being bullied in school that if I let myself think about it too hard I start planning to homeschool him. I was mostly okay through fourth grade, but in fifth grade I moved to a new school where I was suddenly a racial minority, and in sixth grade I moved to another where I was the poorest kid in the class. <BR/><BR/>At least he'll always have clean, newish clothes and school supplies. These are things I sometimes lacked. I can still remember frantically erasing old homework so I could re-use the paper for a pop quiz.Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11621340866555598492008-02-15T10:20:00.000-05:002008-02-15T10:20:00.000-05:00I agree totally.I don't want my children to live i...I agree totally.<BR/>I don't want my children to live in a bubble, but at the same time, I would never wish teasing or bullying on them.<BR/>Having been a chubby kid I dealt with some teasing/bullying.<BR/>I will say it made me a stronger person, and definitely and empathetic person. I'll never forget switching schools and suddenly not being the "fat kid" and I heard a girl being taunted down the hall with the phrase "save the whales harpoon C------". <BR/>I took it upon myself to befriend her and we're still friends.<BR/>So, I guess being teased taught me something, but I don't wish that on anyone.<BR/>I am pretty sure I would have befriended her no matter what.Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84386260936400966612008-02-14T16:02:00.000-05:002008-02-14T16:02:00.000-05:00The more I read, the more I like you and your blog...The more I read, the more I like you and your blog. You've written some real gems that I come back to again and again. Keep it up. It's greatly appreciated.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and I could not agree more. Well said.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11232957217323508312008-02-14T15:00:00.000-05:002008-02-14T15:00:00.000-05:00Misterpie was pretty seriously bullied as a child,...Misterpie was pretty seriously bullied as a child, too, and I see it in him on rare occasion as a flash of anger that erupts when he sees that kind of behaviour. It shocks me every time, because it is so at odds with the rest of his nature, but it did come, as you say, as the result of being pushed into a corner over and over, and building up that one volatile spot in him that reacts to seeing the same circumstance again.kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-25694077342404507382008-02-14T14:55:00.000-05:002008-02-14T14:55:00.000-05:00After reading this post and all these comments, I ...After reading this post and all these comments, I just want to cry for us all and our children! (Don't call me a cry-baby, I just care deeply and can't help but want to show it!)<BR/><BR/>I also had a meanies-make-fun-of-my-clothing taunting in elementary school and a mean name that stuck for a year. To this day, I think of it and tremble inside. I'm still slighty terrified that someone else somewhere will call me that mean name. I was also lucky to have a home that built my self-confidence, but it still hurts.<BR/><BR/>And I love beck and pkzcass and all the others who are THAT mom or THAT dad. I plan to be one myself. There is no excuse for the meanness that goes on in the school yards. There are other ways to learn to be a good person who can deal with adversity. The world is a hard world, but kids will learn that on their own in time (well, maybe not RW's kids, as Mom-101 points out). There is no need to wish extra hardness and traumatizing experiences on our own children. That's just wrong, and also makes me want to cry.caramamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02327695885346537321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12324686731766982612008-02-14T14:23:00.000-05:002008-02-14T14:23:00.000-05:00beck -- I love you for being THAT mother.lara -- m...beck -- I love you for being THAT mother.<BR/><BR/>lara -- my son was bullied alot in 4th and 5th grade. While violence is never a good idea, sometimes it takes an ass-whooping to get across to the bully that you're not gonna take his shit anymore. My son freaked out and did just that after almost a whole school year of being tormented at lunch by one boy (who had his posse). It took that event for this kid's mother to wake up and smell the coffee...but only AFTER I picked up the phone and told her that her son was a bully (cause you know, my son lashed out at her poor son for no reason at all). I didn't have to go so far as to tell her that if her son kept it up, I'd make HER life miserable, but the kid did start up again towards the middle of fifth grade. At that point, my husband and I gave our son permission to defend himself...physically if needed. And we gave him the verbal ammunition too, even if it meant suspension from school. And I became THAT mother...the principal, the guidance counselor, the teachers knew I was pissed off. It also helped that I'm heavily involved in the PTO and my son was an honor student. <BR/><BR/>Long story short, it's easy for those who've never been bullied (or had a child that was bullied) to say what they think the right answer is. Until you find yourself in these actual situations, you can never truly know what you'll do. Me, I'm with beck...I am THAT mother.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-81889031071741163212008-02-14T14:22:00.000-05:002008-02-14T14:22:00.000-05:00I can only imagine that RW says this from the poin...I can only imagine that RW says this from the point of view of a mom with kids who, pretty much, are always going to be sucked up to - by friends, dates, teachers, authority figures. I can see where she wants them to experience some level of disappointment or challenge in their lives. But I doubt she'd be happy to see her kids coming home in tears afraid to go back to the schoolyard ever again. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing a painful story so vividly and eloquently. <BR/><BR/>Heart of Glass rocked, but Boogie Wonderland was definitely my rollerskating song of choice.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11240890493156739582008-02-14T13:48:00.000-05:002008-02-14T13:48:00.000-05:00I would never wish my child or any other child to ...I would never wish my child or any other child to be bullied, it is cruel and humiliating and no child should have to endure it. I was bullied at various times but especially in high school, it still hurts to think of those taunts. I am ever vigilant with my children and try and insure they stand up for themselves as well as their friends. The bullying can be so insidious and sly, especially among girls. Sigh.I just want to go and get my kids and give them big hugs.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03298099759296161682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32638132647597877082008-02-14T13:36:00.000-05:002008-02-14T13:36:00.000-05:00I was the local equivalent of Greg-the-Egg. In sec...I was the local equivalent of Greg-the-Egg. In second grade we moved to a new school that is to this day the most cliquish neighborhood that I have ever seen. I was the outsider, and small. I became "Itsy-bitsy-baby-fingers" which doesn't sound like much now but then it broke my heart. I spent much of the rest of elementary and most of jr. high terrified of getting beat up. Anyone who thinks that's good for their kid is ... delusional. That's the nicest word I can think of.<BR/><BR/>Great, brilliant post, Catherine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-25109670064779665422008-02-14T11:17:00.000-05:002008-02-14T11:17:00.000-05:00the summer before i started grade 10 we moved....t...the summer before i started grade 10 we moved....the first day of school a girl was crying in the bathroom because a bunch of the boys took her purse and she had meds she needed to take so i new girl went out into the hall and told them they were assholes and grabbed her purse and gave it back to her...after standing up to these bullies they made my life miserable....they would line up across the hallways so i couldn;t pass they pushed me they called me dog and freak and other not nice names they spat on me all the time i could go on but i'll stop here...all because i stood up for someone......reese is foolish and cruel if she believes that bullying of any degree will toughen up and make her children humble.......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3228031162416348092008-02-14T07:50:00.000-05:002008-02-14T07:50:00.000-05:00Um, wow. I hadn't heard that from Reese Witherspo...Um, wow. I hadn't heard that from Reese Witherspoon but I agree, clearly she has never in her life been bullied.<BR/><BR/>I can remember every taunt. Every one. I was bullied - a lot. And scared. And there is no freakin' way it builds character - it just puts a hard shell of bitterness around low self-esteem and you carry it with you for years. I still think more than two women in a room with me must be laughing at me. It hurts.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15855682469727450176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30470303752082235042008-02-14T02:22:00.000-05:002008-02-14T02:22:00.000-05:00somewhat off-topic, but related to bullying, and i...somewhat off-topic, but related to bullying, and i'd be interested in your thoughts. my roommate (jitta) and i recently got into a disagreement because she said that when (physical) bullying occurs, she thinks hitting back is sometimes the best solution. she thinks sometimes you have to respond to violence with violence to make it stop.<BR/><BR/>i said that i don't think violence is ever the answer, and i wouldn't want my children to learn that hitting is okay. regardless of what is happening, i think there must be a better solution than furthering the violence.<BR/><BR/>thoughts?Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04389047861929002263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-21724540788419054452008-02-14T00:43:00.000-05:002008-02-14T00:43:00.000-05:00We've already had to teach my 3 1/2 year old how t...We've already had to teach my 3 1/2 year old how to handle the mean kids and their comments.<BR/><BR/>DIAPERHEAD! They called her a diaperhead. She was a bit traumatized. <BR/><BR/>Didn't know what to do but did teach her the trick of acting unconcerned. She's naturally feisty. I have NO DESIRE whatever to have her picked on. But maybe it is unavoidable? I don't know...they already called her diaperhead and, as she put it, 'a baby cry.' <BR/><BR/>I guess the other thing is to make yourself and your love for them their focal point. I think that is truly a key thing. <BR/><BR/>I got snide comments for many years and they affected me tremendously. And it was interesting that I grew up and realized they were sexist, racist and classist. And that I already reacted in some visceral way to sexism, racism and classism as a child. So maybe bullying did make me what I am? (Which is really fucking pissed off. And God, yes, I still hate that smarmy little doctor's son that was the ringleader. He's now a Lacanian psychoanalyst! So I hate Lacan even.)Ozmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02975578823318395358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-21490378040561245372008-02-13T23:40:00.000-05:002008-02-13T23:40:00.000-05:00I was in the popular crowd in the 1st and 2nd grad...I was in the popular crowd in the 1st and 2nd grade. I don't recall bullying anyone nor do I recall being bullied. But..then we moved...<BR/><BR/>OH MY! I moved to a school, only 20 minutes away, but in the middle of a community of Bible pushes for sure. Previously I had gone to school with mostly family. My g-ma had 17 siblings and most didn't move very far away...thus I was among friends those first 2 years.<BR/><BR/>But, that 3rd year, dear me, not only was I an outsider, my parents were divorced, my father was a teacher and my mom had remarried ....her first cousin. Yea, that really does happen. Anyway, I was bullied more than I care to even recall. <BR/><BR/>When I got to high school I managed to work myself into a decent crowd of braniacs/cheerleaders/athletes who I can honestly say never bullied. We weren't bullied but I can for real say we didn't do that to other people either.<BR/><BR/>I have no clue why you wrote this post or why this whole subject is so strong to me (other than the bullying that I received) but I must say to you, WELL DONE. I'm linking to it on my blog if you don't mind and I hope every freakin' kid that tripped me on the school bus or put mud on my pants on the playground or even slapped me in the lunchroom while I waited on the bus reads this and feels like a total ass!<BR/><BR/>Good job!Jerri Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00347371743550736148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-13596641498618908512008-02-13T23:19:00.000-05:002008-02-13T23:19:00.000-05:00The schoolyard is brutal, It can be hard watching ...The schoolyard is brutal, It can be hard watching my girls navigate it.crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-15410578054982495112008-02-13T23:16:00.000-05:002008-02-13T23:16:00.000-05:00Oh, I agree. I think there's a tendency for us to ...Oh, I agree. I think there's a tendency for us to overlook bullying as just another rite of passage. I have horrible memories of being picked on and singled out in elementary school. Even worse, and more shameful, I remember turning that behaviour on my own best friend when we were in that awful twelve-year-old girl stage. It's something I still feel guilty about until this day. Luckily, twenty-three years later she and I are still friends, and I'm so grateful for that. <BR/><BR/>I wouldn't wish it on my child, and furthermore, I would want to know if it was my child doing the bullying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-42271263729593229122008-02-13T22:59:00.000-05:002008-02-13T22:59:00.000-05:00Catherine, I just had to have an official repriman...Catherine, I just had to have an official reprimand placed upon a teacher for humiliating and bullying my child. No child, no matter what, should ever experience any kind of bullying, and I won't tolerate it.<BR/><BR/>The first time I complained, it was passed over. The second time, it wasn't really taken seriously. This last time? It WAS the last time, because I went nuts on them, just a wee bit. I won't have it.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your story.Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08649395098213623597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-106912661630109062008-02-13T21:07:00.000-05:002008-02-13T21:07:00.000-05:00I once wore a pair of shoes to school that would h...I once wore a pair of shoes to school that would have matched your outfit perfectly. Considering how much crap I took - and how vividly I still remember it - I can only imagine how you must have felt then and still feel now.<BR/><BR/>I wish I'd known you then. I could have loaned you my shoes (and then you could have loaned me your jumpsuit).Julie Marshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05386446012443269817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56244643919301118662008-02-13T20:28:00.000-05:002008-02-13T20:28:00.000-05:00I still remember the girls dancing in a circle aro...I still remember the girls dancing in a circle around me in fifth grade chanting "Mary Pat is poor! Mary Pat is POOR!" the day I wore my brother's hand-me-down pants to school. It's been almost 30 years and I can tell you what the weather was like, the smell of the treehouse I hid in later, the color of the houses I sped past with tears in my eyes. Bullying is terrible. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart."Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17691876103706372760noreply@blogger.com