tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post2926622051178465958..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: The Future By ThirdsHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-599659493024953382009-01-13T19:43:00.000-05:002009-01-13T19:43:00.000-05:00Oh, I know! There's a HUGE difference between "Do...Oh, I know! There's a HUGE difference between "Do we want more children?" and "Do we want to make ourselves infertile?" I don't want to be infertile yet.<BR/><BR/>But in any case, I think it's really hard to give the issue serious thought when there's a toddler and a baby in the house. That's the hardest combination for me. I have a 9-year-old, a 7-year-old, 3.5-year-old twins, and a 1.5-year-old, and THAT is EASIER than when I had a toddler and a baby.Swistlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13126937282657655091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50106989715366226662009-01-08T21:36:00.000-05:002009-01-08T21:36:00.000-05:00Hi Catherine. I'm a first time visitor to your bl...Hi Catherine. I'm a first time visitor to your blog- I love it and have already added it to my blogroll. I am 36 yrs old (will be 37 in May) and I just had my third child in September. My husband had a vasectomy over the holidays. <BR/><BR/>Some people know definitely that they are DONE, others not so much (like me). In my head, I know we are done and my husband is completely done with the baby phase but my heart, well it probably has enough room for a herd of children. My sanity, however, would not be able to handle any more. That being said, going from 2 to 3 is way easier than from 1 to 2, IMO. My kids are quite young and I am quite old, lol. They are 5, 2.5 and 3 months. I love all of them with my heart and soul but some days, I'm ready to check-out for a few hours.<BR/><BR/>I say "wait and sit on it" for now. Is there any rush?<BR/><BR/>I wrote this post in October in regards to this very thing.....<BR/>http://lisatexasmommy.blogspot.com/2008/11/sad-moment-of-truth.html<BR/><BR/>Good luck! LisaMommy Mohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02253085170545717474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61510854117315001352008-11-17T00:32:00.000-05:002008-11-17T00:32:00.000-05:00Wait. Just, wait a while. Give it some time. After...Wait. Just, wait a while. Give it some time. After our second baby I went through something that is very similar to what you are going through, no sleep, insane crying infant, bad crazies, etc. I said , "No way, never, ever again." But, after the crazy baby turned two I started to get a deep yearning for another one and I am glad we didn't make the vasectomy decision during that bad time. We are still waffling, and may still get one, but I'm glad the 3rd baby option is still there for us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-60668347582685687242008-11-13T08:49:00.000-05:002008-11-13T08:49:00.000-05:00You've already had so many comments that I'm not s...You've already had so many comments that I'm not sure if you'll read mine, but anyway here goes. I have 3 kids ages 6, 4, and 22 mo. 2nd and 3rd of those three were accidents, mostly happy accidents, however, I will most definitely not allow any further accidents to occur because: 1) my house isn't big enough for 6 people, 2) I want to give my children "Grade A" mothering rather than "Grade B" mothering as much as I possibly can, 3) there are only 24 hours in each day and there are limits to my capacities in terms of physical and emotional availability towards each of the already-existing members of my family. Plus, who's to say life wouldn't throw me a curve ball? What if a 4th child were born with some really terrible illness, or what if some other life circumstance made things incredibly difficult? Like I said, goodwill and motivation only go so far with limited funds, limited hours in the day, etc. In my case, I've got to be practical and say, If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Things are good as they are, don't risk making things more difficult.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04219757510173783183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-67635918178178258432008-11-11T22:35:00.000-05:002008-11-11T22:35:00.000-05:00Echoing Julie, wait. At least for a bit, it's a mi...Echoing Julie, wait. At least for a bit, it's a might heavy door and you need to be together as you move it.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06785403140233495009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63177248269433369762008-11-08T01:20:00.000-05:002008-11-08T01:20:00.000-05:00actually believe it or not the third one was a bre...actually believe it or not the third one was a breeze. really! i am serious. with a 2 and 4 yr old one more didn't really cause much more work. don't laugh. cause somehow the 4 yr old sticks with the 2 yr old and by the time the newborn is 2---they are just like a package that entertain each other. and the 4 yr old is quite a fantastic help to you. i say always go for the third if possible but then STOP--so you can get your life back. I have been enjoying your blog and laughing. i am 54 now and although my 3 are in their 30's --i remember ALL that u are going thru. but NEVER feel guilty--just do the best u can and if u give them lots of hugs and kisses--they will be fine!!!!jbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06418072826663998210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-42068623312011431132008-11-06T12:31:00.001-05:002008-11-06T12:31:00.001-05:00I don't know. In fact, I've been feeling the [hor...I don't know. In fact, I've been feeling the [hormonal] urge to reproduce again. My husband says his answer is no. But the thought of never having another baby overwhelms me with sadness.Steph(anie)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01345590378662641435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47560388399704311932008-11-06T12:31:00.000-05:002008-11-06T12:31:00.000-05:00I don't know. In fact, I've been feeling the [hor...I don't know. In fact, I've been feeling the [hormonal] urge to reproduce again. My husband says his answer is no. But the thought of never having another baby overwhelms me with sadness.Steph(anie)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01345590378662641435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41229782784210606642008-11-06T07:25:00.000-05:002008-11-06T07:25:00.000-05:00I still don't know. I'm actually going to show th...I still don't know. I'm actually going to show this to my sweet husband. You've articulated what I've been feeling but have been unable to communicate to him.<BR/><BR/>Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72991192411425110692008-11-05T21:41:00.000-05:002008-11-05T21:41:00.000-05:00Well, we're 41 - and in his case, almost 42 and we...Well, we're 41 - and in his case, almost 42 and we've still not made it final. My second child was truly a surprise. I had wanted another, but not yet. My husband had planned to stick with one. I, too, am not enamoured of pregnancy and the early days are hell (a good kind of hell, but still), though the memory of how rough has faded. My husband planned for an immediate vasectomy right after the second was born. Right after she was born, he said, "They sure are cute" and couldn't go through with it. So here we are, old and probably a bit foolish. We don't really think we want another one, but we aren't ready to close the door. At least it looks like we're in good company....SMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17986540464794429363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87748776872559712132008-11-05T21:11:00.000-05:002008-11-05T21:11:00.000-05:00If you're not entirely sure, then why make a perma...If you're not entirely sure, then why make a permanent decision now when there are so many forms of birth control that are nearly foolproof? <BR/><BR/>My son will be an only for many reasons. I can say this with certainty and have not once wavered. In fact, as he grows older,and hell, as I grow older, my decision feels even more right. <BR/><BR/>I've found a way to be mostly at peace with the work of mothering, but the thought of revisiting those early years--much as I also adore my son--fills me with dread.karriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02296823423014444325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84549561297487372782008-11-05T19:28:00.000-05:002008-11-05T19:28:00.000-05:00I didn't know what I wanted, but DH was willing to...I didn't know what I wanted, but DH was willing to make his appt. with the Dr.after babybug #2 and I wasn't ready. Here we are with #3, and I don't like the idea of being done nor having a 4th baby. I decided to get the Mirena and make that final choice later. (Plus it was so much cheaper!)Lady Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05524837121578051547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-89099929855114342412008-11-05T16:39:00.000-05:002008-11-05T16:39:00.000-05:00Is it wrong for me to hope to be "surprised"? bEca...Is it wrong for me to hope to be "surprised"? bEcause we are done. I guess. We have 3. Husband says we're done. Yet he doesn't want to be snipped. So.... The possibility is always there. Which is killing me...tracey.becker1@gmail.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09606831315390042198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-25551470690684440302008-11-05T16:11:00.000-05:002008-11-05T16:11:00.000-05:00I feel the exact same way. I'm so sure we're done ...I feel the exact same way. I'm so sure we're done and I'm happy and we're complete as a family of four.<BR/>BUT<BR/>There's just this feeling that I would love another. I mean, there's so much love there.<BR/>My husband wants to get snipped. He's done.<BR/>But, I'm just not sure.<BR/>Our compromise was that I got a merena (IUD). It bought me a few years to decide. And my husband knows that we're safe and I'm not going to forget my pills or anything.LDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14132834699208306395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59679281511378345852008-11-05T15:21:00.000-05:002008-11-05T15:21:00.000-05:00I would wait to make a decision until you're absol...I would wait to make a decision until you're absolutely sure. Two kids sounds just about perfect for me, but how many kids you choose to have is such a personal thing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-35613628595380921172008-11-05T13:51:00.000-05:002008-11-05T13:51:00.000-05:00I have three children. THe oldest is my stepdaugh...I have three children. THe oldest is my stepdaughter. When the second (my first natural) was 3, we thought we were done. We were 98% sure. That 2%...it stopped me, and we agreed to wait one year and discuss it again. I was told it was near impossible for me to get pregnant anyway, so we didn't sweat it. 10 months after that conversation, I gave birth to my boy. And I am very glad that we didn't deny that opportunity. But while they were in with him, they tied. And hubby had a vasectomy. I knew that three was absolutely my limit.Mamalanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00200657325831762553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-35837361770538603352008-11-05T13:37:00.000-05:002008-11-05T13:37:00.000-05:00If you asked me, I will very quickly say Hell no I...If you asked me, I will very quickly say Hell no I don't want anymore children. But when offered the chance to have my tubes tied during my last c-section, I couldn't say <BR/>"No more children, ever." I didn't get it done. So, I get what you're saying.Madame Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05879021662076403965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47993339260582693172008-11-05T12:26:00.000-05:002008-11-05T12:26:00.000-05:00Quick comment about everyone saying vasectomies ca...Quick comment about everyone saying vasectomies can be reversed. No wonder healthcare is so expensive! It's that kind of attitude...if you change your mind just go ahead and get it reversed because insurance will pay the thousands of dollars it will cost to reverse it...that has contributed to the healthcare crisis in the US. <BR/><BR/>And I agree with anon 1:11 -- if your husband/partner doesn't want any more children, why is it okay for you to insist on it anyway. Um, isn't he still part of the equasion? Don't his feelings matter?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19632218031183755012008-11-05T11:32:00.000-05:002008-11-05T11:32:00.000-05:00...and that site would be www.empoweringmomblog.co......and that site would be www.empoweringmomblog.com. <BR/><BR/>Thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84336213865140711122008-11-05T11:30:00.000-05:002008-11-05T11:30:00.000-05:00You don't know how glad I am to read this post - I...You don't know how glad I am to read this post - I feel the exact same way. Like a dog chasing her tail, I just seem to go round and round. My six year old is the best thing since sliced Wonderbread and I would give my left leg to have another one of her. But I can't seem to get passed the same tour-de-newborn issue you discuss. I am linking this post on my site as well as I could not say it anybetter than you have. Kudos....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23844843671821730322008-11-05T10:54:00.000-05:002008-11-05T10:54:00.000-05:00Oh. I knew. I was sure.1) My pregnancy was miserab...Oh. I knew. I was sure.<BR/><BR/>1) My pregnancy was miserable.<BR/><BR/>2) I got a boy and a girl.<BR/><BR/>3) Two came out the first time. Who knows how many would have come out the second time. What if I ended up with five children in two shots?<BR/><BR/>4) Recurring nightmares about pregnancy.<BR/><BR/>5) I really always wanted to have two children.<BR/><BR/>6) If I get desperate for another one we can always adopt a child in need. One who already sleeps through the night and poops in the potty.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68944143380171900302008-11-05T09:17:00.000-05:002008-11-05T09:17:00.000-05:00Another rockin' post, Catherine.We've had the "V" ...Another rockin' post, Catherine.<BR/><BR/>We've had the "V" talk as well, which is ironic given our experiences with infertility.<BR/><BR/>I suppose for us it was easier, as I wasn't sure we were ever going to get pregnant, and we were blessed twice. The second time I was almost 40. And once you're in your 40s and you've got two young kids and you're totally exhausted all the time as it is...it's a lot easier to say ... uh, no way, we are totally exhausted and so, so done. <BR/><BR/>(So nice to meet you BTW...hopefully get to actually chat more next time. Jasper is the most adorable cherub)Karen MEGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10834425321020756655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51826162804157336182008-11-05T02:08:00.000-05:002008-11-05T02:08:00.000-05:00I think you just plain know when you know. And I d...I think you just plain know when you know. And I don't think you know, yet. At least you know that no isn't now.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-45472182991677124992008-11-05T01:01:00.000-05:002008-11-05T01:01:00.000-05:00You know my recent history. We thought, after thre...You know my recent history. We thought, after three, the snip for David. Now, well now we're in limbo. Too raw to discuss another attempt, and too raw to discuss not having another attempt.<BR/><BR/>If I might suggest some *ass*vice, I'd say wait for a year, then decide on the V or no. Give yourself a chance to get beyond the fresh memories of newborn stage. <BR/><BR/>Or so says a woman paralyzed by the idea of choice right now.Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586323120994967027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-70151972737105936462008-11-04T21:27:00.000-05:002008-11-04T21:27:00.000-05:00You NEVER know.That said, my husband got "snipped"...You NEVER know.<BR/><BR/>That said, my husband got "snipped" after Wee Three was born...<BR/><BR/>My heart tells me that I still have reservations about such finality...<BR/><BR/>But my head insists that it was the right thing to do.<BR/><BR/>Does that help at all???<BR/><BR/>xoxo CGFCandygirlflieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04402373358975538931noreply@blogger.com