tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post2329296725774804656..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Hello, PrincessHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-40109705732310451452009-05-19T16:46:00.000-04:002009-05-19T16:46:00.000-04:00My daughter loves, loves, loves the princesses... ...My daughter loves, loves, loves the princesses... all her dolls are princesses. Her favorite dresses are princess dresses. She'll eat her chicken if I tell her it's princess chicken. <br /><br />And apparently I'm clueless, or not thinking deeply enough... because these thoughts about the concept of beauty and how the Disney Princesses skew that? Never entered my brain. <br /><br />It's too late now to avoid Princesses, of course... but now I'm thinking of how to reinforce natural beauty over all.MG @ MommyGeekologyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15560462349109094316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-11418828563098875402009-05-18T21:59:00.000-04:002009-05-18T21:59:00.000-04:00This is where my granola-eating side kicks in. I t...This is where my granola-eating side kicks in. I think it is incredible how soon children become socialized into gender norms and ideals. I think it's great to have the talk about how "pretty" can come in many forms, that women can look like and be like many things, and also that there are a lot of other qualities in women that can make them attractive other than just their appearance. BUT...it seems like unless you lock them in the house, there's no way to avoid the eventual socialization toward princesses=feminine=pretty and everything else is something less. <br /><br />*sigh*<br /><br />I'm worried about that part of having children. And it's not just the little girls. I worry about my boys not being able to cry without feeling ashamed or having some concept that being a man means being muscular/violent/unemotional. I think it's really hard to make sure your kids have a balance. I don't have children yet, but just another thing I think a lot about how I'm going to handle when it does happen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-49951409828491724852009-05-18T09:56:00.000-04:002009-05-18T09:56:00.000-04:00I'm new here...I LOVE this post! My youngest d...I'm new here...I LOVE this post! My youngest daughter always gives me a hard time when I wear make-up now (like an accusation as you said--she doesn't like it) which doesn't happen very often because like you said--15 more minutes of sleep will ALWAYS win!<br /><br />I wish I could say I felt comfortable enough in my own skin not to care most of the time...but I don't; and I do care (especially when I get to school to pick up my daughter & there's 10 other moms all made up and dressed in actual clothes--not yoga pants & a t-shirt!)Christyhttp://whatchristywrites.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-50395004962831814512009-05-14T01:10:00.000-04:002009-05-14T01:10:00.000-04:00Girls this age are urgent and unsure about the gra...Girls this age are urgent and unsure about the gravitational pull of self-centredness... beauty... vanity.<br /><br />They are astounded we are not in that boat with them I think. I recognize the incredulity in the eye poking of E.<br /><br />I have <A HREF="http://motherwoman.blogspot.com/2008/02/about-year-and-half-ago-i-had-occassion.html" REL="nofollow">bandied this</A> about <A HREF="http://motherwoman.blogspot.com/2008/02/inter-blog-commentary-i-feminist-i-suck.html" REL="nofollow">a lot</A>. And on that first post I believe Crunchy Carpets' comment really says it all.<br /><br />When in doubt, I love Shrek.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32610457817840095992009-05-13T23:21:00.000-04:002009-05-13T23:21:00.000-04:00When my oldest daughter was 9 years old, I went to...When my oldest daughter was 9 years old, I went to the mall to buy some new clothes for myself, and she was with me. We went to Lane Bryant, where "plus sized" girls go to buy their stuff. I was buying a size 16 for the first time in my life. As I was trying it on, she stood there in the dressing room with me, with little tears dripping down her face.<br /><br />I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I don't want a fat mother." I was shocked that she would say that. So, I said to her, "I am no different than I was when we walked into the store. If I am happy with the way I look, then you shouldn't be upset about it." I guess it was the right thing to say, because she never ever said anything like that to me again. She's 35 now, but I will never forget that day. I am still a big girl. I still feel comfortable with my size.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11731276173410889180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-8617275134053719162009-05-13T08:44:00.000-04:002009-05-13T08:44:00.000-04:00From previous comment - I meant to say (but my cli...From previous comment - I meant to say (but my clicker is faster than my proofreader) With my kids, we talk about...if they talked about it on their own, that would be awesome and I would not need to parent them!! Ha!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-49578500374268230372009-05-13T08:42:00.000-04:002009-05-13T08:42:00.000-04:00I love how you are so open to feedback on how you ...I love how you are so open to feedback on how you raise your kids, what you say to them, how you relate with them. Maybe that is your inner beauty shining through without makeup or sparkles. <br />My kids - one boy, one girl - talk about how everyone is beautiful and everyone is different and how absolutely cool that is. My daughter is by no means a princess, but she will occasionally put on her ball gown and go right outside and jump in the mud. Or wear plaid shorts with sheepskin fuzzy boots. She is already her own woman at eight. And I sigh, thank God and just keep doing what we are doing until it is time to do something else. <br />Peace to the princess in you - both the one in the sparkles and the one without.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68743265596393295202009-05-12T22:03:00.000-04:002009-05-12T22:03:00.000-04:00Beautifully expressed, Cath. I grapple with this t...Beautifully expressed, Cath. I grapple with this too. It's hard to say "you're beautiful the way you are" when they see mommy jabbing her eye with that goopy black wand thing. <br /><br />I think you just tell her what you're thinking: There's a time for princesses, and a time for tree climbers, and a time for truck pushers, and time for crayon artists, and hopefully you're all of the above.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-18240464138948231652009-05-12T20:54:00.000-04:002009-05-12T20:54:00.000-04:00Hear hear, this is brilliant. I have a 9-month ol...Hear hear, this is brilliant. I have a 9-month old daughter and will undoubtedly be struggling with the 'princess' issue in the near future. I both embrace it and refute it(often at the same time) and will have to figure out how to teach her how to be feminine and strong and smart and funny and thrilled with exactly the way she looks (but also encourage hygiene).Tristahttp://www.mindyourknitting.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-18771265599887386692009-05-12T19:46:00.000-04:002009-05-12T19:46:00.000-04:00I have to admit - I got "dolled up" for ...I have to admit - I got "dolled up" for a girl's night out on Friday. The kids loved my sparkly necklace. The hubs loved the tightish shirt. They all asked me to stay in rather than go out.<br /><br />And you know what...it felt good. I felt wanted (by both kids & hubs).<br /><br />Not that I'm giving up the yogawear anytime soon. but I might "doll up" when they least expect it.Parent Clubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06473048540475693889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87261585884372618222009-05-12T13:36:00.000-04:002009-05-12T13:36:00.000-04:00So tell her the truth. Tell her that Princess are ...So tell her the truth. Tell her that Princess are make believe, and sometimes girls (women?) get to have Princess days, and a wedding is most certainly one of them, but Princesses in makeup and big dresses cannot make mud pies, climb trees, pet frogs, etc., and so.... the Princess days are few and far between, because there are so many other interesting things to do. And why not add, for good measure, that sometimes makeup makes it hard for people to see your soul. Anyone can have a pretty face, with some makeup, but you, my dear Catherine, have a beautiful soul, which should not spend much time behind Princess make up masks. Certainly, Emilia is no different....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-30498540734324902872009-05-12T12:35:00.000-04:002009-05-12T12:35:00.000-04:00I say, tongue in cheek, that I never learned how t...I say, tongue in cheek, that I never learned how to be a real girl - because I've never learned how to wear makeup. I think lipstick looks funny on me, the purpose of foundation eludes me, and I can't be bothered with mascara. But still, the girlie wants to wear make-up; her grandmother indulges her. It's a weird balance.<br /><br />I like the Miyazaki movies, because they're full of strong girl characters, who don't wear sequins or make-up.Magpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15460136246441367993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-64835429011975352982009-05-12T11:41:00.000-04:002009-05-12T11:41:00.000-04:00I try to tell Bri that makeup and nailpolish and f...I try to tell Bri that makeup and nailpolish and fancy dresses have their place, but if she wants to co hiking and camping, it isn't going to work. I don't wear makeup every day and I won't stop her when she wants to wear it, but if she comes to the conclusion that sleep is more precious than a flatiron, I'm right behind her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-33193975051675597182009-05-12T11:22:00.000-04:002009-05-12T11:22:00.000-04:00Well, I used to put on a princess dress and go cli...Well, I used to put on a princess dress and go climb a tree... so I guess I've always been "conflicted" about princesses!<br /><br />Today I wore a suit and my 4-year-old said "Oh Mommy! How pretty you are! No, wait, you are fancy. Very fancy."<br /><br />Followed by, "Is that Daddy's suit?" I told him that Mommys wear suits too. He said "Oh, OK."<br /><br />The baby girl is just 1, so I haven't gone there yet--but I have this feeling that she will like pink and stuff. And I think I will tell her that one person can have many different moods and styles. Sometimes princess, sometimes pirate.<br /><br />I'll let ya know how THAT goes.Lydiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15054176279624205909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-88072960679483771472009-05-12T11:08:00.000-04:002009-05-12T11:08:00.000-04:00I think you have a lot of good comments here, and ...I think you have a lot of good comments here, and I think that pretty isn't just makeup and dresses. That is one kind of pretty. Pretty is strength. Pretty is the ability to choose. Pretty is being a mom, a professional woman, a grandmother, a friend.<br /><br />I have a niece who wears dresses all the time. Her mom is bemused by her, and occassionally succumbs to her daughter's demands to wear a dress, too. But she also doesn't stress over it.<br /><br />I have two girls who like to wear jeans and rain boots as much as dresses and hot pink cowgirl boots. they like make-up, but don't demand it. My older daughter recently told me how beautiful I looked on a day that I had to stay home from work sick -- I was still in my robe and pajamas, unwashed. And I just laughed and said thanks. She tells me I look beautiful when I get dressed up to go out, too.<br /><br />You're doing right by Emilia, just be being all the things you are. <br /><br />ciao,<br />rpmred pen mamahttp://albamaria30.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-65383173447596728522009-05-12T10:19:00.000-04:002009-05-12T10:19:00.000-04:00If it were me, I would tell her it was like dress-...If it were me, I would tell her it was like dress-up. A wedding is an occasion where grown-ups get to play dress-up, and dress like Princes and Princesses, and put on makeup. But it would take too much time to do that every day, and anyway, if we did, then it wouldn't be special on special days like wedding days. <br /><br />That's what I would say. And then I would offer to play dress-up with her some day coming up soon. And you can both put on a pretty dress and put sparkly stuff on your faces and dance and pretend to be princesses. (And hey, maybe Jasper would like to play some time, too. He was rockin' that tutu.)<br /><br />These decorations we wear on our outsides are just to draw attention to parts of ourselves that already exist on the inside.Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-27584111636262566002009-05-12T09:50:00.000-04:002009-05-12T09:50:00.000-04:00Catherine, I see why that's a fave shot. You do l...Catherine, I see why that's a fave shot. You do look gorgeously princess in it.<br /><br />I think your girl will get it, just by living with you. Osmosis.<br /><br />Whenever my girlie wants to wear make-up (I let her try some gloss and eye shadow sometimes ... uh, why do I have so much eyeshadow when I don't even wear it?) ... and dress-up, she usually wants everything off within a couple of minutes. <br /><br />Because she wants to go back to being the "real" little G. <br /><br />I never knew words coming from a 3 year old could be so profound.Karen MEGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10834425321020756655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-22179540549822540602009-05-12T08:46:00.000-04:002009-05-12T08:46:00.000-04:00Heather - I don't subscribe to the whole 'princess...Heather - I don't subscribe to the whole 'princesses are bad' idea, either (as I said in the footnote to the post, I don't want to teach her that pretty is bad. I like pretty.) But I do worry about her associating beauty and femininity specifically with a princess ideal. I like how I look in that picture, but I wouldn't want to think that that's the sum total of my beauty (there, in the past, in a wedding dress.) Nor do I want it from her. That's all.<br /><br />But yeah - the whole princesses are bad thing is a bit simplistic and misleading. Am with you there.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-44802182131645800932009-05-11T22:09:00.000-04:002009-05-11T22:09:00.000-04:00Leave it be. You are aware of inner beauty. She'...Leave it be. You are aware of inner beauty. She'll pick that up, as she grows, or she won't. What she thinks is beautiful, will be beautiful to her... how can you change that?<br /><br />I notice that she isn't equating pretty with love. That's a good sign right there. :)Tinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-51118971814489671252009-05-11T21:45:00.000-04:002009-05-11T21:45:00.000-04:00Don't ask me. I've got a daughter that shows me m...Don't ask me. I've got a daughter that shows me more love if I wear a dress instead of pants. This will pass, right?Taniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09886049581948361060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87978455197102199572009-05-11T21:33:00.000-04:002009-05-11T21:33:00.000-04:00You know, I really don't subscribe to the whole "p...You know, I really don't subscribe to the whole "princesses are bad and set a terrible example for our girls" mentality. I can see the issues that some have with it, but it really doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I do wear makeup every day, but it is just minimal and looks relatively natural (cover up for the dark circles...see: lack of sleep... and some blush). When I go out on a date with my husband or am going to something extra special (twice a year whether I need to or not!) I do put on more makeup and take more time with my hair, etc. Know what? So does my husband. Well, he doesn't wear makeup, but he takes extra time with his appearance, wears cologne, what have you.<br /><br />My point is, I guess, that men also take extra pains with their appearance (some more than others). This is not limited to us princesses.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01979925607834752536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-65744983788343334862009-05-11T21:16:00.000-04:002009-05-11T21:16:00.000-04:00@Mimi. Love your response. My girl is only 1 but...@Mimi. Love your response. My girl is only 1 but I'll have to remember for later.Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-55893264828205468862009-05-11T20:51:00.000-04:002009-05-11T20:51:00.000-04:00Tina C - that's a great idea, actually. We've got ...Tina C - that's a great idea, actually. We've got some good press shots - a couple of me and her, and me and her and Jasper - that really should take some pride of place. I'm a little less princessy in those pics, but they're nice photos.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-60083202650521111042009-05-11T20:06:00.000-04:002009-05-11T20:06:00.000-04:00You've got so many great responses, I'll just add ...You've got so many great responses, I'll just add my .02 on the Princess issue. We acknowledge the princesses, my daughter dresses up, she watches some of the movies and (even better) loves the original stories too. But me, I really encourage her ballerina love because if there's one thing a ballerina has to be, it is strong and persistent above all else, and I'm comfortable with that obsession. And, while I was never as princess-focused, I was very fairy-tale focused growing up, and as my daughter gets older (3 now), I hope to keep growing her interest in the older versions of the same stories.mekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17917552705258680396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-64638246833197979542009-05-11T19:53:00.000-04:002009-05-11T19:53:00.000-04:00Zoiks. how about getting a picture of you now, a ...Zoiks. how about getting a picture of you now, a really nice, professional-type photo, of how you normally look day to day, and putting it in a nice frame hung in an honored spot as the wedding photo is? that may give your current look some cred as well.Tina C.noreply@blogger.com