tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post1658453566526546958..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Shame And The Written MomHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7815875947579092162009-03-25T11:42:00.000-04:002009-03-25T11:42:00.000-04:00I discovered your blog yesterday, and I can't stop...I discovered your blog yesterday, and I can't stop reading! You're so witty and such a gorgeous writer. <BR/>Breastfeeding your new friend's baby was a beautiful thing to do, and it shocks me every time I read people's reactions to this natural act (when will I learn to expect such divisive rhetoric? It always surprises me anew.) I am a new mother and only beginning to think about these issues, and I'm sure many have written about this already (Mary Douglas? Purity and Danger? I don't remember, but I wasn't a mother when I read it a long time ago), but it's fascinating to consider the things we find disgusting through cultural conditioning. Even my self-described feminist mother in law surprised me a few months ago when I suggested that I donate some of my breastmilk -- I was overproducing at the time -- to a milk bank (as it turned out, Toronto doesn't have such a bank, though one is apparently in the works). My mother in law had a visceral negative reaction to my suggestion; after she thought about it, she said that she felt milk was such a personal thing, not to be shared with others. I was so perplexed by her reaction.<BR/><BR/>Sorry for the long, rambling comment. Really, I just wanted to say, thank you for such a thought-provoking and beautifully-written blog.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11151300192451165043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57862606277853796612009-03-19T11:03:00.000-04:002009-03-19T11:03:00.000-04:00Great post. I think what you and Laura did was fin...Great post. I think what you and Laura did was fine. <BR/><BR/>After reading your thoughts, I read the other blogger's post. It occurred to me that if she really found the act bizarre and shameful, maybe she thought you wouldn't write about it, and that maybe no one would realize that you were the subject of her post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7515028014834212802009-03-18T10:55:00.000-04:002009-03-18T10:55:00.000-04:00What's nuts is how everyone thinks that there is a...What's nuts is how everyone thinks that there is a right and wrong way to parent/feed/blog/live (and especially if you're trying to do all four at once!). You're out there, so people will comment (don't I know it!) but your attitude and common sense will see you through. And most of us are totally on your side! -- Lenore "Free-Range Kids" Skenazy (the mom who let her 9-yearold ride the subway alone...)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-40358371330420718612009-03-17T08:59:00.000-04:002009-03-17T08:59:00.000-04:00I found your blog from a link sent to me by former...I found your blog from a link sent to me by former students (who are now moms). My babes are all adopted and I was not able to nurse them (although I got a ton of flack for not 'trying harder'...whatever). Keep on keepin' on, my friend. Let people say what they will. We would have been thankful to have a volunteer nurse for the young'un's!Ohio_Momto3boyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08511219615814679103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-63637494842349898902009-03-17T03:45:00.000-04:002009-03-17T03:45:00.000-04:00I think this has become tiresome and you take your...I think this has become tiresome and you take yourself way to seriously.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12780825486267329082009-03-16T21:25:00.000-04:002009-03-16T21:25:00.000-04:00Fantastic post! I am a big fan of yours, and I jus...Fantastic post! <BR/><BR/>I am a big fan of yours, and I just have to tell you that I LOVE how honest you are.<BR/><BR/>A lot of mothers with blogs try to make themselves seem un-humanly PERFECT, and live some sort of fantasy life on the net...<BR/><BR/>Your blog is so refreshing, and makes myself, and I'm sure a LOT of others, feel great about being not so perfect, and HUMAN. <BR/><BR/>:)Mandy (ZenMonkeyMind)https://www.blogger.com/profile/04766262566767795342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-24009912822507051912009-03-16T17:44:00.000-04:002009-03-16T17:44:00.000-04:00I am not well known and it upset to me to hear one...I am not well known and it upset to me to hear one stupid guy make fun of my child and his hyper-activity in a public place. It's tough writing about kids and hearing people's opinions...Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00147506875370126093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-49786445780429243402009-03-16T15:04:00.000-04:002009-03-16T15:04:00.000-04:00You go girl. Don't let the bastards get you down....You go girl. Don't let the bastards get you down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-6995503697981364042009-03-16T13:44:00.000-04:002009-03-16T13:44:00.000-04:00Eva - laughing. I'll go check it out once I've cau...Eva - laughing. I'll go check it out once I've caught up on sleep and e-mail.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-7470444907147267202009-03-16T13:29:00.000-04:002009-03-16T13:29:00.000-04:00Witnessing this cat fight between Catherine and Ch...Witnessing this cat fight between Catherine and Cheryl, I just had to put my two cents down on my blog. In my view, you are both so right and so wrong. My post is entitled "Whose Boobs Are Bigger, Catherine's or Cheryl's?"<BR/><BR/>See: http://dogwooddiarist.blogspot.com/2009/03/whose-boobs-are-bigger-catherines-or.htmldogwooddiaristhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14620645607630640331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-4092766749590823562009-03-16T12:47:00.000-04:002009-03-16T12:47:00.000-04:00another brilliant post catherine! and for the reco...another brilliant post catherine! and for the record i think what you did was kind and honourable.so no shame about it okayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-44858874310145216362009-03-16T11:53:00.000-04:002009-03-16T11:53:00.000-04:00Hey, congratulations to you and to the other mothe...Hey, congratulations to you and to the other mother for solving a real (and painful) problem so wonderfully.<BR/><BR/>Both my husband and I have relatives, in the US and in England, who were wet nurses prior to the advent of formula. It was a matter of survival. So sorry you had to endure the pain of the ignorant comments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-53600687784592304762009-03-16T09:21:00.000-04:002009-03-16T09:21:00.000-04:00http://www.dailyblonde.blogspot.com/2009/03/rent-b...http://www.dailyblonde.blogspot.com/2009/03/rent-boob-controversy.html<BR/><BR/>Hi Eva (who left a comment)<BR/><BR/>Here is a link the original post of the other blogger (now reposted). It's not quite what I was expecting given everything that followed from it tbh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-16614444237267994512009-03-15T22:02:00.000-04:002009-03-15T22:02:00.000-04:00I love you. That is all.I love you. That is all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-34105858964603615992009-03-15T19:53:00.000-04:002009-03-15T19:53:00.000-04:00I very much like your discussion of shame, but it ...I very much like your discussion of shame, but it is all so abstract! You did write about your experience of nursing another woman's child and about the shock and shame of being disapproved for it. And it seems to me that, apart from the the actual social disapprobation that occurred, the possibility of social horror might be something you would fully anticipate or worry about. I know I would. <BR/><BR/>This post seems to be in part about how being shamed robbed you of your story. What was that story? Would it have been utterly disconnected from the social opprobrium that one would have to expect?<BR/><BR/>What I am dying to hear is this other goldfish woman's point of view. You were so hard on her for her disapproval and are now indicating that she affected you so deeply -- did she have something interesting to say???? The shaming is not that public since you haven't shared it with us and it is nowhere to be found on the internet, as far as I can see . . . .dogwooddiaristhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14620645607630640331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-19514679568581480212009-03-15T11:01:00.000-04:002009-03-15T11:01:00.000-04:00I didn't know you existed until this business bega...I didn't know you existed until this business began. As you see, I live under an udder. I don't like the business, but I like all the "players". You're all so different. And I'd like to think you all mean well. I'll be following you now.<BR/><BR/>What strikes me like a hit of bad milk is that this business went down at a conference meant to bring female bloggers together. Women: In the past we've been each others' constant competitors and worst enemies. We can't brush each others' hair without being flooded with mixed emotions of love and sisterhood co-mingled with jealousy and fear for what the other is capable of taking from us. And how unfair it is. As though there were only a finite amount of love and approval to be had.<BR/><BR/>Best to do, as you have, examine our own motives or lack of them, and find out why a situation bothers us so because there's always a chance for growth there even if we've done nothing wrong as it were.<BR/><BR/>Strong women: I fear you no more! I want to bask in the glow that is your internal fire and warm myself to fortify for the next (gawd) learning experience.<BR/><BR/>Keep on keepin' on, Sistah.Heather at My Coupon Coophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14429799440079596667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90550808878371097292009-03-15T06:40:00.000-04:002009-03-15T06:40:00.000-04:00I'm a little embarrassed at getting so sucked into...I'm a little embarrassed at getting so sucked into it last week. I was really upset (ask my husband)--though it didn't happen to me personally, I felt as I would have done the same thing, therefore my values were shamed as well. Plus, it is just sad when mothers don't support each other, no matter what their opinion on certain issues. We're all living this bizarre lifestyle together. I'm glad it's being put to rest, you've wrapped it up perfectly. My husband is relieved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-72903097364095309742009-03-15T02:20:00.000-04:002009-03-15T02:20:00.000-04:00That was a beautiful post and I love that you took...That was a beautiful post and I love that you took the time to sit down and figure out just what about the whole thing made you so angry. Well done. <BR/><BR/>And now I'm wondering what the Dooce/Bloggess controversy was all about because I read both of them and apparently missed it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68028185740136746752009-03-15T00:15:00.000-04:002009-03-15T00:15:00.000-04:00I keep typing, and deleting, my comment. My words...I keep typing, and deleting, my comment. My words are muddled, and my tongue gets twisted as I try to say, essentially, that I respect the heck out of your brain, and you inspire me. You really do. Thank you for sharing, and for continuing to share, your experience of motherhood with 'us'.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87928057034402854942009-03-14T23:03:00.000-04:002009-03-14T23:03:00.000-04:00@Cassi I'm going to agree with HBM that folks are ...@Cassi I'm going to agree with HBM that folks are pretty well-behaved at blogging conferences. Mostly everyone's too busy telling their own stories that they don't have time to tell someone else's. I've seen panelists critiqued for a controversial point of views or whining about the hotel room, but that's pretty much it.<BR/><BR/>I also think the good generally outweighs the bad - why devote a rare free moment to blogging about someone you don't like when you could be <A HREF="mom-101.blogspot.com/2007/07/putstuffonherbadmothercom.html" REL="nofollow">torturing someone you love?</A><BR/><BR/>Um...I mean <I>blogging about</I>. Blogging about someone you love.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59872628817924384872009-03-14T21:52:00.000-04:002009-03-14T21:52:00.000-04:00hey, I'm proud of what you did, what you wrote ear...hey, I'm proud of what you did, what you wrote earlier this week, that you opened it for hundreds of comments, and what you write now. The original act may not have been what I chose, but I love that this world is made up of many choices and personal styles. Kudos to you for showing us (again) your "I will soldier on and persevere" style. Immense respect is thrown your way... whatever will you talk about next week? I'll tune in, regardless! Go enjoy your weekend, offline, with your family.JPTGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13438473968572858087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-83506043293061944222009-03-14T20:16:00.000-04:002009-03-14T20:16:00.000-04:00I don't want to take sides, especially since I...I don't want to take sides, especially since I haven't been following this entire mess, but I do peek in from time to time on your both blogs so I did catch some of the controversy. I finally read the original post. It does make me sad and I wish for once people can just get along. It kinda reminds me of the aftermath of Motrin moms (I know, we are talking oranges & apples here). <BR/>I will say the one thing that would just would unnerve me is that if I went to a blogging conference and someone actually nit picked what I did on their blog. That would bug me. I would think there is some mutual respect, no? Then again, I'm sure the guys in their tech shows do that too. (Probably not fair comparison though--think women are different lol?)<BR/>Anyhow, good lessons for us all. And, I'm just so sorry to hear there was such anger and hurt on both sides :-(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-61612779706854458102009-03-14T20:00:00.000-04:002009-03-14T20:00:00.000-04:00Mimi - ha, it WOULD mean the opposite. and it woul...Mimi - ha, it WOULD mean the opposite. and it would be AWESOME.<BR/><BR/>Throw some approbrium on me!<BR/><BR/>(Also, seriously, I NEVER went to Rate My Professor, for the exact same reason. Also, because I heard that there was sometimes a bit too much talk of boobies when it came to younger female profs and lecturers. Which, was not up for.)Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-906160973685560232009-03-14T19:55:00.000-04:002009-03-14T19:55:00.000-04:00Also, I NEVER check my own rankings on Rate Your P...Also, I NEVER check my own rankings on Rate Your Professors, because, well, I know it's just a student diversion and the vent and wail and engage in locker room talk, man, really, I wayyyyyy happier just not knowing what people say about my very public persona of university teacher. And that's not my private life.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10812707312289852258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-66240778060962642892009-03-14T19:52:00.000-04:002009-03-14T19:52:00.000-04:00Must be silly: you made a typo, and where you mea...Must be silly: you made a typo, and where you meant to write 'opprobrium' (as in, don't dump any on Other Blogger), you wrote 'approbrium' which is funny, because although it's not a word, it should be, and also, it would, if it were a word, mean exactly the opposite of opprobrium and thus might be a Freudian typo!<BR/><BR/>And, don't you think, the internet in general needs more approbrium and less opprobrium.<BR/><BR/>Word nerdily yours,<BR/>Mimi :-)Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10812707312289852258noreply@blogger.com