tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post1269689021865149392..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: What I Don't Know Can Hurt MeHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-55510705310954804502007-10-19T16:43:00.000-04:002007-10-19T16:43:00.000-04:00I can't even possibly know what you are going thro...I can't even possibly know what you are going through, as I haven't had any children yet, but a friend mentioned it while talking to another who was trying to conceive, I didn't know that it was even possible, but it got me thinking then... and even now as we begin to think about having children I wonder what I would do in the same situation... not the age thing (I think it's ridiculous!) but the test or don't test, and what to do if there will be problems. I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm already scared. I'll be praying for you as you deal with this choice, and the pain it's causing you... those who believe, they say that it's all up to God... I like to think so...<BR/><BR/>good luck, and though you don't know me - hugs to you.Rustihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17912613768193549878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57596751785417379042007-10-18T15:57:00.000-04:002007-10-18T15:57:00.000-04:00You don't know me, so my opinion means diddly, but...You don't know me, so my opinion means diddly, but I had my first child at 36 and opted out of the amnio. He's perfectly healthy. I had my second 5 months ago, when I was 38. I opted for the amnio knowing I'd continue the pregnancy no matter what. I'd just be prepared better if something was wrong. There wasn't and he's perfectly healthy. I think that is the benefit... being able to not have an unwelcome surprise, of having the right doctors available, of getting better information early on when you have the baby safe inside.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck and good wishes.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11758645075652886877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-31364102102449293712007-10-18T12:05:00.000-04:002007-10-18T12:05:00.000-04:00I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.I lost ...I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.<BR/><BR/>I lost a niece to a genetic disorder and it was horrible.<BR/><BR/>I wish you all the best, and wisdom in making your decision.<BR/><BR/>A question may be- is it better to have loved and lost? Or better to never have loved at all.<BR/><BR/>And no matter what your answer to that is, it will be hard.Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15779440042714742035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-48038046671375474862007-10-16T22:14:00.000-04:002007-10-16T22:14:00.000-04:00Oof. Wishing you strengtha nd wisdom as you make y...Oof. Wishing you strengtha nd wisdom as you make your decision. Hugs.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05864631532886681402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-52010445158908558002007-10-16T14:05:00.000-04:002007-10-16T14:05:00.000-04:00Oh, I so understand. I haven't read all the comme...Oh, I so understand. I haven't read all the comments though, so maybe someone else has brought this up. There is another reason to do the test - preparation. Of course, it's harder if you really don't know what you'd do.<BR/><BR/>When I was pregnant with Hollis, my blood tests came back with a 1 in 30 chance of down syndrome. I had the amnio because our nephew has down syndrome. My BIL and SIL did not know and their baby had to be airlifted to another hospital several hundred miles away. He had scary heart complications. It was so frightening for everyone, we wanted to know.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-18340376892768047962007-10-16T10:22:00.000-04:002007-10-16T10:22:00.000-04:00well--I opted not to do it, and also have shrivell...well--I opted not to do it, and also have shrivelled ovaries. The results would not have changed anything. I know it's hard--the main thing is deciding if you *want* to know. What will you do with the knowledge. I know you won't love the baby any less. Sorry. I'm being didactic. But I second the motion for "feel the joy." (and I am not just referring to you grabbing my ass, although that is always a welcome surprise.gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-47701606794736294782007-10-15T22:21:00.000-04:002007-10-15T22:21:00.000-04:00I consider tough situations like as a struggle aga...I consider tough situations like as a struggle against negative thoughts. If we continue to have negative thoughts, it will only make us miserable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-73683047970128249042007-10-15T16:41:00.000-04:002007-10-15T16:41:00.000-04:00I don't know how I would feel either. I think I wo...I don't know how I would feel either. I think I would agree with Mom-101 though, I'd have the test. I like to know what I'm dealing with regardless of the outcome.ImpostorMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14886941703807825266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-27702223856649855892007-10-15T11:21:00.000-04:002007-10-15T11:21:00.000-04:00honey don't feel bad, its easy to say we will have...honey don't feel bad, its easy to say we will have this baby no matter what when you don't know what to expect, its easy to have no misgivings. But now you have wonderbaby and you know how HARD it is, and how much WORK it is. Yes its rewarding and you love her to bits but its hard work that is TIRING. Which means you don't KNOW, you can't know, b/c if there were genetic issues you just can't know what you would do. and that is OKAY. Hugs Hugs and more hugs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-24608318509150094542007-10-15T02:52:00.000-04:002007-10-15T02:52:00.000-04:00Things aren't so bad if we choose to look at it on...Things aren't so bad if we choose to look at it on the bright side.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-27352177260662069562007-10-15T01:25:00.000-04:002007-10-15T01:25:00.000-04:00Just want to give u a hug..*Hug*..Praying for u..b...Just want to give u a hug..*Hug*..<BR/>Praying for u..by the way i'm sure u're a wonderful mum..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-8533335060663518102007-10-14T21:54:00.000-04:002007-10-14T21:54:00.000-04:00when you exercise your ability to procreate, you r...when you exercise your ability to procreate, you roll some mighty big dice. <BR/><BR/>I ended a pregnancy due to obvious malformations and probable trisomy 18 or 21. we knew that it was the right decision when we started quietly hoping I would miscarry.<BR/><BR/>with my subsequent pregnancy and healthy son, we agreed to a neural translucency scan -- non-invasive and very accurate. i don't think i could have survived if we had encountered the same problems twice. even with a clean bill of health, it was nine months of gut-wrenching anxiety. <BR/><BR/>there is enough to worry about that is real and actual. try not to let the what if's hurt you unless they arrive at your doorstep. i wish you peace.mamadaisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10983199831374389086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-79914362450213770872007-10-14T20:55:00.000-04:002007-10-14T20:55:00.000-04:00You know what? You are a wonderful mother. Don't...You know what? You are a wonderful mother. Don't beat yourself up over what you are feeling or aren't right now. Remember hormones are flowing too...just relax. Do what you think is best in your heart.iheartchocolatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06506809401305000430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-68027868263175665072007-10-14T20:17:00.000-04:002007-10-14T20:17:00.000-04:00I can understand that, though, and I think it is n...I can understand that, though, and I think it is no shame to consider the other factors. You have a much-loved child already, and a child with special needs would have a major effect on her life as well as yours, for one thing. And you know now how hard it is to raise a child without extra challenges, I can understand how much more daunting the prospect looks. I think it's important to consider all of these things, no matter what your decision would be in the end. By considering, you can figure out, with greater conviction than you feel right now, where you stand.kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-33417688584399037552007-10-14T14:42:00.000-04:002007-10-14T14:42:00.000-04:00My lovely Bad, I just wanted to say I love you. Ti...My lovely Bad, I just wanted to say I love you. Tis a difficult dilemma, one I often pondered myself. If I had taken an amnio, or had an ultrasound beyond my first at nine weeks, and it had shown Bug's abnormal health, what would I have done?<BR/><BR/>Would I have been brave enough to choose to love him, flaws and all? Or would I have been brave enough to terminate a difficult pregnancy?<BR/><BR/>I don't know. I DO know I was and am thankful not to have had to make that choice.<BR/><BR/>I don't envy you one bit.<BR/><BR/>Know that I love you. <BR/><BR/>Even if you are of advanced maternal age, you old goat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-36839411066218809532007-10-14T12:14:00.000-04:002007-10-14T12:14:00.000-04:00We have a genetic disorder in our family. Both my...We have a genetic disorder in our family. Both my girls now have it. We're not talking about Down Syndrome- we've been very lucky that they are active and healthy aside from a few things which we really can't do anything about at this point. I have alot of guilt about passing this on to them but I would never trade them in for the world. <BR/>I'm going to tell you: don't feel guilty for weighing what having a child with Down Syndrome or some other disorder would do to your family and how it would affect the child you already have. That is a totally rational, a totally responsible response - and you KNOW in your heart if someone handed you a baby, you'd love that baby just the same whether it had Down Syndrome or not, but to willingly take that on is a heavy decision and then of course, the risk of the test-- it is a difficult decision. Sometimes it would just be nice if we didn't have to make those difficult decisions. If only we could look into a crystal ball...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1588167393877700802007-10-14T10:46:00.000-04:002007-10-14T10:46:00.000-04:00When I had my son I was just 35. If I had become p...When I had my son I was just 35. If I had become pregnant a year earlier nobody would have asked me to do an amnio. I had to find out that the risk of something going wrong because of the amnio and the risk for having child with down syndrome were exactly the same. One was supposed to be negligible and the other was supposed to be totally worth it.<BR/><BR/>It's you who has to decide but it isn't as if great test results make our children safe for life. Nor are bad test results always correct.<BR/><BR/>Of course the decision is yours to make.<BR/><BR/>(Um, I wrote about my own thoughts about this decision <A HREF="http://susannefritzsche.blogspot.com/2007/03/just-post-for-march.html" REL="nofollow">here</A> if anybody is interested.)Susannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14220769941216066968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-80408643519498871552007-10-14T06:21:00.000-04:002007-10-14T06:21:00.000-04:00God bless you.. may it all go well. may there be n...God bless you.. may it all go well. may there be no red flags. may we have a bonny little wonder baby #2 and may you be healthy and happy through it all. hang in there.. that is all we can offer - words and prayers. i have an award i've offered you too... but i have a feeling you may not have the time to collect it.the mad mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14535453643548976883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12600998398258423832007-10-14T04:01:00.000-04:002007-10-14T04:01:00.000-04:00It's ok you don't know. Do what you think feels r...It's ok you don't know. <BR/><BR/>Do what you think feels right for you and your family. That is really all that matters.Fairly Odd Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11974404093257620566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56351704710306098972007-10-13T23:59:00.000-04:002007-10-13T23:59:00.000-04:00I went thru this, too, with both Boo and The Bug. ...I went thru this, too, with both Boo and The Bug. I'd had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with Boo so was given all the same information you were given. I decided that I'd just go for the level II ultrasound. If that had shot up any red flags, I would have considered amnio, but only to find out so that I could get more information on how to deal with what might be. I wouldn't have terminated. I just wanted to be prepared. <BR/><BR/>Fortunately, my ultrasounds were both fine and I didn't have to go down that path. I'm not quite sure what I would have done, to be honest. <BR/><BR/>I know the heart-hurting feeling of this. I wish I had words to make it easier. I wish you peace in your hurting heart to help you make the decision that's right for you.Major Bedheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17669161302510096751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-41594113488477207422007-10-13T23:12:00.000-04:002007-10-13T23:12:00.000-04:00I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you...I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you. My brain always freezes just when I need it most. <BR/><BR/>But my heart is with you, all the same.Run ANChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06088821030860597465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-87711923892159819422007-10-13T23:01:00.000-04:002007-10-13T23:01:00.000-04:00Oh sweet [her]"bad" mother. The most painful thin...Oh sweet [her]"bad" mother. The most painful things in this life are when we doubt ourselves, when we are ashamed due to our own lack of conviction or are surpirsed by our own lack of faith. <BR/><BR/>Not Knowing IS fine. Not Knowing is a sign of all those positive things that come with being OVER 35. Those years of experience and maturity. Those years of seeing and living with the situations that Younger You would have rushed headlong into.<BR/><BR/>Not Knowing will change you. Will make you accept things about yourself that you hdn't accepted - and that's the journey, right? the one that got you this far?<BR/><BR/>You will choose wisely; you will choose with your hurting heart and you will learn to not jugde yourself so harshly.<BR/><BR/>Much Love<BR/><BR/>Femme xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-564159126047561952007-10-13T22:54:00.000-04:002007-10-13T22:54:00.000-04:00Sometimes, I think there is truth to the saying "I...Sometimes, I think there is truth to the saying "Ignorance is Bliss". Sometimes I wonder if we were ever meant to have a window into the womb. And yet...if someone told me something might be wrong with my baby, I would insist upon arming myself to the eyeteeth with information. It's a uniquely modern affliction, I think, this dichotomy. <BR/><BR/>It so tough. Good luck with whatever you decide and well baby wishes times ten.Blog Antagonisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09378330862349859998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-32145976824967158172007-10-13T21:06:00.000-04:002007-10-13T21:06:00.000-04:00I feel your pain of not knowing. I had a lot of th...I feel your pain of not knowing. I had a lot of the same lack of conviction with my second pregnancy. It hurt my heart, too, and I wasn't even Late Maternal Age. Hugs to you. Not knowing is ok. Not knowing is fine. It seems to me that once we become mothers that weighing risks is that much more difficult.Pgoodnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07070395099383753341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12857396922781453952007-10-13T20:36:00.000-04:002007-10-13T20:36:00.000-04:00I have no better advice to give you than any of th...I have no better advice to give you than any of the other fine women who have commented before me. I only wanted to pop in and say I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Ultimately, you will make whatever decision you feel is best for you, and will not be judged by any of us I'm sure. Much love and super big hugs.Nicholehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05959914034833564529noreply@blogger.com