tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post117018089251423501..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: I Was Drinking When I Wrote ThisHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-3507597710584585302007-07-23T21:53:00.000-04:002007-07-23T21:53:00.000-04:00I'm horrified that the majority of folks think it'...I'm horrified that the majority of folks think it's okay to get f&^%ed up in front of the kids....a glass is still alcohol, still a substance, still mind numbing. To do that in front of your kids when they depend on you if god forbid there was crisis, and rationalize it because Mommy (or Daddy) wants to get lit, it's pathetic.<BR/><BR/>We all judge, get over it. But don't get hammered in front of the kids. They deserve better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170452859132685002007-02-02T16:47:00.000-05:002007-02-02T16:47:00.000-05:00yo.i grew up knowing that 5:30 was cocktail time, ...yo.<BR/><BR/>i grew up knowing that 5:30 was cocktail time, and frequently was told "no, don't drink that cranberry juice. It's mommy's. It's got alchohol in it."<BR/><BR/><BR/>and i'm fine.<BR/>...i mean...relatively.JUST MEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15663723046451628228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170428623028909602007-02-02T10:03:00.000-05:002007-02-02T10:03:00.000-05:00While the debate on this question may be ludicrous...While the debate on this question may be ludicrous, I agree with HBM about the concern over the larger issue -- finding ways to to societally lecture mothers about "appropriate" behavior.<BR/><BR/>There's still a pretty large segment of society that believes women should only have certain rights and be limited to certain types of behavior. When some of those ideas get national play, it sets us all back.<BR/><BR/>Call me crazy, but I want R. to see me drinking a glass of wine sometimes (whether it's with dinner or with another mom) and learn that that works when there is moderation and responsibility.<BR/><BR/>And HBM, dont' get me started on the Bratz Dolls!PunditMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12919969826505761593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170398248910220342007-02-02T01:37:00.000-05:002007-02-02T01:37:00.000-05:00Just watched the segment, and wasn't aware of this...Just watched the segment, and wasn't aware of this controversy at all until I read about it here. You basically hit the nail on the head. And, whether we like to admit it or not, it really is a relative issue. What works for one may not work for the other.<BR/><BR/>I think the segment on the Today Show should have been longer, as one commenter mentioned a lot of info got "shovelled". It seemed as though the "expert" was bashing the mother/blogger who was there. I found myself wanting to interject so many times and then it was over. The piece made all the mothers sipping their wine seem like alcoholics, and one would assume they have drinks at all their playdates. I'm sure that isn't the case, however.Nicholehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05959914034833564529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170386316681533402007-02-01T22:18:00.000-05:002007-02-01T22:18:00.000-05:00I've been following this debate thru Melissa's web...I've been following this debate thru Melissa's website (Suburbanbliss) and watched The Today show. <BR/><BR/>I have friends who drink & friends who don't. It doesn't bother me if they do/don't drink in front of their kids. I'm not going to judge them. <BR/><BR/>My biggest "beef" is what about Chuck-E-Cheese...? They serve alcohol to parents. Sporting events serve alcohol. Lots of family-oriented events serve alcohol.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170377062662128632007-02-01T19:44:00.000-05:002007-02-01T19:44:00.000-05:00I just have to say this much...I have a friend who...I just have to say this much...<BR/><BR/>I have a friend who is an incredible mother, who I admire and respect, who allows her daughter to have Bratz dolls. As she has said, they ARE, after all, only a doll-not a moral compass. One doll alone isn't going to encourage that sort of behavior, it's the behavior that the parents model and what sort of relationship they have with their daughter that makes the biggest impact. <BR/><BR/>I personally am not sure if I would buy them or not if I had a daughter. <BR/><BR/>Drinking? I think that this whole issue is being blown out of proportion. I doubt that having a glass of wine while the kids play really is anything new-and seriously, it makes me wonder why nobody has mentioned the Dad that watches the kids and has a few beers. I don't see the difference.Scatteredmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07605640876979580340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170374683194800462007-02-01T19:04:00.000-05:002007-02-01T19:04:00.000-05:00I have about sixty thousand thoughts on this runni...I have about sixty thousand thoughts on this running through my head, but the first and foremost thought is very simple, and it relates to Mommy Wars as a whole:<BR/>The reason we criticize and judge those around us is to feel bigger, better, more important or smarter than someone. We wish to feel superior. End of line. Full stop.<BR/>Therefore, wouldn't it make the most sense to take in the negative commentary about ourselves or our friends and loved ones, process it against our own moral compass, and discard that which doesn't jibe? Because frankly, there will always be some person with an inferiority complex out there trying to make themselves feel bigger by belittling others.<BR/>Down With Mommy Wars!Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07332126804455557046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170373557378271402007-02-01T18:45:00.000-05:002007-02-01T18:45:00.000-05:00It's interesting living in the UK / Europe. Havin...It's interesting living in the UK / Europe. Having a glass of wine or two around your kids isn't the big 'issue' it is back home. Kind of nice.<BR/><BR/>As for judging other parents (not just moms), I try really hard not to do that. But I do think there should be 'discussion' once in a while...<BR/><BR/>Great post. Glad I finally managed to sit down and read it!ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170361346541411502007-02-01T15:22:00.000-05:002007-02-01T15:22:00.000-05:00I'm sick of the judging as well - which means I am...I'm sick of the judging as well - which means I am sick of myself, because I rank right up there with the Queen of Judgment herself (who I think may be my SIL, but I digress).<BR/><BR/>The Bratz thing - I refuse to buy the kids them. Unfortunately, they get them for gifts. What turned me off was the one who was wearing a THONG two years ago. Holy hell, man! But you're right - those products, plus the clothes that are out nowadays, are contributing to it all. My husband's relative gives us her 6 year old daughter's clothes...I can't believe the bras and bikinis and other clothes that are in this thing. My kids look like they're from the 1800's compared to some of the other kids in their classes. Plus giving the kids cell phones and laptops at the age of 6? Come on. <BR/><BR/>Uh oh. There's the judging again.<BR/><BR/>Raising my glass to you. :)Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382797455070371722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170351686396731672007-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:002007-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00My mind feels as though it's swishing around in th...My mind feels as though it's swishing around in the washing machine after reading this. Whoo! Reminds me of that Liz Phair song "Love/Hate": "What's good for one oppresses the other . . . ."Damselflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139191935886860839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170344544868650552007-02-01T10:42:00.000-05:002007-02-01T10:42:00.000-05:00p.s. sorry for the "typos" - I am new to this and ...p.s. sorry for the "typos" - I am new to this and pressed "send" too soon!Rachel Briggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08657472782444613862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170344396735405832007-02-01T10:39:00.000-05:002007-02-01T10:39:00.000-05:00I live in the UK and prabably we have a different ...I live in the UK and prabably we have a different approach in Europe to this! That is, a lighter way of seeing it, which is not so alarmist! What's important, in my humble view, is balance and ove when raising your children, a sense of respect and openness which a glass of wine isn't going to "damage"!<BR/><BR/>Cheers!Rachel Briggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08657472782444613862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170301132511765802007-01-31T22:38:00.000-05:002007-01-31T22:38:00.000-05:00I think that these spirited debates don't usually ...I think that these spirited debates don't usually happen about Dads because it wouldn't go anywhere. They don't care enough about the judgment of others to buzz about it and fan it into a "social consciousness" flame. <BR/><BR/>As far as judging others goes, I like the Bible - it basically says you get what you dish (take that, you hypocrites out there!) and that you should judge something by the way it turns out and not before. <BR/><BR/>My Mom (and Dad) drank in front of us occasionally, usually during special times like Thanksgiving or a party. But there was always plenty of beer left over, noone got sloshed and we knew they didn't care and had it under control. They never drank when we were hanging out casually as a family. They had a row of liquor bottles up high where we could see them, not reach them and we saw the dust accumulate. None of us were damaged by their drinking. <BR/><BR/>Why sweat it? The kids will inevitably see where our priorities lie "and that, my friends, makes all the difference in the world".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170299330836486792007-01-31T22:08:00.000-05:002007-01-31T22:08:00.000-05:00I think this whole debate is ludicrous. Another ex...I think this whole debate is ludicrous. Another example of when the judging goes too far. It's soooo welcoming, encouraging negative judgement. That's it -- we can have judging, but not so negative, please? :) Constructive judging. Yes, that's what it should be. Critical thinking, in other words. Never a bad thing if constructive, etc.Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07516203764767040649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170291107304905892007-01-31T19:51:00.000-05:002007-01-31T19:51:00.000-05:00Um, why was there no discussion of Dads who drink ...Um, why was there no discussion of Dads who drink in front of their kids? Is the Dad who comes home from work and has a beer less of a danger to his children than a Mom who has a beer at a play date? I still think the whole stink was royally stupid and certainly lowers my opinion of the Today and Meredith substantially. But if we're going to attack Moms who drink, why aren't we attacking parents who drink? It's a fairly sexist debate on top of everything else. My Mom didn't drink n front of me, my Dad did to excess and that left a lasting impression on me. Are his actions somehow less harmful because he's a man? Very poor "journalism" on their part, extremely disappointing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170282416962643362007-01-31T17:26:00.000-05:002007-01-31T17:26:00.000-05:00Wow HBM, every post of yours I read makes me want ...Wow HBM, every post of yours I read makes me want to meet you more! (in a non-threatening, non-stalking way)(eek!)<BR/><BR/>I have to agree that we give power to objects or behavior by our reaction to them. My son knows Mommy and Daddy have a beer or a glass of wine in the evening. My parents did not drink at all. I don't see how either way of parenting is better or worse!<BR/><BR/>If a "bad word" slips out of my mouth and my son repeats it, I don't react. The bad word doesn't get repeated, because I didn't give it the power by reacting.<BR/><BR/>If a child sees alcohol, or even a Bratz doll as noting special, I think power won't be given to it, and therefore it won't be "a problem".<BR/><BR/>JMO.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170280072680480362007-01-31T16:47:00.000-05:002007-01-31T16:47:00.000-05:00Oh and what I noticed and feel is that there is a ...Oh and what I noticed and feel is that there is a big difference between a 'official' playdate..something set up for your kids and just getting together with friends who happen to be moms or parents...ie for drinks or a bbq.<BR/><BR/>The impression I got from some of the people who got really hot and bothered about it all were women who seemed more concerned with social networking than playdates for their children.<BR/><BR/>I also think the Today show made a bit about a non issue and totally ambushed Melissa...no matter how I feel about her take on the whole thing....<BR/><BR/>It turned from some wine a playdates to boozy moms whooping it up.<BR/><BR/>big difference.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170279558980061772007-01-31T16:39:00.000-05:002007-01-31T16:39:00.000-05:00Here is my take on it...in case anyone is interest...Here is my take on it...in case anyone is interested....<BR/><BR/>http://crunchycarpets.com/archives/50Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170278530927477132007-01-31T16:22:00.000-05:002007-01-31T16:22:00.000-05:00I don't think drinking alcohol in front of the chi...I don't think drinking alcohol in front of the children is a big deal. I think I'm a dedicated parent but have a glass of wine every night. I hardly think that's what determines a good parent from a bad parent. I try to include my kids in everything I do and talk to them about everything. I think that's the best way to give them a good start in life.<BR/><BR/>I find that people who haven't been around much (traveled, lived in other countries, hang out with a diverse crows of friends, etc) tend to be more clueless and much more restrictive with their kids. Instead of embracing social interaction they try to restrict their kids instead. And we all know what happens during the teenage years with restricted kids.<BR/><BR/>It's overall an interesting subject but I must really question how anyone can have a couple of kids, work hard, and make it though teh day without a couple of drinks??:-))<BR/><BR/>ADAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170274424347844042007-01-31T15:13:00.000-05:002007-01-31T15:13:00.000-05:00Hi I'm a bad mom...My kids have Bratz dolls, I've ...Hi I'm a bad mom...My kids have Bratz dolls, I've had a few drinks in front of them in their lifetime, and I work outside the home. Somehow, amazingly, they are normal, healthy, well adjusted children growing into productive adults. Amazing how that works huh? I hate those Bratz dolls, but I also realized that if I refused to have a discussion about them, refused to let them in my house (realize I have older girls - 8 and 13), then I've given them more power. If I help choose them and discuss why I don't like them with my girls, then that power isn't so great. If I point out that the only place you see people dressed like that is in videos, that normal people do not dress like that on a regular basis, they learn. As one poster said, they have the power they do because we've given it to them. This can be applied to anything in life. I also don't drink very often, because I just don't like them much. But I work hard to teach my children that most things in life are okay, as long as you enjoy them in moderation.Mamalanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00200657325831762553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170273303690974792007-01-31T14:55:00.000-05:002007-01-31T14:55:00.000-05:00The judgment that I have is only on the media for ...The judgment that I have is only on the media for portraying the role of the mother as holier than thou and uptight. It seems mothers are to have high ideals, carry a large guilt load and remain slightly removed from modern society. (Certainly it appears that there should be an airline for mothers only.)<BR/><BR/>However whether another mother has a drink in front of their child, chooses breastfeeding or formula, or even lets their children play with toys that are not in my house, that is their decision. I have the ability to choose my own ideals and remain open to friendship with everyone. <BR/><BR/>I think this is about acceptance and respect rather than judging. We can debate and choose different ideas. <BR/><BR/>I admit I'm likely to have more friends that share the same values. However if we do have the same reasoning it is often because we are open minded and logical. However I do value differences and others who have the ability to express new ideas because that is more interesting than being clones. <BR/><BR/>I always welcome debate but when judgment comes with hatred, I tend to back away. I think the media has a way of turning these types of wars into ways that women attack each other. These battles are a waste of time and energy. Can't we agree that we don't want to raise our children exactly like everyone else?ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170268421421560342007-01-31T13:33:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:33:00.000-05:00I think you are right on the money when you wonder...I think you are right on the money when you wonder if judging women as a societal predisposition (or even a deliberate construct by social framers) is the capital on which greater society barters.<BR/><BR/>In general, I don't have any problems with people bashing each other over the heads with who's way is the best way, primarily because I tend to think that most reasonable people understand that we are all different and in need of different solutions to similar problems.<BR/><BR/>But, having said that, I can't help but come back to a feeling that we are all so FEARFUL of our decisions, of the world around us and the potential for screwing up that we are merely projecting that fear onto others. <BR/><BR/>I know kids who are good, thoughtful kids who played with and outgrew Bratz dolls. I don't have a problem with pornography as objectifying women. I believe women have an equal say in objectifying themselves.<BR/><BR/>But I do have a problem with things of this nature because I really believe this is some non-issue made enormous by some corporate behemoth looking for ratings. <BR/><BR/>I do not believe this show did any damage whatsoever to the women who were interviewed, and if anything showed that the the idea that they are to be held to some higher standard presumably because their jobs as mother's superscedes their needs as humans, collapsed on itself.<BR/><BR/>I seriously feel good about this. I feel as if the tide is turning for us; now all we have to do is stop justifying our decisions and we will have made it to the top of the mountain.toyfotohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17925976386177377987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170267971561660342007-01-31T13:26:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:26:00.000-05:00Man, there should be some congressional declared "...Man, there should be some congressional declared "War on Mommy Wars".<BR/><BR/>Why can't everybody just save their judgments for more important things, like the the crazy people who eat their babies and put their kids in beauty pageants, instead of stuff like this.<BR/><BR/>I miss those days...Creative-Type Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594687030412942701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170265492162110632007-01-31T12:44:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:44:00.000-05:00Christina - EXcellent point. I'll have to take it ...Christina - EXcellent point. I'll have to take it up in my follow-up post. And Queen Haline - yours is an even better example than the drinking one, because it shows how scary judgment can get, what it looks like when society judges things like the biology or sexuality of parents. I'll check out your post, for sure.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1170265296498793482007-01-31T12:41:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:41:00.000-05:00No matter how Pollyanna anyone wishes to be, the r...No matter how Pollyanna anyone wishes to be, the reality is that it is in human nature to judge. It is how one expresses their judgement that is the problem, not the very act of judging itself. IMO.<BR/><BR/>It is funny that a Today Show episode started you off on this track. On the message boards for parents of donor insemination children there was a huge row last week about a Today Show segment in which a lady from the "right" called those of us who have procreated without the help of a partner selfish - suggesting that our children will never be mentally healthy as a result.<BR/><BR/>That, my friend, is judging!<BR/><BR/>I wrote a bit about it today.Mahlers On Safarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00030007623035197801noreply@blogger.com