tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post116917766577166955..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Putting Things To RestHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169562717754486502007-01-23T09:31:00.000-05:002007-01-23T09:31:00.000-05:00The gun picture is priceless.Neither of my kids na...The gun picture is priceless.<BR/>Neither of my kids napped much beyond around 18 months. We moved when my son was that age and he just got thrown off. Not that my daughter was a great napper...she went from two 45 minute naps to 1 one hour nap. No three hours to get things done for me. But they went to bed nice and early, where all my friends had to rock and soothe until 8 or 9, and couldn't come and enjoy a girls' night out. So sometimes no napping can be a blessing!Feliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07906947639906600830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169557983708499932007-01-23T08:13:00.000-05:002007-01-23T08:13:00.000-05:00I was a bad sleeper and when I complain to my moth...I was a bad sleeper and when I complain to my mother that the Brat doesnt sleep through the night at 20 months, she grins evilly and says its justice. i think we are all falling into too much of a pattern of following the book. I dont know a child who will not sleep if she doesnt need it. if she sleeps in breaks.... get used to it.. i am... all the best either way! ur a terrific and insightful mother...the mad mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14535453643548976883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169540323696436272007-01-23T03:18:00.000-05:002007-01-23T03:18:00.000-05:00normal? we don't do normal in our house! i know ...normal? we don't do normal in our house! i know for me that once i accepted things were as they were and stopped fretting about it things felt way easier. i was still tired but at least not tired, anxious and feeling a failure as well. and when she is an adult being able to get by on little sleep will make her a captain of industry or whatever rocks her boat by then!joker the lurcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17260629209872897792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169516402931872902007-01-22T20:40:00.000-05:002007-01-22T20:40:00.000-05:00great post, and I hear you loud and clear.what is ...great post, and I hear you loud and clear.<BR/>what is normal anyhow?<BR/>somedays Lulu naps, somedays not so much.<BR/>some nights she goes down without a fuss at 8pm and sleeps straight through until 7-8a.m. alleluia!<BR/>but most often it's more like 9, or 10 and gasp even sometimes 11 p.m. I guess she wants to stay up to catch the news...<BR/>But all you can really do is go with the flow.<BR/>Oh and quite the photo with you and all the guns..petite gourmandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14390555269928625967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169499354451759742007-01-22T16:02:00.000-05:002007-01-22T16:02:00.000-05:00You only have one child. If you had several say, ...You only have one child. If you had several say, more than four...you probably would be more on the "go with the flow" side!tallulahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02844399832417509801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169385354181931092007-01-21T08:15:00.000-05:002007-01-21T08:15:00.000-05:00I sweat a lot of stuff with #1. I wanted to do it...I sweat a lot of stuff with #1. I wanted to do it right, it was so important that he got everything that "they" said he needed.<BR/>But 19 months later when OOOPS we had the twins, I had to adjust and it was really rough at first. I had to realize that as long as we weren't malnourished and no blood was shed, we were okay.<BR/><BR/>It's tough to realize that despite your best efforts, they will thwart your efforts to be perfect.Gidge Urizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14879734082487890329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169364691563614562007-01-21T02:31:00.000-05:002007-01-21T02:31:00.000-05:00Not only did my father have a fully loaded gun rac...Not only did my father have a fully loaded gun rack bolted to the wall of our family room/basement ... there he also bolted an 8 point buck in all its taxidermied, dead glory. To add insult to injury, or in this case, hunting/shooting death, he even had the poor deer's hooves mounted. They were bent upwards in odd rigormortus (spelling) formation, holding the gun that took its life. Talk about scary for a little girl in the 70s. I hated that thing, even if it did taste pretty scrumptious in stew, burgers and meatloafs all winter. Ew.Domestic Slackstresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03067343703529550218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169331809644103002007-01-20T17:23:00.000-05:002007-01-20T17:23:00.000-05:00Letting it go is wise. Even though you are the mo...Letting it go is wise. Even though you are the mother, it doesn't necessarily make you the boss. Just make sure Wonderbaby doesn't know that though.Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06674183841047522995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169316118993339572007-01-20T13:01:00.000-05:002007-01-20T13:01:00.000-05:00I'm on the side of letting it go. Motherhood requi...I'm on the side of letting it go. Motherhood requires sanity. I'm no expert and my LittleJ is only 6 months old, but the only way I get through every day is by rolling with the punches and doing the best that I can. <BR/><BR/>I fretted immensely after reading Weissbluth because my girl wasn't falling into the patterns he described despite my best efforts. My father told me that perhaps my daughter wasn't following the "rules" because she hadn't read the book. (After four solid months of little or no sleep, that's the closest I've ever come to decking dear old dad). But it did help relax me a bit about the whole thing.<BR/><BR/>Now, sometimes she naps/sleeps at night well, sometimes she doesn't, but I have not discovered the secret of MAKING the child sleep so I just go with it. <BR/><BR/>A good friend says she thinks of everything her 18 month old daughter does as a phase because it always changes on her. Good, bad and ugly. Sleep, behaviour and every other habit. I have adopted this theory to keep myself sane.<BR/><BR/>As for the nature v. nurture debate, I've just started reading "What's Going On In There?: How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life" by neuroscientist Lise Elliot. In chapter one she seems to be in the "it's a combination of both" camp...if it varies significantly later on I'll let you know :-)<BR/><BR/>Sorry, I've left a bit of a novel here. End babbling.Canuckedup mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18307468740398987635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169307914750981872007-01-20T10:45:00.000-05:002007-01-20T10:45:00.000-05:00I would let it go. One less battle to fight. She j...I would let it go. One less battle to fight. She just may not need it. One of my kids was like that...gave up her nap at about 14 months old. I would try to get her to sleep, to no avail. Then I realized I needed her to sleep more than she did!<BR/> <BR/>Oh and that photo of you and your mom by the gun rack? *LOL* Great "shot"! ;)The Domesticatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08333326286672903879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169293098961100972007-01-20T06:38:00.000-05:002007-01-20T06:38:00.000-05:00Let it be, let it beeeee... since we're being 70's...Let it be, let it beeeee... since we're being 70's.<BR/><BR/>I'm convinced that my screwed up work schedule (I rise at 2:30am two days a week) messed Jake up in utero and there's nothing to be done about it.<BR/><BR/>He wakes up at about that time (I do too, even when I don't have to go in) and I think it's because it's what he experienced since he was conceived.<BR/><BR/>I can't do anything about it... so I accept it.<BR/><BR/>WB is one gorgeous baby!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169280455403983872007-01-20T03:07:00.000-05:002007-01-20T03:07:00.000-05:00Hey, I resent the "freakishly long spider-monkey t...Hey, I resent the "freakishly long spider-monkey toes" comment--myself a member of that exclusive and rather prestigious group of genetically superior beings :)Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169263164337013722007-01-19T22:19:00.000-05:002007-01-19T22:19:00.000-05:00Ahh sleep ... for those who have it is a non-issue...Ahh sleep ... for those who have it is a non-issue ... for those who do not it is craziness. We have had some ups and downs as of late and oh boy do I miss the sleep action.<BR/><BR/>You are right to attempt to shrug it off, there is little we can do but try :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169257640148841712007-01-19T20:47:00.000-05:002007-01-19T20:47:00.000-05:00You have the right idea! Shrug it off & say what ...You have the right idea! Shrug it off & say what the heck. It is what it is.<BR/><BR/>And buy stock in coffee.<BR/><BR/>P.S. Wonderbaby is absolutely friggin adorable, if I haven't told you that before. Love the baby fro.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169254550342112772007-01-19T19:55:00.000-05:002007-01-19T19:55:00.000-05:00I could count on my fingers the number of times ei...I could count on my fingers the number of times either of my children (5.5 years and 2.5 years) has slept 12-13 hours in a single day. I'd still have some fingers left over. And all of the fingers in use would represent days on which the child was physically ill.<BR/><BR/>So. Yes. Roll with it. That's probably how it is. And you're right that it will probably be easier to cope with when you're not fighting it anymore.<BR/><BR/>Caffeine in large doses makes it easier to cope with, too.Phantom Scribblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03258384756183844406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169241350134554322007-01-19T16:15:00.000-05:002007-01-19T16:15:00.000-05:00yup chill out. I fought the sleep battles long and...yup chill out. I fought the sleep battles long and hard and begrudgingly let the nap fade recently. I know what you mean about feeling as responsible for sleep as you do for proper nutrition. I really think you are doing the best you can. Check those charts in ferber and weissbluth regarding the total amount of sleep - it will probably make you feel better. I think 12-13 hours is about what they are meant to have in 24hrs so if she is getting it all at one stretch (w I pray she is again soon) then it is what it is.<BR/>Watch her and try to let her nap if you can but don't beat yourself up about it anymore.<BR/>One other note is that I always thought I was doing something wrong but when my child went to daycare the professionals also had a very hard time and often I did better on naps than they did (contrary to what Dr W suggested).<BR/><BR/>I wish you sleepmoplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169236730220528332007-01-19T14:58:00.000-05:002007-01-19T14:58:00.000-05:00lamentably, these things seem to be inherited. if ...lamentably, these things seem to be inherited. if i could _teach_ my daughter to love sleeping, it would have happened by now. after all, she sees me nap frequently. but she takes after her father who couldn't take a daytime nap for a million dollars.megachickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07803819761757537823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169235452944607472007-01-19T14:37:00.000-05:002007-01-19T14:37:00.000-05:00My father always says that he has lazy mitochondri...My father always says that he has lazy mitochondria, that he needs way more sleep than average. I needed about 10 hurs a night for peak performance for most of my life, though it has dropped back to about 9. I often pass out early on the couch and sleep 11 or 12 hours when I am partiuclarly tired. This is not the dad I grew up with. So there might be something there, though of course it's hard to be sure. (I find it interesting, too, that I sometimes see my own expressions or habits in him on the rare occasions when I see him face to face. Strange, to meeet someone so not part of your life who is so part of you anyhow.)<BR/><BR/>And as to no naps, my solution is to enforce downtime on days when she refuses to actually sleep. So she spends 1.5 hours in her crib with some books and her few fave toys chatterboxing and so on, but it's quiet (relatively) time for us both. That was my friend's moms solution too, for my friend Alberta was notoriously hyper and nap-resistant as a child.kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169234217706543282007-01-19T14:16:00.000-05:002007-01-19T14:16:00.000-05:00Of course it is all right to buck the "model" of n...Of course it is all right to buck the "model" of normalcy. It's so strange, I think, that we all want to be unique but we don't want to be different.<BR/><BR/>I really think you can help kids sleep by trying to minimize things which may be interfereing, but there are so many other components of our personalities that you can't change, nor would you want to.<BR/><BR/>When I was a kid I was a good sleeper. My sister wasn't. I needed sleep, whereas my sister needed to know what was going on. If something was happening she had to be in the middle of it all. That's just who she is.toyfotohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17925976386177377987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169231939027488592007-01-19T13:38:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:38:00.000-05:00I didn't have time to peruse all the comments, so ...I didn't have time to peruse all the comments, so I'm sorry if I repeat. When I first became a stay at home mother, lo so many years ago, there were lots of things that got under my skin. But the thing that really really bothered me was unloading the dishwasher. I unloaded that thing every day! It was such a pain in the ass! Where were all the fucking dishes coming from? And why WHY!! didn't my husband help me do it more often? I would get tense just walking into the kitchen and seeing that bastard dishwasher sitting there, all pretty and full of clean dishes. Then one day, I thought: oh well, it's just a dishwasher. The truth is, it takes less than 5 minutes to unload it. Once I stopped fighting the dishwasher I found I didn't even notice it anymore. There are lots of things like that about parenting. When you stop fighting, when you can let go of your preconceived notion (I'm not supposed to have to unload the dishwasher every day!!), then things become SO much easier.<BR/><BR/>Just my 2cents. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there!<BR/><BR/>Oh, and p.s. I LOVE to sleep, and I've always been an epic sleeper. Both my children are also extremely good at sleeping. So I do think biology has a lot to do with it.Piece of Workhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330147978064465604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169231473074865132007-01-19T13:31:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:31:00.000-05:00I love. l.o.v.e. the look on your mother's face. r...I love. l.o.v.e. the look on your mother's face. right now...as she reads this post, she is probably high fisting the air and screaming silently to herself...KARMA!<BR/><BR/>That being said, you do need down time during the day...have you gone over to the dark side of a teeny bit of TV yet? Slippery slope I know, but by whatever means ya know?crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169230555695215312007-01-19T13:15:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:15:00.000-05:00Go With the Flow is the ideal model, lady. The on...Go With the Flow is the ideal model, lady. The only thing I would say (unsolicited) is that if she does not seem tired then don't sweat it. (of course, there will always be Those Days).<BR/><BR/>All this said, it does not stop be from obsessing about getting Sam into Good Sleep Habits right now. And I mean obsessing.<BR/><BR/>Nice wig!gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169230180179071502007-01-19T13:09:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:09:00.000-05:00Oh yeah! I want some of the 70s drugs! You seeme...Oh yeah! I want some of the 70s drugs! You seemed to turn out okay, medication notwithstanding ;-)Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10812707312289852258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169229921126266352007-01-19T13:05:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:05:00.000-05:00We've been through this at my house recently. We'...We've been through this <A HREF="http://mimion.blogspot.com/2007/01/curtain-number-one-or-curtain-number.html" REL="nofollow">at my house</A> recently. We've tried all kinds of techniques too, and have wound up with Wonderbaby-sleep: one big chunk at night, and negligible naps during the day.<BR/><BR/>To hell with it. If Wonderbaby seems well-rested and is not obviously suffering from her 'lack' of sleep, just go with it. If the Internet has taught me anything, it's that there is real range of daytime sleep behaviours in happy, normal infants. (Let's not describe their tired, needing caffeine, mommies).<BR/><BR/>You're right to imagine you'll be happier if you readjust your expectations: instead of your and WB 'failing' all the time, you'll just come to expect a different normal, a new standard that you can in fact attain.<BR/><BR/>You cannot force someone to sleep. But you can decide whether or not be be upset about it. Go team!Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10812707312289852258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1169228197945836742007-01-19T12:36:00.000-05:002007-01-19T12:36:00.000-05:00It's horrible, isn't it? Not sleeping enough doesn...It's horrible, isn't it? Not sleeping enough doesn't sound like a huge deal on paper, but once it's actually your life and there's no real relief what do you do? I copy by setting my own bedtime ridiculously early and having no actual life. <BR/>Having said that: there is a difference between not napping because the toddler has outgrown napping (and mine all did before they were two), and not napping because they can get away with it. Of course, my husband handles bedtimes, so I can pontificate all I want.... good luck.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com