tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post116293801375986868..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Who wields a poem...Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163894703092303002006-11-18T19:05:00.000-05:002006-11-18T19:05:00.000-05:00You're such an amazing person. And an amazing writ...You're such an amazing person. And an amazing writer.<BR/><BR/>I will talk. For Tanner. And for you.Lenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07334552523048470954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163445554567481322006-11-13T14:19:00.000-05:002006-11-13T14:19:00.000-05:00I completely understand why you don't write about ...I completely understand why you don't write about Tanner. I have a nephew who was hit by a car. <BR/><BR/>While the experience was heartbreaking, tragic, and in the end uplifting, I'm not sure how my family would feel if I wrote about it. It's not my story to tell either...and writing about it could be painful and yet healing for me, but the consequences could be a rift in my family. They don't even know that I have a blog.<BR/><BR/>You will know when the time is right. Your heart will tell you.Scatteredmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07605640876979580340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163422174038159632006-11-13T07:49:00.000-05:002006-11-13T07:49:00.000-05:00When you're ready to write about this darling chil...When you're ready to write about this darling child, I have no doubt it will be the most powerful thing you ever write.<BR/><BR/>For Tanner.Ruth Dynamitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06161626814106717754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163093467158554592006-11-09T12:31:00.000-05:002006-11-09T12:31:00.000-05:00i think you just broke my heart, lady.i think you just broke my heart, lady.Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004168548188885215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163083987949549202006-11-09T09:53:00.000-05:002006-11-09T09:53:00.000-05:00How strange to read this post just after writing a...How strange to read this post just after writing about the death of a friend's child. SIDS.<BR/><BR/>Too close to home. Man. Those poor kids.<BR/><BR/>Tell your story. Your part is still yours. Tanner deserves your voice.JChevaishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02683339168047479228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163049203850234492006-11-09T00:13:00.000-05:002006-11-09T00:13:00.000-05:00This was the most amazing post. I'm going to look...This was the most amazing post. I'm going to look into our local muscular dystrophy group tomorrow to find out what needs they have. Thank you for writing this.Girl con Quesohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18185883042219064363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163040665476522392006-11-08T21:51:00.000-05:002006-11-08T21:51:00.000-05:00A beautiful post, one that touches me deeply. Writ...A beautiful post, one that touches me deeply. Writing can help deal with the thoughts and emotions that are rattling around in your brain. Even if you don't share them here, it helps to get things down on paper. We'll be here for you if you want to share. It seems like Tanner is a beautiful child and you are so lucky to be in his life.Virtualspritehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06906165073300321977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163032579411344542006-11-08T19:36:00.000-05:002006-11-08T19:36:00.000-05:00As I was tossing and turning last night in my sea ...As I was tossing and turning last night in my sea of insomnia I thought about my initial comment on this post and I felt it was wrongly put. What I meant to say is something more like, we are blessed not to have illness in our children's lives, NOT as I said, that we were lucky not to know ill children.<BR/>When my Big Girl was in SK, one of the boys in her class was very ill with cancer. He was undergoing treatment, and all of the families pitched in to help in any way we could. Bear in mind they had two other children to care for as well. It was hell on earth for them. But every child in that class got their eyes opened WAY up, and it was beautiful, the natural understanding they had. Gives one hope. (Oh, he got better.)<BR/>And you know, you have written about Tanner, and it was beautiful. Move through it, cycle back to writing about him as often as you need, you obviously love him very much. And through writing about him, a few more people know of him and his ongoing story. That in and of itself will be a stunning legacy.crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163029911835531222006-11-08T18:51:00.000-05:002006-11-08T18:51:00.000-05:00This post makes me hurt. But I'm glad I read it.This post makes me hurt. But I'm glad I read it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163022068771677452006-11-08T16:41:00.000-05:002006-11-08T16:41:00.000-05:00You're certainly not less of a writer - just more ...You're certainly not less of a writer - just more of a human. Writing through pain is not something most people do and I believe, not even most writers. When you take a memoir class, one of the crucial elements to writing successfully is having time and perspective. Otherwise it's journaling. And while blogging may be more like journaling, it's perhaps then less of writing (in the classic sense). You'll write about painful stuff when you're ready. Or maybe you'll write about the painful stuff now and share when you're ready. Or maybe you'd just rather not write about it at all because it's yours and no one else's. <BR/><BR/>That would be just fine too.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163015451052277842006-11-08T14:50:00.000-05:002006-11-08T14:50:00.000-05:00(Big sigh.)Thanks, all. I still feel guilty. I gue...(Big sigh.)<BR/><BR/>Thanks, all. I still feel guilty. I guess it's that I feel that I should be able to overcome my reluctance to write through/about fear and pain. Or that I should at least be able to write about happy things about him. But I find that even harder, sometimes, because the dark edge of grief is always there. <BR/><BR/>I guess I thought that I'd be able to get above it, past it, whatever and just write. That it's hard is hard, if that makes sense.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163012141293236412006-11-08T13:55:00.000-05:002006-11-08T13:55:00.000-05:00What a beautiful child. I am speechless. And emb...What a beautiful child. I am speechless. And embarrassed about that too. <BR/><BR/>You've inspired so many of us to write recently, about our passions, about our love for our children. This post was inspiring as well. I have no personal connection to children that disappear -- and yet, you have moved me to learn more and to support those that I find.<BR/><BR/>Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163002093235240382006-11-08T11:08:00.000-05:002006-11-08T11:08:00.000-05:00Tough post for me to comment on, Catherine.As a pa...Tough post for me to comment on, Catherine.<BR/><BR/>As a parent of a child who was invisible to the masses and then quickly dissolved like a snowflake in the sunshine, I know all to well the pain of writing about loss, childhood illnesses and pain.<BR/><BR/>Good luck to Tanner. And to his parents. May they find strength in the love they all share.<BR/><BR/>And thank you, Catherine, for writing for the ones who can not. Even when it's tough.<BR/><BR/>Because, sometimes, us parents just can't articulate what we are going through, or what we want to say.Redneck Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09947243296264284961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163000885839785122006-11-08T10:48:00.000-05:002006-11-08T10:48:00.000-05:00Catherine. But you have written about sweet Tanne...Catherine. But you have written about sweet Tanner. And through those posts I feel like I have had a chance to meet him and, honestly, he is often in my thoughts. I think about the children like Tanner who touch the world in such a special way. Hugs and love to you and your family my friend.Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17049745050947936354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1163000190102493452006-11-08T10:36:00.000-05:002006-11-08T10:36:00.000-05:00This was a really brave step, my friend. You are ...This was a really brave step, my friend. You are not a coward; you're human. And you're trying.<BR/><BR/>I will add Tanner to my prayers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162999958072957412006-11-08T10:32:00.000-05:002006-11-08T10:32:00.000-05:00I share your stifledness on writing. My sister ha...I share your stifledness on writing. My sister has muscular dystrophy. I cannot put it into words yet.<BR/><BR/>Plus, she reads my blog, and I don't know yet how to write for the audience that includes her. Without violating her privacy or toning down the intensity of my feelings for fear of embarrassing her. <BR/><BR/>There's just not enough words, sometimes.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02778318185310548615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162999528364896042006-11-08T10:25:00.000-05:002006-11-08T10:25:00.000-05:00i swear you might have been speaking to me directl...i swear you might have been speaking to me directly, you have read my post on my nephew in honor of his first birthday, today i wrote a post i feel a little guilty about putting up about our genetic screening results because it is too heavy, too emotional-i was crying as i typed it, but felt i just needed it to be out there in the universe, that it somehow made me feel better, so guilty that i posted a preface so people could just skip it if they didn't feel like going there...<BR/>and here is your post about talking about it, like a sign that i should leave out there...<BR/>all i can say is thank you. <BR/>it is posted on my msn space http://rnmom.spaces.live.com/ not bloggerALIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786932063350292717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162998818061856072006-11-08T10:13:00.000-05:002006-11-08T10:13:00.000-05:00HBM, just so you know, I do like reading your post...HBM, just so you know, I do like reading your posts about Tanner (in a "they make me cry and rail against the injustice of the universe" sort of way, but still). Ever since I found out about his situation I have often wondered how he is doing, and how his mom is doing. <BR/><BR/>In fact your post titled "The Heart is a Muscle" was the post that caused me to add you to my blogroll. Not because I like reading about tragedy (I don't, particularly), but because it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read, and even as it devastated me to read it, it left me in awe of your power as a writer.<BR/><BR/>I definitely understand why it is so hard to write about it, though. I am sure writing about it is very painful.Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162992864945727712006-11-08T08:34:00.000-05:002006-11-08T08:34:00.000-05:00I cannot conceive of a greater pain than that of l...I cannot conceive of a greater pain than that of losing, or knowing you will lose, a child. <BR/><BR/>Not writing about it does not mean that you are denying your beautiful nephew the tribute he deserves - it is obviously there, in your heart, where it truly belongs.karengreenershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02488069680575426742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162975757157884722006-11-08T03:49:00.000-05:002006-11-08T03:49:00.000-05:00I think I understand why you don't write more abou...I think I understand why you don't write more about Tanner and his battle with this illness and how it effects your sister's family and you. Because it hurts terribly. And it's happening now. And trying to explain it all and all your feelings can be so.damn.hard. Because it's.so.unfair.<BR/><BR/>I personally have found that time and distance are when I am able to talk coherently about these things. I lost two childhood friends to leukemia. I also lost a three year old cousin to drowning when I was just nine or ten; clearly not the same as a long drawn out illness, but just as horrible and unfair. It took a long time for me to be able to talk about these things and how they affected me. I always cared; it's just when you're so close, when the situation is happening so close, it can be hard to get the words out.<BR/><BR/>So only do what you feel you can do when it comes to talking about Tanner. It is his story; and your sister's; and yours. And when you're ready, you'll tell your part of it. But please don't push yourself to tell all if you're not ready. Just do what you can, what you want, what you need to.<BR/><BR/>And when you are ready to talk about it more in depth, everyone will be here for you.<BR/><BR/>Hugs.ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162966501887134142006-11-08T01:15:00.000-05:002006-11-08T01:15:00.000-05:00Thank you for your beautiful post and ideas on how...Thank you for your beautiful post and ideas on how to engage. I was inspired by my young sister-in-law, who is studying special ed and is a camp counselor every summer for children with special needs. She really engages all children, but especially those who are different, when we go out. And that's really the way we can meet people instead of just seeing the medical stories.<BR/><BR/>It's hard to write about things that are painful. Someday maybe it will be easier to write about Tanner, but perhaps not. I am a big avoider of writing about painful things, so I'm ducking responsibility there myself.Lady Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13360693450146358247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162964302848327102006-11-08T00:38:00.000-05:002006-11-08T00:38:00.000-05:00BTW, I blew my NaBloPoMo standings by posting too ...BTW, I blew my NaBloPoMo standings by posting too late and missing the mark the other night. You're not alone. It is what it is. My heart goes out to your nephew.Domestic Slackstresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03067343703529550218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162962574214448742006-11-08T00:09:00.000-05:002006-11-08T00:09:00.000-05:00Write what you need to, when you need to, as the w...Write what you need to, when you need to, as the words come....<BR/><BR/>There is the story of Tanner, and there is the story of his beautiful auntie.<BR/><BR/>Tell each story as it insists on being told, either outloud, or quietly at first.<BR/><BR/>I trust that you, my dear, will have the words when they need to be written.josetteplank.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16790825543155685363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162959946577948602006-11-07T23:25:00.000-05:002006-11-07T23:25:00.000-05:00Thank you for this post. I am honored to have insp...Thank you for this post. I am honored to have inspired it with mine. Death and grief and loss are very difficlut issues to articulate but like you I think it's very important for us to discuss them.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for continuing the dialogue and bless Tanner for being extraordinary.GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1162959130229503442006-11-07T23:12:00.000-05:002006-11-07T23:12:00.000-05:00Sometimes writing makes it more real. Other times ...Sometimes writing makes it more real. Other times writing heals the soul. <BR/><BR/>I will talk to my children because I want their hearts to be open. I will talk for Tanner.ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.com