tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post116096387594170049..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: In Which Her Bad Mother Quite Unironically Seeks Assistance In Her Efforts To Practice Good ParentingHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161235570189405802006-10-19T01:26:00.000-04:002006-10-19T01:26:00.000-04:00Honestly, if I didn't know you were speaking of WB...Honestly, if I didn't know you were speaking of WB, I'd swear you were talking about P. He is her slightly older male doppelganger and a total shock to me. I thought my daughter was a bit spirited. Hah! what a joke. THIS is the baby that makes me realize how ungodly easy I had it the first time around. He has no use for toys, scales my desk and destroys it on a daily basis and can frequently be found standing on the door of the dishwasher unloading knives and glasses. Another trick of his is to climb on top of the toilet to get into the sink. He then sits in the sink and turns on the water and proceeds to waterlog the entire bathroom. <BR/><BR/>He has been this way since he discovered locomotion and nothing but nothing slows him down EXCEPT taking him outside to explore and run himself ragged. <BR/><BR/>Why do you think I hardly read blogs lately? Because I'm trying to keep him from dialing 911, wrecking $1200 of camera equipment or drinking from the cat bowl by taking him places where he can get his ya ya's out. Oh and the tantrums have already begun at 16 months.<BR/><BR/>Take WB out and let her exhaust herself. That's my only advice. I hope there are wiser people than myself helping you here! I just wanted to let you know you're not alone :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161185079228579202006-10-18T11:24:00.000-04:002006-10-18T11:24:00.000-04:00Miss K didn't walk that early, thank the gods, but...Miss K didn't walk that early, thank the gods, but otherwise was much as you describe Wonderbaby - off the hook, unreasonable but good natured, completely uninterested in subjugating her will to anyone else's. My pediatrician and her daycare teacher keep laughing at me and telling me it's a good thing - it means she will be a strong woman and an independent thinker, but it wears. me. out. I have no advice for you - I wish I did. I think we just have to suck it up and hope that "No, dangerous" and "No, that's Mommy's" eventually start to mean something.Mommygothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14584517101798904292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161135735202124332006-10-17T21:42:00.000-04:002006-10-17T21:42:00.000-04:00Um, Distraction never worked for our little guy. ...Um, Distraction never worked for our little guy. And I do mean NEVER. We would try the move him somewhere else try to distract with something else trick but his memory from infancy was UNCANNY. He just can't be put off of something once he has it in his head that that is what he wants to do, have, eat, etc. So Montessori might work for you but be prepared because it might not. We pick our battles and completely remove him from harmful situations, sometimes this means leaving an area entirely. Now that he is old enough to be reasoned with to an extent, we can talk things out a bit and hopefully that will continue to improve the situation. I think he's just extremely persistent and pig-headed which is not necessarily a bad thing, just a challenging thing. I hope it means he will be independent and not easily led by his peers, because if that is the case it's worth the headaches now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161126856008354082006-10-17T19:14:00.000-04:002006-10-17T19:14:00.000-04:00I had been using some Montessori techniques with m...I had been using some Montessori techniques with my son from the time he was WB's age without even realizing it, actually, until much after the fact. The bit about having the kids help you do chores around the house from the moment they can walk around holding something in their hands? I was <I>totally</I> accidentally on top of that! <BR/><BR/>When Isaac whined for attention and tried to climb all over me while I was doing laundry, I hit upon the solution of handing him wet clothes and asking him to put them in the dryer, pretending it was a game. <BR/><BR/>Now he puts his own dirty clothes in the washer, puts wet clothes in the dryer, and takes dry clothes out of the dryer and puts them in the basket for me. He jumps up and comes running whenever he hears me open the laundry closet door. He actually gets quite annoyed if I do laundry without him. <BR/><BR/>I'm gonna have to pinch the first kid that reveals to him the fact that laundry isn't supposed to be fun.Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161119931065991042006-10-17T17:18:00.000-04:002006-10-17T17:18:00.000-04:00Mary - anyone? - babyhood isn't too young to start...Mary - anyone? - babyhood isn't too young to start Montessori method? I hadn't thought about that before.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161116959067565052006-10-17T16:29:00.000-04:002006-10-17T16:29:00.000-04:00Found your blog and I love it!I have a little bit ...Found your blog and I love it!<BR/><BR/>I have a little bit of input, though it may be too late in your little girls learning to put into play.. And take it with a grain of salt as I myself am not a parrent but to a 4 year old step daughter to be.<BR/><BR/>I have, however, worked in many day cares as an infant teacher and am currently a nanny for an 8 month old.<BR/><BR/>The thing I have found that works the best is the Montessori approach of positive reinforcement. You never say No, don't or stop unless it is an EMERGENCY or if you really need the child to stop that insant. Other times, you remove the child from the situation and occupy them with something else.<BR/><BR/>The key is to only say no, don't and stop only when it is crucial that they stop what they are doing- if they don't hear it all the time, but still know what it means, they will, many times, stop in their tracks.<BR/><BR/>Just from what I have experienced!<BR/><BR/>MaryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161115219365864172006-10-17T16:00:00.000-04:002006-10-17T16:00:00.000-04:00oops sorry about that.oops sorry about that.petite gourmandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14390555269928625967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161115085533099122006-10-17T15:58:00.000-04:002006-10-17T15:58:00.000-04:00It's all about distractions for us.so far it has b...It's all about distractions for us.<BR/>so far it has been working pretty well.<BR/>There are times when lulu refuses to eat anything other than cheese (her favourite)<BR/>It usually only lasts a couple of days or so.<BR/>Then her normal appetite returns and she usually eats with relative enthusiasm.<BR/>I give her one spoon while I use another to get as much fruit and veg in as I can before she wants "ooout"<BR/>I remember her being especially challenging from around 10 months to around 14 months.<BR/>Things have settled down though.<BR/>But I picked up some pediatric vitamin drops just incase she's not getting everything she needs from her food.<BR/>good luck.petite gourmandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14390555269928625967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161115074256361932006-10-17T15:57:00.000-04:002006-10-17T15:57:00.000-04:00It's all about distractions for us.so far it has b...It's all about distractions for us.<BR/>so far it has been working pretty well.<BR/>There are times when lulu refuses to eat anything other than cheese (her favourite)<BR/>It usually only lasts a couple of days or so.<BR/>Then her normal appetite returns and she usually eats with relative enthusiasm.<BR/>I give her one spoon while I use another to get as much fruit and veg in as I can before she wants "ooout"<BR/>I remember her being especially challenging from around 10 months to around 14 months.<BR/>Things have settled down though.<BR/>But I picked up some pediatric vitamin drops just incase she's not getting everything she needs from her food.<BR/>good luck.petite gourmandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14390555269928625967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161113776880232742006-10-17T15:36:00.000-04:002006-10-17T15:36:00.000-04:00You could have written that same description for m...You could have written that same description for my little girl. Usually she's sweet-tempered, but if you cross her, then whammo. She especially likes to throw things, sweep things onto the floor, slam things, even hit my face. <BR/><BR/>I have tried everything. If I move her away from said object, she will return as fast as her little legs will take her. Usually I sit down with her and play a toy that I know she loves (and makes lots of noise) so she will be so distracted she stops whatever she's doing. But if it's eating or drinking, then I just give up and let her have it her way. Eventually she'll be thirsty enough or hungry enough to eat/drink.<BR/><BR/>Logic doesn't work at this age, but distractions do.W. O. Noonanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15117375970835398737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161110609059273742006-10-17T14:43:00.000-04:002006-10-17T14:43:00.000-04:00I am hesitant to leave advice since I am pretty mu...I am hesitant to leave advice since I am pretty much flying by the seat of my pants every single minute but I've had issues with eating and my advice is to relax. My little man still eats very little at 20 months, or rather eats large quantities of a handful of things. (cheese, bread & bananas). He is just starting to experiment with new things and take an interest in what we eat.<BR/>Last piece of advice. Take a hot bath and tell yourself you are a good mother and this will pass.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161109771956869042006-10-17T14:29:00.000-04:002006-10-17T14:29:00.000-04:00Hey C--just read the last two posts. You've been h...Hey C--just read the last two posts. You've been having a tough time of it, aincha?<BR/><BR/>Dealing with "spirited" children. Ha! There's a good reason there's a 4 year age gap between this one and numero uno. He was, uhm, let's say "spirited." our main problems were earlier--he was colicky. by the time he was 10 months and had got past that, we were just pleased he would sleep at all!<BR/><BR/>hmm. what did I do for discipline? man, it pains me. but it's tough to remember. for one thing, he did not walk until he was 14 months. so try and stem the walking a bit (HA!).<BR/>Here is my list of ways of coping with my kid at that age and it is completly and utterly unhelpful to you. None of this advice is constructive or even healthy. SO it's not really advice, just a sharing of bad mother tactics with you:<BR/>a) t.v. Baby Einstein and lots of it. I managed to breed in my own t-v obsession with this one, and now it has come back to haunt me. Though I am grateful to always have that as a distraction.<BR/><BR/>b) pacifiers. and lots of them. we only got rid of them *last month* (yes--i am BAD mother)<BR/><BR/>c) Candy and other assorted food bribes.<BR/><BR/>d) Scheduled naps. Protect nap schedule at all time. I was lucky--the baby was a sleeper after the colic passed.<BR/><BR/>e) daycare. part time. oh yeah.gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161104506918474272006-10-17T13:01:00.000-04:002006-10-17T13:01:00.000-04:00Seriously you are doing great. All the right stuff...Seriously you are doing great. All the right stuff. Hang in there. <BR/>In the next few months (by 18 mo) you will start to see her remembering more and you will be more and more sure that she does understand. You will feel better about giving the time out, or whatever discipline you use bc you will know that it serves its purpose.<BR/>I remember when K was wonderbabies age worrying that it would just get harder and harder. In my experience it didn't.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161102444556059842006-10-17T12:27:00.000-04:002006-10-17T12:27:00.000-04:00I just left the following with Mrs. Chicky.. It is...I just left the following with Mrs. Chicky.. It is important to note:<BR/><BR/>Forgive them mother.. for they know not what they do.<BR/><BR/>And, sorry she ain't spirited... she's smart. Sorry.<BR/><BR/>ps.. Let me recommend Montessori from Birth to age 3.. At least get all the energy working on your laundry, right? --mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161094551536779582006-10-17T10:15:00.000-04:002006-10-17T10:15:00.000-04:00Oh, what Jozet said about not taking a tired or hu...Oh, what Jozet said about not taking a tired or hungry baby anywhere is so key! It's just a recipe for disaster. I try to do everything early in the day or after nap if I need to bring her with me. <BR/><BR/>And what Jaelithe said about telling her why it's a no, too. Pumpkinpie does hear "hot" and "dangerous" and "not for babies" and so on, and usually accepts it. <BR/><BR/>We do give lots of choices, but sometimes she hears that we need to do something, it's not a choice. <BR/><BR/>And? We try so hard to do it all nicely, but ultimately, we have to remember that we have to be the boss. I remember well telling my greatly-beloved doctor how frustrated I was at around a year, too, with her budding will to say no, and she just shot me a look and told me sometimes we have to be tough with them to get them to do what we know to be right. It's hard at first, I recall, but as you hit your limit, your resolve will harden a bit, and your skin will get thicker. I have now developed the ability to turn off my ears and am no longer devastated by the "I don't love you, mommy" trick because I know it's all passing attempts to push boundaries and tomorrow, she'll hug me fiercely and love me again.kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161066777997349222006-10-17T02:32:00.000-04:002006-10-17T02:32:00.000-04:00Okay, I'll shut up after this, I promise. I just l...Okay, I'll shut up after this, I promise. I just love the topic of disicpline and teaching.<BR/><BR/>We do "time in", too. Or a "positive time out". One of the goals of discipline is to work toward self-discipline and an internal locus of control. Time out should work toward becoming "taking a break" or "cooling down" that adults might use. I verbalize all the time. "I am feeling frustrated. I am going to sit and relax for a few minutes." I model the behavior and show that taking a "timeout" isn't necessarily a bad thing. With my kids when they were very young, and when my older DD just did not respond to timeout at all, we switched to time-in together. It can be scary for some very little kids to be alone in timeout, so for timeouts to calm down or for some "naughty" behaviors, I would separate with the child, not from. Sort of the "kids don't act good when they're feeling bad" thought. Anyway, it's good to have several forms of timeout and other parenting tactics in your parenting toolbox for different occasions, just in case - like with my daughter - traditional timeout just never worked.<BR/><BR/>For biting and pinching and hitting (and we went all through three), putting baby down immediately or moving away can help get the message through. Although, with my girls, I found that I just had to be on top of it and not assume that "this time it won't happen". A lot of one-on-one at playdates. <BR/><BR/>I'll also say, I know that WonderBaby is so very young - a baby! - but don't feel weird about reading ahead in the parenting books and talking the talk even now. Giving choices. saying out loud what the expected positive behvior is. Someday, WonderBaby will get it; for now, it's good practice and a sort of look ahead down the road to stay in line with what your goals and philosophies are.<BR/><BR/>I have two very spirited and storng-willed young ladies. Things like time out and 1-2-3 Magic and punishments in general just don't work. I'd say, "if you hit your sister, you're going in time out" and they'd weigh the risk-benefit and decide a little time out or losing a favorite toy was worth smacking their sister. Eesh.<BR/><BR/>Anway, I swear I'm done. But this is a great topic, and I'm going to be in the trenches again soon enough with The Adorable Siphon. You're going great. And WonderBaby is my kinda gal! I can't help but like strong-willed women of all ages.josetteplank.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16790825543155685363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161064269935756452006-10-17T01:51:00.000-04:002006-10-17T01:51:00.000-04:00on the feeding- just feed her whatever she likes h...on the feeding- just feed her whatever she likes however she likes it. For now if she's still on formula or breastmilk, she's still getting what she needs from that. When she switches over to regular milk, you can give her pediasure to make sure she gets all her vitamins and such. And if she won't eat off of a spoon, cut it up and let her use her hands for now. She is at that age where she just wants to do it herself. and when she's able, you can just give her the spoon to use herself!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153813792289640964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161059090082504412006-10-17T00:24:00.000-04:002006-10-17T00:24:00.000-04:00A friend of mine gave me a great book called Secr...A friend of mine gave me a great book called Secrets of Discipline - 12 Keys for raising responsible children by Ronald G. Morrish.<BR/><BR/>It may not be appropriate at Wonderbaby's age, but it does have a lot of helpful advice for the future. Perhaps not enlightening, but definitely practical.<BR/><BR/>Things like: Never Give a Choice When it Comes to Limits. <BR/><BR/>I have found it useful for things like aggressiveness.<BR/><BR/>No Hitting. Period. <BR/><BR/>Not, "If you hit, then we'll go home" or "If you hit, then you will have to have a time out". <BR/><BR/>Just, "No Hitting". Or the newly minted "Hands are not for hitting".<BR/><BR/>HTH.OSarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14393486193123378577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161051575231972592006-10-16T22:19:00.000-04:002006-10-16T22:19:00.000-04:00All of this advice and support is so tremendously ...All of this advice and support is so tremendously helpful. Life-saving, and I'm not exaggerating.<BR/><BR/>About the redirection strategy - I've tried this, and it works *sometimes*. But if WB is really determined, it's a bit of a lost cause - she gets totally focussed upon whatever it was she was pursing/doing/whatever and will. not. be. deterred. In which case, I have to remove her entirely from the scene, if I can (easy at home; tough at the mall). (Blog Antagonist - your comment about your experience with this kind of thing was tremendously reassuring.)<BR/><BR/>She gets over it, but it can be insanely frustrating. <BR/><BR/>So, I'm coming to understand that I really need to be strategic about taking her out, when and where these situations are more difficult to control?<BR/><BR/>I also want to add - she really is a good little baby. So sweet. A defiant streak a mile wide - many miles wide - but always defiant with a smile.<BR/><BR/>BIG SIGH.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161048442187963352006-10-16T21:27:00.000-04:002006-10-16T21:27:00.000-04:00I wish I had words of wisdom, but I have none. Ev...I wish I had words of wisdom, but I have none. Even with my relatively laid-back Al, I still say "God Bless Daycare" on Mondays because he wears me smooth out on the weekends (and the evenings, and many nights, and most mornings).<BR/><BR/>I will say that before he was born, and especially before I knew he was a HE, I vowed to never let food become an "issue" (mainly because of my own food issues and the havoc they wreaked on my young-woman years, and also because of one of my sisters-in-law who chases her kids around the house with food and hand-feeds them and drives me ba-friggin-nanas). If the boy isn't hungry, I don't try to make him eat. Kids get hungry eventually.<BR/><BR/>While it's easy for me to say, "Oh, good for her, that spirited girl!" I also feel for you, her worn-out mommy. Just know that thoughts and wishes for WonderMommy strength and energy are being sent your way.Jezerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07342441899854569351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161048188846781752006-10-16T21:23:00.000-04:002006-10-16T21:23:00.000-04:00You have gotten so much wonderful advice here, and...You have gotten so much wonderful advice here, and much of it will work well. <BR/><BR/>Redirection is a great tool for "regular" children. It worked very well with my oldest child. <BR/><BR/>However, a truly spirited child does often not respond well to redirection. The phrase "one track mind" was invented for Spirited children. <BR/><BR/>Certainly, it is worth giving a try. I just wanted to mention it so that you don't feel unnecessarily defeated if it isn't effective with Wonderbaby. <BR/><BR/>One facet of Spiritedness is determination. DO will stop at nothing until he has achieved his objective, then, and now. Now, it's a little easier to deal with, because we can set clear expectations with very clear consequences and know that he will understand. Understanding isn't necessarily the same as prevention, but it helps. <BR/><BR/>When he was a toddler, there was just no way to get through to him. As I said, it was a rough couple of years. <BR/><BR/>I told myself over and over that his determination would serve him well one day. It has, and it will.Blog Antagonisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09378330862349859998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161045843241072122006-10-16T20:44:00.000-04:002006-10-16T20:44:00.000-04:00My "mommy guru" (neighbor) recommended a book whos...My "mommy guru" (neighbor) recommended a book whose title I can no longer remember that suggested holding their arms down at their sides for one minute while talking about the behavior being wrong. It instructed you NOT to yell, not to lose your cool, but to calmly talk to the baby about the behavior, "No, no, we don't..." while holding the arms down. (Not so hard that it hurts them, but hard enough that the baby really can't lift them up/move them.) This worked like a charm with our kids because they found it infuriating and did not want it repeated. Who knew? We became devoted to the technique from about 10 - 20 months.OhTheJoyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05031731198115388411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161044927937113972006-10-16T20:28:00.000-04:002006-10-16T20:28:00.000-04:00WonderBaby probably is a bit too young for time ou...WonderBaby probably is a bit too young for time outs in the sense that she may not yet be able to grasp the purpose of a time out, but I think time-outs may still be helpful for YOU in terms of giving her a safe, contained place to let off steam once you've removed her from a dangerous situation. I like Andrea's idea of the pack n' play. My son gets time outs in his room-- when he was about a year-and-a-half old I started putting him in his room and shutting the door for one or two minutes when he was seriously misbehaving. (At that age, one or two minutes in time out is usually quite enough). I would have to vote against the previously suggested crib, though, as WB already has sleep issues, and as the mother of a poor sleeper myself, I wouldn't even want to take a slight risk of creating ANY sort of bed aversion! *shudder*<BR/><BR/>I also agree with the suggestion to replace "No" with "sharp" or "hot" or "dangerous" depending on the situation; WonderBaby is smart and knowing WHY she shouldn't touch something may help. When my son was WonderBaby's age, I used to touch the edge of something sharp in front of him, pull my hand back quickly, and say, "Look! Sharp! Ow! It could hurt you!" I did the same with hot things, and electrical outlets. It took some months, but this approach eventually worked wonders with my son-- now if he sees a sharp knife he points at it and says very solemnly, "Sharp! Don't touch, Isaac." These days he actually makes a point of warning me when he sees things lying around that might be dangerous to him.<BR/><BR/>And I want to add: remember, if she is doing something destructive or dangerous and you need to stop her, it is really, really OKAY to make her cry. It is okay to be stern, even loud with her, when the situation warrants it. It is even okay to forcibly peel her off the floor and drag her away kicking and screaming and strap her into a stroller or shut her in another room (as long as you're not hurting her in the process) if that is what you have to do to keep her safe. It is okay to do these things because you are doing it out of love. Through discipline, you are, in fact, performing your most basic duties as a mother: keeping your child healthy and safe, and teaching her what is and is not appropriate social behavior so that she will be able to get along in the world as she gets older.<BR/><BR/>I really do know how you feel about not wanting to be harsh with her, because she's a baby, for heaven's sake, (and not just any baby, but the BEST baby ever, because she's YOUR baby, and therefore you cannot help but feel somewhere in the dephts of your heart that she must be protected, Buddha-like, from all worldly suffering), but I've learned with my own son that when a child is not paying attention, sometimes you really do have to shout!Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161044836641514012006-10-16T20:27:00.000-04:002006-10-16T20:27:00.000-04:00I truly wish I could offer you advice. My toddler...I truly wish I could offer you advice. My toddler is freakishly good and better trained than a dog. At the hospital a dog came by for a visit and the owner of the dog told the dog to sit. MY toddler sat down faster than the dog. How crazy is that? I wish I knew how I did it because I could make a ton of money writing a book on it.Awesome Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03523320907836876707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161044808180421562006-10-16T20:26:00.000-04:002006-10-16T20:26:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Jaelithehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12081888212421953409noreply@blogger.com