tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post116070919291539139..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Survivor: Child IslandHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1012812491719119072007-10-09T16:36:00.000-04:002007-10-09T16:36:00.000-04:00THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! It is SOOOOO th...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! It is SOOOOO that hard... and if it makes you feel better... I have a three year old boy, and a two year old girl... I've been doing this for a while... AND, a Masters in Developmental Psychology... and oh frick, it just is that hard. They are loved, but I am oh so weary... and longing to escape for thirty minutes alone with a cup of tea. Thank you for being honest... You make me feel better, because to be frank, I thought I was missing the secret parenting info that would make it all fall in to place. Today I was at a baby shower with my friends... all thirty something, multi-degreed, well spoken women of excellence... and then our children entered the room... CHAOS ensued... and I smiled.. because, I am not alone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1166038881500825772006-12-13T14:41:00.000-05:002006-12-13T14:41:00.000-05:00My oldest daughter, now 15, was and still is an ex...My oldest daughter, now 15, was and still is an extremely willfull person and a very physically active child. To say your dauaghter will calm down and slow down to any large degree is probably just wishful thinking and a pipe dream. to give you some perspective from where I sit... My own mother, my daughters grandmother was a former Marine and retired milatry officer who had 3 children , in DIAPERS , at the same time(a set of twins) in her forties...she made the comment to me one day after babysitting for my duaghter that "all 3 of us where not as much work as one of her" She was frazzled, and this was a women who NEVER got frazzeled.<BR/>as one of your responders say "it is a white knuckle ride" and that is very true. Get ready! Pray for patience, guidence and self control becuase you will need it...every ounce of it.<BR/>The only bit of wisdom I can possibly give is....<BR/>do not try to change her...do not try to slow her down or put a lid on her, it will not work and it will only serve to frustrate and exhaust you and make her feel inadaquate. Just try to guide her as best you can and accept that this is who she is and understand you will NEVER change her your best bet will be to keep reasonable control and try to guide her active personaility into challenging ways. Sports are going to be key for you. <BR/>REMAIN CALM YOURSELF! do not negotaite, do not comprimise and do not let her win the big battles! if she needs to go into her car seat, PUT HER THERE! if she screams let her scream..she is not being hurt, she will survive and she will arrive at her destination safely.<BR/>To think that you will win every battle with a willfull child, you will not...you are not superwoman.<BR/>for those people who have never had a child like this they will never understand, but those of you who have multiple children and you have one like this you know exactly the "nightmare" it can be. I may be brutely honest here but I have to be. Many people would like to "put lipstick on a pig" and say it's "exillerting" or just more "challenging"...Bull shit! It can be a battle. There will be wonderful moments but there will be many struggles..and in my case ...she didn't "grow out of it" it just grew in a different direction.<BR/>When she gets older and wants to debate everything, DON'T. There must be very little if any discussion with children like this. You must say YES or NO and leave it at that. If you get into a debate with her...if like my daughter...she will ware you down..she will micro-focus on what she wants and try to "work you over". Do not try to reason or negotiate with a willfull child. Remain calm and stand your ground and above all "never let them see you sweat". Sounds harsh and battle like but it is true. If they realize you are strong and unwavering they will ease up...but only a little. They NEVER quite trying becuase they love to win...always. <BR/>You will need time for youself. Time to decompress...daily!<BR/>a hot bath, a quite room and cup of tea, a cocktail, whatever...you will need it..use it! <BR/>Above all, do not question weather you are a good or bad mother...most of us are good mothers with a few bad mother moments, we are human. and with a willfull, high activity child motherhood is put to its most difficult test. You sound like a good woman who wants to do the best by her child. Accept yourself for you are as a mother and just do your best. Will it be enough for her, probably not, will you often think, "what am I doing wrong" "what is with her" "why is she never content?" YES!! will it do you any good to keep worrying over those questions, NO. you will just loose alot of yourself, your spirit and your enthusiam for parenting. I have spent 15 years asking myself those questions and more and I still have no answers...and doubt I ever will.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161750856211516272006-10-25T00:34:00.000-04:002006-10-25T00:34:00.000-04:00Late to this as usual & because I too fear I am th...Late to this as usual & because I too fear I am the worst mother in the world, don't know whether blaming the baby yet again makes me feel worse. Also, I'm totally jealous of the fact that you even have time to write about this so eloquently. But that is my problem. Unlike our "spirited children" of which we seem to share models. I am at the point where I'm trying to get a new doctor so I can ask about medication to keep me sane. The intensity of my rage, the impotence of my impatience & the frustration of having to deal with screaming, thrashing, grabbing & now toddling is putting me over the edge & I do not like the person that I am becoming under this stress. I just keep telling myself that it's just a phase, another leap or I gotta get a hold of myself. I don't know.... I guess I have no words of wisdom but I thought I'd add to the masses & commiserate. Thanks for writing what I'm feeling because I certainly don't have time for it.bunmasterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15744437612050065004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161744690289629952006-10-24T22:51:00.000-04:002006-10-24T22:51:00.000-04:00Last comment, I swear! I forgot to mention that b...Last comment, I swear! I forgot to mention that before and soon after Cricket was born I wanted no less than 3 kids. Everything you've mentioned is why my new motto is "One and done." It breaks my heart really but I just don't have the stamina for him and others. Or patience and I already feel like the worst mom in the world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161744459001447342006-10-24T22:47:00.000-04:002006-10-24T22:47:00.000-04:00sorry, wrong account! Now I can sleep tonight.sorry, wrong account! Now I can sleep tonight.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161744413856616772006-10-24T22:46:00.000-04:002006-10-24T22:46:00.000-04:00Oh hun, I feel for you. I do. I wish I had some ...Oh hun, I feel for you. I do. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I've shed the public tears myself for this same reason.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161441367411060222006-10-21T10:36:00.000-04:002006-10-21T10:36:00.000-04:00Girl, no. It's not you.First, our kids crap all o...Girl, no. It's not you.<BR/><BR/>First, our kids crap all over the person who loves them most and who is most likely to stick by them forever, so try to console yourself with the knowledge that she is secure in your love for her.<BR/><BR/>Second, both my kids are "spirited" and one has Asperger's Syndrome on top of it, so I assure you, I know of whence I speak when I tell you It's Not Just You. I have totally had the conversation - with myself - that goes "It Can't Be Like This For Everyone". <BR/><BR/>Third, we went through - and still go through - weeks when we Do Not Leave The House Because Your Behavior Is Atrocious. I still do not let them walk freely in the mall or the grocery store, instead jamming and strapping their little carcasses into carts or strollers or whatever will contain them.<BR/><BR/>You do what gets you through it. Pick your battles. It's all good. Love the blog, btw.Karynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16454832927860410268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161271801158692752006-10-19T11:30:00.000-04:002006-10-19T11:30:00.000-04:00Sweetie you ARE NOT a bad mother. Kids will almos...Sweetie you ARE NOT a bad mother. Kids will almost always overpower us as mothers, maybe not their fathers, but definitely their mothers. As a mother it is hard to tell your child no and have them look at you with disappointment and then, as you said, fling themselves on the floor or backwards or whatever, but rest assured, we all go through it and, yes, some just don't want to admit it. Love and guidance are the most important parts of raising kids, don't forget that!Rachel (Crazy-Is)https://www.blogger.com/profile/05786360241354496729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161114014536894802006-10-17T15:40:00.000-04:002006-10-17T15:40:00.000-04:00Motherhood is at once joyous and frustrating. Some...Motherhood is at once joyous and frustrating. Sometimes I want to have a nervous breakdown just to get away from the screaming. Other days, I can't believe I'm incredibly blessed with a beautiful child.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there. Remember, your child's strong will may be hard to deal with now, but you will be glad she has that confidence when she gets older. So many women nowadays with low self-esteem. If you can keep her adventurous, strong willed self intact and controlled, you will have a wonderful, confident daughter when she's an adult.W. O. Noonanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15117375970835398737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161099596082674332006-10-17T11:39:00.000-04:002006-10-17T11:39:00.000-04:00My daughter was like this. It drove me batshit.Sh...My daughter was like this. It drove me batshit.<BR/><BR/>She's survived... Well... ... I did.... She's 6 now and the brightest ray of sunshine around. When she isn't singing or dancing, turning cartwheels in the living room or acting the clown, she is the most reasoning, helpful little busy body that you ever did see.<BR/><BR/>If you question your good vs. bad mothering skills, you're more than likely a "good" mom. The fact that you even think to ask yourself that question is testimony enough.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there.JChevaishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02683339168047479228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161033415990850942006-10-16T17:16:00.000-04:002006-10-16T17:16:00.000-04:00I have long ago submitted to the fact that my chil...I have long ago submitted to the fact that my children rule me with their demands and I go with the flow. Does this make me a good mother? No according to my husband this is Very, Very Bad because I'm spoiling them. So even though it is a little bit easier on me with this acceptance, it is causing stress within the marriage because it frustrates the hell out him. He would like to be enforcing rules and following society norms. (Example early bedtime routine) I know that if they go to bed later then they won't wake up in the middle of the night or at a godly hour. <BR/><BR/>So it may look like I'm giving into to them but I do it with wisdom. If giving them an arrowroot cookie before supper means one less tantrum, so be it. It is one more piece of my sanity intact.ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1161026398664517772006-10-16T15:19:00.000-04:002006-10-16T15:19:00.000-04:00Sometimes it is this hard, and no, you're not a ba...Sometimes it is this hard, and no, you're not a bad mother for feeling like you're on the fritz - but you already know this.<BR/><BR/>She will run you ragged for awhile, this is true. (And it's hard. And exhausting.) But as time goes by, and she starts to speak (!!!), you will find time to catch your breath and appreciate how amazing all of this really is. Then (gulp) you'll want another. :=)Ruth Dynamitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06161626814106717754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160971352593822972006-10-16T00:02:00.000-04:002006-10-16T00:02:00.000-04:00Well thank god someone is posting about how freaki...Well thank god someone is posting about how freakin' hard this job can be. I feel your pain and I take comfort knowing that I am not alone and you should too. Thank you and good luck.Reeshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01133529766424844875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160964446272329202006-10-15T22:07:00.000-04:002006-10-15T22:07:00.000-04:00HBM. It's not just you. Boy is it ever not. If fac...HBM. It's not just you. Boy is it ever not. If fact, the response you have to this post soothes me as well. Because, I too, have a non-stop existence.<BR/><BR/>I too have a climber. And a runner. And a jumper (who is now instigating her little play buddies to "jum, Kah (or Kay-see), JUM!"<BR/><BR/>She now wants to walk (her version involves at interludes grabbing both my hands and swaying her little bod all over creation) everywhere. And has been refusing to sleep at naptime.<BR/>All I've been able to come up with for managing is benign neglect, and tickling. <BR/><BR/>She will still have to wait till naptime is over before she can come out of her room (I can't say out of her crib as she figured her way out of that at about 9 months). I'll break up peiods of washing dishes with a short book or a snuggle (which are more fun anyways).<BR/><BR/>When it is time to go, be it from the playground, the library, a particularly enticing staircase or garage door, I say "It's time to say "bye playground!" (or library or books, or slide, or whatever is God at the moment). And that, for whatever reason, works, and we are free to go on to the next thing. If it doesn't, I pick her up upside down, swing her around a couple of times and blow raspberries into her belly until she laughs and is distracted enough to haul away.<BR/><BR/>"You may not..." is also becoming much more of a phrase, followed by "throw the book" or "kick Mommy". She is beginning to get the message.<BR/><BR/>I hope.Namitohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06476552972162497517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160964302029304402006-10-15T22:05:00.000-04:002006-10-15T22:05:00.000-04:00I think I have written this here, before, but it b...I think I have written this here, before, but it bears repeating.<BR/><BR/>She will be strong. You will be glad for it. <BR/><BR/>And you? You will also be strong. As the previous 81 comments may suggest, you are not alone.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12000259728837506250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160960716066098422006-10-15T21:05:00.000-04:002006-10-15T21:05:00.000-04:00Many times a day I think to myself: Who really is ...Many times a day I think to myself: Who really is in charge here anyhow? I think that this power struggle that we face with our toddlers (infants and kids too) is something that we all deal with on one level or another. It is hard to judge or make comments about what one parent is doing and whether it is right or wrong because, we do have to remember that each child is different and their own person, which therefore makes our parenting different as well!<BR/>My only advice to you is to stay CONSISTENT! I am giving this advice from the bottom of my heart. As a Kindergarten teacher, I know that consistency is KEY to control! If you say something, you have to mean it and follow through, now matter how hard it is and no matter what the outcome in behaviour from your little on is! So, for example: in the toy store, if you wanted to leave and your little one doesn't want to go, you tell them in 1 minute you are leaving and 1 minute later, whether kicking or screaming, you leave the store together. Simple as that...I KNOW, it is DIFFICULT, NOT SIMPLE, but over time, Wonderbaby will know that you MEAN business and you will not give in...the fights from her end will gradually diminish.<BR/>You have inspired me to write a post on this!!! I will link to your post if it is okay.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03620129214600721658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160958196069194692006-10-15T20:23:00.000-04:002006-10-15T20:23:00.000-04:00I have four kids. My first three (two of them are...I have four kids. My first three (two of them are twins) were so easy that I used to have no idea why my friends said being a mom was such hard work. My fourth has been "difficult" since the day he was born. Even his birth was scary and risky. I love him with all my heart, but there is not one day that he does not test my patience to the limit. He never sleeps, doesn't ever do anything I ask him to, and generally makes me feel crazy. I love him, I do, but I know the frustration you are speaking of. And then he grabs my face, kisses me and tells me he loves me. This is why I keep on trying.Radioactive Torihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588217525296865718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160941373730204522006-10-15T15:42:00.000-04:002006-10-15T15:42:00.000-04:00Oh, wait, that's YOUR baby? Because you just descr...Oh, wait, that's YOUR baby? Because you just described an average day with my daughter when she was WonderBaby's age.<BR/><BR/>People who don't have high-energy babies will never understand your frustration and those who have will cry with you for thirteen seconds over a cup of coffee, because, AHHH! THEY'RE OFF AGAIN!<BR/><BR/>In my darkest moments, I have been thankful that at least she has a good temperment. High-energy baby + good temperment = CHALLENGING. High-energy baby + sour temperment = me jumping off a bridge.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there. There is a gorgeously mellower period between 18 months and 2.5 years. After that, buckle your seatbelt. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and, with such a pro-women mother I would have expected Lysistrata...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160919272020389442006-10-15T09:34:00.000-04:002006-10-15T09:34:00.000-04:00It gets easier. Newly minted toddlers can be toug...It gets easier. Newly minted toddlers can be tough. And Spirited ones are only more so. Because that's the thing about Spirited kids--they're "more."<BR/><BR/>I know whereof I speak. There's a reason my daughters are 5 years apart, and most of it is due to the older one's babyhood. Looking back, the two words I would apply would be "relentless" and "exhausting." I think I flat out sucked as a mother back then.<BR/><BR/>But even then, must've done something right, because at nearly 8, the Diva Girl is awesome. Still high energy, but awesome. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there. It gets better. Worse sometimes too, but always better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160891444805685022006-10-15T01:50:00.000-04:002006-10-15T01:50:00.000-04:00My God! Thank you so much for this post! At leas...My God! Thank you so much for this post! At least I'm not the only one who feels that way... That I completely am controlled by my child (and not the other way around). That he always wins. That in the battle of wills, I'm always one step behind. My son has such a stron will of his own! If he wants something, he'll move the sky and earth to get it. (That's why, I'm terrified to admit, but it's true, he sleeps in our bed, cause he simply refuses the crib, and I can't stand up to all that crying, cause believe you me, he can cry for hours, and none of that Ferber stuff gets through to him, I tried...) Same goes for his bottle, or not wanting to go in a stroller, or not wanting to get out. Every little victory I have, I feel like a deserve a medal... Who'd've thought that motherhood is that tough?vasilisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07751000715441075002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160876632550593072006-10-14T21:43:00.000-04:002006-10-14T21:43:00.000-04:00Oh doll, take care. You are wonderful.Oh doll, take care. You are wonderful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160872029517429042006-10-14T20:27:00.000-04:002006-10-14T20:27:00.000-04:00i read exactly 3 comments before my head started s...i read exactly 3 comments before my head started spinning. My daughter is 9 months old and her father and I fight over who has to dress her because it is about a 10 minute ordeal that feels like much much longer. I was hoping it was something she would outgrow in a month or two.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14459235368464733306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160857703954118922006-10-14T16:28:00.000-04:002006-10-14T16:28:00.000-04:00Just wanted to add wow about the content theft.Ala...Just wanted to add wow about the content theft.<BR/><BR/>Alas, nothing new in cyberspace...my dh is famous for an editorial he wrote about unscrupulous online journalism when he was getting sick of his stuff showing up uncredited on other peoples web sites.<BR/><BR/>The local movie lady in our paper STILL steals content from the web.<BR/><BR/>It stinks that they are trying to make money from it though...<BR/><BR/>Their site confuses a simpleton like me though and I can't figure it out.Crunchy Carpetshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09543476826068578576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160853798526144552006-10-14T15:23:00.000-04:002006-10-14T15:23:00.000-04:00If you could here the noise level and the amount o...If you could here the noise level and the amount of screaming and yelling that goes on here...you would realize that you are NOT a bad mother.<BR/><BR/>Overwhelmed perhaps.<BR/><BR/>Everyday is a fight here. Times 2.<BR/><BR/>Caity was hell on wheels from the get go and Adam worked up to it.<BR/><BR/>We don't go shopping now as a family....too much trauma...to humiliating.Crunchy Carpetshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09543476826068578576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1160844459038155442006-10-14T12:47:00.000-04:002006-10-14T12:47:00.000-04:00hi,i know how you feel.i am outsmarted by my 2 yea...hi,i know how you feel.i am outsmarted by my 2 year old on a daily basis.this child doesn't stop.she is perpetual motion.she with the white blond ringlets,the cerulean blue eyes.the infectious giggle.laughing running climbing questioning giggling dancing screaming whining demanding did i mention all the questions.is it possible that i am losing brain cells & baby is getting smarter?you are not alone.she is so adorable wonder baby!my 2 year old is my youngest and she really does keep me running!queensandgoddesseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02965751399469740831noreply@blogger.com