tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post115930136607543397..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: TornHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159984433117532552006-10-04T13:53:00.000-04:002006-10-04T13:53:00.000-04:00I gotta tell ya, it's these types of posts that I ...I gotta tell ya, it's these types of posts that I appreciate the most. I went through the same thing 6 months ago. It gets easier. <BR/><BR/>What you haven't talked about, interestingly enough, is what you do for childcare. I'm curious because The Moms and I have been having this debate over beers for the past few and we've come to the agreement that there is no perfect solution. Wondering what your take on this is.scarbie dollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15067032043776994982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159760615559483572006-10-01T23:43:00.000-04:002006-10-01T23:43:00.000-04:00I'm coming late to this conversation, but I defini...I'm coming late to this conversation, but I definitely know what you're talking about. I keep contemplating different part-time jobs and I'm just not sure... I want to "keep my foot in the door" and I also want to be with my kids as much as possible. I also want to do other things, too. I'm worried that I will fill up all of my leisure or free time with work because that's what I've been conditioned to do for decades. How could that ever benefit my kids? Or me?<BR/><BR/>Tough questions. Good luck to you this semester (quarter?) -- hope you come to feel comfortable with the balance you're attempting.Mary Tsaohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05224219568127146052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159718969444974062006-10-01T12:09:00.000-04:002006-10-01T12:09:00.000-04:00Hee hee, don't you just know some diligent student...Hee hee, don't you just know some diligent student was taking notes on your "bushel and a peck" song?Damselflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139191935886860839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159657250900969312006-09-30T19:00:00.000-04:002006-09-30T19:00:00.000-04:00You know, C,as I sat crying in my ne therapists of...You know, C,as I sat crying in my ne therapists office this week, this very thought came to me. When did I integrate being a Mother into my identity...Did I ever fully? Was that one of the reasons I held so fiercely to my work, my external self? My worry of disappearing into Mother and no longer knowing Dawn?<BR/><BR/>Dammit, you have set the wheels to turning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159517273721427872006-09-29T04:07:00.000-04:002006-09-29T04:07:00.000-04:00On my first day back at work, I stood in the centr...On my first day back at work, I stood in the centre of the store and started blowing rasberries. Suddenly I realised I wasn't at home and was mortified. I'm not sure if anyone saw me, but it was a little weird.phoeberaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605753957848095795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159500573441617762006-09-28T23:29:00.000-04:002006-09-28T23:29:00.000-04:0064 Comments?!?! Holy Crap! You are such a blog sup...64 Comments?!?! Holy Crap! You are such a blog super star these days. ;-)<BR/>Sorry, anyway… I loved this post because it really illustrates how tough the mom/woman/working girl identity is for all of us to sort out. Even super cool political philosophy professors. (I have a political science degree, and that was my FAVORITE class!) Again ANY WAY, I am going through something sorta’ opposite from you. I am longing for a PASSION outside the home front. I would love to be able to carve out an identity outside of my domestic life, without sacrificing time with my son. You know, have my cake and eat it too. Here’s to hopping we can all find the middle way or whatever we are searching for.Ms. Smoochyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12465535795885692973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159477940438949802006-09-28T17:12:00.000-04:002006-09-28T17:12:00.000-04:00My dear friend we never run for the bus. No. We n...My dear friend we never run for the bus. No. We never stop being mom, either. What we do is allow other things in our lives to exist. As children grow, they need to learn autonomy and so do we. The screenwriter for Running on Empty told me "Parenthood is the only relationship where you measure success by how well you say goodbye."<BR/>It does not negate your love or commitment if you walk out of the door without your daughter to go to work - nor does it make you less a loving, committed mother.<BR/>There's a season for everything - cherish the spectrum of experience -- it's a blessing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159468654212437172006-09-28T14:37:00.000-04:002006-09-28T14:37:00.000-04:00My sweetie worked 95 hours last week. I'm not kidd...My sweetie worked 95 hours last week. I'm not kidding. So I know about the feel-like-a-single-parent-even-though-you're-married thing. It Sucks.<BR/><BR/>My problem with work is I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be "engaged" at work but I also want to hold it at arm's length and work part-time so I can be connected enough to my kid.Desitin's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12138631563079686704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159466743964082402006-09-28T14:05:00.000-04:002006-09-28T14:05:00.000-04:00I so know what you mean. That whole "finding a bal...I so know what you mean. That whole "finding a balance" thing is bullshit.<BR/><BR/>It's impossible too. You must accept that. Accept that no matter what decision you make once you become a mother, you will always feel that it's not exactly the right one.<BR/><BR/>If I knew the secret to balance, trust me, I'd share it! I think the easiest thing to do is take one day at a time.<BR/><BR/>I'm a working mother, and every time I don't pick up The Dictator from school, I feel bad.<BR/><BR/>But also, I like working too. So I guess there is no answer. And that, mommy, is the answer.ninepounddictatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06674863124753947010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159459546994037732006-09-28T12:05:00.000-04:002006-09-28T12:05:00.000-04:00This is something I've already been contemplating,...This is something I've already been contemplating, and my baby isn't even in the world yet. <BR/>I think it is so very important to maintain a sense of self and not get completely lost in motherhood, even though I am positive it would be so very easy to do so.<BR/>We owe it to ourselves and our husbands and children to remember and celebrate all the parts of ourselves as women. <BR/>Thanks for writing about this subject so beautifully.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159450282092155672006-09-28T09:31:00.000-04:002006-09-28T09:31:00.000-04:00Wow, I could write a novel on this subject, being ...Wow, I could write a novel on this subject, being torn between my career and motherhood. I've decided that neither is the ideal situation, and that if you can find the balancing act between the 2 you've scored. Good luck in dealing with it. It's tough. You've written a great post about it.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15080488909182074526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159443519857008512006-09-28T07:38:00.000-04:002006-09-28T07:38:00.000-04:00Embrace it, cradle it, nurture it. Use all your mo...Embrace it, cradle it, nurture it. Use all your mothering instincts and skills to baby your own "other" self. You are fortunate, as you know, to have the opportunity and ability to have a joyful career and a happy home life. It's hard, but it's worth it. I long for the days when I was able to take <I>off</I> my SuperMom cape and put on a pair of heels. Strutting my stuff felt just as good as pushing a carriage. It's a dicotomy you share with millions - and so eloquently described - makes me wish even more that I had more of an opportunity to do it myself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159437433012705822006-09-28T05:57:00.000-04:002006-09-28T05:57:00.000-04:00Oh the guilt! The agony! Feeling torn! It's all ve...Oh the guilt! The agony! Feeling torn! It's all very real and I think we all experience it to varying degrees. It can drive you to drink (gulp).<BR/><BR/>The scary revelation for me was something my neighbor said, five years ago, when my kids were very little: "They need you more as they get older." <BR/><BR/>Yes they do - in different ways. <BR/><BR/>This is one of those discussions that never ends...Ruth Dynamitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06161626814106717754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159416202153703772006-09-28T00:03:00.000-04:002006-09-28T00:03:00.000-04:00Like Julie and many others, I went back to work fu...Like Julie and many others, I went back to work full-time when Q was 10 weeks old. Because I had kept the different areas of my life fairly separate prior to becoming a mom (high-tech career, dancer/choreographer), I thought that I'd be keeping my family life separate too. I didn't think that I'd swap parenting stories with other colleagues as much as I do, or actually tell someone when I need to change my schedule to accommodate a pediatrician's appointment. I'm still working on blending the "parts" of me, but it feels healthy - I like it, although I'm still worried sometimes that people knowing that I'm a mom may threaten career opportunities. I guess that's just part of the game.<BR/><BR/>WonderBaby will continue to thrive because of the loving and thinking environment you provide for her. And your students are so lucky too! There are so many people in real life and in the blogosphere that you influence with your good thinking. :)Lady Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13360693450146358247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159412186043971202006-09-27T22:56:00.000-04:002006-09-27T22:56:00.000-04:00Oh dear. I'm so right there with you. In fact, I...Oh dear. I'm so right there with you. In fact, I think there's a lot of us out there. We should start a support group for this. We'll call it "Moms" and we'll meet at the bar.Girl con Quesohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18185883042219064363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159411220011277852006-09-27T22:40:00.000-04:002006-09-27T22:40:00.000-04:00When I read your post, I started to remember when ...When I read your post, I started to remember when I had to go back to work after maternity leave. I only got six weeks. I cried all day at work and my boss wasn't very sympathetic. That made it all that more difficult. I remember how angry I was at her -- she had a seven month old at the time and I thought she would have been more understanding.<BR/><BR/>It's so hard to be so many different versions of our self. I agree with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159406721681174142006-09-27T21:25:00.000-04:002006-09-27T21:25:00.000-04:00I've been back to work part time since peanut was ...I've been back to work part time since peanut was 3 months old. I recently increased my hours to barely part time. <BR/><BR/>I am an engineer and find if funny sometimes to tell a contractor about the quality of his work or instructing someone on how to build a series of buildings or whatever, when I want to do is play peek a boo. <BR/><BR/>I care a lot less about work and take it a lot less seriously then I did before. But sometimes, when I am really on, and I am doing what I need to do to get something done, it feels so good.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14459235368464733306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159405635920186162006-09-27T21:07:00.000-04:002006-09-27T21:07:00.000-04:00Wow, you captured these sentiments so perfectly. E...Wow, you captured these sentiments so perfectly. Even though I can only imagine what "the silence of my office" must be like, i.e. a silence unencumbered by a buzzing baby monitor, I can also imagine what it would be like to be away from my baby love. But be thankful you have the opportunity, the options, the choice. I lost my job and haven't found another one so I'm wearing the mommy-hat because I have to. Not that I don't like it, I do, it'd just be nice to have that choice.MrsFortunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17326242993598760618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159400965518380012006-09-27T19:49:00.000-04:002006-09-27T19:49:00.000-04:00Wow can I relate to your every word. When my guy ...Wow can I relate to your every word. When my guy was 15 months old I went back to work part time and had such a difficult period trying to sort out "who I was". I wasn't out of the mommy-groove long enough to be fully non-mommy yet I was somehow. <BR/><BR/>Must you choose? You can be both of your selves at the same time or separately. There are so many dimensions to you and at different times of your life (and even different times of your day) you will lean more one way or another. Is my identity fragmented? I think in a way but I have picked up those fragments and found a new way to arrange my puzzle or patchwork. You will to. You will to.<BR/><BR/>Hugs.<BR/><BR/>Must have a subway date for my guy and his cute younger girlfriend. He'd LOVE that :)Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17049745050947936354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159387425762315622006-09-27T16:03:00.000-04:002006-09-27T16:03:00.000-04:00Wow! You and my wife must share the same brain. I ...Wow! You and my wife must share the same brain. <BR/>I solved it by cloning her. So now she can bo both and the same time.Creative-Type Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594687030412942701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159386334115404012006-09-27T15:45:00.000-04:002006-09-27T15:45:00.000-04:00You have described so accurately what I am going t...You have described so accurately what I am going through! It's tough to be 2 (or 3, or 4) different versions of myself all at once. Sometimes I just don't know who I am, and sometimes I don't even know who I want to be. I hate myself for going to work and missing out on The Boy's daily life, but I don't like the person I am when I'm at home full time either. I can, and I must, be two people at once in order to maintain my sanity. Does that sound strange? On top of that, I'm thinking of going back to school to become a teacher. I am just taking it one day at a time, and hope I don't let go of all the strings.<BR/>Thanks for the post! I don't feel so alone.Run ANChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06088821030860597465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159385783223423372006-09-27T15:36:00.000-04:002006-09-27T15:36:00.000-04:00I know what you mean about work. I feel so torn ab...I know what you mean about work. I feel so torn about the opportunity to stay home and my need to be with adults. <BR/>Mostly though I would really love to have seen you break into song in front of a class of undergrads!moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159377378606711392006-09-27T13:16:00.000-04:002006-09-27T13:16:00.000-04:00Revel in your multiple identities. Never underappr...Revel in your multiple identities. Never underappreciate any of them.<BR/><BR/>I went from "Mike", to somebody's fiancé, to somebody's husband, to somebody's dad, and now dad to two. Never has an ordinary life seemed to avant-garde as to have multiple personalities.<BR/><BR/>And that's such a fun song. I hate to link my blog in comments, but I did a little singin' of that song there, not too long ago:<A HREF="http://themikestand.blogspot.com/2006/02/to-my-valentines.html" REL="nofollow">http://themikestand.blogspot.com/2006/02/to-my-valentines.html</A>themikestandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12078767474543020235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159376254256041512006-09-27T12:57:00.000-04:002006-09-27T12:57:00.000-04:00You're giving Wonderbaby the best of you, which ca...You're giving Wonderbaby the best of you, which can't be done if you are unhappy and unfulfilled. From what I've seen of working mothers in my years on the job, they have integrated their professional and Mommy selves. So eventually, with practice and time, it must become easier.<BR/><BR/>Kudos to you for going back to work...and in such a great field, too.<BR/><BR/>Dusty books, a quiet office, time to think and process and produce...sounds like bliss to me!Namitohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06476552972162497517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1159372593752782822006-09-27T11:56:00.000-04:002006-09-27T11:56:00.000-04:00its so weird to walk that line -- the part-time wo...its so weird to walk that line -- the part-time working line. i'm doing that too, and right now its working, but there are times when i definitely feel sort of on the outs of both the working world and the full-time SAH world. i'm lonely little in-between!<BR/><BR/>seriously though, at least for me, if i wasn't working i'd lose my shit. its nice to have something beyond being mom, something additional that is separate and for yourself.<BR/><BR/>i think. but i might change my mind if she keeps growing up at this rate -- its all going way too fast, and i'd hate to miss anything.Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004168548188885215noreply@blogger.com